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…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

~ Ramblings, Rumblings and Travel Tales: Bangkok and Beyond

…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

Tag Archives: Markets & Shopping

Get Half Naked

16 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in Sex Break

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Markets & Shopping

For something a bit different, get your boy du jour Half Naked.

For something a bit different, get your boy du jour Half Naked.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what to do with a bar boy when you get him back to your hotel room after a night of partying on Soi Twilight. Your rocket will figure that one out for itself. But if you don’t send him packing when the fun is over, trying to figure out what to do the next day while your batteries recharge can be a chore. There’s always cultural activities like visiting a wat. But then religion may not be the type of thoughts you want running through his head. If you ask him for suggestions, there’s a good chance you’ll hear, “Up to you!” If your karma ain’t that good, instead he’ll reply, “Shopping!”

There’s a lot of street markets and shopping malls in Bangkok to choose from. And a lot of gold shops and phone stalls too. That your wallet will be heavily involved during a day’s shopping with your boy du jour is a given. That you too get some enjoyment out of the money you spend takes a bit more effort. And while he may have had his little heart set on an iPhone 6, he’ll be almost as happy if you buy him something he’d never be able to afford on his own. Especially if it carries a status-bearing name brand label. But while Armani and Prada would be nice, do yourself a favor and think Agacio, AQUX, and N2N instead.

You can buy sexy men's underwear on the streets of Bangkok, but it's cheap and the stitching won't hold up past the first erection.

You can buy sexy men’s underwear on the streets of Bangkok, but it’s cheap and the stitching won’t hold up past the first erection.

You can find lots of sexy men’s underwear at stalls around Silom Soi 4 at night, elsewhere in town during daylight hours not so much. Your wallet may be pleased with the 100 baht price tag on the night market undies, but when ya want to go a bit more high-end The Halfnaked Shop has got you covered. Or not quite covered depending on the line of underwear you prefer.

An upscale retailer of men’s fashion underwear and swim wear based in Thailand, Halfnaked Shop has two branches in Bangkok. Their flagship outlet is on the 4th floor of the Zen department store at Central World in Pratunam, and they’ve just opened a new location on the 3rd floor of the recently remodeled Emporium department store on Sukhumvit. And for fans of boys who may still be boys, they have a branch at Central Festival, on the 3rd floor, in Pattaya too.

This is not your grandfather's Fruit Of The Loom underwear.

This is not your grandfather’s Fruit Of The Loom underwear.

Purchasing clothes for your boy du jour may sound counterproductive. But the Halfnaked shop doesn’t stock your grandfather’s Fruit of the Loom briefs. In fact, the briefs they do stock give a new meaning to that style. Sourced from Japan, Europe, and the USA, the lines they carry offer everything from jocks – including the Cock Out Jockstrap (and yeah, that mental picture you just got is correct) – to thongs, to briefs, to see-through boxer briefs. Oh, and some swim wear not really meant for wearing in public too. All guaranteed to put the sex back in your sex life (or one off/two orgasms as most of us know it).

Between the brands they feature and the locations of their retail operations, you can assume the prices aren’t cheap. And you’d assume correctly for once. But regardless of how much you drop, once your latest companion puts on a private fashion show for you back in your room, you’ll undoubtedly agree whatever you spent was worth every satang. Choose wisely and you’ll probably be able to forgo the cost of one of those little blue pills too.

Sexy underwear for men in all the colors of the rainbow is featured at the Halfnaked Shop.

Sexy underwear for men in all the colors of the rainbow is featured at the Halfnaked Shop.

Halfnaked currently carries eight different brands of underwear and swim wear. Here’s a look at what you can find there:

Cover Male:
Cover Male is a men’s underwear and swim wear brand from U.S.A. The brand features classic and timeless styles for men who want to indulge their passion for underwear. The manufacturer takes pride in showcasing a great mixture of class, elegance, and masculinity in each of its collections. Offering a full line of styles from bikinis to G-strings, and swim wear, shirts, and accessories too, Cover Male is probably the most traditional line carried at Halfnaked. But they don’t ignore the desires of customers who want something a bit sexy either. They have a line of briefs with partially meshed areas, just where you’d want mesh. And their Cheeky boxers and briefs are designed to be worn either traditionally, or wit your ass cheeks hanging out

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The Good Devil:
The Good Devil brand is based out of Miami. It’s a cutting-edge brand that empowers the devil in you. Along with bikinis, briefs, boxers, and jockstraps, The Good Devil takes it a step, or three, further. Their ‘Extra Mini Thong” is basically a shoestring. And that’s just at the front. There’s also a line of C-String underwear that skimps on the underwear part of the design in favor of the cock-ring each pair sports. Pouches and socks play a major role in their lines’ designs too, from barely there to why bother?

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N2N:
N2N Bodywear is out of Los Angeles and is aimed toward the gay traveler and adventurous metro-sexual. Not your typical underwear and swim wear company; N2N truly embraces the male physique and takes it to the next level of true sex appeal. Their line includes basic briefs (with pouch) but quickly grows into the erotic with no pretense at being underwear cock rings, leather G-strings and slingshots, and briefs, bikinis, and boxers that are nothing but net. N2N also offers several collections of swim wear from board shorts to G-strings, including the Catalina Bold, a throwback to the Speedo stylings of the ’70s with a draw cord instead of an elastic waist for a low and saggy, tight, and form-fitting look that’s completely customizable. Or as the manufacturer puts it: Up to you!

