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…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

~ Ramblings, Rumblings and Travel Tales: Bangkok and Beyond

…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

Tag Archives: Hotels and Restaurants

Where You Stay?

03 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Hotels and Restaurants, Stupid Tourist Tricks

Sometimes it's about where you stay, others about who you stay with.

Sometimes it’s about where you stay, others about who you stay with.

In case you missed it, there’s a young(ish) Canadian sexpat offering his master bedroom to travelers visiting Khon Kaen. Snagging a booking may be a bit difficult as he has a perfect record of setting up rendezvous with fellow travelers and then failing to show. But the room comes with amenities, including overflowing ashtrays, dog hair, and an incredible assortment of creepy-crawlies. And there is no joiner fee as he has a strict policy against joiners. On the plus side, for a limited time only visitors can help him learn how to use Grindr, ‘cuz his career writing computer code hasn’t prepared him to master the simple task of working a phone app on his own.

While travelers visiting Khon Kaen may have few places of accommodations to choose from, Bangkok and Pattaya offer a smorgasbord of hotels, motels, love rooms, and hostels for every budget and every taste. But some visitors want more. They want to not only book a room, but book a friend for life too. And there is no better way of doing that than staying in some stranger’s house. ‘Cuz if you can land a boyfriend in Thailand by opening your wallet, just think of the friends you can make by paying them to host your visit to their country.

Thanks to Mister BNB you too can now pass on those antiseptic lodgings offered by greedy corporations like Marriott, Hyatt, and Starwood, and instead book your room with a friendly gay Donald Trump wannabe. Sure, their website is a bit difficult to navigate and appears to be developed by a computer-coding Canadian sexpat who can’t figure out how to use Grindr, but that’s just part of the experience. So while it may take you a few dozen clicks to sort through the mess, once you do you’ll not only find photos of the places people want to rent in their homes in Thailand, but profile photos of who you’ll be staying with too. So who needs Grindr?

Here are a few of the wonderful gay hosts just waiting to book you in Bangkok and Pattaya:

brains

Where Sleeping Dogs Lie
Why make that long trek to Khon Kaen when you can lie down with the dogs in Bangkok? Brian, who from his profile photo looks like he’s found more than one way to make a few spare bucks, has a simple room in a row house just a 15 minute walk through a Thai/Chinese neighborhood to the closest BTS station for a mere $50 per night. And you’ll probably want to spend those 15 minutes walking the house’s dog to avoid any unpleasantness when walking through your accommodations barefoot.

nams

A Night With Angry Lesbians
Nam is a 43-year-old single English speaking Bangkokian who offers room in his 2 Bedroom apartment for just $82 per night. He doesn’t offer much in the way of details about his rental, but does provide lots of photos, all of which highlight his choice of angry lesbian decor. If you’ve ever wondered about those travelers who claim where you stay isn’t that important ‘cuz you spend so little time there anyway, a night at Nam’s should clarify that sentiment. Or just scare the bejesus out of you.

Mickaels

When Dead Animals Make you Blue
Mickael too has opted to go with the Horror Tourism route, offering his aptly named ‘Blue Room’ on Sukhumvit Soi 26 at a terrifying rate of $190 per night. The room comes with its own bathroom, and a private balcony which you may find a new use for after spending a night trying to not walk on the dead animal pelts used as carpeting. Mickael too has a bit of a sinister look about him, which becomes even a bit more worrisome when he describes that balcony’s location as “a single throw from transport.” But if you haven’t worked up the balls for a visit to Bar Bar, Bangkok’s #1 SM club, I get the felling Mickael will only be too happy to show you the sights.

Angrits

Boot Camp For Your Booty
Angkrit is a 35-year-old Thai world traveler who has decorated his abode with buys he made at flea markets in Europe and the UK, which must feature lots of military surplus. Located in the Silom area, within walking distance to the night market and Silom Soi 2 and 4, he, an expat, and a pink traveler offer comfy bunk beds for $11 per night in his “homely gay friendly house.” He says he “enjoys hosting people, enjoys food and making them, bakery and baking them, people and meeting them.” So he may be a friend of Mickael’s. But at $11 a night, who cares?

farouks

Nothing Says Home Or Harem Like Mosquito Netting
“A true Budweiser, an original Bohemian and a confirmed Bunburyist!” who “loves Stephen Fry, adores Edina & Patsy, and no one makes me laugh like Miranda does!” Farouk is a 36-year-old “Czech Egyption Expat” who has a private and spacious master bedroom for rent at $33 per night in a duplex that belongs to his business partner. Located in the heart of Bangkok´s Central Business District, the room comes with its own bathroom, a 60″ TV, DVD, WiFi, Air-con, Storage space, Maid service, a balcony, 24 hours security service, and fire and heat sensors in all rooms and common areas. Plus mosquito netting. More importantly, Farouk wants you to know hes has a “body thankful and active” which must work well with being an “easygoing creature with a passion for discovery.” Swipe left.

johns

Decorative Soaps All In A Row
Mister BNB lists rooms in both gay and gay-friendly houses, but when one of the room photos features decorative soaps all in a row, ya know the place belongs to a friendly gay. And that’d be John,a 29-year-old who offers a cozy room in his nice apartment for a nightly fee of $36. John doesn’t offer much way in the way of descriptions of his rental, but ain’t no slouch in the marketing department as he’s listed his place twice, each with a different profile pic. And at that price John looks like a keeper.

noppadols

The Blue Man Group Sex
Noppadol, who is a 49-year-old gay couple, know what visitors to Pattaya really want. Wink, wink. And while a room rate of $39 a night might be more than Pattaya aficionados like to pay, The Noppadol defuses that nasty bit of detail by letting you know Nude OK! right off the bat. It/They also want you to know “we do not simply offer “only” guest rooms, (wink, wink) but does offer “always nice other guests (wink, wink). And in case you missed it, at The Noppadol’s “everything you are looking for you can find here” (wink, wink).

stettcos

It’s All Greek To Me
Stettcos (whether that’s a person or a thing is up for debate) on the other hand doesn’t seem to quite grasp the allure of Pattaya. Or its fans’ spending habits. The former he/it calls “the Beverly Hills on the eastern seaboard” and for the latter his/its rates run $325 per night. But it’s a villa, not just a room, which unfortunately is “too difficult to describe.” But then the “extra-ordinary and tastefully decorated” abode’s photos speak for themselves.

Paween

Thanks, I Will Name It
Paween is a 27-year-old with a 1 Bedroom apartment for two in Silom at $60 per night. He ensures a “home-like experience” and after listing a smattering of amenities finishes his description off with “you name it”. Cool. ‘Cuz I don’t need to see the room, I’m just naming it Paween. And I can’t wait to check in.

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Eye Candy: The Bare Barista

03 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in Eye Candy

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Hotels and Restaurants, Nude Dudes

Nothing gets your senses going in the morning like a hot, steaming cup of Joe.

