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…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

~ Ramblings, Rumblings and Travel Tales: Bangkok and Beyond

…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

Tag Archives: Turtle Ass Awards

What Evil Lurks . . .

02 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Blogs & Message Boards, Gay Thailand Message Boards

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

Gay Thailand Forums, Turtle Ass Awards

Welcome to the Gay Thailand forum

I would certainly hope that by now everyone would know better than to play without protection. Whether it is a specific virus that concerns you, or deadly life-threatening diseases in general, going ‘bareback’ is not only risky but can quickly turn a moment of pleasure into a life filled with pain. Human nature being what it is, even though they know better, too many are willing to throw caution to the wind, forgetting or ignoring how dangerous it is out there.

Of course if those who are infected would do the honorable thing and warn those with whom they come in contact, or if only temporarily infected quarantine themselves rather than spread the nasty little bug they’re carrying, it would alleviate some of the worry and concern. But then some people are just assholes. They are in it for themselves with no concern about the well-being of others. Which brings me to the point of this post, a timely one with an added benefit.

My New Year resolution for 2013 is to stop reading the Gay Thailand forum. Even better, one of my other resolutions for 2013 is to bestow more Turtle Ass Awards to the deserving this year. I just didn’t think someone would provide such an early excuse for me to do so.

Gay Thailand recently picked up a nasty piece of malware – the Exploit virus – which regular posters on his forum quickly alerted the site’s owner about. His reply was that his site was perfectly safe and it was just a minor glitch from some recent site maintenance work they’d done. Scarlett O’ Hara is not your best choice of characters to emulate when as a message board owner you are faced with an infectious site. Stupidity is one thing, ignorance another.

Savvy surfers don’t play without protection.

Savvy surfers don’t play without protection.

But then holding up Rhett Butler as your ideal and saying, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” is even worse. When you’ve become infectious, telling your membership or anyone else unlucky enough to have dropped by your site that there is no problem is just plain wrong. Fixing the problem and owning up to it, or pulling your site until you do, is the right move. Allowing your site to spread a virus in favor of collecting the few pennies your links to porn sites brings you is a despicable act.

That happened on Gay Thailand several days ago. I don’t surf without protection so I didn’t pick up what is a computer-destroying virus. But my condom of choice alerted me to the danger and my computer proudly patted itself on its back for having prevented the virus from taking hold. I read the warnings posted by members, and the bullshit answer posted by the owner/moderator. All while my anti-malware software pinged its little ass off. Which only served to prove the owner/moderator was stupid, ignorant, or a greedy little bastard who didn’t care if his site was passing on a doomsday bug to anyone who had the misfortune of visiting there. Or all of the above.

Perhaps it would be more reasonable for me to wait a bit and then log back in to see if the problem has been fixed. But I believe in safe surfing and see no good reason why I should expose my hard drive to an attack. Especially when that site’s owner’s attitude demonstrates his complete lack of concern for those who use his site. Since it has happened once, it probably will happen again. And maybe next time it will be a bug new enough that the software I use for protection will not keep my computer safe. Deleting the Gay Thailand message board bookmark from my computer is easier than dealing with what could be a disastrous surfing experience.

Sure now I’ll have to look into getting a script for Ambien rather than rely on Fountainhall’s long-winded and boring posts to put me to sleep. And no longer will I enjoy the comedic stylings of ThaiUnworthy, whose one-liners are never funny but when he is being himself and posting from his little black heart dude is ROFL funny. And I’ll miss out on the important scoops like where in Pattaya you can find the best canned beans for breakfast – or whatever in the hell it was Michael was whining about not being able to have for an early breakfast. Gay Thailand’s forum is the last bastion of a bunch of old white guys using the Khun honorific toward each other to show not only how sanctimonious but how ridiculous ‘in the know’ frequent visitors and Thailand expats can be, so I’ll miss that too. But then there are plenty of other forums to visit and plenty of other posers to laugh at with.

Don’t rely on others for watching out for your health or the health of your computer.

Don’t rely on others for watching out for your health or the health of your computer.

The last time I posted a review of the forums, I noted that while it wasn’t an active board Gay Thailand did have threads of interest to visitors of Thailand. That has been a thing off the past lately unless your interests run towards the minutia of the daily goings-on of Sunee Plaza. So giving up on that forum is not much of a sacrifice. The small handful of regular posters there like to congratulate themselves on being ‘good guys’ and for not participating in the slightly more bloody exchanges you’ll find on SGT. And if you don’t believe them, just try posting a contrarian opinion. But then the ‘respectable’ people have never been good at dealing with the less sanctimonious message board posters. Guttersnipe Das, a blogger/essayist whom I adore, hit it on the head – as he so often does – when it comes to the good guys on Gay Thailand:

“One thing that always strikes me is the abiding uselessness of respectable people. So-called respectable people. They are so good – you’d think that they’d be good for something. But no.
Evidently it takes very nearly all their energy, just to pretend nothing untoward is going on.”

I’d hope the regulars on Gay Thailand are as outraged that their glorious leader is more interested in the income his porn links generate than he is in protecting the safety of those who visit his site. But I’m doubtful that’ll happen. It’s only the outsiders they seem to get their panties in a wad over. When someone dares to offer an opinion that differs from theirs, they circle the wagons and let loose with the type of malicious outpourings that would earn sidelong glances at a Nazi Party convention. And then heartily pat each other on their backs for being such fine upstanding forum members. Or they rally around the flag to demand the owner/moderator ban the scum who dared an attempt at injecting a bit of reality into their little world.

Not long ago a not daily contributor started a thread asking why Gay Thailand seems to have such a problem in attracting new members. He offered several possible reasons, one of which was that the banter between regular posters may turn some people off. Of course the usual suspects chimed right in claiming they love the banter, but then since they are also the guilty ones that hardly addressed the issue, but did reinforce just how dense some people can be.

If you are not familiar with what GIGO means, drop by the Gay Thailand forum sometime. But please make sure your anti-virus and anti-malware software is updated first.

If you are not familiar with what GIGO means, drop by the Gay Thailand forum sometime. But please make sure your anti-virus and anti-malware software is updated first.