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Intymen:
Enhancement seems to be the operative word behind Intymen’s line of underwear and swim wear. And according to the company, enhancement means cock rings, pouches, hammocks, see-through briefs, and butt-lifting boxer briefs. Intymen’s lines are inspired by the classics but given an edge that takes the garments to the next level; they may well do the same for your sex life.

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Agacio:
Tired of wearing underwear that either flattens your pouch or has you adjusting yourself all day because it is unbearable, the Agacio guys came up with the most comfortable underwear ever – all designed where it really matters, the pouch. Using a ” lifting technology” that allows your package to fall exactly in the right spot this brand out of Miami bills itself as underwear made for men by men. And since what separates the men from boys is the package, Agacio’s underwear won’t leave you hanging. Made of 96% modal and 4% spandex for a lightweight, soft fit, they offer bikinis, thongs, boxer briefs, briefs, and jockstraps that are more about comfort than show. But then when you’re a man of prodigious size, it’s the former that matters ‘cuz you already have the latter covered.

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Splash Bodywear:
Splash Bodywear is a local Thai brand of swim wear that combines design with vibrant colors to bring out the inner masculine form of men. It does a good job of bringing out the outer masculine form too as every piece in their line is designed to fit a man snugly. While theirs is intended for wearing on the beach or poolside, their styles mimic underwear and come in bikinis, briefs, trunks, jammers, and shorts. But with a bit of spice. Or maybe that’s just influenced by the gogo bars on Soi Twilight. Their Break Away Shorts, do just that: two clips on both side allow the trunk to be quickly removed with one good tug. Or if ya wanna get to just the goods quicker, their Detachable Front Trunk has snaps to detach the crotch area fabric with just a pull.

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AQUX:
AQUX is a men’s swim wear and underwear brand from Japan that says it’s for “groovy guys”. More to point, the brand claims its creative designs “draws out male charm boundlessly”. And ya know what’s the most charming part of a man. Based on a concept of “sexy and lovely” designer-pattern maker Masami Seki’s cool and sexy collections are all geared toward helping customers to “accentuate their male attractiveness to the max”. And unlike female designers of men’s underwear, Seki does know dick. With bikinis, super bikinis, trunks, squarecuts, jockstraps, thongs, and – if that wasn’t enough – sexy undies, AQUX is quickly becoming the brand of choice for those with a body to show off throughout Asia.

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Their best selling swim wear line is Naughty Boy, which ignores the waist in favor of an inch of pubes and then barely goes further. Their super bikini collection is even smaller. That philosophy carries into their underwear line too. Their Nano Boxer makes a regular paid of briefs look like swim wear from the 1920s, and in case you don’t know what really matters, they’ve used mesh in all of their underwear collections. Although why they bothered to do so with their Sexy Undies line is beyond me; one model has a cut out where it matters in both the front and the back to please both tops and bottoms.

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TM / TXM:
TM and TXM are both brands from the same Japanese company that feature super elastic, super soft, and super thin fabric, making their “innerwear” one of the most comfortable in the world. Not to mention one of the smallest. They offer men’s and uni-sex lines, but little fabric in either. In fact, in their swim wear collection, the trunks look more like an abbreviated brief, and their G-strings are heavy on string but not much else. When you move into their underwear collections, things get even more non-existent. I’ve seen band-aids that would cover more than TM and TXM’s underwear does. Which should be a plus in anyone’s book. On the downside, all of their products are one size fits all. And that one size is XXXXS. But if there ever was a line of men’s underwear designed for lovers of twinks, the TM and TXM brands are it.

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Considering the extremes some of these underwear brands go to, Halfnaked might be over-dressed. But then since that’s a faux pas your boy du jour should never be guilty of, drop by one of The Halfnaked Shop’s location and show your love. Your best buddy will be glad you did.

Sex Break: Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous Now Playing At A Theater Near You

02 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Sex Break

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Bangkok, Markets & Shopping, Movies & Television

The surround sound home movie theater experience comes to Bangkok at a mere $30 per showing.

The surround sound home movie theater experience comes to Bangkok at a mere $30 per showing.

I’m picky about the movies I go to see at home. There has to be a compelling reason for me to head to the closest cineplex. In most cases, the 3D experience is more effort than its worth, even the biggest blockbusters are available on DVD within a few months, and the people who tend to arrive at show time at that same time as I do are not the kind of people I usually want to associate with. Throw in $4 boxes of a fifty cent snack and I’m better off waiting and then viewing the flick on my home theater system. Plus then if the movie turns out to be a dud, I can masturbate instead without ever leaving the comfort of my reclining chair.

