Some addictions are better for you than others.

Years ago I had a roommate who was addicted to gay porn. Not a boyfriend, just a roommate. Okay, so he’d been a boyfriend, but by the time we moved in together the bloom was off the rose and we’d just became friends. With an occasional upgrade to fuck buddy status. As roommates go, it was an ideal living situation. I worked a regular Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 job, he worked late nights and weekends. I rarely saw him since our time at the house seldom over-lapped. Unfortunately, when it did I’d see far too much of him. He spent all of his free time splayed out naked in the living room watching gay porn on the wide screen. Which accounts for his occasional upgrade to fuck buddy status.

You’d think coming home to a hot naked stud who was always primed, ready, and willing would be a little slice of heaven. Especially one whose birthday you didn’t have to remember. Or your anniversary. Or any of the other stupid occasions that cause turmoil for forgetting when two guys become a couple and one of them starts acting like a little bitch. ‘Cuz a bitch in heat only cares that you remembered to bring the lube. But a surround sound system blaring Jeff Stryker’s catch phrase, “Yeah, suck that big cock!” in THX isn’t quite the, “Hi honey, how was work today?” you’d expect, and it got old pretty fast. Like about eight months after we’d signed the lease.

His porn hobby was an all encompassing one. He was always either watching porn, or making a trip to the local video rental shop for a new batch of porn tapes, or copying his favorite porn scenes onto his collection of gay porn mixed video tapes. He had several hundred of them. Stored in what should have been the coat closet. Which invariably led to a first-time visitor to the house thinking he was gonna hang up his coat only to be greeted by shelves full of homemade videos with titles like Best Blow Jobs, Biggest Black Cocks, and Anal Action +++, instead of the hanger he’d expected to find. Most took it in stride. My moms, not so much.

Watching gay porn often requires a bit of multi-tasking.

Not quite knowing the best way to stage an intervention for someone addicted to watching gay porn, one day I suggested that perhaps his hobby was keeping him from enjoying sex with an actual human being. Other than himself. His reply was a garbled, “Mmmurghph.” So I took my dick out of his mouth and told him I didn’t think his obsession with gay porn was a healthy pastime. He claimed watching porn was educational. Even if it was obvious he’d already earned his PhD. And while his actual male-on-male body contact was limited, he said by watching all that porn he was becoming a better lover, that he’d been learning new and better techniques. Which I couldn’t really argue with. Other than that watching a porn star use an orange traffic cone as a dildo might not be the type of sexual repertoire that would lead to a satisfied bed partner. I’m sure he had some excuse for that point too, but by then I couldn’t understand anything he was saying again. So at least he’d learned not to talk when your mouth is full.

Despite a roommate whose availability for giving blow jobs was more reliable than the refrigerator’s ice maker doing its job, his claim that watching porn made him a better lover smelled like a bunch of lame excuses. But researchers at Concordia University and UCLA recently reported that watching lots of porn may in fact mean a healthier sex life. And that change in scents means yup, it smells like science to me.

The study published in the online journal Sexual Medicine suggests that men who regularly watch porn may enjoy greater desire and sexual arousal when having sex with their partners. Researchers surveyed 280 men, asking them how many hours per week they spent watching porn, their levels of sexual desire, and their experiences with erectile function. Their findings suggest that many popular stereotypes about porn don’t hold up and that watching porn may indeed have a place in a healthy sex life within a relationship.

Does an overindulgence in watching porn lead to a lonely sex life?

Previously, the general opinion of porn addicts was that their obsession with watching porn could lead to problems with getting or sustaining an erection; that men who love their porn become desensitized to the actual act of having sex. But Nicole Prause, associate research scientist in the Department of Psychiatry in the UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, and Jim Pfaus, professor in Concordia’s Department of Psychology and Center for Studies in Behavioral Neurobiology, says their study shows the opposite to be true.

“When we analyzed the data from these prior studies, we found that the men who had watched more sex films at home were more aroused when they watched sex films in the lab,” says Prause. He says their research showed that men who watched more than 25 porn tapes per week responded more strongly to sexual stimuli – even very vanilla erotica – than the guys for whom porn movies were more novel. “While this association doesn’t establish a cause, it proves viewing erotica at home is not desensitizing and perhaps even sensitized the men to respond more strongly,” he says.

And Pfaus says that watching porn is not only good for you, but good for your relationship too. “Many clinicians claim that watching erotica makes men unable to respond sexually to ‘normal’ sexual situations with a partner,” he says. “That was not the case in our sample.”