Gay Thailand’s problem in attracting new posters is that the regulars posting there are the kind of people most of us tend to avoid. They may be perfectly nice folk, but there is an intensity of self-importance at play that drives people away in droves. That atavistic instinct has served mankind well throughout history. Besides they are too busy trying to impress each other with the breadth of their knowledge of trivial matters to actually engage in banter. Except Thaiworthy who is so wrapped up in trying to find acceptance somewhere in the world that he routinely demonstrate why that is such an elusive quest for him.

The owner/moderator recently banned LMTU – which any right thinking forum moderator would do – but not because of anything LMTU did, but rather because of the responses generated from his regular membership to those posts. That ass-backwards approach to running a forum alone should qualify him for a Turtle Ass award. His ‘fuck ‘em they shouldn’t be surfing without protection’ approach to his site being toxic is just icing on the cake. And good enough for his board to win 2013’s first Turtle Ass Award.

The Gone With The Wind Turtle Ass Award Winner: Gay Thailand

The Gone With The Wind Turtle Ass Award Winner:
Gay Thailand

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The Cost Of Being Cheap: A Turtle Ass Award Post

23 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by Bangkokbois in Gay Thailand Message Boards, Travel Commentary

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Scams, Transportation, Turtle Ass Awards

air asia sucks

Now Everyone Can Fly. If we can figure out how to book your flight for you.

It’s been awhile since I’ve awarded a Turtle Ass Award. Yeah, I’ve missed them, too. There’s always someone award worthy posting on one of the gay Thailand message boards, but having already honored the two biggest losers, LMTU and Beachball, the rest hardly seem worth the effort. (Though feel free to nominate anyone you feel is deserving, I’m always game). Jabba the Butt had a Turtle Ass Award named in his honor, but hasn’t actually won one yet. His board of pedophilia certainly is deserving, but I think I’ll wait until a full 50% of his front page delves into that sickness. No worries, should be within a few weeks at the rate his little home on the internet for those who love kiddies is going.

Politicians in the U.S. are always good for an award, but how do you choose just one from the slate of crazies currently running off at the mouth? Think I’ll at least wait until the field narrows before I tackle that one. Besides, taking pot shots when one of them says something incredible stupid – I mean above and beyond their typical idiocrasy – is fun it its own right; no reason to get up to the award level quite yet. Of course I could easily move outside of our borders to choose an honoree. Greece certainly is eligible, but I don’t know if it’s proper to present a Turtle Ass Award to an entire country. ‘Cuz then where do you stop? Italy? Spain? Canada, eh?

There’s always a willing group of homophobes to pick an award recipient from, but then I’ve already mentioned the politicians and Beachblah and why I can’t raise to the occasion on their behalf. There are others vocal enough to single out, but right now they are all stupefied over the repeal of DADT, the recent addition of more places gay folk can marry in America, and that the majority of citizens now approve of gay marriage and equal rights for gays. Picking on them when they are down hardly seems right. I’ll wait until they are bloody, laying on the floor in great pain and agony and then deliver a good rib busting kick. I promise.

Then there is always business. Borders is certainly worthy of an award. How can you possibly screw up a monopoly? How is it possible to run a corporation into the ground when you are the only game in town? Yup, I’ve heard all the fools that say it’s because of Kindles and Amazon.com, but those are the same unwashed masses that’ll tell you the demise of the bar scene in Thailand is eminent because of internet hook-up sites, massage parlors, high prices . . . and the list grows weekly. While except for a few small fem bars in Pattaya, they all continue to thrive.

bye bye Borders

Guess you can't be too big to fail.

Border’s went under because they forgot what they sold: books. Games, puzzles, calendars, DVDs, CDs, wind up toys, statuary, candy, artwork, clothing, and stationery all ended up taking precedence over books. And then they got ride of a quarter of the stock to sell coffee, too. Biz dropped off, so they got rid of even more books to open meeting areas for small local clubs. Because when you are shopping for books what you really want is a group of eight deaf senior citizens shouting at each other during a meeting of their garden club.

The closest thing to a book store is a library. Call me crazy, but I’d think if your core customers were book lovers you might want to duplicate the ambiance of a library. Guess not, Borders instead decided their employees should interrupt your perusing of the shelves by asking if you were finding everything. Just when the garden club quieted down. My normal response to that insincere offer of help was to ask for Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn’s latest. Yeah. I know. He died 3 years ago and hadn’t published a popular book in decades. But Borders clerk’s never knew that and their Bambi in the headlights look was always rewarding.

“Carrots, damn you! We need to plant more carrots!”

Borders got their just rewards and an even higher honor than a Turtle Ass Award: bankruptcy. But there is a business who deserves a Turtle Ass Award, even though they’ve already won one (and I’m sure LMTU and Beachbite will start another slugfest about which of them is the most pathetic once they hear they could win www-wide derision yet again. Though I do have to interject how amazing it is that LMTU comes out as sounding the more intelligent of the two so often during their little spats. Goes to show you, regardless of their unjustifiably overblown egos, a psychopath will beat a sociopath every time.). Air Asia’s win in this case is thanks to the half a day I wasted trying to perform the unheard of task of purchasing a ticket with them. Yup, the latest Turtle Ass Award goes to Air Asia, who couldn’t figure out how to sell me a damn ticket on their flight.

Yes, as their slogan says, Now Everyone Can Fly. Just not on Air Asia. Because they forgot they are supposed to sell seats on their planes. As a cut-rate airline, Air Asia is always looking to increase their bottom line. So they’ve added more and more options to increase your overall ticket price. Bringing luggage? Cool, we have a fee for that. Food? No problem, we’ll sell you some. A pillow or blanket? Sure, but that’ll cost you. A seat not in the middle of a row? Got you covered and we even offer a sliding scale for just how shitty of a seat you’ll settle for. Insurance? We got you covered and will even give you a second chance to purchase it in case you noticed we automatically included it in your list of purchased options and tried to cancel the policy. Oh, and you want to use a credit card on-line because you haven’t figured out how to insert cash directly into your computer yet? No problemo, for just a few bucks more and you can do that too. That is if we can figure out how to authorize your purchase in the first place.

beachlover

I spent 5 minutes doctoring it; it really needed to be seen again.

