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…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

~ Ramblings, Rumblings and Travel Tales: Bangkok and Beyond

…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

Monthly Archives: May 2013

Thanks For Those Mammaries

31 Friday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World

≈ 8 Comments

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And More!

beer belly 1

Many of Pattaya’s sexpat population, despondent over the declining value of their nation’s currency and the dwindling buying power of their already paltry pension funds, now need look no further than their ballooning bodies for an answer to their financial woes. There is no more reason to foolishly blow 100 baht on a beer at their favorite boy bar. And better yet they can now cash in on those massive mammaries and ever expanding waistlines thanks to the Beer Belly, an innovative new product that mimics the typical sexpat’s physical profile to provide a carrying space for their favorite libration. No more over-flowing check bins – now you can get bombed on the cheap. And not have to wait for that damn waiter to make his rounds again to boot!

If you have often thought, “The only way I could be more handsome is if I were secretly packing 80 oz. of hooch around with my gut,” the Beer Belly is the perfect product for you. Consisting of two parts – the sling and the bladder – the Beer Belly holds up to 80 oz. of the cheapest brand of beer, vodka, gin, tequila, or whiskey that you can find. When worn under your clothes you’ll look just like every other sexpat in town, heavily weighted in the midsection like a fat pregnant woman three weeks overdue.

Fat and obese people have been celebrated for centuries as being wealthy and successful, so don’t worry if you are already blimp size, the Beer Belly will just make you bigger, more bad ass, and obviously a better catch. The moneyboys will be flocking to you like to a unusually friendly farang hanging out in his driveway.

beer belly 2

Considering your rather scary looking fellow denizens of Sunee Plaza, you may be concerned that the Beer Belly may be too much of a good thing – a worry that you’ll quickly discard when you remember how much baht you can save – but fear not: the Beer Belly’s designers have carefully manufactured their product so that the booze you fill it with keeps your new fake roll of fat squarely on top of your existing dozen rolls of blubber. No matter how much booze you are packing in it, the Beer Belly will not shift to hang off your back and make you look like Quasimodo (note that if you already look like the Hunchback of Notre-Dame, the Beer Belly will not make you any better looking. But then with the buzz you’ll have going, who cares?)

Of course no product is perfect, and while the Beer Belly is designed to fit any man up to 6’ 8’ in height, its failing is that it only accommodates a 40” waist. And your belt hasn’t seen that limited girth in over two decades. But never underestimate the ingenuity of a sexpat when it comes to his booze and being a cheap bastard all of his frenemies will be envious of. Just follow the same philosophy you use towards your double chins: the more the merrier – two Beer Bellies allow you to grow to a prodigious 80” waistline . . . and that means you’ll be able to pack the equivalent of two six packs around for your night on the town!

Available from your favorite internet retailer, the Beer Belly sells for $39.99, which may be out of the price range for most Pattaya sexpats, but if you can find someone to borrow the money from it can easily pay for itself in two nights. Plus you’ll have scored 40 bucks that you never intended on paying back anyway. Better yet, you’ll never have to be sober again. And isn’t that what life is really all about?

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iPhone Friday #74

31 Friday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in iPhone Fridays, It's A Gay World

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Nude Dudes

While I generally prefer having a face attached to dick, I can understand why some guys don’t want to include the former when posting self-pix of their latter on the internet. And who knows, maybe they are butt-ugly and hope the better looking part of them will land them a date. At least they never have to answer that ever-popular internet hook-up site question of, “ How big are you?” ‘cuz a picture is worth a thousand words. Or at least half a dozen inches.

asian with iPhone #433

asian with iPhone #434

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By The Numbers

30 Thursday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Dancing With the Devil, The World of Thailand's Gay Gogo Bars

≈ 19 Comments

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Gay Bangkok, Gay GoGo Bars

numbers 1

I like catchy titles for my posts. Even if Google would think higher of my blog if those titles clearly spelled out what the post was about. But I figure if you turn to the internet for info or stories about Thailand’s gay bar world, sooner or later you’re gonna stumble upon my blog anyway. Besides if SEO was my goal, I’d join Google’s failed attempt at being a social media site, which would ensure a top rank for anything I wrote. In its quest to actually make a profit, Google has gone from being the search engine of choice, to selling its rankings to the highest bidder, to shamelessly promoting its attempt to out Facebook Facebook . . . it’s a shame Microsoft didn’t come up with a better name than Bing for their answer to Google. I binged it, just doesn’t have the same cache. And though that all has to do with numbers, at least those preceded by a dollar sign, Google’s path to obsolescence isn’t the subject of this post. Despite the appropriateness of the catchy title.