When I’m in Bangkok it’s a different story. Noom doesn’t go to the movies often either. In his case it’s more about the cost of a ticket versus the 80 baht DVD version, which is often available on Bangkok’s street before the movie is officially released. So he makes up for that when I’m in town. We hit a theater several nights during each of my visits, how many movies we take in depends on how few are animated flicks – which he loves and I now refuse to see. Theaters in Bangkok are cheap, those in the malls are nicely appointed, and the Thai audience realizes there are other people in the theater too, unlike back in the U.S. There is also usually some special promotion at the snack bar where you get a ‘souvenir’ plastic cup, or straw, or magnet, or decal, or whatever. Whatever piece of crap it is puts the smile back on Noom’s face, the one that turned upside down when I refused to buy tickets for Madagascar IX.

For me it’s not the movie so much as it is the movie-going experience that counts. And Brian Hall, who just spent 120 million baht building 5 theaters that sit a maximum of 30 people each, agrees. He’s the brain-trust behind Diplomat Screens at the recently opened Central Embassy, Bangkok’s first ever ultra-luxury lifestyle shopping mall that features the inaugural flagship outlets of Ralph Lauren, Tom Ford, and Yves Saint Laurent among other high-end designer brands. Considering the success of the nearby Gaysorn Plaza mall at hitting that market I’m not sure how successful Central Embassy will be. But its Diplomat Screens has won me over and I’m a fan for life. Besides, where else can you drop $80 on seeing a Michael Bay production? (In my defense it was with Marky Mark and not that skankhead Shia LaBeouf.)

Embassy Diplomat Screen's comfy couches and daybeds that recline into full beds stirs hopes the theaters will one day screen porn.

Embassy Diplomat Screen’s comfy couches and daybeds that recline into full beds stirs hopes the theaters will one day screen porn.

At Diplomat you probably won’t be sharing your movie experience with the cheap bastards who whine about paying $12 to watch a live sex show on Soi Twilight, and at a minimum of 900 baht per ticket you won’t have a bunch of rug rats carrying on either. I guess I have to apologize to whoever that was I just poked fun at on the message boards for saying that sometimes segregation is a good thing. Because when it comes to the haves and have-nots, it is. As long as you are willing to pay for it. But as with most good things in life, it’s not the cost but the value that matters and taking in a flick at Diplomat Screens is packed with values.

Each of the five cinemas are a bit different, with seating designed for the clientele it is intended for. For larger groups there are cozy couches (coupled with a private bar if your group is large enough), for the more sedentary there are reclining daybeds that fold out into actual beds; cocoon-style individual chairs make up the bulk of the seating selection. Regardless of where you decide to plop down, you’re provided with a soft duvet blanket and pillows for comfort. And every seat comes with its own adjustable light, a call button for a butler, a bag hanger, and an electrical outlet for recharging your cellphone battery. ‘Cuz multitasking at the multiplex is what it’s all about. But Wait! There’s More!

Your ticket to a whole new world of movie-going includes your choice of a ‘welcome set’ of an alcoholic drink and almonds, munchies from Dean & DeLuca, or a selection of tempting desserts from The Oriental Shop. And that’s just to get you started. There’s also a fully-stocked mini-bar (additional drinks like cocktails or beer are available from B100 per drink) and an on-call butler. Better yet, the spacious layout guarantees there’ll be no asshat kicking the back of your chair during the movie and no matter how high that matronly Chinese woman’s hair is stacked in front of you, you’ll still have an unimpeded view of the entire screen.

Not happy with your wrap-around private seating? Ask the butler to carry you to an new one.

Not happy with your wrap-around private seating? Ask the butler to carry you to an new one.

Of course when money is no object, the very latest technological advances incorporated into the theater’s sound system and visual displays are a given. And almost an after thought for Brian Hall. He says the Diplomat Screens audio/visual components are not in competition with the other high-tech cineplexes in town, that his brand is not being built on easily met levels of technology but on the experience beyond the movie itself. Touches like its exquisite lounge (with fireplace) and a living room-style decor are meant to extend guests’ stays. “If they come for a two-hour movie, we want them to spend four hours,” says Hall. “They can maybe arrive one hour earlier and our butler can get them anything they want. They can rent one of the VIP rooms afterwards and mingle with friends for another hour.” Hall says that is why every element has been carefully designed to offer the most pleasant feeling possible; he believes the homey component of a residential environment will make people feel more comfortable. That’s assuming your ‘homey’ environment comes draped in gold and furnished with $4,000 couches. Not to mention that butler.

The mall itself is a gorgeous piece of architecture, but I’ll save my review of Central Embassy’s shopping and dining experience for another post. I doubt I will ever be reviewing the attached six-star Park Hyatt Hotel once it is completed though, as the plans are for rooms to run at least $300 a night, making it the priciest property in town. But then that seems to be the concept behind the Central Group’s latest mall: opulent luxury not intended for the masses. They’ve even considered their hi-so clientele’s aversion to eating from street carts on the actual streets by moving up-market versions inside to the basement’s food court.

Embassy Diplomat Screens is not the first VIP movie going experience offered in Bangkok, but is the first cinema to only offer VIP seating. And they do it better than anyone else in town. If you’ve thought about trying one of the exclusive cinema seating options in the past but the price scared you away, there are several special offers available around town right now to lure the unsuspecting to Central Embassy’s theater. Bangkok Bank, for example, is offering half-off admission tickets to its credit card holders. Kinda like drug dealers offer school children their first hit of crack for free.

Diplomat Screens says there is no place like home, even if your home never looked so good.