Nothing gets your senses going in the morning like a hot, steaming cup of Joe.

If you are like me and need a copious dose of caffeine in the morning to start your day, you may want to take a trip up to Lamphun where instead of a No Shirt No Service sign the recently opened coffee shop Coffee Fan Gun (Coffee Lovers) offers bare-breasted baristas on its menu. Internet fans in Thailand, fresh from going viral over a ladyboy wannabe’s boobs being blessed by a Buddhist monk old enough to be his farang boyfriend, have come to their senses and are now going gaga over the hot flesh Coffee Lovers serves with its iced caramel macchiatos.

Meet Joe. Better known as Ratchayut Potaja.

Meet Joe. Better known as Ratchayut Potaja.

As gimmicks go, café au lait-colored nipples to go with your café latte ain’t a bad promotional idea. And as understatements go, Coffee Lovers’ shirtless waiter, Ratchayut Potaja, saying, “I’m helping sell the coffee!” is the cream rising to the top. Not that stripping off his shirt for adoring fans is just a smooth move to boost sales and blood pressure alike. Ratchayut says now that summer is coming the kingdom is getting hotter and steamier with each passing minute and it’s time for some iced coffee. Although a cold shower may be more in order for some customers.

What's not to Like on Facebook or in person?

What’s not to Like on Facebook or in person?

Ratchayut whispering, “Coffee, tea, or me,” in your ear would undoubtedly put an even greater rise in the restaurant’s bank account. Among other places. ‘Cuz when it comes to being an internet sensation, short of a cute kitten doing funny things, naked male flesh is always your best choice. Ratchayut’s rise to fame proves that as his grande-inspired strip tease almost immediately knocked off the Tiew Mai Wa noodle stall’s claim to the Facebook fame throne.

Looks like Coffee Lovers' drinks all come with a bit of sugar.

Looks like Coffee Lovers’ drinks all come with a bit of sugar.

The Issan foodie cart took flight on social media outlets when it recently announced it was giving away a free bowl of noodle soup to anyone who presents a ticket from the traffic police. Free is a magical word to Thais, and when it’s free food it’s almost better. But considering the behind-the-wheel skills of your average driver in Thailand, Tiew Mai Wa wisely added a few caveats to its give away: traffic violators can only claim their free meal on the same day of their ticketed offense, and only 30 free meals will be given out per day. Or around 9am, whichever comes first. Considering Coffee Lovers’ success, Tiew Mai Wa may want to rethink its promotion and start offering a peak at its cook’s noodle instead.

Coffee, tea, or me? How about all of the above.

Coffee, tea, or me? How about all of the above.

Meanwhile, thanks to scientist in South Korea, Coffee Lovers’ fans can now claim it’s not about the half-naked baristas, their need for a daily dose of sweetness is all about good health. According to the Korean research published in the British Medical Journal, drinking between one and five cups of coffee every day is good for the arteries. It’s the latest piece in a growing body of research suggesting that coffee may have beneficial effects on the cardiovascular system, the researchers said. And they hadn’t yet heard about the benefits of being served by Ratchayut.

And a hot cup of coffee helps the blood rushing to your heart too.

And a hot cup of coffee helps the blood rushing to your heart too.

According to the scientists – as well as a report last week from the U.S. dietary guidelines advisory committee, which makes recommendations to the Food and Drug Administration and other federal agencies – the health benefits of drinking several shots of caffeine daily include lowering the risk of type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Caffeine helps lower the amount of calcium deposits in your arteries, which are an early indicator of coronary arteriosclerosis, in which the arteries become clogged by fatty substances. These deposits can cause arteries to harden and narrow, heightening the risk of blood clots, one cause of heart attacks and strokes. Which shouldn’t be confused with stroking, a side-benefit of having your cup of joe served by Ratchayut and his co-workers.

And a grande mocha good morning to you too!

And a grande mocha good morning to you too!

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Eye Candy: Da Boy

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I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: The Importance Of Being Earnestly Gay

24 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Gay Bangkok, Hotels and Restaurants

Earnestly Gay 1

Noom, my bar boy friend and current love of my life, considers his body a temple. It’s one at which I worship often. Dave, who plays the role of my boyfriend back home, not so much. His is my choice of places to worship at on Sunday mornings, but he views his body more as something to abuse. Which I do the other six days of the week. Having both bodies at the same place at the same time means the best of both worlds. But it can make deciding which religion to practice at any given time difficult. And for that, I can empathize with Catholic priests.

Dave an I have traveled the world together, even if for most of those journeys only one of us was officially gay. With the internet still in its infancy, while it was more of a chore I always took care of the logistics of travel, booking airlines, hotels, transpo, and the like. Dave went with what he knew best and handled finding the hottest bars and seediest dives. It’s one of his main talents. New to any town, he can find the watering holes that will make a trip memorable. Provided you can still remember them the next morning.

When we hit Hong Kong the first time, he excelled at his task. That was largely due to his having grown up there. Not that I didn’t have any input on how and where we’d spend our nights. In a homage to its history, on the top of my to-do list was a visit to an opium den. And he made that happen. Kinda, sorta. He managed to get us eight-sixed out of a trendy nightclub. The bar’s manager, being no more thrilled with his establishment’s hi-so clientele than we were, decided to spend the rest of his night bar hopping with us. Although part of his decision to turn our road act into a trio was because he loved that we were from Hawaii. ‘Cuz he had plans on moving to the islands and opening a bar cum brothel. And assumed two boys from Aloha land who got kicked out of a bar that didn’t offer prostitution were probably in on the know of how to become a pimp running one in their home town that did.

Earnestly Gay 2

Vision of the grandeur of the flesh-trade aside, we explained that a bar fronting as a brothel was illegal in Hawaii. He nodded wisely, agreeing. And then asked again how you’d go about setting one up. We went back and forth trading rounds of can’t / can, never managing to convince him that it wasn’t simply a matter of knowing who to pay off. Tea money is a universal concept within Asia, but its not one that got carried over to the Hawaiian islands. But we all got pleasantly hammered while negotiating the finer points of his new business while hitting a succession of bars, each just a bit more seedy than the last. That opium den never materialized, but thanks to our new friend, the opium did. And we returned back to our hotel room to turn it into the opium den that I hadn’t quite envisioned. I’m not sure what we did the next night. Or maybe it was the night after that one.

It’s not surprising that on our first trip to Thailand, Dave led us to Patpong. Or that on our next visit he’d discovered the wonders of Soi Cowboy. Or that several trips after that he took me to my first gay gogo bar in Bangkok. As long as copious amounts of alcohol were involved, Dave has never cared much about a hang-out’s clientele. Or what in addition to alcohol it serves. Although now that he’s discovered he is gay, our visits to Soi Twilight have quickly become of much higher interest to him. Still, in our earlier visits we’d managed to hit trendy nightspots and less salubrious clubs that didn’t include naked male flesh on the drink menu, and I missed those days. And since I’d also missed visiting that opium den in Hong Kong I’d dreamed of, I thought it was time for a change.