I have enough credit available on my MaterCard to buy a house. I actually did that once. But Air Asia declined the charge. Not the bank, mind you. I called them. Air Asia declined all on their own. Three times. The nice lady at my bank’s call center offered to call Air Asia for me while I waited on the line. Now that’s customer service. Thank the gods I was speaking with someone in India. Sure the Hindi accent is difficult to understand, but if that had been an American customer service rep, my call would have been accidently dropped.

But no good deed goes unpunished. The call center phone number listed on Air Asia’s website has been disconnected. Seems they have a new number. Which costs 1.95 Ringgits a minute to talk to an Air Asia rep. I have to wonder, if they can’t figure out how to accept a credit card payment for a seat on their plane, how will they manage with accepting a credit card to pay for the honor of speaking with them?

I’ve always hated Air Asia. But they are cheap. Whether it is purchasing a ticket or actually facing a (delayed or late) flight, it’s like shopping at Walmart. You have to prepare yourself in advance; remind yourself that it was your decision to shop there so suck it up and be ready to be treated like a piece of crap. I put up with shopping at Walmart because their prices on everyday staples are so low. Ditto for Air Asia. Their flights are so cheap within Asia, it’s difficult not to fly with them.

But the credit card dilemma had me flustered. I took the time to fill out their on-line form for assistance and was promised a quick response by email. It never arrived. I do get emails from them often announcing their latest almost free seat sales for flights sometime in the next decade. But they were unable to get an email through to me so that I could buy a ticket for a flight in the current year. Since I also had to book a flight on Bangkok Airways – being the only airline flying the BKK-LPG route – I decided to go ahead and book the flight to CNX with them that I was unable to book through Air Asia. Regardless of the extra cost.

Air Asia’s website is redesigned about every 6 months as they find new products to sell you. They’ve added hotels and hotel packages, ground transportation, tours, car rentals, and the all important Air Asia logo merchandise. I’m surprised you can’t book a gogo boy when you’re flying into Thailand with them. Yet. From entering your travel date information up to hitting the ‘submit’ button you must go through and enter info on eight different screens. Plus there are three pop-ups that you have to acknowledge. Just to have your charge card declined. On Bangkok Airways’ website you have a total of two screens to go through to make your purchase. That alone should be worth an extra $50 or so for a ticket.

Bangkok Airways also shows you a period of about ten days, listing the lowest fare for each day so that if your schedule is flexible and you want to save a few bucks you can pick a cheaper flight. That’s on page 2, the one you make your purchase from. To get 10 days of flight pricing on Air Asia would involve 10 screens. Plus one more to go back to the flight you liked best. I have to assume Air Asia is working toward charging you for the amount of time you spend on their website. There must be a valid reason why it takes an hour on their site to accomplish what takes five minutes on Bangkok Airways’.

air asia would rather drive you to your destination

Why do Air Asia flights always involve taking a bus? And when will they start charging for that service?

On Air Asia, my original fare was quoted at $96. Once I’d added the lowest baggage limit option and a non-premium but not in the middle of an aisle option the fare had risen to $141. On Bangkok Airways, after deciding to just go ahead and pay a higher fee so I had a ticket, the fare started at $138. And that’s exactly what I ended up paying.

They gave me an aisle seat at no charge and will allow me to bring along a piece of luggage without paying them more either. Best of all, they accepted my credit card. On the first try. I didn’t bother checking if there was food service, but do remember on my flight to Siem Reap, which is about the same amount of time in the air as to Chiang Mai, if not less, they served a full meal. We’ll see, but I’m already ahead of the game so I don’t really care. I’m already a happy camper. And they’ll get more of my business in the future.

I know you always pay when you try to go cheap; the inexpensive option often ends up costing more. But that’s usually due to additional expenses incurred after the fact. Air Asia has figured out how to sock it to you right from the get-go. They’d get a Tip Of The Hat from me for their efforts if they’d also figured out how to actually collect on their winnings. But at least with this lesson learned, it only cost me time. And saved me from another dreadful in-flight experience.

Air Asia has never been a favorite of mine, but they’ve outdone themselves. So much effort was expended in getting me to accept more and more additional charges, that they didn’t have any energy left to actually close the sale. They were too busy selling ‘comfort kits’ and trying to interest me in a hotel to bother with selling their core product: an airline ticket.

You have to wonder if they hired the management from Borders to run their airline. Since neither company seems to know what their business is, perhaps they have confused books with booking and assumed they are the same thing. As soon as there is an app for the iPad that allows you to travel through a foreign land, I’m sure Air Asia will go under too.

Turtle Ass Award

Turtle Ass Award Winner: Air Asia takes home its second trophy.

The Jabba The Butt Lifetime Aggrievement Turtle Ass Award

09 Thursday Jun 2011

Posted by Bangkokbois in Blogs & Message Boards, Gay Thailand Message Boards

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

Gay Thailand Forums, Turtle Ass Awards

angry turtle

Thrilled that it is time for another Turtle Ass Award

Time again for a post under the Criticism, Critiques, and Claps category. While I was leaning toward a Turtle Ass Award – everyone always loves them so – I did not intend to look toward one of the gay Thailand boards for inspiration this time around. But then I ran across the ‘All About LMTU’ thread on Jabba The Butt’s blog bored board and figured such a thread so prominently placed and so well read and posted to could only be an on-line eulogy to the great man and felt it only right – even though I’d always thought LMTU would be the Susan Lucci of the Turtle Ass Awards – I add my own tribute by presenting a special award in his memory.

Like most, I was saddened to learn of Let Me Tell U’s demise. A testament to LMTU’s popularity within the community, the tribute thread was seventeen pages long and had over 3,500 views, a new record for Jabba’s forum, the next closest being the infamous ‘stinky poo’ thread, one I never bothered to read but believe was a challenge to find a new and more appropriate title for Jabba’s board. Jabba is a difficult man to forget, but well worth the effort. There is no beginning to the man’s talents, but you have to give him credit for braving yet another attempt at a successful website if for no other reason than his efforts lend credence to the old adage ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again’. And again, and again, and again, and again. Jabba started his board at the bottom and it’s been a downhill battle ever since. As owner, moderator, and top poster, he ruins his board single handedly, doing the work of three men: Curly, Larry, and Moe.