I’d thought this would be a good title for an article comparing the pros and cons of offing a bar boy versus a tryst with a moneyboy – be that off the street or over the internet. That would be exploring the costs versus value with a bit of safety concerns thrown in. I also liked the title for an article examining the pros and cons of cruising Bangkok’s gogo bar with a wingman compared to striking out on your own. Both would have worked, both will undoubtedly be covered at some point in the future. But a blog entry I recently read usurped the title. A young, backpacking blogger on an extended stay in the Big Mango wrote of his experience on Soi Twilight, and though he went with Curiosity Got The Better of Me for his post’s title, By The Numbers would have better fit his tale of horror.

I’m not old enough to be a crotchety old bastard yet, nor am I far enough along in years to blame the troubles of the world on the young. I have yet to reach an age when I wonder how in the hell they can call the stuff they listen to music. The hairstyles and clothing choices of the younger generation don’t confound me either. Well, except for skinny jeans. But that has more to do with an innate sense of fashion than it does with age. I like the young. I like hanging out with those a decade or two younger than me. And like a lot of middle-aged gay men, given my druthers I prefer younger guys for sexual partners. They are much more pliable.

numbers 2

Today’s youth are tomorrow’s whatevers. Fill in the blank with your choice of cliche. Justin Bieber’s antics might cause some concern, but for the most part the openness and lack of bigotry among today’s youth, I think, is a good thing. Interracial dating is not a term that even exists in their lexicon anymore. Most accept others for who they are. Being gay – outside of those pockets where racism, homophobia, intolerance, and bigotry still thrive thanks to inbreeding – is no big thing and most younger people have one if not several gay friends. Older generations are set in their ways, seldom capable of broadening their opinions; the acceptance of gays in society is largely due to the attitude of today’s youth. And even though backpackers are not my favorite brand of human – primarily because of their insistence on worshiping a false god of travel – thanks to their youth I do enjoy reading of their exploits on the internet and hanging out with them in Bangkok.

After the sun goes down, I spend almost as much time on Khaosan Road as I do at the gay clubs, pubs, and gogo bars of Patpong. The backpacking community may not be adept at personal hygiene, but they do know how to party. The area on and around Khaosan Road has some great bars including one of Bangkok’s best and most consistent blues club. And while I am seldom on the prowl for sex when visiting Bangkok’s backpacker ghetto, you should never underestimate the power of being a daddy. Or of having an upscale, spacious, clean room with a private bath available to someone who’s into their third month of roughing it. I’m not sure why being the old fart in a club qualifies you as being ‘cute’ but with the right attitude, exchanging the Silom ghetto for the Khaosan one can do wonders for your sex life. That’s another thing I like about the young. They are often needy and easy to please. The Statue of Liberty was onto something with that ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your hungry” thingy.

I also like reading the perspective of someone from a different age group and point in life when it pertains to what I consider my home grounds. It’s always interesting – and sometimes an eye-opener – to read of a first time visitor’s take on Soi Twilight when that is not really part of their world or their normal choice of stomping grounds. It can be a breath of fresh air. And provides a nice departure from the typical elderly sex tourist who lives and breathes Thailand’s commercial sex scene to a point where they think posting “In my opinion the only real forum with interesting news about the gay scene in Thailand is Gaybuttons.” on one of the gay Thailand message boards actually makes sense. Or has any validity.

numbers 3

But that’s the problem when you confine yourself to any ghetto, be it Sunee Plaza, Khaosan Road, or Soi Twilight. Regardless of age, your view of the world is so narrow and restricted you forget that there is an entirely different world waiting just outside its borders. Tapping into the world outside your own is good for your mental health. Even if it is not as comfortable or familiar as crawling back into a bottle of rot-gut gin.

Thailand’s commercial sex scene, as prevalent as it is, is not for everyone. I get that. You can wrap it up in whatever words makes it the most palatable to you, but it’s still prostitution. The attitude in Thailand may be different, and is. The manner in which it is viewed may not be the same as it is back home. But you can never get past the fact that money is exchanging hands for sexual favors. That may not be the major sin in Thailand that it is in other countries, but it is certainly understandable why some visitors refuse to have anything to do with it. And despite every gay Thailand message board’s belief that their endless discussions of money boys and places to procure them is what gay Thailand is all about, it’s not. But it is so obvious, open, and in your face that it is not surprising that many gay visitors to the Kingdom end up, at least, taking a quick peek.