“Where we go?”

As usual Noom wanted to know what my plans for the evening were. Not to voice his opinion, ‘cuz that was always up to me. Not that if my plans weren’t to his liking that it wouldn’t matter either. ‘Cuz pouting – as only a Thai can – was always an option totally up to him.

Earnestly Gay 3

Thanks to what he does for a living, Noom has pretty much heard and seen it all. At least he’d thought he had until the night I took him to Bangkok’s premier SM club, Bar Bar. It was like a person who strayed unknowingly into the showing of a pornographic film and would like to rinse himself of a new and unwanted awareness about human behavior. The few times since that I’ve suggested a bar or club he’s not familiar with he’s grilled me about the place first. And then is quiet on our way there, busy practicing his selection of pout faces just in case the need arises. So I punted.

“We go bar.”

It worked. He assumed I meant his bar. And that meant a night of communing with his friends, free from the duty of chaperoning his charges since the farang would be too preoccupied with the naked male flesh on stage to need watching. Dave wasn’t as pleased. He’d been enjoying the almost nightly parade of cock on Soi Twilight, but that was a new vice for him. His old vice of getting totally smashed demanded, at least, equal time. Soi Twilight has never heard of a mixologist. And premium brands of alcohol mean a top-label bottle refilled with a no-name brand liquor. Getting your rocks off is what Soi Twilight is all about. Getting a decent scotch served on the rocks, not so much.

So Dave decided since Noom wasn’t pouting, he should. Until he caught my look. The one that reminded him I’d told him he looks gay when he pouts. Still new to the homo-lifestyle, Dave hasn’t quite yet figured out that it’s okay to look gay when you are in fact gay. When he finally reaches that conclusion, I’ll have one less trick in my arsenal for manipulating him into doing anything and everything I want.

Earnestly Gay 4

So off we headed into the night on the BTS with Noom practicing a few pout faces just in case and Dave trying out his version of one that didn’t make him look too gay. When we passed Sala Daeng station, Noom upped his efforts realizing he’d been duped once again. Getting off at Surasak, he posed his earlier question again, hoping for a more informative reply. And then settled on the perfect expression of a Thai boy in agony when all he got from me was a curt answer of, “Walking.”

That changed when we arrived at the otherwise nondescript side of the Novotel Bangkok Fenix Silom Hotel to be greeted by the green neon billboard of Maggie Choo’s, slightly tacky looking but promising Thai-Chinese food nonetheless. One of Noom’s favorite pastimes is eating. And the thought of doing so always puts a smile on his face. The dour looking doorman promised something entirely different. So Dave was happy too. Past the joint’s dark wooden doors, you’re not greeted by much. But you notice the ambiance has definitely changed. And with no other choice offered, you quickly make your way down a steep wooden staircase into what looks like an old-school dai pai dong Cantonese noodle bar replete with patrons fishing dumplings into their mouths with chopsticks while perched on antique wooden stools that don’t look quite up to their task.

As restaurants go, Maggie Choo’s is tiny. Jade colored tiles adorn the walls and floor; paper parasols diffuse the light from above. And a caged, bright green iguana, center stage, is no more impressed with the day’s special – red curry roast duck with jasmine rice for 300 baht – than are the few other diners who opted for more traditional noodle dishes instead. Noom’s stomach began to rumble. Dave gave me a questioning look, knowing I generally hold any form of pasta in the same general degree of disdain I normally reserve for drag queens. Tonight he’s in for a big surprise.

Earnestly Gay 5

Ignoring the noises and looks my companions were making, I pushed them through a doorway blocked by curtains into what only can be described as a classic, but classy, oriental opium den decor, circa early 20th century. It’s very hedonistic. And literally underground. Oil paintings of sailing ships and busts of Queen Victoria compete for wall space with heavy steel doored brick bank vaults to fill the lush, cavernous club. At its center, the bar looks like an old-school casino cashier counter with the bartenders pushing drinks through its bars. And a pair of turbaned, shirtless hunks swing above it all. It’s several steps down in naughtiness from the pleasures of Soi Twilight, but the faux-speakeasy’s colonial era decor and button-tufted leather couches promise a degree of the decadence that helped to make Bangkok famous. And when Pangina Heals, Maggie Choo’s resident drag queen, takes the stage Dave forgot all about my dislike of pasta.

The story behind Maggie Choo’s – ‘cuz every good theme restaurant/club needs one – is that the concubines’ haven is run by its head-mistress, a cabaret owner named Maggie Choo who fled her hometown of Shanghai in 1931 following the Japanese invasion. Landing in Bangkok, she bought a tiny restaurant crammed into a basement ten meters below Silom Road that served authentic Thai-Chinese shophouse food. One day she discovered an entrance behind one of its walls that lead to a derelict 19th century East India company bank used for storing porcelain and spices that the British used to carry back to England for Queen V. Going with the life she knew, she converted the old bank into a cabaret, just like she used to run back in Shanghai.

In fact, Maggie Choo’s site was originally an underground East India Company Bank. The vaults that dot the walls are original, though now they serve as private rooms where you can perform those disgusting acts you can no longer get away with in public (that’d be smoking). Six nights of the week the club features fish on its swings and blues or jazz bands on its stage. But on Sundays it’s all about “The Importance of Being Earnest”, shirtless studs draped in red satin trousers and turbans, and a night of gay cabaret with Bangkok’s “wackiest drag queen”. Who at least is Asian.

Earnestly Gay 6

Rebranded from the Love Your Own Kind Night when it debuted last August, Maggie’s is slowly become the Sunday night hot spot for gay expats and tourists, as long as you don’t mind spending your evening with a few local hipsters and the occasional wide-eyed farang visitor who passed on a night in Patpong ‘cuz it sounded too risque. The magical underground cabaret full of mystery, romance, jazz, and reminiscent of Shanghai opium den in the 1930s is the brainchild of Sanya Souvanna Phouma, who used to organize the gay nights at Bed Supperclub. Every Sunday night from 9pm to 2am, mixing steamy exoticism with steaming noodles, the club takes on the air of a live version of Cabaret, except this time around, Liza Minnelli really is a drag queen.

Noom sat through the opening bit of the show patiently. But ladyboy acts are a part of his life. With the limited number of pu’u pu’us available on the club’s menu and his stomach still singing off-key, he suck out his hand for some cash and nodded back toward the curtained doorway where his dinner awaited. Meanwhile Dave split his attention between the drag queen on stage, giving me querulous looks at my choice of the night’s entertainment, and the club’s extensive menu of premium brands of alcohol. At 165 baht for a Singha, Maggie Choo’s isn’t quite as expensive as a drink at Soi Twilight’s bars, but then the acts on stage aren’t quite as male-flesh filled either. And you can’t order Johnnie Walker & Sons Odyssey on Soi Twilight either. (Okay, you can, but that’s not what will be poured into your glass.)