Diplomat Screens says there is no place like home, even if your home never looked so good.

Knowing the likelihood of my wallet actually making an appearance at one of Central Embassy’s retail outlets, Noom was less than impressed with the mall. But the noises he made when he saw the ticket price at Diplomat Screens were priceless. That changed once we were inside the theater; “Beee-u-tiiii-full,” and “Dis nice!” summed his opinion up nicely. And the all-you-can-drink mini bar (aka “It free!”) worked its magic on his psyche too. You don’t want to know how many times he summonsed a ‘butler’ once he learned what the call-button was for. I don’t know if he was as impressed with Transformers: Age of Extinction, but that his answer to, “What do you want to do tonight?” resulted in our taking in Million Dollar Arm and yes, even Maleficent too pretty much says it all. As well as what a major part of my Bangkok-going experience will entail in the future.

The mall, built on the former grounds of the British Embassy, is easy to reach by BTS. It’s connected to both the Ploenchit BTS station and Chitlom, although the latter is reached through the less ostentatious Central Chidlom store. But then if you are out for a $100 movie night, you really should be arriving by limo. Or at least in a taxi.

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Souvenir Shopping ‘Til You Croak

24 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Markets & Shopping

There is a lot to do and see while on holiday, unfortunately shopping for souvenirs is part of the experience.

There is a lot to do and see while on holiday, unfortunately shopping for souvenirs is part of the experience.

My dead brother’s mistress’ mother, who lives in London, asked me to bring back a set of salt and pepper shakers for her from Thailand as a souvenir. I thought that would be an easy one. All I’d have to do is pocket a set from the table of any restaurant I dined at while on holiday. But it turns out there is, or was, a market for small ‘collectible’ salt and pepper shaker sets that bear the name of pretty much any place in the world you may travel to. Because nothing says Bangkok like a pair of cheap ceramic table condiment holders made in China.

Since the first caveman brought home a human knucklebone he’d found while off attacking a neighboring tribe’s cave, souvenirs have been a popular part of travel. People like to have a physical reminder, a memento, of the places they’ve visited. Even if it has nothing to do with that locale. Like a set of salt and pepper shakers. And across the world, those who make their living from manufacturing or selling souvenirs have a long history of not coming up with a better mousetrap. Which explains those stupid wooden frogs that ‘croak’ when you run a wood dowel across their back that hilltribe ladies sell all over Thailand. Although admittedly that particular purchase has more to do with paying a bribe to be left alone than picking up a cherished reminder of your travels in the kingdom. And they still beat the occasional STD sex tourists return home with.

I’m not sure when, or who it was, that decided that stuff marketed as a souvenir had to be tacky, although I suspect the popularity of those salt and pepper shakers back in the early part of the 1900s had a lot to do with it. Nonetheless, tacky is the rule wherever touri gather. Like Patpong’s night market. Because, yes, knock-offs are tacky too. Clothing brands change at Patpong, but the ‘hand-crafted’ knickknacks that make up the bulk of the souvenirs for sale are the same stuff vendors have been selling for over twenty years. Although nowadays much of that crap is made in Vietnam. The market is filled with the kind of souvenirs that gets taken home and given a pride of place on the mantle, then moved to a spare room, then to a closet, then to the garage, and eventually your local landfill. That’s if it is a souvenir you bought for yourself. When you are stocking up on souvenirs for the folk back home, it gets worse.

At least there is someone happy about all of those wooden frogs that get bought as souvenirs in Thailand.

At least there is someone happy about all of those wooden frogs that get bought as souvenirs in Thailand.

Whenever I traveled years ago I had a large management team, plus an admin staff, that I had to bring souvenirs home for. Tacky wasn’t the operative word, but inexpensive – okay, cheap – was. So they were often one and the same. On one trip we brought back those moldable faces made from balloons stuffed with some unidentified white powder they sell in Chiang Mai. They had nothing to do with Thailand, but were fun to play with and were a hit among my staff. Which probably tells you a lot about my hiring practices. After a few days, one by one, the damn things began to burst, shooting their innards all over the office. Which should have been embarrassing, but instead the staff started a pool on whose would pop next and little work got done with everyone sitting around watching the remaining balloon faces to see when the next would go and how big of a mess it would make. You woulda thought that’d taught me a lesson. Nope.

On a visit to New Orleans, we brought back voo-doo dolls. They were quite popular. And within an hour everyone had penned some other employee’s name on his or hers and busily began sticking pins in it. Interestingly, the women most often jabbed spikes into their victim’s heart, the men went for the groin. Which just goes to show you that even a tacky souvenir can be used as a team building exercise at work. But there just aren’t that many places in the world that have turned black magic into tourism dollars. And Customs has decided there are much greater dangers in the world anyway.

Obviously you are not suppose to return home with illegal contraband like items made of ivory. Little balloon faces filled with an unidentified white powder from an area of the world known for opium production probably isn’t a smart move either. And while size doesn’t matter to the folk at Customs, quantity does. You can bring home a knock off Rolex watch legally, but a dozen means you are trafficking in counterfeit goods. A small, tacky nightlight made from seashells is okay for yourself, a bag full requires you to have a wildlife import license. And while they should throw you in jail for bringing home one of those croaking frogs, they won’t. But may confiscate it or any other item made from local wood ‘cuz it may also contain local bugs that will quickly deforest your home country. I know that when you bring back souvenirs from your trip for family, friends, and co-workers, it’s suppose to be the thought that counts, but when that stuff doesn’t make it out of the airport, the intended recipients won’t think much of you.