For some, probably many more than expected, that progresses to a longer peek, to an hour or two of checking out the scene, to becoming completely involved and suddenly finding themselves waking up next to a young hottie to whom they owe a few thousand bucks for the pleasure. I credit the friendliness, charm, and beauty of Thai men for that. Because visitors of all nationalities and age groups find themselves sucked in; it is not just the aged, lonely, or desperate who hook up with a bar boy in Thailand. Surprisingly, or maybe not, it is not even just gay men who do. Considering how open to new experiences and experimentation youthful backpackers tend to be, it might be a good thing that their ghetto and the commercial gay sex scene one are so far apart. Or T.A.T’s slogan, Amazing Thailand’ could easily take on a whole new meaning for the straight youth of the world.

numbers 4

Westerner morals, especially those involving sex, may not be the best fit for Thailand. But they are part of the baggage travellers pack along with them. We all define the points of our moral compasses; where North lays on yours is cool with me as long as you don’t attempt to bend mine southward. The young, as strictly as they may adhere to some of their beliefs, tend to allow their magnetic poles to float a bit. And that’s good. It’s part of growing up. It’s part of the maturing process. And should be a part of your life no matter how young or old you are. So even though this backpacking blogger began his tale with far too many excuses for why he ended up on Soi Twilight, with the title of his post being “Curiosity Got The Better of Me” I assumed, despite his initial misgivings, the better man would prevail. Nope. Instead the bitter man did. I guess that general state of disgruntlement I assign to Pattaya’s sexpats isn’t a result of age alone after all.

After an initial protracted bit of whining about the state of the carpet on the stairs leading up into Hot Male (which should have tipped me off that within him existed a fussy old queen who’d just not gotten to the old part yet) he went on to bitch about the 280 baht his drink cost him. I wonder how many disgruntled old sex pats began their relationship with Thailand as a youthful backpacker. He also took the time to confess his guilt over the cost of his beer supporting Bangkok’s sex trade. Not that his offended sense of morals caused him to walk out of the place mind you.

But he was cool with the opening numbers of the show, noting how handsome the guys in their underwear were and then further excusing his participation in Bangkok’s sex trade by marvelling at their dancing prowess, which comforted him in knowing thy were not just sex toys to be bought. ‘Cuz of course that would never be the reason a bunch of Thai guys would be parading about on stage in nothing but their undergarments. Once the hard-ons appeared, however, that story changed.

numbers 5

The poor, exploited boys – and you may want to sit down for this one – “with their permanent hard-ons poking out of the top of their underwear” had “badges with printed numbers.” I know, I too am shocked and aghast. And of course rather than becoming enlightened as to why this practice is followed at every gogo bar on the country – straight, gay, or in between – or realizing its basis lays in the general feeling among Thais that it is rude to point and the badges provide an easy way to identify to a mamasan which guy on stage you’d like to have join you, he concluded, “These poor guys were reduced to being numbers.” I’d hate to think what he’d think of a bar boy I know whose nickname is Neung. Or how many in the bar’s stable anxiously wait for the guy who has #9 to quit so they can snap up that lucky numbered badge.

Despite the horror of watching a bunch of naked guys who’d been reduced to being a number, he stayed for the sex part of the show, described it intimately in great detail, but admitted he didn’t find watching the various pairs of coupling hunks sexy because he knew “they were ultimately for sale.” I give his dick major kudos for being able to differentiate between cock for sale and cock without a price tag on it. That’s not a talent mine has ever mastered.

The pretense of morals that are a bit foggy in the first place is never a pretty sight. Falling back on what you assume to be the correct level of outrage in lieu of genuine feelings of being morally offended, when it is just a matter of indignation by the numbers, is no better. Doing so at an age when you are supposed to be taking in the world around you in order to define an informed set of morals you’ll live by is a shame. Said blogger went on in the comment section of his post to pull out the old anti-prostitution stand-bys: that the guys working at the bar had probably been abused and/or raped as kids, that the poor creatures were ignorant of being exploited, and – one of my all time favorites – that we should condemn the sin but not the sinner. He signed off noting that his “experience made me alert to having some kind of internal moral compass.” Uh, no dude. It should have alerted you to the fact that you lack one.

numbers 6

His is not an unusual farang meets Thailand tale. There have been countless NGOs that have come before him intent on saving the country’s poor, exploited commercial sex workers only to find they don’t want saving. Outrage over Thailand’s sex industry is as common of a reaction as is the awe and wonder of the country’s natural beauty. It boils down to what it is about Thailand that you focus on, what facet of the country that attracts your attention. Which says more about you than it does of the country. The difference here is that those who rail against Thailand’s sex industry are not usually gay. Or young. The youth who visit Thailand as part of the backpacking community don’t usually adopt the morals of their middle-aged, sexually frustrated, menopausal mothers. When the best you can come up with to express your outrage over a show featuring naked male prostitutes engaged in a variety of sexual acts seldom seen outside of Bangkok’s gogo bars is that they are forced to wear a number, a bit more thought might need to be given to your stance before you decide to express it.