Unfortunately – ‘cuz I’m greedy and one of the guys was a total hunk – the boys at Maggie Choo’s aren’t offable either. The scent of prostitution is for ambiance only. But if you are looking for an alternative gay night out on the town where money boys don’t dominate the crowd, Sundays at Maggie Choo’s might be the answer. When we hit the club there was a smattering of farang touri, an obvious number of gay expats, and enough friendly local eye candy willing to be cruised that you might just manage to score a Thai guy without paying for it for a change. Of course if drag queens are your thing, you’ll probably be as happy as a hog in slop anyway.

Earnestly Gay 7

The club’s Pax Britannica decor mixed with a seedy far Eastern vibe is quickly gaining a loyal following, so reservations are a must; by 9pm it’s a first-come-first-seated basis, and there just ain’t that many seats available. On most nights it’s more of an intimate jazz or blues club, although it’s Facebook page announced a recurring “Freak Show Night” replete with midgets that looked like it could almost be as much fun as watching an Asian drag queen. Noom gave the noodle shop a hearty thumbs up (but then his sole requirement for sustenance is that it’s hot). And Dave enjoyed himself enough that he switched from Macallan’s to one of the club’s signature drinks, an HMS Leviathan (bourbon infused with honeycomb, honey syrup, sweet vermouth, and a twist of lemon). And I was just happy that I’d found a hot spot that could satisfy both of my boys. Even if it did mean sitting through a night of drag queen infused cabaret.

Earnestly Gay 8

You Can’t Beat Their Meat

29 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Hotels and Restaurants

One of Bangkok's best treats is all the fresh meat you can find on its streets.

One of Bangkok’s best treats is all the fresh meat you can find on its streets.

There is a lot to love about Thailand, and a lot for visitors to be wary of too. Many get the two confused. Despite, for example, the fame of The Grand Palace Is Closed scam, a perennial favorite in Bangkok, visitors flock to the shoddy gem emporiums and cut-rate, guaranteed to last until the first dry-cleaning tailor shops that are the important part of your 25 baht, 3 Temple Tour that some kind local clued you into since your day at the palace came up trumps. Those same touri wouldn’t be caught dead eating food from a street cart, usually out of fear that doing so will wind up with them being dead.

Granted, the streets of Bangkok are not exactly what you would call hygienic. And even the more popular food carts often look even less so. Add in that the gods only know what in the hell that stuff they are cooking is, and a lot of visitors decide to give dining in the streets a pass. To their great loss. For me, when you say Thailand, one of the first pictures that enters my mind is that of aromatic meats sizzling on a grill, lovingly watched over by some local vendor in the dark of the night. And then my stomach starts growling, my mouth begins to water. And I haven’t even thought of the guys in the gogo bars yet.

Personally, I’m of the eat first ask what it is later school of street food cart dining. After your mouth is filled with wondrous tastes, that you just chowed down on pig neck doesn’t sound as bad as it should. And in some cases, it’s better to just not ask at all. Exactly what was stuffed inside that sausage casing is not something you really need to know. Even back home you’d never let your lips touch a hot dog if you really thought about what it was made of. What is safe to assume, however, is that if it looks like meat and is being barbequed over an open flame on the streets of Bangkok, it’s either pork or chicken. Thais have an obsession with pig and chicken. And yes, that does mean you’ll occasionally run across treats like grilled chicken feet, but that doesn’t mean that everything else that vendor sells too is parts of a pig or chicken that you’d discard instead of thinking about cooking back home. Even if you are from the south. Well, actually it probably does. But if you try it first, before you know what it is, you’ll probably agree that crispy grilled chicken anus is actually damn tasty. If a bit chewy.

There are a lot of exotic treats to dine on in Thailand, but much of what is available on the streets will be familiar to you too.

There are a lot of exotic treats to dine on in Thailand, but much of what is available on the streets will be familiar to you too.

Most street food carts specialize in a single dish. And there are some pretty extraordinary culinary treats served up on Bangkok’s street daily. For newbies, however, I generally prefer starting them off with barbeque; it at least looks like something they are familiar with. And at 10 – 20 baht per serving if they don’t like it, it’s no big loss. Spitting out what they just put in their mouth doesn’t happen often though. When it does, it usually means they picked the wrong cart or the wrong piece of meat. So here’s two tips: First, eat where the locals do. It’s not like anywhere you find a cart serving grilled meats that you won’t see another one just a few steps away. Some, especially in tourist areas, are geared to sell to the unsuspecting and use the cheapest meats they can buy. Locals can tell from just looking if a pork ball is heavy on pork or heavy on filling. So get in line behind those who know. Second, there is nothing wrong with you deciding which skewer of meat you want. In fact locals seldom allow the vendor to make that selection for them. And if the skewer you want looks like it has been off the grill for a while, just pick it up and place it back on the barbeque to reheat. No one will bat an eye.

Barbeque is also a good first timer’s choice for those worried about how sanitary the cooking facilities may be. There are no plates or cutlery to worry about being cleaned, and fire pretty well kills off harmful bacteria. And after an evening of eating grilled meats, their stomach won’t allow them to be quite as picky over hygienic standards when you move them up to full plates of food later. Generally the meat cooked at street food carts is fresh. At least it was that morning. Most vendors hit their neighborhood fresh market in the morning and only buy the amount of ingredients that they anticipate using in a given day. Street vendors don’t like to carry a lot of over-head; most cannot afford to so. Most carts work the morning, lunch, dinner, or late-night crowds too; few set up shop for the entire day. So usually whatever is being cooked was still fresh just before it hit the grill. As in killed that morning. Which you can’t say about the meat at your local Piggly Wiggly back home.

I’m a jump in with both feet, total immersion kinda guy and think the best intro to street cart dining is to find the most disgusting looking dish possible and start chowing down. ‘Cuz it’s all up hill from then on in. But you may find that idea a bit hard to swallow. Literally. So for now, let’s start with what clucks or oinks. Or did earlier that day until an axe rudely interrupted their conversation. We’ll wait for those things that stare back at you for your advanced street cart dining lessons.

Soi Twilight's gogo bars are not the only place in town you'll find a tasty line of balls on display.

Soi Twilight’s gogo bars are not the only place in town you’ll find a tasty line of balls on display.

Little chunks of chicken on bamboo skewers are an ubiquitous offering at Bangkok street food carts. It’s a good choice to start with ‘cuz its almost identifiable. And you’ll think it tastes like chicken. Thanks to its lovely, smoky duskiness from the charcoal, and the slightly sweet garlicky barbeque sauce, I think it tastes like a little slice of heaven in your mouth.