Larb is a popular, tasty Thai dish. As a snack chip flavor, not so much.

Larb is a popular, tasty Thai dish. As a snack chip flavor, not so much.

I’ve never considered food to be a souvenir although I’ve returned home often enough with my bags full of some local treat that I wanted to enjoy back home too. I load up on small bags of spices from Cambodia to make AGOG with whenever I visit, and pounds of Bali coffee from Indonesia – the powdered version that leaves a mud-like 2″ thick paste at the bottom of your cup. I guess I don’t think of food as a souvenir because souvenirs are supposed to be useless. Though perhaps, if you ate something that you should not have and spent the next few days within running distance of your hotel room’s toilet a little reminder of why that was a stupid tourist trick might be in order. But according to a recent article I read, various pre-packaged snacks and foods topped the list for popular souvenirs from Thailand. And it wasn’t fried bugs as you’d assume. Larb-flavored biscuit sticks topped the list. I’m a fan of larb, but don’t know that the flavor of a raw meat salad is something I want as a munchy. But then that’s just me. Crispy durian chips also made the list, and that’s gotta be better than fresh durian even if it does miss the point – and experience – of eating durian.

Dried squid, the kind you can get from 7/11, is also a popular food souvenir from Thailand. I think they got that one wrong. I think they assumed packages of dried squid were being bought as souvenirs but were really intended as a travel snack among touri from Asian countries ‘cuz unless dried squid is something you grew up eating it’s not the kind of thing you’d fall in love with on a trip to a foreign country. Or even would try while there. Ditto for instant noodles, which also made the list. They sell instant noodles all over the world. So that’s not about being a souvenir, it’s about dinner for the first few weeks when you get home because you spent all of your cash and maxed out your credit cards buying souvenirs on your vacation.

The only non-food related souvenir on the list, surprisingly, was Naraya purses. I say surprisingly because I’m surprised anyone actually buys those things. I mean most people just ignore their elderly maiden aunts and don’t bring back a souvenir of any kind for her. Or her cats. Several years ago Naraya opened a branch in Patpong, a permanent store-front at the night market next to the bank that used to be a Boots that used to be a McDonald’s that used to be an open-air bar popular among ladyboys and the men who love them. They are tacky, so they fit the theme of the market, but I’d always assumed anyone who actually was gonna buy one probably had already done so while visiting Jim Thompson’s House. I dunno, maybe they make for a good bag to carry all of your dried squid home in. Because it can’t be that that many tourists have drag queens as friends at home.

If you have to buy souvenirs for your drag queens friends back home, forget the Naraya bags, there are more suitable mementos available.

If you have to buy souvenirs for your drag queens friends back home, forget the Naraya bags, there are more suitable mementos available.

I’ve visited Thailand so many times over the years that I’ve quit bringing souvenirs home for friends and family. If necessary, on one of these trips I’ll pick them all up replacement dowels for their little wood croaking frogs. But I still keep an eye open for the perfect souvenir from Thailand for myself, even though the perfect souvenirs I’ve found in the past have all ended up in the trash. Souvenirs are supposed to be a reminder of a place you visited, something that stirs your memories of the time spent there. And for me, photography does the same. Possibly even better. I don’t know that a wooden croaking frog will remind you of all the fun you had in Thailand as much as it will of the aggressive hilltribe woman you paid off to leave you alone. And for half the price, I’ve got a photo of one of those bitches, which is all the memories of souvenir shopping in Thailand that I need.

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Sex Break: Lying Down With The Dogs At Bangkok’s Talat Rot Fai Market

19 Monday May 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Sex Break

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Markets & Shopping

Bangkok's Train Night Market is where the cool kids go to shop.

Bangkok’s Train Night Market is where the cool kids go to shop.

Come sundown, while most gay visitors to Bangkok either get ready for a night of camaraderie on Soi 4, or a night of companionship on Soi Twilight, the city does offer other forms of entertainment. I know. But trust me, it does. For those willing to expand their horizons, that usually means a bit of shopping at one of the city’s paeans to commercialism, the treat of an air-conditioned environment, window shopping, and the opportunity of checking out the eye candy not so brazen as to be working the bars or sitting at home waiting for someone to click on their Gay Romeo profile, a perfect trifecta of indulgence to top off your day.

Braver touri forgo the opulence of Bangkok’s leading shopping malls and hit the more colorful street market scene instead, bustling dog-eat-dog shopping extravaganzas that are hot, humid, and geared toward the tourist wallet. A few, possibly misguided souls, head further afield to small, neighborhood night markets where the locals gather to shop, only to find what the locals are shopping for is of little interest to them. And then there are the savvy touri, those in-the-know thanks to scouring guidebooks and the Internet for those hidden, off the beaten path spots, markets so cool everyone back home will be green with envy when they see their travel pix and hear of the unbelievable deals they managed to get.