Thailand is the only country where I pay for sex, though once I spend more time in Rio I’m assuming that will change. Why my moral compass allows for that is only important to me. I don’t excuse the country’s sex industry, nor do I defend it. It is what it is. And despite what your uninformed mind might think, no one is getting hurt; no one is being exploited. I don’t think it is right for everyone, nor do I believe someone whose morals preclude them from participating in it is wrong. But if that is the case, stay clear of it. It has nothing to do with you. And it and those who are involved with it do not require your blessing or condemnation. The morals you decide demand being inflicted on others – those real or just conveniently handy – stem from the same immorality that results in bigotry, racism, and homophobia. Intolerance is intolerance no matter how you dress it up. But maybe that’s a lesson not yet mastered by some of today’s youth.

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Dear Ann,

Dear Ann,

Absolutely Thursday #74

30 Thursday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Absolutely Thursdays, It's A Gay World

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Nude Dudes

nude asian abs

Perfecto!

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The Top Ten Bangkok Experiences: Part 4 – Yes, It Is All About Dick

29 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Thailand Travel Tips and Tales, Top Ten Bangkok Experiences

≈ 21 Comments

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Attractions, Gay Bangkok

It’s time to put the cock into the Bangkok experience

It’s time to put the cock into the Bangkok experience

A Bit of Local Culture? Check
Partying You Ass Off? Check
Shopping Your Little Heart Out? Check

With three of the top ten Bangkok experiences under your belt, it’s time to devote a day’s experience to what is under your belt. And as touring themes go, for a gay guy in Bangkok, Dick ain’t a bad way to go. To steal a line from The Hangover II: There’s a reason why they call it Bangkok instead of Bangcunt, sweetie.

Praying for it, praying to it, playing with it, protecting it, and reassuring yours that you won’t go wild in Bangkok and take experiencing the city too far is what my #4 suggestion for doing the Big Mango is all about. Of course devoting an entire day of your vacation to penis would just be silly. Because no man’s is an island and your penis would be of little use without the support of your balls. So to remind you of their importance, today’s entry into the Top Ten Experiences category will take those puppies on the local version of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Twice. And it’ll be cheaper than an E ticket to boot. (Oooops! Did I just date myself?)

Scheduling the activities and experiences you plan on enjoying during a holiday in Bangkok can be organized in several different ways. You can work your way through a list of attractions and sites, starting with the ones you want to see the most. But that can easily have you travelling from one end of town to the other. Which results in your #1 Bangkok experience being its parking lot-like traffic congestion. You can play Buddhist, and accept that the fates are in control of your destiny, allowing whatever happens to happen, but that can result in your not seeing any of the things you wanted to experience other than spending time in the bar closest to your hotel. You can also cram a few hundred attractions into your daily schedule, which is a popular mode of tourism, but that results in your not ever actually getting to experience anything fully. Though if you take a lot of pictures you might remember a bit of your trip once you get back home and turn to your photographic evidence of having been to Bangkok.

If your day’s experience didn’t start like this, you need some divine intervention.

If your day’s experience didn’t start like this, you need some divine intervention.

I favor a leisurely approach that encompasses a variety of experiences in a single outing, all in and around the same area of town to avoid wasting time getting from one spot to the next while allowing you enough time to get lost, relax a bit and do nothing, and wander off on the road less travelled when something unexpected captures your attention. It’s often the places you didn’t know about and didn’t plan on visiting that become the most memorable part of a trip. So today’s itinerary may seem to stretch out longer than necessary, but I expect you to put that extra time to good use. Even if that means nothing more than plunking your ass down and watching the world go by.

A leisurely approach to tourism also means not having to get out of bed any earlier than your hotel demands by cutting off the serving time to their free breakfast buffet. So today’s fun starts around 11am. If you are an early riser, hopefully you arranged a long-time off the night before and will have something warm to occupy your time before your day officially starts. If so, you need to show your appreciation to the gods for that with which you were blessed. If not, a little merit making might convince them to intercede on your sex life’s behalf. And your first stop today will be one of the city’s more popular places to converse with the higher powers. That it sets your location for the day’s experience is just a happy bonus.

Praying For It.
A little bit of local culture is never a bad way to start off your day; when there’s a good chance there will be some eye candy there too it’s an even better beginning. The Erawan Shrine is a favorite among locals hoping the gods will look favorably upon their wants and desires, so your first want and desire – the aforementioned eye candy – is almost a given. Located at the foot of the Chitlom BTS station at the Ratchaprasong intersection of Rachadamri and Ploenchit Roads, this small shrine is a beehive of worshipers who place great stock in its power to bring them all of the things their little hearts desire. The little thing your heart desires may have more to do with size, but since it’s always good to hedge your bets there’s no good reason to rely on happenstance alone; make a bit of merit, say a little prayer, and cross your fingers that the gods reward your efforts with the man of your dreams.

Bangkok’s Erawan Shrine is a good place for merit making. It ain’t bad for checking out local eye candy either.