Possibly even more popular are pork balls, although there are two different versions offered on Bangkok’s streets. Both are delicious, and if you are traveling with urban lesbians who know little about balls and less about meat they’ll believe you when you tell them those are pig testicles. That just means more for you. Usually, if the vendor sells chicken skewers they’ll have pork balls on a skewer too. This version is called nam and it’s made from pork, garlic, chilies, salt, and sticky rice, all fermented and encased in pig skin. Slightly sour, nam is popular and widely available throughout the country, although there are many different types of nam and it is cooked in a number of different ways. For now, stick with the grilled skewered ball version, and try it at several different spots ‘cuz the secret often is in the vendor’s homemade barbeque sauce.

When those sumptuous little balls are hanging in pretty rows instead of pierced by bamboo skewers, you’re in for a real treat. Not to mention a salute to Joni Ernst’s farm days. Filled with a mixture of ground pork, spices, and glass noodles, these freshly made sausage balls are mouth-watering delicious. They’re made by pushing the filling into a sausage casing as deep as the first joint of the thumb and then tightly wrapped with a white string around the outside, which turns them into one-inch, bite-sized balls, formed together in a long line.

The entire strand of sausage balls is grilled over hot charcoal. For each individual order, the vendor cuts a length of sausage balls from the strand and then snips the balls apart. Which is where Joni Ernst’s favorite pastime comes into play. Yours is walking away with a bag full of sausages bites drizzled with a mildly spicy sweet chili sauce and a bamboo skewer to spear each delectable piece into your mouth as quickly as possible. Then repeat as necessary.

Thai fried chicken vendors will give the Colonel a well deserved bitch slap every time.

Thai fried chicken vendors will give the Colonel a well deserved bitch slap every time.

Street food cart dining can be an educamational experience too. A good lesson in how Thais perceive the world is the choice many make between a nice piece of freshly slaughtered and plucked chicken grilled over an open flame – that creates a lovely flavorful glaze over the meat, coating it in sweet saltiness – and a piece of two-month-old frozen chicken coated in a disgusting batter of odd, mysterious spices that even the manufacturer won’t cop to, that has been sitting under a heat lamp for an hour and costs ten times what that fresh piece of chicken does.

In my opinion, KFC is what the south inflicted on the rest of the country in revenge for losing the Civil War. To Thais, KFC is all about status. They’ll walk right past a freshly grilled chicken stand to line up for the pleasure of dropping their entire week’s food allowance to sup on The Colonel’s revenge. This is one time you should not follow that when in Rome do as the Romans do advice. ‘Cuz when a Thai is hungry and not just out to impress, he’ll go for the freshly barbequed chicken every time too.

If your pallet is a bit more refined, you can also find chicken skewers filled with perfectly roasted livers (tab gai), and chicken gizzards (guen) which are a bit more chewy but lots more flavorful. There’s nang gai (chicken skin) too which is zero meat and all skin, just in case your system is missing all that fat you are used to eating back home. Local street chefs will also take it a step further and serve you that which the chicken used to step up to the chopping block, but ordering chicken feet might still be a bit beyond your personal Ewwww level. And then the next thing ya know those bowls of crunchy grasshoppers might start looking good.

Forget about spotting a pair of golden arches, in Bangkok the real treat is found under a cloud of aromatic barbeque smoke.

Forget about spotting a pair of golden arches, in Bangkok the real treat is found under a cloud of aromatic barbeque smoke.

Ditto for kor moo yang, which is grilled pork neck. But this is one of those treats that you’ll love if you don’t know what it is you’re putting in your mouth. Often displayed as a piece of steak, usually the vendor will slice yours into tiny, thin pieces that can be dipped into the accompanying barbeque sauce. But it too can be extremely fatty. So feel free to dig through the pile and pick out those pieces that have the most meat on them.

Grilled pork (moo ping) is also a popular breakfast treat on Bangkok’s streets, and beats the hell out of a bowl of oatmeal. It’s worth getting out of bed early for. These bite-sized cuts of pork are marinated in a sauce of coconut milk, dark soy sauce, garlic, palm sugar, and oyster sauce, then grilled over fiery charcoals until the meat begins to caramelize. I don’t know why it is that you can only find this treat during the early morning hours, but stumble out of bed and look for the closest cloud of barbeque smoke . . . you’ll be glad you did.

Almost as tricky to find is what Thais have done to the Malaysian/Indonesian dish known as satay. In Thailand it goes moo, not because it’s beef instead of the traditional chicken, but because locally it’s known as moo satay. And it’s pork. Whatevers. It’s onolishess, and that’s all that matters.

Maybe it's the exhaust fumes, but nothing tastes as delicious as freshly barbequed meat served piping hot off the streets of Bangkok.

Maybe it’s the exhaust fumes, but nothing tastes as delicious as freshly barbequed meat served piping hot off the streets of Bangkok.

What makes pork satay even more special than other types of Thai barbequed meats is its curry marinade. It infuses an herbal aroma into the meat, as well as turning the pork the color of turmeric. Most satay sellers in Bangkok never put big chunks of meat on a skewer, but just tiny curls of the grilled pork instead. Which is perfect for dunking the pork in its rich peanut sauce before slipping the entire conglomeration into your mouth. And if that doesn’t put a big smile on your face, you probably should have headed for Burger King instead. Preferably one back home.

You Khan Toke A Boy Out Of The Bar, But Can’t Take The Thai Out Of A Bar Boy

25 Tuesday Nov 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Attractions, Chiang Mai, Hotels and Restaurants

Old doesn't necessarily mean ancient although a night spent at one of Chiang Mai's khan toke dinner shows will make your body feel that way.

Old doesn’t necessarily mean ancient although a night spent at one of Chiang Mai’s khan toke dinner shows will make your body feel that way.

On our first visit to Chiang Mai, (Noom’s first ever) to really enjoy the experience Noom decided he needed to go local. With a passion. Or at least what he envisioned the rural people of the north considered local. It was early in our relationship and the first time I got to see how he pursues an idea with a singular intense of purpose. We spent an entire evening at the Sunday Night Market roaming from stall to stall as he assembled his ‘northern Thailand’ wardrobe. Despite money being no object – meaning I didn’t object to the money he was spending out of my wallet – at each stall he’d haggle his little ass off, and then more often than not would walk away knowing he could get a better price somewhere just up the road. Hours later, with the market closing, on our way back through the market he ended up stopping at some of those same stalls to make his purchases. No problemo. By the end of our outing he had his outfit for our stay.

I’m not sure if those who live in and around Chiang Mai would consider a white cotton pair of fisherman pants to be part of their traditional wardrobe. Or the matching white shirt with a high Chinese collar. The sandals he may have gotten right. Even if I noticed most locals just went with rubber flip-flops. But the important thing was that Noom was happy. And much like a child with a new toy couldn’t resist wearing his new outfit to bed that night. Which didn’t make me any too happy. I tried using a bit of logic instead of just whining about his lack of nudity, telling him that if he slept in his new Northern Thailand clothes they’d be wrinkled for tomorrow’s wearing. He agreed. And then told me that would make them look more authentic. I made a mental note to only buy him sexy underwear in the future.