The latter group is easy to spot. You’ll find them wandering around Saphan Khwai in a daze, hunting for the famous, but elusive Talat Rot Fai – or Train Market to non-Thai speakers – a cool, nighttime flea market with a Thai twist that popped onto the scene back in 2011, a popular retro-lover’s destination that hasn’t been in Saphan Khwai for almost a year now.

Great bargains, tons of vendors, and lots of eye candy make a visit to the Talat Rot Fai market a must.

Great bargains, tons of vendors, and lots of eye candy make a visit to the Talat Rot Fai market a must.

Now in its third year – and third location – Bangkok’s Train Night Market is almost a thing of urban myth. A hipster’s paradise, an ode to all things retro, the now rebranded Srinakarin Train Market is a Thai version of a flea market, where most of the goods on sale are older than you are. And considering where you spend most of your time in the city, that should be an unique and singular experience. It’s Chautuchak without the unbearable heat and filthy toilets, Patpong’s Night Market without the endless displays of fake Rolex watches and come-ons for straight sex shows, Sukhumvit at night without the porn, sex toys, and aggressive ladyboys. The Train Night Market is young, cool, hip, cheap, and far enough outside of the usual touri haunts that farang faces are few and far between. Because most of them are still stopping and asking directions to the market over in Saphan Khwai. And, surprisingly for a market geared toward locals, it’s clean too.

When the Talat Rot Fai first started up by the Kampaeng Phet Station MRT station, it was a match made in heaven. Not far from Chautuchak Market, and filled with vendors peddling all sorts of vintage goods – from clothes to records, handmade accessories to antiques, as well as spare parts of classic cars and even secondhand Vespas from Europe – with camper vans and vintage cars serving as makeshift bars, it was a beautiful mess with access initially only through a hole in the fence at one end of a car park. Set beside an old set of train tracks topped with abandoned, rusty coaches open to visitors to explore or just kick back in, it had an ambiance worthy of the vintage wares its vendors offered for sale. And for the young and hip it immediately became major competition for the better-established Ratchada weekend night market.

Squatting on land owned by the State Railway Authority of Thailand, the market was an instant hit. Until, in the summer of 2013, when it was hit by the tsunami of competing interests that seems to govern the way things are run in Thailand. The powers-that-be decided the land would be developed for an extension of Bangkok’s BTS, and while in the middle of discussions with the market’s vendors over their home did what landlords intent on removing tenants in Bangkok seem to favor as an option: they called in the bulldozers late one night.

 Because nothing says Train Market like a huge ship, Talat Rot Fai's new location is easy to spot from Seacon Square. Or you could just follow the crowds.

Because nothing says Train Market like a huge ship, Talat Rot Fai’s new location is easy to spot from Seacon Square. Or you could just follow the crowds.

The vendors, granted a reprieve of sorts, were offered the use of a near-by warehouse, the market’s second location. Kinda, sorta. When they began moving in to their new home, mysterious black-clothed figures began threatening both vendors and railway employees who were responsible for leasing vendor spaces – ‘Cuz in Bangkok, mysterious black-clothed figures are almost as popular of an option as bulldozers are when settling disputes. Vendors pulled out, market goers stayed away, and last year the Talat Rot Fai’s organizers decided to move to the other side of town, behind the Seacon Square shopping center on Srinakarin Road.

At its new location, the Train Night Market is still a growing concern; even locals are still discovering its wonders. A bit more organized than when it was in Saphan Khwai, it offers a chilled out atmosphere with some of the coolest pubs in town. Second now in size to only the Chautuchak Weekend Market, the Srinakarin Train Night Market includes an indoor area featuring rows of old warehouses and containers converted into shops, pubs, cafes, and tattoo parlors. Outside things are a bit sketchier, with huge tracks of florescent tube lit tents and less professional displays of merchandise spread on the ground; this is where the real deals are and while the focus on vintage has made way for cheap, mass-produced clothing and knick-knacks, you’ll still find plenty of cool stuff that you’ll remember from your childhood. Or at least from your late ’30s. And, fortunately, the makeshift micro-mini bus cum bars are still as much in evidence as ever.

The Train Night Market may or may not be the best place to visit with your boy du jour. He’ll probably get bored quickly with your delight in finding out-dated technology and remembrances of your past, but your wallet will be delighted with being able to buy him a T-Shirt for 60 baht or less. (Possibly less happy about him feeling that a that price you should buy him a dozen shirts or more.) The outdoor section of the market, expanding at a breakneck speed, offers tons of food options, from inexpensive street-cart treats to slightly more pricey pub grub along its edges. And paying homage to its heritage, along with knock-off replica buildings built for ambiance, the market has brought in a few decommissioned train carriages too. So for photography buffs, photo ops abound. For the rest of you, there’s a lot of local eye candy too.

Indoors you'll find permanent shops, pubs, and cafes.

Indoors you’ll find permanent shops, pubs, and cafes.

The new version of the Talat Rot Fai is as much of a party atmosphere as it is a shopping experience. Vendors are not as aggressive as at the night markets you are probably used too; the famous and now getting to be mythical Thai smile is quite evident and there’s a good chance you’ll be invited to join the seller for a beer after he made his rent off you.