Here’s to your health.

Pfaus says that of the 280 volunteers who agreed to stroke it in the name of science, 127 were in a relationship with a regular sex partner, representing a good cross-section of men that view porn on a regular basis. He claims that his research shows that rather than porn hijacking men’s libidos and setting up unrealistic expectations for real-life sex, viewing more sex films is associated with a stronger sex drive, including the desire to have sex with a partner. “Sex films,” Pfaus says, “may be able to ‘stoke the fire.’” And that’s a lot of stroking going on.

Despite their study’s results backing up their hypothesis that an overindulgence in porn can turn you into a little sex machine, the pair of men in white coats acknowledged that it was possible the men in their study who watched more porn had a stronger sex drive in the first place. But that doesn’t stop them from claiming that watching porn can be good for what ails you. “The most common error of thinking with respect to men and porn is that all porn is bad for men all of the time,” Prause said. “The truth is probably that some porn is good for some men in some situations. The challenge is to identify when sex films are most likely to be helpful.” And that was a challenge my old roommate was always up for.

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Bangkok’s gay gogo bar owners want to take care of you.

Old hands and sexpats love nothing more than bitching about the high drinks cost at gogo bars on Soi Twilight. Okay, old hands and sexpats love to bitch period. But a perennial favorite is whining about how much that first drink at a Bangkok gogo bar costs. It’s around ten bucks these days. Which does sound pricey. Until you remember you are not just paying for a drink, you are paying for the treat of watching a bunch of naked dudes cavorting around the stage. Which the old hands and sexpats never seem capable of remembering. Or they wouldn’t whine so much. ‘Cuz getting to watch a bunch of naked guys do those things naked guys tend to do is priceless.

While none of those whiners actually knows what it cost to run a bar that offers hot and cold running boys in Bangkok, they will gladly tell you the exorbitant prices charged for drinks are because bar owners are greedy and care more about profits than they do about their customers. And predicting the downfall of those bars because of that greed is almost as enjoyable as bitching about how much they’re charging. Dreamboys – who tends to lead the price increase in each round – is often cited as an example of owner greed. Yet that bar has been going strong for years, with no sign its popularity is waning. Huh. So are gogo bar owners greedy bastards who deserve the bankruptcy surely headed their way? Or are they just astute businessmen who know what their product is worth?

Yup. Smells like science to me.

It turns out portraying gogo bar owners are uncaring capitalistic pigs is a disservice to the industry. ‘Cuz science says, just like the boys in their stables, bar owners’ real concern is about taking care of you. And considering what they have to work with, that ain’t no easy job. Finding boys to willingly strut their stuff on stage isn’t difficult. Enticing sex tourists into their establishment to drool over those boys isn’t much of a task either. But convincing the boys to spend a night going one-on-one with an ancient, gelatinously obese, smelly, myopic, bald, farang whose cynicism, anger and disillusionment are palpable can be a Herculean task. Unless you get them drunk first. And I don’t mean the boys.

Size always matters.

No problemo. Researchers at the University of Bristol have just discovered what Bangkok’s gogo bar owners already knew to be true. Your attractiveness increases greatly after you’ve had a shot of your favorite liquor. In the study, published in the journal Alcohol and Alcoholism – which wouldn’t be a bad new catch phrase for Pattaya – 40 participants were photographed three times — sober, after one glass of wine, and after two glasses of wine. Then their photos were shown to a new group of people who were asked to rate their attractiveness in side-by-side comparisons. They were either shown a participant’s sober photo nest to his one-drink shot, or his sober photo against the two-drink shot.

Invariably, participants selected the photos of those who had downed a drink as being the most attractive the majority of the time. The researchers are not sure why, but suggest it could be due to pupil dilation – which is a positive trait to viewers – or muscle relation, or rosier cheeks. In any case the results are the same. “It suggests that people are rated as more attractive once they’ve consumed a small amount of alcohol,” said the study’s senior researcher, Marcus Munafò, a professor of biological psychology. “What it means is that alcohol is sort of hijacking that mechanism, or promoting the aspects of facial features that we regard as attractive for other reasons,” he says.

The conclusion of the study was that in addition to perceiving others as more attractive, a mildly intoxicated alcohol consumer may also be perceived as more attractive by others. Which in turn may play a role in the relationship between alcohol consumption and risky sexual behavior. “You consume a drink, so you see other people as more attractive,” Munafò said. “But you also become more attractive yourself because you’ve consumed a drink.” And that’s a win-win in anyone’s book.