But part of the fun of that trip was that I’d told him he could decide everything we would do.; And then got busy filling in all the hours he couldn’t come up with an activity for. I shoulda figured after the fisherman pant outfit his knowledge of the northern part of his country was limited at best. But he didn’t completely crap out. He had one idea, one which he saved as a surprise. And he spent a few days surreptitiously gathering info, then telling me how much money he needed to arrange what he would only refer to as ‘you surprise’. And when the big night arrived, surprised I was.

Have I ever mentioned before how much I don’t like surprises?

The Thai food is elevated by a khantoke, in height if not in palatability.

The Thai food is elevated by a khantoke, in height if not in palatability.

Finding ourselves in Chiang Mai once again, this time with my recently acquired boyfriend, Noom decided that Dave too needed to experience the authentic Northern Thailand. Having become much more familiar with Noom’s mode of operations, when he told me I knew there would be no denying his plan. Except for the surprise part. Out for the day, when Noom made one of his frequent pit stops to water a fire hydrant, I pulled Dave aside and gave him the 411.

“Tonight we’re going to a Khan Toke dinner show. It’s kinda like one of those luaus they put on for tourists back in Hawaii. Bad food, bad native dancing, and you’ll suffer through a bad back tomorrow ‘cuz you have to sit on the floor throughout your meal. But Noom has his heart set on showing off his native land to you so we have no choice.”

“You’ve been to one of these things before?

“Sad to say, yes.”

“And it really sucks?”

“Worse than what I’ve already told you.”

“And you didn’t tell him it sucked?”

“That would have hurt his feelings.”

“So now I have to suffer through it too, just because you didn’t have the balls to tell him how much you hated it your first time?”

“Yeah, but we can stop at McDonalds afterwards so we’re not starving all night. Shhhh, here he comes. You have to act surprised.”

“No what I have to act is like I have a slight case of dysentery and can’t leave the hotel tonight.”

“Um, I think the one we’re going to has elephant rides too.”

“Liar.”

On the plus side, there is no such thing as a good or bad table at a Khan Toke dinner show. 'Cuz there are no tables.

On the plus side, there is no such thing as a good or bad table at a Khan Toke dinner show. ‘Cuz there are no tables.

The khan toke dinner is a tradition among Lanna people dating way back in history. To the mid 1950s. The khantoke itself – a pedestal tray used as a small dining table – is a bit older. It was used for special meals and celebrations when eating off the floor was just too common. You’ve probably seen towers of different sized khantokes in handicraft shops at stalls around Thailand and possibly thought one would make a good cake pedestal. After spending an evening at a khan toke dinner and cultural show, you’ll probably think khantokes should only be used as cake pedestals. But hey, almost anything beats having your dinner served on the floor.

Because being original has never been a Thai trait, there are several places around Chiang Mai that put on khan toke dinners for the masses. Aficionados claim the best is at the Old Chiang Mai Cultural Center, located at the edge of the city about a 5 minute ride from the center of Chiang Mai. You can book your excursion almost everywhere in Chiang Mai, and most come with a free bus ride to and from the event. Personally I suggest arriving in your own private tuk tuk. It will help prepare your body for the torture to come.

Once at the Old Chiang Mai Cultural Center your evening begins with instructions to remove your shoes before being led to your not-a-table (also known as the floor), not because of any religious reasons as with visiting a wat but because it’d be rude to be tracking in dirt on the carpeting where your fellow diners will be grazing. Once you figure out how to lower yourself to the floor without looking like you’re falling off a bar stool, there are stacked, triangular shaped ‘pillows’ to rest against. Fortunately, before your food is served you’re given the opportunity to try those pillows out. And once you realize they tend to slip across the carpeting when you put your weight on them, you’ll find a new position that allows you to remain in one spot.

The show's eye candy is far too over-dressed. But Wait! Are those fisherman pants?

The show’s eye candy is far too over-dressed. But Wait! Are those fisherman pants?

As soon as the serving staff sees that you are not slipping into some other waitperson’s section, your food will arrive. You’ll note I didn’t mention menus. That’s because it’s a fixed meal. And while some refer to it as a buffet, it ain’t. Your not-a-table gets the same food as everyone else’s. If you arrived early (so that means you were not accompanied by a Thai) you may get seconds. If you are lucky. Or not. If you are even luckier.

The food comes in small bowls and fills your group’s khantoke. There is fried chicken, Burmese pork curry, fried pork skins, fried bananas, rice, not-fried vegetables, and some chili paste so that what you choose to eat has at least a bit of flavor. The best part of the meal is that if you go traditional, you get to eat it with your fingers. And the five second rule is extended by three seconds since any food you drop takes less time to hit the floor. Now aren’t you glad they made everyone take off their shoes?

Oh. And you get a fruit platter at the end of your meal too. Plus all the booze you can drink. As long as you are willing to pay for it. As you go. Because the price of your ticket doesn’t include alcohol even though getting wasted is a tradition among tourists that dates back even further than the traditional khan toke dinner does

Now I know where that Soi Twilight candle numbers came from.

Now I know where that Soi Twilight candle numbers came from.

About an hour into your meal, the entertainment starts. It’s traditional Thai dancing at its finest. Thais, other than those making their living as coyote dancers at the bars in Patpong, are not known for either their rhythm or dancing skills, but their attempts does help take your mind away from the horrendous music accompanying the dancers. And like traditional Hawaiian luaus filled with Samoan fire dancers and Tahitian bump and grind, in Thailand they’ve added a good dollop of non-traditional Thai dances to the show – like Samoan fire dancers – too. And like at traditional Hawaiian luaus, at the end of the performance the dancers grab a few unsuspecting tourists, pull them on stage, and make them attempt to dance Thai-style so that everyone else can have a good laugh and forget how uncomfortable sitting on the floor can be.

But Wait! There’s more! After your meal and after watching the cultural performance you can move to a nearby barn to watch even more traditional Thai dancing. More of the local tribal version than that of the royal court, it’s a fascinating look at how hill tribe ladies learned that blocking move they exhibit at the night bazaar, the one that manages to keep them directly in your path until you buy something from them. Which a few of the dancers practice in trying to get a tip out of you before you leave.

The best part of the evening is that if you took a tuk-tuk, there’s a McDonalds a mere two minutes from the venue. And just a few minutes further into town you can experience a total different type of traditional Thai dancing at any one of a number of gogo bars.

I feel sorry for the dancers if a Samoan tourist ever decides to drop by the  Old Chiang Mai Cultural Center's Khan Toke Dinner and Cultural Show.