Since days – and sometimes weeks – go by with LMTU being the only member to start a new thread on Jabba’s forum, you can understand how deeply Jabba misses him. And he feels personally responsible for LMTU’s passing as preliminary reports are that LMTU died of boredom while reading one of Jabba’s posts. Authorities in Pattaya believe the same causation may be behind the rash of flying expat deaths that city has experienced over the last year.

Jabba started the thread off with a moving account detailing the countless minutes he and LMTU had spent together in person. But the depth of their bromance found its home on-line where the two, equally unarmed, often engaged in a battle of wits. Jabba usually won, relying on his authority to close or lock the thread using his famous iron fist, the strength of which he has built over the years in a failed attempt at becoming the master of his domain. Yes, Jabba often proved he was the bitter man, but LMTU gave as good as he got, the boys he’d spent a lifetime buying wishing he’d done the same with them.

gay turtles

Jabba The Butt and LMTU vie for top honors.

And speaking about premature ejaculators, Jabba turned the LMTU tribute thread into a sticky post, a term that could well apply to many threads on his board. He suspended his normal draconian set of board rules, that in itself a testament to the high regard in which he held LMTU. But Jabba’s actions have never spoken as clearly, or as plodding or as pontificating in manner as his words, nor do the two streams of consciousness often meet. So let’s turn to Jabba’s own words to pay “The great LMTU” respect.

Jabba, likening LMTU to Field Marshal Montgomery:, and admitting “throughout all the years of his posting, he’s never wrong,” offered a sorrowful lament: “Why, oh why can’t I be more like Let me tell u? Let me tell u is certainly my role model. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all be more like him . . . ?” Jabba added that that had long been one of his goals and apologized that “my board is about Thailand. It isn’t about you and your interesting life.”

Continuing with praise for his BFF, Jabba added: “I don’t think anyone, including me, can deny he does generate interest. There are plenty of real characters around here, but LMTU holds a place of his own. There is only one LMTU.” And then he thanked God for LMTU’s brief time amongst us.

LMTU, who touched so many lives while bringing enjoyment to so few, started his posting career on SGT where he quickly became a board favorite known for his eloquent writing style and for posts brimming with useful information. On SGT, he quickly demonstrated that his mine was so fine that no idea could penetrate it. And though other posters often took great exception to LMTU’s utterances, he did not allow their negativity and flaming to slow him down, showing that he didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. But then, he didn’t know the meaning of most words.

It wasn’t long before the rest of the cyber world took notice and fans began copying and pasting LMTU’s posts, often week, months, and sometimes years before LMTU actually posted his. Realizing that his posts put other member’s attempts to shame, he abandoned SGT as he did board after board after board until finding his home and the perfect site for his talents at Jabba’s corner of the internet where everyone is entitled to be ignorant and most abuse the privilege.

battle of wits

Jabba finally finds a worthy opponent for a battle of wits.

LMTU’s legion of friends and fans chimed in to his eulogy thread adding their own testimony to the man’s superior intellect. Wallace the Wallet made a brief statement, saving his breath as he needed it to blow up his date for the night, comparing LMTU to the beloved Walter Mitty character. And Smiles, a modest man who has a good deal to be modest about, referred to him as “The Legend LMTU”. Smiles’ most recent posts are a homage to LMTU’s fascinating writing style, becoming more and more LMTU-esque with each posting.

Trongpai, the kind of person who can say absolutely nothing – and mean it, was so taken with LMTU’s persona, he rued the fact that he had passed on before someone told him how to start his own blog, stating that ‘it would be an win-win” for LMTU and his fans. Trongpai also felt the on-line eulogy wasn’t enough of an honor suggesting a foam party be held in Bangkok in LMTU’s honor complete with an open bar and some finger food as a fitting tribute since LMTU so often received a one finger salute from his many fans. (Jabba, btw, plagiarized Trongpai’s blog idea, then used a classic LMTU move stating that he and TP had the same idea at the same time, proving that yes, great minds do stink alike.)

Geezer, to whom someone once passed on the bad advice that he should always be himself, showed his love for the man by paying tribute to LMTU’s unchallenged veracity, recounting many of his favorite posts, noting LMTU’s tale of his adventures with a comely army boy he met in Saranrom Park was “a riveting series of posts.” And Rocket, choked with emotion and unable to post a coherent thought added “what an inspiration LMTU” has been to him.

Jaafar, temporarily abandoning the board everyone else abandoned years ago, took a more direct approach to immoralizing LMTU saying of his posts that they were “. . . a perfect example of what people . . . want to read on this message board.”

turtle yawn

A typical reaction to a Jabba The Butt post.

Thaiworthy, who evidently recently got laid which greatly improved his normally dour demeanor, compared LMTU to William Shakespeare, and in one of the more eloquent statements said, “I don’t think anyone can deny LMTU’s posts don’t include farce, slapstick and mistaken identities, puns and bad word play. They are the elements that make him unique. He is a colorful character and pulling on the reins will not change him. Whoever else he is, he is still LMTU. Let the man dance and play and restrict him here as you see fit, but don’t scratch your heads wondering why he is so popular. If the reason isn’t obvious, it never will be.”

And Oxfordman, who knows little and suspects less, added, “. . . LMTU, . . . intriguing to say the least, . . . appears . . .respectable and liked by the gay community . . . he is the greatest.”

Jabba closed out the tribute thread by donating a special spot on his board for all future posts about LMTU, a permanent place for his fans and friends to continue their love-fest. Meanwhile, over at SGT, a similar LMTU thread received nowhere near the amount of attention it should have as the forum’s pecksniffian posters were busy trying to dictate how that board will conduct itself under its new ownership. The new owner, Da Boss, has made himself known and the overwhelming response and best wishes from the membership there have surely sent him off to read the fine print on Elephantspike’s refund and return policy.

And so, knowing tradition dictates special awards be named after a well-known and universally disrespected personality I give you the Jabba The Butt Lifetime Aggrievement Turtle Ass Award, and it’s first recipient LMTU. Fortunately LMTU’s posting career occurred in a Buddhist country where the belief in reincarnation is strong. I’m sure we will see LMTU, or one of his numerous personalities, posting again soon, offering walking, talking, stumbling, and posting proof that you don’t have to be sentient to survive.