Bangkok’s Erawan Shrine is a good place for merit making. It ain’t bad for checking out local eye candy either.

Making merit is the Buddhist approach to gaining favor with the gods. Realizing that nothing in life is free, before you can expect to be blessed you need to offer up a blessing of your own. It’s a you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours approach to religion. And from the huge number of people returning to the Erawan Shrine to say thanks for having gotten what they prayed for, it seems to work. Don’t worry that it might be inappropriate for you to engage in any of the merit making activities available here because you are not a Buddhist – the four-faced Than Tao Mahaprom, the deity this shrine honors, is a Hindu god anyway. So tacking on your own religion isn’t going to raise an eyebrow. Besides an interactive experience is always better than a site you just look at.

How much merit you gain, of course, depends largely on what that merit making activity costs you. For just a few baht you can but some incense to light, a few baht more will provide you with a floral tribute to offer too. 100 baht buys you a small red, wooden cage with a bird inside for you to set free, or you can hire the dance troupe to entertain the gods on your behalf for a few hundred baht. Of course you can also be a cheap bastard and say a prayer sans merit, but then don’t come bitching to me when you land a dud tonight at the gogo bar.

Merit making and praying for dick aside, the Erawan Shrine is a great place to kick back and watch the locals do their thing. This is not a Take A Picture And Move On attraction, you need to spend some time here to fully experience what the shrine has to offer. At a minimum, expect to enjoy the religious festivities for half an hour. An hour will not be wasted in the least bit either.

PETA would not approve, but evidently Buddha does.

PETA would not approve, but evidently Buddha does.

By now if you’ve been following my previous suggestions of things to do and see in Bangkok, you’ve taken a boat ride, used the BTS, and ridden in a few taxis. It’s time to expand your transportation experience and see just how highly the gods think of you. It’s probably a good thing you just racked up some Karma points, because you might not survive the next ten minutes. You may have noticed the number of worshipers at the Erawan Shrine was second only to the number of vehicles slowly crawling past its gates. You are at one of the city’s most heavily congested traffic areas. And since your next destination is just a tad too far to walk to, you’re gonna have to either be part of the parking lot-like traffic, or bypass it. And the best way to do that is by using a motorcycle taxi. By law, motorcycles are allowed to use the sidewalks in Bangkok. Which means you’ll be zipping past all the cars on the roadway, as well as scattering those pedestrians foolish enough to think the sidewalk was their safe haven.

Back at the foot of the BTS station, there are always a half dozen or so motorcycle taxis waiting to be hired. Pick out the driver who looks to be the least affected by the yaba he’s been smoking and tell him you want to go to the Nai Lert Park Swissotel. It’s a short ride, about a 15 baht fare, so agree to 20 and hope the extra 5 baht will entice him to keep you safe, uninjured, and alive. Better yet, bet your fare on a game of checkers. Not that you’ll have much of a chance of winning – the motorcycle taxi drivers that hang out here spend more of their day shouting, “King Me!’ in Thai than they do scoring fares. But playing a childhood game made out of cardboard and beer bottle caps with a drug addict who speaks not a word of English while hordes of locals bump past you on their way to pray for lucky lottery numbers is not only a surreal experience but a uniquely Bangkok one. Win or lose, while many touri think they are livin la vida loca by taking a tuk tuk in Bangkok, if you live through your motorcycle taxi ride, you’ll be able to laugh at their pretensions. And that’s always a win in my book.

Praying To It.
You’d think your best bet in Bangkok for seeing a few hundred peni would be on Soi Twilight. But the Goddess Tuptim Shrine has that popular bar area beat, four hands down. And unlike at the gogo bars in Patpong, at this shrine the wooden woodies are all sporting wood. Tucked away at the rear of the Swissotel Nai Lert Park’s grounds, the Goddess Tuptim Shrine is littered with hundreds of lingams. (That’s a polite word for the mass of cocks you’ll find here.) It is said that years ago a woman came to pray at the shrine asking for help, from Chao Tuptim, to conceive. Nine months later, she gave birth to a healthy chid. She was so pleased that she came back to the shrine and left a large wooden carving of a giant penis in thanks. Others have followed in her footsteps. Their offerings are hundreds of cocks lining the shrine’s pathway and filling the surrounding area. For a gay man it’s Bangkok’s version of Shangrila. And a photo op hard to beat.

As a gay tourist in Bangkok, how can you possibly pass up a shrine devoted to penis?

As a gay tourist in Bangkok, how can you possibly pass up a shrine devoted to penis?

Most of the peni are made of wood; some of metal, stone, horn, or bone. Others are incised with special Buddhist inscriptions or have names written on. There are little fat ones, tall thin ones, tall fat ones, small thin ones . . . some even have legs. Others have colorful pieces of fabric tied around them for protection blessings; some are dyed bright red, blue or green.