I feel sorry for the dancers if a Samoan tourist ever decides to drop by the Old Chiang Mai Cultural Center’s Khan Toke Dinner and Cultural Show.

If you enjoy visiting Jim Thompson’s House Of Silk For Sale, a traditional khan toke dinner show is probably right for you. And there are worse ways of spending your time in Chiang Mai. Like visiting an ‘authentic’ Hill Tribe village. But there are plenty of restaurants serving much better Thai food, and you can always get some take-out and eat it sitting on the floor of your hotel room.

The Old Chiang Mai Cultural Center’s Khan Toke Dinner and Cultural Show is held nightly starting at 7pm. The dancing begins around 8 and the after show dance performance lasts about 30 minutes. Depending on where you buy your tickets, dinner, with one free non-alcoholic drink will run you 500 to 600 baht per person. But attending the dinner show and keeping your bar boy happy, as MasterCard likes to say, is priceless. As for boyfriends, promise he might get to ride an elephant the next day and you may still get lucky after your meal.

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Food For Thai Thoughts

30 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in The World of Thailand's Gay Gogo Bars

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Hotels and Restaurants

thai teat 1

If you hadn’t noticed, collectively, Thais have some strange habits and peculiar customs. No problemo. They think the same of farang. And while the average sex tourist who only spends time with a bar boy at the bar and then back in his hotel room may seldom encounter the many oddities that fall under the heading of Only In Thailand other than the occasional footprint on his room’s toilet seat, once you begin to expand your socialization efforts beyond that parameter your life becomes rife with the twists Thais have put on everyday life. Undoubtedly no more so than when you decide to share a simple meal with your boy du jour.

From the strange things they eat, to the strange ways they go about doing so, to the fact that what you ordered as an appetizer probably will be served after your main course, dining in Thailand with a local can be a real eye opener. Many a farang has pondered just what it is you are supposed to do with that large spoon, and the array of condiments that are de rigueur on any Thai dining table are confusing enough to make you wish you’d just hit McDonalds and called it a night. Even the concept of a meal changes when it meets Thainess. Thais as a general rule do not eat the three square meals we’re familiar with in the West. Instead they eat smaller portions throughout the day. As often as a Thai stops for food daily, you’d think they all have tapeworms. But their idea of eating a little bit often is actually a more efficient way of burning calories. Unless you really did take your boy du jour to McDonalds.

But the Thai dining custom that perplexes – and often pisses off – farang the most is their twist on the Mexican phrase Mi casa es su casa. In Thai that translates to your food is my food. And what lands on your plate, to a Thai, is always fair game. Dining Thai style means ordering a variety of dishes which everyone shares. And Thais always dine Thai style. It’s their version of the Three Musketeers’ motto of “All for one, one for all”. Which may help explain why that 3 Musketeers bar in your hotel room’s mini-fridge disappeared. Farang will tell you that it’s not about their bar boy eating the mini-fridge empty but rather the over-inflated cost of what they ate. Thais know better. And nothing is worse than a cheap bastard farang. Even on a full stomach.

thai teat 2

No Thai would allow an acquaintance to go hungry, so you should understand why bar boys can’t grasp the idea of hands-off when it comes to food. It may take you a while to come to terms with the Thai attitude toward all food being up for grabs, but once you get used to the idea of your boy du jour eating off your plate you’ll realize, like with so many other customs you encounter in Thailand, it’s just one of those things you’ll do better to just accept. Nonetheless, there are some rules that you should insist on when it comes to sharing your food with a hungry bar boy:

McDonalds and Burger King are American institutions and Westerner dining habits rule. It’s okay if he eats some of your french fries. ‘Some’ is defined by three. Otherwise he should have ordered his own. And no one is obligated to allow another person to take a bite out of their Big Mac.

The only time a bar boy should be allowed to share your ice cream cone is when he licks it in a manner that precludes your need for Viagra that night. But the general rule is that if he chose to not get ice cream, he must live with the decision he made.

Once a pizza has been sliced, you are not obligated to allow him to eat yours. Except for the part that has an anchovy on it. And if he asked in Thai for pineapple as a topping, he gets the entire pie.

Backwash is a no-no, so sodas, milkshakes, and fruit juices are not to be shared. Unless he is parched and dying and no other liquids are in sight. Ditto for soup. You should only be forced to swap a trough of saliva when you’re eating bird’s nest soup. Alcohol beverages, on the other hand, should always be shared. ‘Cuz a tipsy bar boy will allow you to do things to him he otherwise would not.

thai teat 3

There are some Thai desserts that are tasty; life is not worth living without mango sticky rice. But generally Thai sweets suck ‘cuz they don’t use enough processed sugar. Cake, pie, and other baked goods that keep Westerners in the shape they’ve grown accustom to are not standard fare for Thai palates. And despite how good they taste, they are unhealthy for you. So refusing to share your dessert isn’t about being greedy, it’s about seeing to your boy du jour’s welfare. Except for tiramisu. If he even looks at your tiramisu like he’s getting ready to grab a forkful, you are well within your rights to bitch slap him silly. If he looks hurt, just tell him that’s how you eat tiramisu back home. He’ll probably believe you having heard that rumor before since I started it over ten years ago.

Just because you shared your chicken McNuggets with him doesn’t mean he has to share his fried grasshoppers with you.

Rice is family food and should always be shared. Ditto for noodles except when you’re eating spaghetti. Then you are only obligated to share if he’s willing to reenact that scene from Lady And The Tramp. In fact, more restaurants in Thailand should offer spaghetti on their menu.

Dining with a Thai bar boy can be an enjoyable experience as long as your are firm and fair with your food rules. He may not be happy with your decisions, but will still walk away from the table with a full stomach. Besides part of the 500 baht taxi money he gets out of you at the end of your time together will go toward his next meal anyway.

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Chicken

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Nothing’s Tastier Than A Little Bit Of Ass

04 Thursday Sep 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Hotels and Restaurants

It's amazing how much ass is sold in Thailand daily.

It’s amazing how much ass is sold in Thailand daily.

Anyone who visits Thailand and doesn’t eat from street carts is a fool. Yeah, yeah, you have a timid tummy, blah, blah, blah. So does my friend Ann. And yet on every visit we’ve ever made her lack of a strong constitution has never stopped her from sampling the numerous delicacies being roasted over small grills streetside. Sure, she ends up spending a day in bed with an unimpeded route to the bathroom, but a quick stop at the local pharmacy is all it takes to score a small handful of pills that puts her system right again. And then its back out to the street for diner.

Ann, bless her little heart, would like to be a vegetarian. She loves animals. And admires those who can commit to a life of not eating meat. Which is pretty surprising for a girl from Texas. Plus she loves fish. Which isn’t surprising for a dyke. So while back home she attempts to live up to her ideal and makes obnoxious meals like tofu lasagna, when we hit Thailand her idea of a meal starts and ends with the well-cooked flesh of creatures that had mothers. And the question is never whether we should or shouldn’t eat off the street, but rather what type of grilled meat we should eat for the night. Fortunately, the portions are small and inexpensive so we tend to graze for hours and never really have to make a decision. Whatever shows up next is worth giving a try.