I’ll drink to that.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that there is a limit to how attractive booze can make you. A quick glance in the mirror should clue you into that fact. ‘Cuz while study participants found a single shot upped the attractiveness level of drinkers, drink #2 made that rating head south. After two drinks, participants found their sober photos more attractive than the high-alcohol head shots. And that’s a sobering bit of news.
The researchers did not test the attractiveness of subjects who had drank more than two shots. ‘Cuz even scientists wouldn’t attempt to float the hypothesis that anyone finds a falling-down drunk attractive. Even one with a fat wallet. Or at last call.

So despite all those nasty things you’ve been saying about Bangkok’s gogo bar owners, the truth is they know their business, they know their boys, and they care about you. Demanding that you buy a drink – which is considered a cover charge everywhere else in the world – is ‘cuz they know it will help you appear just a bit more attractive to the boys. And by pricing their drinks high, they discourage you from drinking the amount that will allow the boys to remember just how disgusting you really are. That those prices add to their bottom line is just a happy coincidence. Because what they really care about is your happy ending.

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Wanting to hold hands with you might not be a sign or his affection but rather a sign he’s hiding the evidence of his cheating ways.

As an indicator of what truly matters in a man, many guys get excited at the sight of someone wearing size 14 shoes. Others claim it’s all about the Adam’s apple. And a few who’ve never heard the story about Pinocchio claim a man’s nose tells you everything you need to know about him. But once you’ve unpeeled his package and discovered whether you were right or wrong, a closer look at his hands may be in order. ‘Cuz if you’re thinking he’s a keeper, that may be what indicates whether or not – or how soon – he’ll be cheating on you.

And yup, that smells like science to me.

According to researchers at the University of Oxford’s Department of Experimental Psychology and Northumbria University, not all men cheat. But all men are inclined towards either promiscuity or fidelity in their relationships. You’d think the difference between the faithful and the unfaithful would be how often their partner whines and acts like a little bitch. But science says that while those traits may give cause to dump someone, guys with a roving eye can blame their inability to keep it in their pants on their ring finger.

The study analyzed surveys about how participants felt about non-committal sex from 1,314 men from the UK and North America. They found that those whose ring finger was longer than their index finger were more likely to be promiscuous than those whose index finger out-distanced their ring finger. The researchers believed the underlying cause was that the cheaters had been exposed to more testosterone in the womb. Dick size, however, was not measured in the study, so being more popular as a cause for infidelity did not affect the researchers conclusions.

Looks like a guy with a short index finger to me.

Professor Robin Dunbar, who spearheaded the research, said his work showed that within sexual relationships there were clusters of men more inclined to ‘stay’ and a separate cluster of men more inclined to ‘stray’. “It is important to note that these differences are very subtle, and are only visible when we look at large groups of people,” he said. Of course when you’re talking a large cluster of men, the urge to ‘stray’ is always gonna come out of tops.

As a cause for being a cheater, being born that way ain’t a bad excuse. The only problem is that what’s good for the gander is good for the other gander too. And researchers at the University of California at Berkeley already published a study that concluded while in most men the index finger is usually the shorter of the two digits, among gay men the length of their ring finger was generally significantly longer. Which poses the question, are all gay men prone to cheating, or are those men with a propensity to stray just smart enough to know they can score more partners if they stick to men?

These feet were made for walking.

Ya know what they say about a man with big feet. But shoe size doesn’t just mean a happy super-sized ending. At least not just for you. ‘Cuz those who walk large, walk all over the place too. According to IllicitEncounters.com, a nefarious online dating website for married folks seeking a bit of hanky panky on the side, guys with big feet are big cheaters. And if anyone should know, it’s the membership of a website dedicated to laying anyone and everyone who isn’t their partner.

According to David Perrett, a specialist in psychology and neuroscience at the University of St. Andrews, men with big feet may cheat more often, but it’s not their fault. It’s just that in all things, size matters. “Body proportions are related and big shoes will likely mean a bigger, taller body,” he says. “Body stature will relate to personality. Size will enable individuals to dominate in social situations. Dominance itself may open opportunities for affairs.”

And the 3,100 men who participated in IllicitEncounters’ survey agreed. The site’s research matched gentlemen’s shoe sizes against the percentage of guys seeking extramarital affairs. What researchers found was that guys with feet larger than size 10 are three times more likely to cheat on their partners than those with size seven to nine. And while men may lie, numbers seldom do.