Size queens will be in heaven viewing the large black phallus standing on end next to Tuptim’s spirit house, nestled under the huge ficus tree in which her spirit is said to reside. Regardless of the size, shape, or material the cock is made of, essentially they all offer the same message: Offer up a penis to the shrine, and you too may undergo the miracle of conception . . . or maybe you’ll just luck out and find a fun penis to spend the night with.

Playing With It.
Since you lived through your motorcycle taxi ride and were rewarded with a massive number of peni to enjoy, you might as well finish off your stupid tourist trick transportation options for Bangkok and catch a tuk tuk to your next destination. If you are smart, it’ll be the only tuk tuk you ever step into during your holiday. Though Wireless Road, where the Swissotel is situated, isn’t the most heavily trafficked street in town, the surrounding area is pure bedlam and once again choosing the most life-risking form of transport will save you in travel time. Plus you’ll have a good excuse for paying someone to convince your balls to descend again at your next destination.

As synonymous as Bangkok is with sex, it is equally renown for the massage services offered everywhere in town. Most come with a happy ending, at least at those places billed as offering massage for men by men. Not that you have to partake of that particular menu option; you can get a foot or full body massage without providing your best buddy some relief too. But since today’s experience is in his honor, go for it. Just like the massage parlors themselves, you too can pretend it’s not really about prostitution: it’s therapy. You can order up a massage in your hotel room, or hit any one of the places in Patpong, But for the full male massage experience, your best bet is one of the larger and more popular spas. And Hero fits that bill.

Like ordering a sandwich at a deli counter, the men at Hero Massage are nicely displayed behind glass.

Like ordering a sandwich at a deli counter, the men at Hero Massage are nicely displayed behind glass.

Located on Sukhumvit Soi 11, Hero is a short but wild tuk tuk ride away from the Nai Lert Park Swissotel. That ride should run you 25 baht, so expect to pay 50. Every tuk tuk driver in town knows where Hero is, many of them will offer to preform your planned on massage themselves. Save that experience for another day, the rub and tug you get at Hero will give you something to compare it to.

The masseurs at Hero tend toward the boy next door to muscled body types, and unlike at some places in town at Hero you get to choose the guy who will be working on you. The staff, dressed in jeans or shorts, are on display behind a sheet of glass much like meat at a deli counter. Use the mamasan to select a guy – let him/her/it know exactly what you like and want and he’ll help you pick out a guy who will deliver. After your masseur bathes you, you’ll get a full massage that’ll last about an hour for about 750 baht plus a minimum tip of 1,000 baht. What is involved with and the extent of your happy ending is up to you and will cost more as you progress from a hand job to full-on sex. As for your balls running and hiding thanks to that tuk tuk ride you just exprienced, they undoubtedly decided to hang out again soon after you walked into Hero.

Hero’s facilities are clean and hygienic and they offer private shower areas. Their hours of operation are from 3:00 pm until midnight. If you spent your day right so far, you should have arrived here about an hour after opening, long enough for all the guys to show up for work so you have a full stable to choose from, but not so far into their day’s business that the hotties have been taken. Or already worn out for the day.

Terminal 21 is a massive shopping complex offering 9 floors of retail bargains, attached to the Asoke BTS Station. Oh yeah, there’s lots of eye candy there too.

Terminal 21 is a massive shopping complex offering 9 floors of retail bargains, attached to the Asoke BTS Station. Oh yeah, there’s lots of eye candy there too.

You could walk out to Sukhumvit after your massage, but it’s just as easy to flag a taxi, tuk tuk, or motorcycle taxi down for the short ride out to one of Bangkok’s most heavily touri populated boulevards. Soi 11 will dump you right into the middle of the action, though since your next destination is in that direction, hang a left when you hit Sukhumvit. The sidewalks are filled with street vendors, offering all the crap you walked past at the Patpong Night Market for half the price. At this hour of the day, some will still be setting up their stalls, many will have just opened and willing to make their first sale of the day at a heavy discount. That baht will bring them good luck for the rest of the night’s business, and the vendor will usually flap the handful of baht you just passed over against his merchandise to spread that luck across his stall.

Stroll along the street, stop at any of the small cafes for a drink, or do a bit more shopping in the streetfront stores that line Sukhumvit. If you need to shop in comfort, or find a place to sit and rest after the exertion of your massage, head down to the still somewhat new Terminal 21 shopping mall. Like most shopping centers in Bangkok there’s always plenty of eye candy to enjoy, and since its been almost half an hour since your last orgasm, being a gay man you are probably already thinking about your dick again. And so am I. But it’s time to get some food in your stomach, so we’ll kill two birds with one pair of stones next.