Unfortunately, Thais are frugal with the animals they’ve killed for food. Little, if anything, goes to waste. So when it comes to dining on chicken, for example, you really need to specify just what part of the chicken you are interested in eating. Because timid constitution or not, you probably don’t have gnawing on chicken feet in mind. And while a bit of nice, crispy skin on a drumstick sounds mouth-watering, a skewer of nothing but skin doesn’t.

Chicken ass good. Chicken feet, not so much.

Chicken ass good. Chicken feet, not so much.

Kai yang, on the other hand, sounds worse than it is. At least in English. ‘Cuz that could be chicken ass. And while fans of Sunee Plaza may consider those two words to compliment each other, most diners would give it a pass. But if you want to be adventurous and can’t quite work up the nerve to try fried grasshopper, a bit of chicken butt will do you proud. And it’s surprisingly good. It tastes like chicken. Even lesbians, who on general principle, might pass on those ubiquitous grilled pork balls hanging from every food cart will enjoy trying a little local ass while in Thailand.

While thanks to anatomical dictates it takes several chickens to make a single serving of chicken butt, it’s usually one of the cheaper barbequed meat options at street food carts. Some vendors sell three butts on a stick, some five. But even if you are an ass man you shouldn’t get hung up on quantity. Quality ass is what matters. And when it comes to the fowlest kind, it’s the sauce that really matters. So you may have to eat a lot of ass during your trip until you find the vendor whose butt you like the best. There are both sweet and hot sauces, and a wide variety of tastes within those two. Personally, I like the butt that’s served with a hot, spicy sauce. ‘Cuz nothing beats a piece of hot ass.

Obviously, portions are small. Grilled to perfection over live coals, each piece should be lightly caramelized. Your best bet is to add more sauce to the plastic bag the vendor puts your skewers of butt in and then use it as a dipping sauce. And small bites are the way to go; there is a chunk of gristle in each piece that you have to eat around. But then if you are a fan of eating ass, you probably already knew that.

Try a skewer of chicken ass in Bangkok and you'll agree the Colonel doesn't know his from a hole in the ground.

Try a skewer of chicken ass in Bangkok and you’ll agree the Colonel doesn’t know his from a hole in the ground.

Chicken ass may not be the type of butt that was on your to-do list for your holiday in Thailand, but you really should give it a try. If nothing else you’ll have a good tail to tell your friends and loved ones when you get back home.

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Try A Little Tenderness

22 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Hotels and Restaurants

They say you are what you eat, so as a sex tourist there’s only one choice for your next meal . . .

They say you are what you eat, so as a sex tourist there’s only one choice for your next meal . . .

One of the regulars on the gay Thailand forums recently started a thread listing the mistakes he’d made over the years when visiting the Kingdom, one of which was nibbling on a few foreign bacteria while enjoying the salad bar at Sizzler. Typical of someone who frequently misses the point, his error was not in bravely tempting fate by eating lettuce that had perhaps been washed in local tap water, but that he’d flown half way around the world to dine at a Sizzler. From the simple, everyday fare offered at street food carts to the exquisitely prepared royal Thai cuisine, with all the incredible tastes Bangkok has to offer why you’d choose Sizzler is beyond me. Sizzler is to steak what Bill O’Reilly is to balanced journalism. And while for the latter the spin may stop here, that your tummy starts doing flip-flops after dining at Sizzler is nothing more than a lesson in instant karma. They say you are what you eat, but where you choose to eat says a lot about you too.

The Mango Tree and Ruen Urai both get mentioned on the boards as great places to dine in Bangkok, though I suspect both get that honorable mention due more to location than menu. Sex tourists don’t like to get too far away from the action even when the meat is being served on a platter instead of on the stage. The food at The Mango Tree and Ruen Urai, at best, is adequate. But is still a good five steps above what you’ll get served at Sizzler. Step outside of Patpong, however, and you can easily find fantastic restaurants that cater to every budget.

There are places I’ve discovered on previous trips that I want to visit again and again. But finding a new restaurant is always a treat. Sometime it’s the setting, sometimes the service, sometimes the ambiance, sometimes the price. And presentation counts when that’s what you are paying for. But whether it’s for lunch or dinner, whether you’re eating at some little hole-in-the-wall, a street food cart, or a five-star restaurant, the food is always the main draw. Even when it is not something you’d normally consider as food. So I was delighted while reading a recent article on Coconuts Bangkok that listed the results of a reader’s poll on the best restaurants in Bangkok. Not because of the places they named – and, no, Sizzler was not one of them – but rather due to a throwaway line about one of the stalls at the MBK Food Court. Pow Tiem Heng, not one of the eateries I usually order from, offers a dish that should please even the fussiest of sex touri: bull penis soup. And it’s probably the cheapest dick you’ll ever pay for in Bangkok.

Tenderness 2

The food court at MBK – the one on the 6th floor, not the pricier one on the 5th floor geared toward the farang wallet – is a perennial favorite among tourists and locals alike. Hectic, loud, with clothing, cheap sunglasses, and jewelry stalls encroaching on the coupon-ticketing booth entrance, MBK’s food court is nothing fancy and very cafeteria like. Its maze-like scattering of small, white formica tables and orange and blue chairs rank at a solid 0 for ambiance. But as large as it is finding space at one of those tables can be a herculean task – which should clue you in to just how popular the food court is. It is always crowded, always noisy, and almost always a chore to decide which of the 60+ stalls to order from. Until now. The next first-time visitors I introduce to MBK’s food court is also gonna be introduced to some cow’s little friend.

Not that, as those of you who are size queens will be happy to know, there is anything small about a bull’s penis. The soup, which is more of a stew, at Pow Tiem Heng starts with a three-foot long dong, simmered in a traditional Chines mixture of onions, carrots, and broth to tenderize it and give it flavor. Bull penis soup (also known as Soup #5) is an aromatic dish popular in much of Asia. The Chinese believe that it is good for your libido and that it makes you strong as a bull. In fact, during the London Olympics athletes from China requested bull’s penis soup on their weekly menu – whether that was in belief of its strengthening powers or just to psyche out competitors is not known.

Unlike fried insects and some of the other gross things you can try in Asia, bull penis soup is said to be quite tasty. Pow Tiem Heng’s is served kao lao style (with noodles) in a terra-cotta pot. And at only 60 baht its both an affordable meal and a dirt-cheap trick to play on the unsuspecting. And hey, I’d rather eat dick than eat at Sizzler any day.

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Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

Move along, there’s nothing to see here folks; pay no attention to that man behind the curtain:

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