Officially, the market is open from Tuesday through Sunday, starting at 3 pm, with its food stall section only open on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays (yeah, welcome to Thailand). The outdoor section is only open on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, beginning at 4 pm and running to midnight. Your best bet is to arrive around 7-ish, once all of the smaller, local vendors have set up shop. It’s a massive, crowded affair, so even if you don’t plan on having dinner there, you still need to schedule about three hours for your visit.

The downside (which is a plus since it keeps the tourist hordes away) is that there is no direct BTS or MRT route running to the Talat Rot Fai. A taxi from the Silom area is your best bet; that ride will run you about 150 baht (tell your driver your destination is Seacon Square – he may not be familiar with the Train Night Market’s new location). You can also take the BTS to the Udom Suk station, and then take a motocy taxi to the market (about 50 baht) or a regular taxi (70 baht). Going back, a taxi caught on the road in front of Seacon Square will run you 200 baht – they’ve seemed to have banded together for a fixed-fare return trip. Or take a 70 baht ride to the BTS On Nut station where foot massage places abound. Your feet will appreciate the attention after having spent the night walking through Bangkok’s hippest night market.

Outside, temporary vendors offer the retro and vintage merchandise that make up the market's claim to fame.

Outside, temporary vendors offer the retro and vintage merchandise that make up the market’s claim to fame.

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What Thais Do To A Taco

15 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

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Markets & Shopping

thai taco #1

I have to admit that when I first began visiting Thailand I steered clear of food from street cart vendors. Those wasted years I blame on the Chinese. My first visit to Asia was a pseudo-business trip to Hong Kong. We stayed in Kowloon where open-air meat markets are a common sight. And a common smell is the putridly rancid aroma of bloody carcases on display. I quickly learned to take a large, deep breath as soon as I saw one and then prayed I could manage to get well past the place before I needed oxygen again. That aroma permeated my consciousness, if not every block of the town, and the idea of eating anything that shared its setting didn’t sit well with me.

That food vendors in Hong Kong also seemed to have an abundance of still living creatures for you to pick from for a meal – especially since few were a species of animal I’d ever think to stick into my mouth – didn’t help matters. Besides, they have McDonalds in Hong Kong for a reason.

Several trips into my love affair with Thailand, we visited the Damnoen Saduak Floating Market and my issues with street cart food ended. My friend Ann, who is bigger on interacting with locals than I am, was captivated by the little old ladies paddling their dingy little dinghies along the river, most of whom were selling food of one sort or another. By now I think I’ve made it clear what my opinion of seafood is. And while a lot of what was on offer at the floating market was not fish, I just figured the safest bet was to label anything that came out of a boat as seafood. They have McDonalds in Thailand too, ya know?

thai taco #2

But Ann had a history of giving me things to stick into my mouth (including an ex-boyfriend) and conspired with one of the boat hags, forcing me to try her wares in exchange for a photo op. Had I known then about the crazy old local woman on the bridge we encountered later that day, who’d flash her pussy for your camera lens at 20 baht a shot, I’d probably would have passed. But that’s hindsight for you. In any case, less exhibitionist inclined old woman in a boat managed to convey the idea that her treats were sweet, and being a fan of sugar, at 20 baht for three I gave them a try. Despite their neon color.

The rest is history. I now happily munch away on just about anything street cart food vendors sell (with the obvious exception of insects and the feet of any animal). Around breakfast time, one of my favorites is still those taco-looking treats that I first tried at the floating market. And if you are still trying to work up the balls to eat off the streets in Bangkok, they are the perfect culinary delight for your inaugural meal. They are called khanom buang, have been described by farang touri as looking like pancakes, crepes (and tacos), are available everywhere, and are really, really delicious. Even the version that counts as seafood.

Tooth-numbingly sweet, the gaudiest versions are made with a crispy rice flour dough as their base – cooked on a griddle – with the topping a dollop of coconut cream, or egg whites and sugar, and extruded duck egg yolks cooked in syrup (the neon yellow ones) or dyed, desiccated coconut (the neon orange ones). Eating either is kinda like mainlining sugar. So they are great with a steaming cup of strong black coffee (which is why you don’t find khanom buang at Starbucks).

thai taco #3

There’s also a darker orange topping version of khanom buang made from a combination of minced shrimp, coconut meat, coriander, and black pepper, all mashed up with a mortar and pestle. But wait! There’s more! Stalls that specialize in khanom buang offer a variety of toppings, including raisins, sugared ginger strips, cilantro, green onions, sesame seeds, ground peanuts, garlic, and ground dried chilies. And just like at Burger King, you can have it your own way.

With a history that can be traced back over 600 years, khanom buang are meant as a dessert. But then since I usually have mango sticky rice for dessert I tend to consider the neon yellow ones as an appetizer, and the dark orange khanom buang – preferably loaded with onions and garlic with a heaping spoonful of chilies on top – as the main course. If I’m in the mood for Mexican food, I get a sprinkling of cilantro on top and call it a done deal.