Turtle Ass Award

The Jabba The Butt Lifetime Aggrievement Turtle Ass Award Honoree: LMTU

The Inaugural Turtle Ass Award for Individual Achievement in Forum Posting

22 Friday Apr 2011

Posted by Bangkokbois in Blogs & Message Boards, Gay Thailand Message Boards

≈ Comments Off on The Inaugural Turtle Ass Award for Individual Achievement in Forum Posting

Tags

Turtle Ass Awards

We Love Bangkokbois!

The ranks of my blog’s fan base continue to swell. Or am I reading that look of enthusiasm incorrectly?

With the Turtle Ass Awards counting for less than 8% of the posts on this blog, but responsible for driving 83% of the traffic to these pages over the last few weeks, it appears to be a popular category. Mmmm, gay guys appreciating bitchy comments. Who’da thunk.

It’s way past time for a naming a new Turtle Ass Award recipient, but I’ve been busy goading the lunatics in the hall over at Baht Stop into posting numerous links to my blog, making me feel like a successful version of the 456. But without the projectile vomiting.

We  Want.  Your.  Visitors.

Showing their willingness to sacrifice their young, the BS parade of bumblers successfully followed a trail of bread crumbs the size of elephant dung that Ray Charles could have navigated with his arms tied behind his back, hit the intended mark, and then immediately veered off like a glob of lougey ricocheting off the rubber walls of their room back into the safe arms of lala land, getting lost once again in the shady world of hydra posters. It was kinda like watching a group of epileptics breakdance:

And now the Baht Stop Dance Troupe will perform Shake Your Groove Thang!

Guys, and I use that term loosely, your efforts drove a groundswell of new visitors to my pages greatly improving my blog’s Google rankings. Thank you. Please keep up the good work. I do owe a bit of an apology to the gene pool over at BS, though. I was surprised to find some rational posters amongst the crazies. My condolences. To both of you.

So, time to present the Inaugural Turtle Ass Award for Individual Achievement In Forum Posting, and winnowing the potential award winner list has been a difficult chore. Of course I immediately thought of Let Me Tell You for so breathlessly mangling the English language. But to be fair, his enthusiasm at times is contagious. And at times I’m sure other parts of his body are too. Reading a LMTU post is like navigating a hedge maze blindfolded while wading through an ocean of quicksand. But other than the occasional headache from trying to decipher his dibble, LMTU is really quite harmless. Annoying, filled with delusions of adequacy, but ultimately harmless. And certainly isn’t worthy of an award that could easily prompt a “You like me! You really Like me!” moment. So no dice.

I considered that clunky bag of boners know as Smiles as a Turtle Ass Award recipient. But he’s kind of a harmless doddering old cunt. And it’s rude to speak ill of the dead. Besides, his He-Was-Not-A-Bar-Boy boyfriend, Suphot, has a nice ass. An incredibly nice ass. In any case, we all know that some day soon Smiles will be loading live ammo into that gun on his avatar and finally giving us all something to Smiles about. So Smiles is out of the running. For now.

I thought maybe that prissy little ball of blubbering rancor, Thaiworthy, would make a good candidate. Not that little has ever been used as an adjective for TW before. But TwoTonWorthy is easy to offend and I know if I sugar coated my comments for him, he’d probably try to eat those too. TwoTon: quit cramming food into your mouth when you type, you know you can’t chew and concentrate at the same time. Bitch slap worthy, but no award.

I finally decided the award should go to someone who proves that while cliches by definition are over used, they still hold some validity. In this case: Children Should be Seen and Not Heard. The first Turtle Ass Award for Outstanding Achievement For An Individual Poster Of Absolutely No Note* goes to Beachlover. And that’s not being mean. Beachy just sprouted major wood seeing his name appear on his computer screen.

Bitchlover brought my blog to the attention of the readers over at SGT. But after an hour of getting a big zero in response to his original post, he took the contrary view and responded to himself. The boy does like to hear himself type. It’s okay that you changed your mind Bitchy, just wondering what you did with the diaper. I keep expecting to run across a three page thread with Bitchy being the sole poster throughout.

Bitchlover jumped into the foray of fools posturing that they knew who I was without bothering to look first, stating he was 70% sure of his guess. Which only goes to show you that 30% of his brain is responsible for 100% of his intellect. Sad to see in someone so young. There are some major drool-down-the-chin moments in store for you in your golden years Bitchy.

BTW, Bitchy? You actually did a search on your name on a blog less than a month old to see if you’d been mentioned yet? I bet you routinely Google your real name for proof of your existence too.

In fear of being the Jeopardy answer without a question, Bitchy posts with a regularity that would make the folks at Ex-Lax jealous. Unfortunately most of his drivel could put No-Doz to sleep. Thanks to holding the record for the most posts on every forum that’s ever crossed his computer screen, presenting this award to anyone else just doesn’t seem right.

But Bitchy’s avenue for posturing is quickly dwindling. Having been already kicked off two boards, an amazing accomplishment in itself, the I Am Feeble Hear Me Roar gang over at Baht Stop is currently running a poll on his removal from their ward. Not a new act for the Baht Stop tribe, they relish voting their friends, family, and cellmates off their island.

Fuck, BS, now you went and made me make you the Kanye West to Beachlover’s Taylor Swift, stealing all the thunder on his night of glory. Sorry Bitchy.

Beachlover: You suck. I know, not inspired, but there’s your name in bright lights once again. So the most recent Turtle Ass Award goes to you. I’m sure you’ve already tweeted your acceptance speech. And did so again in the time it took me to type that. Now that you’ve reached the pinnacle of your forum posting career, do us all a favor and retire.

Oh, and, Boo Boo? Nah . . . kidding! Psyche!

Turtle Ass Award

Turtle Ass Award Winner: Beachlover

* I know, long award title, but if I left any bandwidth, Bitchy would fill it up with more senseless posts.

Turtle Ass Award: Kobe Bryant (and the NBA)

16 Saturday Apr 2011

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

That's Gay, Turtle Ass Awards

black mamba

The NBA player formerly known as the homophobic rapist Black Mamba

Damn you Kobe Bryant! I had a Turtle Ass Award post all ready to go, focusing on a gay forum, and then Kobe had to go and open his big mouth booting my publish ready post out of place for one that is more time sensitive. Because the NBA playoffs start today.