It would make logical sense that the sois running off Sukhumvit followed in numerical order. And they do. As long as you stay on one side of the street. Cross over to the other side, however, and you’ll find yet another example of Bangkok’s uniqueness. So though your next destination is on Soi 12, that doesn’t mean you have to hike all the way back up the street to where you started (Soi 11). Instead you’ll find the street you want just across from where you are (give or take a block depending on where you decided to soak up some late afternoon atmosphere. Or some suds).

You have a long night ahead of you, so stop at Cabbages and Condoms to fill up on food. And protection for your night’s enjoyment.

You have a long night ahead of you, so stop at Cabbages and Condoms to fill up on food. And protection for your night’s enjoyment.

Protecting It.
The original branch of Cabbages and Condoms has been around for decades. It’s easy to find, just a short walk up Soi 12 off Sukhumvit. Over the years the size of the restaurant has changed, slowly growing to spread out along the soi. Cabbages and Condoms offers an extensive menu of Thai dishes but it’s true claim to fame is its decor with everything from the lamp shades to wall art made from condoms. Everyone, from fellow touri to bar boys, that I’ve taken there has thoroughly enjoyed themselves. And the garlic shrimp appetizer are to die for.

Conceived as a source to fund the local charity’s efforts at rasing awareness for safe sex, Cabbages and Condoms has become a landmark in Bangkok thanks not only to its unusual decor but its tempting and award-winning menu. Prices are a bit higher than you may find at a more local-style Thai restaurant, but not as dear as at some of the Hi-So places in town either. Most main dishes run around 200 baht. And if you are a cheap bastard, you can always off-set that cost by stocking up on the free condoms the restaurant offers. You can choose to dine in the original, old teak building, or take a table upstairs in the open-air where a slight breeze and a large bank of misters will keep you cool and fresh. And if you are still in need of some truly unique souvenirs, stop in their gift shop on the way out for a selection of condom-related tchotchkes perfect for everyone back home. Well, maybe not your mom . . .

Scaring The Hell Out Of It.
Some like to walk off a meal after a great dinner. Getting back out onto Sukhumvit is far enough in my book. So head back to the Asoke BTS Station and use the Skytrain to get down to the Nana Station. The street will be filled with vendors by now, so you can stroll further up the road a bit, or duck down Soi Arab – just before Soi 3 – and enjoy the experience of sucking on a shisha pipe. Bangkok is a cosmopolitan city filled with people from foreign lands, many communities of which have claimed a small part of the city as their own. The area around soi 3 is popular with touri, expats, and transplants from the Arabian gulf and the sweet apple flavored hookah pipes are a ubiquitous staple at the small restaurants and cafes lining the soi off Sukhumvit. You can mutter under your breath about terrorists, stick your nose in the air, or join in on the fun. Your choice. But experiencing new things is one of the rewards of travel, and opening yourself to new experiences is what makes a holiday memorable. Besides, that thinking outside of the box mode of tourism will set you up nicely for your next destination.

Samoke: It’s not just a Soi Twilight activity.

Samoke: It’s not just a Soi Twilight activity.

Nana Plaza is hard to miss. If you are a breeder, your dick will automatically lead you there. Fortunately, the plaza (entertainment complex if you want to be anal about it – which might be appropriate all things considered) has a large neon sign out front to make it easier for a gay touri to hone in on. But why should you? Because besides being the home to the city’s most raunchy and numerous girl gogo bars, it’s also the #1 spot in town for bars featuring the third sex: ladyboys.

Not that you have to enter the complex to get your fill of ladyboys. There’s always an aggressive pack of them hanging out at the entrance. But those are not the vision of ladyhood you’ll find inside. Most would never refer to those curs as ladies. At any of the dozen ladyboy bars inside the complex though, you’ll quickly see why so many breeders are fooled (wink, wink) into thinking he’s a she.

You’d think ladyboys would be more prolific on Soi Twilight, where all the gay bars are. But the Thai ladyboy, or katoey, is not considered gay; ladyboys are not the same thing as drag queens. And the straight punters tip better to boot. Thailand is famous for its ladyboys, and if you are gonna check them out – or indulge – you should go to the source and not fall for the over-the-top fake version when the real thing is just waiting for you to step through the door. Lady Gaga and pretentious queens think that supporting Bangkok’s ladyboys and the gay community means taking in one of the drag queen shows at the popular venues for touri out for a night of tittering at the freaks, like the revue at the Calypso. Not. Those places are fine for the faint of heart, but man up and remember you still have a pair of balls even if many of the katoey do not.

What better way to finish off a day devoted to your best buddy than to commune with those who got rid of theirs?

What better way to finish off a day devoted to your best buddy than to commune with those who got rid of theirs?