IllicitEncounters found that 18 percent of their membership had size seven feet. Of that 18 percent, just 4 percent reported that they would cheat on their partner. By contrast, 22 percent with size 11 shoes and 16 percent with sizes 12 to 13 shoes said that they would consider being unfaithful. That number probably would have been higher, but a lot of the guys with big feet were busy knocking one off with some stranger.

Of course IllicitEncounters’ research may be faulty. Because even though it’s a common misconception that you can predict the size of a man’s penis by observing his shoe size – when we all know that’s what the size of his package is for – no one really wants to risk ruining their relationship by cheating with a shorty. So it may not be that guys with big feet cheat more, but just that they have more opportunities for doing so.

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What’s the difference between a bi guy and a gay guy? Pronunciation.

Like Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster, bi guys are a quirk of nature that few have ever seen but many assume to exist. We almost had proof when Tom Daley kinda sorta came out, but quickly learned that by bi he meant bottoming for Dustin Lance Black. Bisexuality isn’t so much about a state of mind as it is a state of sexual development. ‘Cuz guys who claim to be bi today usually become tomorrow’s gay men. Except for the self identified straight ones who just had too much to drink. They become tomorrow’s fuck buddy.

It’s one of the benefits of being an out gay man. All the straight guys you know know just who to go to when curiosity gets the better of them. Then they often act like they no longer know you. Until the next time they decide they need a penis to play with. Some self-identified straight guys continue to straddle the line between gay and straight, even when their hottest sexual encounters are being straddled by another man. They claim to be bi because they don’t want to admit to themselves that they are gay. But denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, and the penis always knows.

Dr Qazi Rahman, an assistant professor in Cognitive Biology at Queen Mary University in London knows too. He’s an expert in the study of gender, sexuality, and homosexuality. Note that he doesn’t study bisexuality. ‘Cuz he says, at least in men, there ain’t no such thing. Or if there is you are more likely to be struck by lightening and win the lottery than you are to ever actually meet one. Not that that stops some men from claiming they are. But Dr. Qazi says the problem with studies that report a statistical number of bisexual men is that they rely on self-reporting and self-identification. And as everyone knows, all men lie. Especially when it comes to dick.

Instead, Dr, Qazi says he has a better way. And it’s called a penile plethysmograph. Which is a mouthful. But it also provides a different level of insight because it’s looking at the involuntary physical response of a man’s genitals. Or in laymen’s terms, it’s a lie detector for penis.

The penile plethysmograph, or phallometry measures changes in the circumference of the penis. A stretchable band with mercury in it is fitted around the subject’s penis. The band is connected to a machine with a video screen and data recorder. Any changes in penis size, even those not felt by the subject, are recorded while the subject views sexually suggestive or pornographic pictures or movies. Computer software is used to develop graphs showing the degree of arousal to each stimulus. The machines, which cost about $8,000 were first developed in Czechoslovakia to prevent draft dodgers from claiming they were gay just to avoid military duty. Dr. Qazi uses his to measure blood flow to the penis, which is a strong indicator of sexual attraction and arousal.

In his studies, Dr. Qazi chose to show participants film clips of two lesbians doing disgusting things to each other, and clips of hot,sweaty man on man action. Not just because he assumed gay participants would vomit if show straight sex scenes, but because he believed that straight men would respond to naked female breasts no matter what they were doing and gay men would get hard when a pair of penises appeared while the breeders among them would not. And, for the most part that’s what happened.

“In physical response studies we find that self-identified straight men and self-identified gay men respond as you would expect,” says Qazi. “Straight men are more aroused by watching footage of same-sex activity between women; gay men are more aroused by watching footage of same-sex activity between men.”

But when it comes to the self-deluded, the responses are not what they’d hoped for. Dr Qazi says in his studies 95% of self-identified bisexual men are only aroused by the footage of same-sex activity between men, the remaining 5% are only aroused by the footage of same-sex activity between women.” Ergo, the majority of guys claiming to be bi only get aroused by gay sex while a small minority obviously claim to be bi ‘cuz they think it will help them more easily score some pussy.

Dr. Qazi says his research shows that male sexuality appears to be category specific. “The bottom line is that while social effects will play a part in the way that sexual attraction is expressed, sexual orientation is essentially innate,” he claims. As for the existence of truly bisexual men, Qazi says, “Bisexual males may exist but it’s likely that the numbers may be so low that it’s almost impossible to identify them through the available research. However the prevailing scientific view is that bisexuality in males doesn’t physiologically exist.”

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