I guess I need to set the stage first. Many readers are from outside the US and don’t follow American sports. Even more are gay guys with a natural aversion to the S word. For the former, the NBA is America’s professional basketball league. Kobe plays for the Lakers, the Los Angeles team (there’s another team in L.A. too, but no one pays any attention to them). For the latter, it’s that sport that uses the big orange round ball and those hoop thingies.

During the game against the Spurs on April 12, with the Lakers – last year’s championship team – battling for the number two spot in the playoffs, Kobe threw a tantrum as only a multimillion dollar salaried NBA star can. Pissed at a ref’s call that failed to recognize Kobe’s greatness, he called the ref a fucking fag.

GLADD and the HRC, both of whom consider themselves the PC watchdog of gay rights, immediately went into battle with each other over the bragging rights for the $100,000 fine the NBA levied against Bryant for his outburst. Which only goes to show you both organizations are top heavy with gay guys. If they’d bothered to ask one of the lesbians on staff – someone who actually knows something about professional sports – she would have told them the fine was due to Kobe dissing a ref, not for using the fag word. The NBA protects their referees like a mother hen, afraid that their lack of impartiality may be called into question. NBA refs make the Olympic figure skating judges look as unbiased and fair as Thucydides.

$100,000 sounds like a lot of money. But to Kobe, it’s not. Between his salary and endorsement deals he cleared more than that in the time it took him to get ‘fucking faggot’ out of his mouth. While other sport franchises around the world are coming down hard on players and fans alike for homophobic statements, the NBA has no objections nor any rules against it. They do have a fine for players who don’t wear a suit coat and tie to the game, but if Kobe wants to come out at half time and yell faggot, that’s cool. As long as he doesn’t do it at a ref.

That may seem wrong to you, but the NBA plays by its own set of morals. Kobe, a star in the league and last year’s MVP winner, ran into a slight legal problem in 2003 for raping a 19-year old hotel employee in Colorado. Married at the time to the girl he began dating when she was only 17, Kobe suffered a minor blow to his reputation, lost a few endorsement – but not all of the multimillion dollar deals – and ultimately paid the girl off so that she would drop the charges against him. The settlement amount was not disclosed, but Bryant evidently got off cheap bragging that a fellow NBA player had paid out more than one million dollars to buy his way out of a similar problem. The NBA took no action against him. But he has faced one-game suspensions in the past for hitting other players in the face. That’s a no-no. The NBA says it’s wrong to beat up basketball players. But okay to rape 19 year old girls . . . she probably was asking for it anyway. NFL Star Michael Vick received an indefinite suspension from playing football for his role in a dog fighting ring. Kobe lost a McDonald’s endorsement for rape. Goes to show you in American professional sports, dogs rate higher than fish.

Kobe, a role model for America’s youth, is popular among NBA fans both on and off the court. This year he attempted to get everyone to call him the Black Mamba, not realizing that stage name was already in use by a male dancer at the gay Nob Hill strip club in San Francisco. His new moniker didn’t stick, but he was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Not so much for his acting chops in the movie of the same name, but for having the balls to have it released in theaters when it really was a movie intended for the straight to VHS market. But bad movie, homophobic statements, statutory rape, date rape, or even the paternity papers served on him at the Lakers/Magic game this February, to the NBA, Kobe is a star. To the league it is all about money. And giving the fans what they want. And NBA fans want homophobia.

toronto raptors

Smells like team spirit.

A video taken after the Raptor’s winning game against the Magic went semi-viral on the internet, showing teammates Leandro Barbosa and Reggie Evans holding hands as they sauntered to the locker room. It would have received more airtime on YouTube except it was the Raptors; in the NBA they don’t really count because they’re Canadian. Neither of the players (or the entire team since we are talking about Canadians here) is gay. Their hand holding was nothing more than a bit of male bonding between teammates, perfectly innocent and hardly worthy of note. But NBA fans went crazy, foaming at the mouth and posting comment after comment about the damn queers, faggots, and sodomites invading the world of professional sports. The no-homo gay panic backlash comments on YouTube got so nasty the site disabled commenting on the video. While professional sports figures around the world are beginning to come out, and finding most fans to be quite accepting, the intense homophobic culture surrounding American sports keeps US players firmly in the closet.

It’s surprising how homophobic the NBA is considering not long ago players wore shorts that made George Michael’s Wham-era ball huggers look conservative. Ah, the good old days! This last year the league had a small version of their logo placed on the players’ shorts, center ass. An ill-conceived idea and a bit of unintended irony there. I hope they change the uniforms for next year because that logo really draws your eye and I end up spending more time checking out the fine NBA booty than I do watching the play. But then maybe that’s a good thing.

Kobe apologized for his comment with an insincere attempt, blaming his choice of words on anger. Because if you call someone a fag when you are mad, it doesn’t count. “What I said last night should not be taken literally. My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period. The words expressed do not reflect my feelings towards the gay and lesbian communities and were not meant to offend anyone,” said Bryant as he eyeballed a cute little 16 year-old sashaying by.

Meanwhile, Kobe is appealing the fine. I guess it’s not the money, it’s the principle . . . and that there is no reason to take responsibility for your actions. The gay blogosphere is willing to forgive, erroneously thinking the $100,000 fine actually means something to Kobe. But, hell, if you’re willing to forgive the man for rape, what’s the big deal about a little three letter word?

Turtle Ass Award

Turtle Ass Award Winner: Kobe Bryant

Jim Thompson’s House of the Mundane

14 Thursday Apr 2011

Posted by Bangkokbois in Thailand Travel Tips and Tales, Tips

≈ Comments Off on Jim Thompson’s House of the Mundane

Tags

Attractions, Bangkok, Markets & Shopping, Stupid Tourist Tricks, Turtle Ass Awards

silk

. . . but cotton is king.

I’ve been working on a post of the Top Ten Things NOT To Do In Bangkok, and winnowing the list is a never ending chore. Too many bad choices for touri to select from. Then I ran across a recent forum post where some fool listed a visit to Jim Thompson’s House as one the top daytime outings in Bangkok. My immediate reaction was WTF? Out of all the incredible sights and experiences Bangkok has to offer a first time visitor, making a pilgrimage to Jim Thompson’s store house comes out on top? What an exotic choice! A quick flight back to Idaho would be icing on the cake.