Patronizing a ladyboy bar isn’t all that different than how you deal with one of the city’s gay gogo bars. Except they are more fun. That dour, unsmiling stare perfected by many of Soi Twilight’s denizens won’t cut it here. And you’d better be willing to buy a lady a drink or two too. Unless you plan on taking a walk on the wild side, fess up that you are gay and only interested in dick. The ladies’ are out to make a living and though they’ll gladly share a few laughs with you for a small tip, they’ll appreciate your telling them that you won’t be bar fining them. So when a better opportunity walks in they’ll be able to move to where the cash is. Then again, the rewarding part of international travel is experiencing new things . . .

Today’s experience, including transportation, appeasing the gods, appeasing your best buddy, pleasing your stomach, and deciding to not walk on the wild side will run you about $100. Not a cheap day out, but you covered a lot of ground, spent a full day doing it, and got done in the process. What more could you ask for?

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Wednesday Wetness #74

29 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World, Wednesday Wetness

≈ 4 Comments

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Nude Dudes

naked wet asian guy

So, how long did it take you to notice the water?

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Bonus Shot: Here a Garuda, There A Garuda

28 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Bangkok, Travel Photography

≈ 4 Comments

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Attractions, Bangkok, Photography

demon 1

I don’t know why I’m so ambivalent about the Grand Palace in Bangkok. It really is quite grand. That it makes every Must-See list for touri isn’t surprising. It encompasses a multitude of traditional Thai architecture styles, serves as both a museum and a temple, features every mythical creature known to Buddha . . . for the non-culturally inclined and/or those short on time a visit to the Grand Palace provides a one-stop opportunity to see examples of the country’s historical, religious, and cultural facets. Provided the Grand Palace isn’t closed on the day of your visit, of course.

demon 2

As worthy of a visit as the Grand Palace is, I often suggest touri go to Wat Pho, next door, instead. Wat Pho is more manageable in size, is just as impressive to a first-time visitor, and offers a more interactive experience than the Grand Palace. It is my default choice of attractions when the suggestion of visiting both sites in a single day is made. Most touri plan on doing the two in one visit, but that means rushing through one to get to the other and then neither can be fully appreciated. Returning to the area later during your trip and spending the better part of a day at the Grand Palace, however, is a great idea. To give the site the justice it is due requires a minimum of three hours. To see everything there is to see at the Grand Palace takes at least five.

demon 3

You can’t help but be in awe of all the gold on display, the soaring stupas, towering columns, sweeping roof lines, and imposing Buddhas. The Grand Palace is a massive display of Thai architecture and Buddhist imagery. For a first time visitor to Thailand, it can easily be too much. Which is probably part of the palace’s intent. Not surprisingly then, many touri scale down the spectacle to details more manageable in size. And nothing seems to capture their attention quicker than the massive number of demons and monsters on display throughout the palace’s grounds. Thanks to the guardians of the Grand Palace, its Buddhas don’t stand a chance.

demon 4

From the half woman/ half bird Kinnari statue that greets you, to the imposing yak guarding the gates, to their smaller version lining the base of the Golden Pagoda, the grand Palace’s celestial beings, gods, and guardians capture the imagination of every visitor. Garuda are everywhere, Naga – with your choice in number of heads – flank the steps of every temple building, strange and beautiful mythical creatures and demons seem to jump from every corner. Those familiar with Buddhist mythology can probably identify most of them, the average visitor from the West usually hasn’t a clue but can’t resist having a picture taken of themselves mimicking one of the Golden Stupa’s colorful yak anyway.

demon 5

Every architectural detail within the palace’s grounds seems to include one or more creatures, often in gold. There are more Naga on the roof gables, mythical bird-like creatures serving as cho fa at their apexes, murals adorning the walls filled with gods, goddesses, and who-in-the-hell knows what those are. Some are meant to protect, some in inspire, most serve as a warning against the more debase aspects of human nature. In a town known for offering a wide range of earthly delights, the symbol of the country’s monarchy and cultural heritage pays a lot of tribute to the Buddhist version of sin.

demon 6

Maybe I’d suggest a visit to the Grand Palace more often if instead of thinking of it as a whole, I too only focused on its demons and monsters. Kind of as a predecessor to meeting your first mamasan. Or aggressively ugly ladyboy. Not that the mythological creatures of the palace can hold a candle to the creatures you’ll experience in Patpong, but a tour of the Grand Palace’s demons before perhaps meeting a few of your own inner ones might just be the right call for the full Bangkok experience.

demon 7

demon 8

demon 9

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Tighty Whitey Tuesday #74

28 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World, Tighty Whitey Tuesday

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Nude Dudes

I could do without the leg hair, but those armpits . . .

I could do without the leg hair, but those armpits . . .

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Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

Move along, there’s nothing to see here folks; pay no attention to that man behind the curtain:

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