While Jim Thompson’s House of Blah is on my Not To Do list, it really stands out far above the rest and deserves its own post. Though it routinely shows up in travel guides and on website lists ranking in the Top Ten of things to do in Bangkok, in reality it barely qualifies for a spot in the top 100. Maybe. If you’re being generous.

Jim Thompson’s is a historical teakwood residence/compound that, while nice, is really nothing more than a retail operation pushing overpriced Thai silk clothing and assorted souvenirs. With a smattering of historical local art to view. Jim is credited with starting the whole Thai silk industry. And he mysteriously disappeared. Yawn. Truth of the matter is Jim didn’t start the Thai silk industry. The Thais did. Long before Jimmy boy came along. Jim no more started the Thai silk industry than Al Gore invented the internet. JT did nothing more than boost his sales through an aggressive marketing scheme. Mysteriously disappeared? Ha! Jim dissed the entire Thai nation with his claims. He didn’t disappear, he got what was coming to him. That shit just doesn’t fly in Thailand. And Jim wasn’t the first, or the last farang businessman to find out what happens when you piss off the locals in Thailand. (Yes, I know: Jimmy T disappeared in Malaysia not Thailand. And Jimmy Hoffa disappeared in Michigan, not New Jersey.)

Sure by visiting Jim’s you get the opportunity of buying a Jim Thompson original. At one time it was quite fashionable to have a nice Thai silk outfit, for both men and women. That was back when Al Jolsen’s voice was first heard in the movies. There was a slight revival during the 80’s when the clueless took their fashion tips from Miami Vice. Today, that silk outfit is kinda like buying a muumuu in Hawaii. It’s fashion that just doesn’t travel well. If you can’t resist draping yourself in Thai silk, there are Jim Thompson outlets at the malls, and a branch right on Suriwong in Patpong, you don’t need to trek all the way across town to pick up some silk duds, and pay an admission fee to do so. Better yet, go to MBK and buy a non-Jim Thompson original for half the price. For the truly adventurous, skip the staid and take a look at the offerings by emerging Thai designers instead.

But Jim’s place is a nice teakwood house, and a pretty riverside location. If teakwood structures are your thing – because you are an architect or over 80 – then pass his place by and head over to the Vimanmek Mansion instead. It’s bigger, nicer, and Thai royalty lived in it. A Thai King vs. a dead farang merchant. Your pick.

And the art? There’s a little place called the National Museum that is rumored to have maybe one or two more pieces on display. At half the admission price. And they offer overpriced souvenirs there too, just in case you thought you’d be left out.

A visit to Jim Thompson’s house would qualify as a Stupid Touri Trick if the choice had just a bit more integrity to it. Maybe you could throw in a dinner cruise on the Chao Phraya river to raise the stakes. A nice outing featuring overpriced bland Thai clothing* and overpriced bland Thai food should do the trick.

*Make sure you pick out a piece with little elephants on it. Nothing is more fashionable than a Thai silk garment with little elephants on it!

WTF Award Winner

WTF! Award Winner: Jim Thompson House

Glow Trinity Fails to Shine

04 Friday Mar 2011

Posted by Bangkokbois in Thailand Travel Tips and Tales, Tips

≈ Comments Off on Glow Trinity Fails to Shine

Tags

Bangkok, Hotels and Restaurants, Turtle Ass Awards

Turtle Asshole

Turtle Ass Award Winning Glow Trinity Hotel

Just ran across the above photo on the internet, so it’s not mine. I ripped it off. It’s of a turtle’s asshole, or more properly anus. So a small asshole. And a perfectly fitting tribute to today’s New and Improved Turtle Ass Awards entry about the Bangkok hotel Glow Trinity. Not a major bitch slap, ‘cuz their just a small asshole.

Glow Trinity is a renovated version of a hotel in the old Trinity Complex, just a three minutes walk down the soi from the Chong Nonsi BTS station. A great location. Prices at the hotel, especially when booked through Agoda, are quite reasonable. $50 – $75 depending on the room and whether or not you book to include breakfast. So great price, too.

They are billing the place as a boutique hotel. Meaning small and stylish. While the ‘stylish’ here means minimal and cheap, they’ve done a decent job on the renovations. The rooms have a modern look to them with some sense of style. So great (cheap) decor, too.

The buffet breakfast isn’t lavish by any means, but you will find about a dozen hot dishes that change a bit daily, a salad bar, dessert bar, lots of pastries and breads, and an egg cooking station. For the small additional price it’s well worth booking breakfast with your room. Especially if there are two of you. So good, but not great, breakfast.

The beds are firm, not hard, and covered with a duvet. I’m more of a soft bed guy . . . I like the mattress to feel like a big pillow. But I know I am in the minority there, so I’m satisfied when a hotel’s bed is at least not rock hard. And I really like the duvet idea better than cheap blankets. So they come out a winner on the bedding, too.

The shower (no tub) is of decent size. Plenty of room to shower with a friend. Or two. The water pressure is real good and I never had a problem with the hot water supply at any time of the day. That’s a major plus in my book. The lip between the shower and the rest of the bathroom is too low, so the entire floor gets wet. But that’s no biggy, to me. So another solid win.

The TV is a large flat panel and there are numerous English language channels including HBO. They also have a DVD player hooked up in each room. And there is a docking station for your IPod. And free internet, wireless, not blazing fast, but adequate. Check, check, check, check, and again they get a big plus.

Glow Trinity

The camera's flash brightens what really is a very dark room.

The rooms, however, are dark. The view from the windows are of the parking garage next door and let little natural light into the room. There is no light above the desk area. I touch type; if you need to look at the keys on your laptop, you’re in trouble. So a minus on the lighting, but considering everything else (so far) I’d still say it is a good hotel and well worth the price.

My problem with Glow Trinity is twofold. I’ve stayed there three times. The first time I booked and paid for a deluxe room. Next trip I went cheap and booked a superior room instead. I stayed in the exact same room both times. Thinking I may have been upgraded, I asked two different employees if that really was a superior room and both said it was. Third trip was a different room, supposedly a deluxe again, and ended up being the same size and layout as the superior, or deluxe, or whatever that other room was. So something isn’t right there.

But ya know that’s kinda a Thailand thing and I’d be more curious than pissed; I was okay with the room as being either a superior or deluxe. They get the turtle asshole award, however, based on their check-in. Or lack thereof.

I’ve been travelling to Bangkok for close to 30 years now, two to four times each year. I’ve stayed at numerous hotels in the city from the cheap to the swank. And I have never had to wait for a room to be ready for me, regardless of the time I was checking in. Until I stayed at Glow Trinity. Not once, but all three stays. Each friggin’ time I had to wait for over an hour for a room to be ready. And that’s a real bitch when you’ve already been travelling for 20+ hours.

If I was early I could understand that (though that has never been a problem at other hotels in Bangkok before). But checking in after 3pm there is no excuse for not having a room ready. None. On my last stay I booked a double room with a single large bed. I had to wait an hour and a half for the room. And then it had two small single beds. Not really conducive to a long hot night of sweaty sex. Back down to the check-in counter to explain the problem only to find out they had no doubles available. Best they could do was to switch me over the following day. ‘Cuz I love packing and unpacking all my shit.

I’ve traveled enough in SE Asia to know better than to lose my temper. And to know in this kind of situation the best you’ll get are sweet smiles and no resolution. I guess this procedure is not unusual for the place. The next day when I went down to switch, even though I was speaking to the same employee, I had to re-explain the entire problem and then wait while he checked to see if they had a double room available for me. Not a happy camper. To be fair, the bell hop helped me move my stuff to the new room, and he was cute. But not cute enough for me to put up with the hassle again by booking at the Glow Trinity on future trips. I’m not a whiner. Nor am I a difficult guest. Fact this is the first hotel I’ve stayed at in Bangkok that I’ve complained about. The few times in the past I’ve been unhappy with a hotel I’ve chalked it up to experience, realizing I was as much to blame . If there was something about the place that really bothered me, it was largely due to it being a cheap hotel. You do get what you pay for.

There are several other hotels in Bangkok offering the same level of amenities, the same convenient location, and at a comparable price. Without the check-in hassle. So I won’t tell you not to ever stay there. Just be aware it will take you at least an hour to get your room. Assholes!

The Unfriendly Skies of Air Asia

28 Monday Feb 2011

Posted by Bangkokbois in Travel Commentary

≈ Comments Off on The Unfriendly Skies of Air Asia

Tags

Transportation, Turtle Ass Awards

Air Asia

Now Everyone Can Be Abused

My original intention for my Trash Time category was to use it solely to bitch slap deserving gay blogs and forums. Which I’ve been doing. Though I’ve also posted a few kudos, too. Since in addition to each blog or forum as a whole, I can slam individual posts (that’d be can and will) there is a never ending source of inspiration available to me. But I didn’t really leave a category for taking on all the other people, places, and things in SE Asia that really piss me off. And I need to rant. I am, therefore I bitch. So I’m expanding my original line up, starting with this post. Lucky you. And a big Up Yours! to Air Asia:

A quick three day trip down to Penang to frolic in the ocean a bit and eat, eat, eat was the plan. I had a few extra days to kill as I’d cancelled plans to go to Burma (since they were busy killing monks at the time I had to get my visa). Penang became my destination choice because 1. I’d never been there, and 2. Air Asia had an incredibly cheap flight available. Even though I’ve learned that cheap is not necessarily always a good option.

I flew Air Asia from Bangkok to Chiang Mai with no problem. Even was amused at the cabin crew’s fascist behavior in prohibiting passengers from eating or drinking anything they had brought on the plane (Air Asia’s rule is if you want something to eat or drink, you have to buy it from them at over inflated prices).

My flight back to Bangkok, with a 2 hour layover before my flight to Penang was where the trouble began. The flight was 90 minutes late leaving Chiang Mai. Turns out Air Asia runs a bit late throughout their schedule compounding the delays as the day progresses. So obviously I missed my flight to Penang. And it was the last one of the day. Now I’m a pretty mellow traveler and generally do not get upset over the little things. Even when it costs me a few thousand baht. Which in this case it would and did since I had to cab back into Bangkok and get a room for the night. Yes, I could have spent 14 hours at the airport instead, but ya know, that’s just not me. And even though Air Asia’s delay cost me some bucks, I was feeling pretty good about them as an agent met me as I deplaned to arrange a new ticket for the following days flight. Nice service, I thought.

I had to go to the main ticket counter to do this, but a supervisor was waiting for me to issue the ticket. And then demanded 1,400 baht for ‘cancelling’ my current ticket (for a plane that had already left). I smiled (it doesn’t pay to show anger in Asia) and explained that it was the airline’s fault that I needed to book on a new flight, not mine, and that their error already was costing me a considerable sum. The supervisor smiled back and agreed, but, “So, sorry,” she said. “You pay 1,400 baht.”

We went back and forth smiling at each other for several minutes until she finally agreed to issue the new ticket for a mere 800 baht. Accepting that this was the best ‘win’ I was going to get, I had the ticket issued and headed out to the taxi line to get into town for the night.

So my cheap flight to Penang ended up costing me an extra $125. That’s about $50 more than the cost would have been if I had originally booked on Thai Air. Plus my three days in Penang became a two day trip, hardly enough time to explore Georgetown much less the rest of the island. On the plus side, I have an excuse to return to Penang now, and I know that if I book a flight on a cut rate airline in the future, I need to fly early in the day and make sure I’m not connecting to another flight.

I still use Air Asia, though I have a love/hate relationship with the airline. I love the incredibly cheap deals I can get. And hate everything else about them. To be fair, they make a point of telling you up front they are a destination to destination carrier. Meaning connecting flights are not connecting flights, but are rather two sperate flights. Even though their agents will happily book you on a connecting flight. Yes, I love Thailand! Since my initial lesson in flying Air Asia I only book connecting flights when there is a minimum of five hours between flights. And even then it has been a close call a few times. You’ve been warned!

Turtle Ass Award

Turtle Ass Award Winner: Air Asia

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Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

Move along, there’s nothing to see here folks; pay no attention to that man behind the curtain:

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