Noom’s favorite khanom buang vendor is an old lady whose stall is at the Tha Chang market. She loads her’s up with shrimp to a point where the shrimp flavor overpowers the khanom buang’s traditional sweetness. So I’m not a fan. But she flirts shamelessly with Noom, and spends more time squeezing the muscles in his arms than cooking her food, so I guess that’s more than enough sweetness for him. And his ego. It doesn’t hurt that she always gives him an extra one for free either. Though I suspect that bit of generosity has a lot to do with the farang accompanying him paying for the meal at a ‘special’ price.

thai taco #4

So if we are headed to the Grand Palace area, khanom buang are always on our agenda. When I spot a vendor elsewhere at different times of the day, Noom will chide me with, “Not luncht” or “Not dinner.” Which never seems to stop him from ordering a few for himself when I ignore his advice. I found khanom buang on the menu once at some hi-so restaurant we were dining at and ordered them, appropriately, for dessert.

They were bigger on presentation than on taste, though they still went well with my cup of expresso and Noom’s cup of sugar. They ranked pretty low on my “best khanom buang ever eaten” scale, but when Noom saw the two cost over 250 baht, he was quite pleased with them. Dining with Noom is often about feeding his ego too.

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Reading All About It

14 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 4 Comments

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Markets & Shopping

Nothing is as enjoyable as reading a good book. Okay, almost nothing is as enjoyable as reading a good book.

Nothing is as enjoyable as reading a good book. Okay, almost nothing is as enjoyable as reading a good book.

Phil – that’d be my not a bar boy boyfriend, etc., etc., etc. – made for a great Santa Claus this Christmas, perfectly hitting the mark on both quantity and quality. My favorite gift was the one I opened Xmas morning; wrapped in our bed sheets, it was just what I wanted. Knowing the technogeek that resides within my soul, the other almost as much fun gift he gave me was a laser projection keyboard. Pounding away on a table top instead of a computer keyboard is almost as much fun as pounding away on his . . . well, you get the picture. Fortunately, prior to 12/25 he’d carefully maneuvered conversations around to subjects that would clue him in on how well gifts he was considering would be received. Otherwise I’d have had to acted pleased about the Kindle he’d been thinking of getting me. Which I probably would not have been able to pull off. But then I probably would have opted to pull off what little clothing he’d managed to put back on to open our gifts instead. So maybe next year.

I checked out Kindles when they first came on the market. And wasn’t impressed. As friends who are fans of the e-book readers have upgraded to the newest version over the years – and crowed about the newest features, which to me have all been stuff they should have got right the first time – I’ve had the opportunity to keep up with the technology. I’m still not impressed. It is not a better mouse trap. E-books are great for the publishing houses; there’s more profit in them than in books. And we may all be only reading electronically in the future. But like the hipsters of today who still hold true to listening to music played on records, I’ll still be hunting down the paper version of my favorite authors. You may say ‘old fart’ I’m gonna go with cool dude. Even at 90.

I read a lot. Like three to four books a week. Mostly fiction, but I enjoy biographies and history too. Not to mention the back of cereal boxes. Short of whoever Bill O’Rielly decided to kill next, I’ll read just about anything. That may not be quite as expensive as parachuting as a hobby, but a recently-released hardback or two, a few trade books, and a large handful of paperbacks a month can easily top out at over $500. And while there are some things I don’t think you should try to save money on – like bar boys – cutting your reading expense in half ain’t a bad idea. No problemo. Until the day books gets classified as collector items and antiques, used book stores are the perfect way to keep your reading expenses within reason. That’s assuming you don’t walk out of the store with $800 of previously viewed books in your bag.

I’m not a fan of the Kindle. Unless it’s being used as a prop.

I’m not a fan of the Kindle. Unless it’s being used as a prop.

One of the Kindle’s frequent upgrades has been on weight. But even the lightest version still weighs more than your average paperback book. At least until you’re talking quantity. And that doesn’t become a problem for me until I’m packing for a two week or longer holiday. A dozen books, even if they are all paperbacks, can add significantly to the weight of your luggage. I hate to admit it but I think one of the reasons I always include a few days in Chiang Mai when I’m visiting Thailand is because of all the used books stores there. A visit to The Rose of the North means I can get rid of the books I packed that I’ve now read, and stock up on enough reading material to get me through the rest of the trip.

Bangkok has used books stores too. There’s a decent smattering of them in Soi Rambuttri, just riverside of Khaosan Road. But that means making the trek over to Soi Rambuttri, which time doesn’t always allow for. Nor does Noom always allow for it either. Noom likes to go shopping with me. ‘Cuz that always ends up meaning shopping for him. With my wallet. But bookstores just don’t hold the same fascination for him as does say a gold shop. At best, he’ll find a guidebook I need to buy him. Which really is more about somewhere he wants me to fly him off to than it does finding out what to do once we get there. So when in reply to, “Where we go?” he hears “Soi Rambuttri,” I usually hear, “I stay at hotel.”

“Asoke,” on the other hand to him means there’s a good chance he’ll get to peruse the stores at the Emporium Mall. Which is cool with Noom even if there is a book store there. Not as cool is when I say, “Asoke,” but mean Dasa Books. When I turn and head for exit 4 at the Phrom Pong BTS Station instead of toward the mall I always hear an aborted attempt at correcting my mistake coming from behind me. Followed by a resigned sigh of defeat. No problemo. There’s a small cafe at the bookstore where he can have a cup of coffee to go with his mug of sugar. And he can sneak in a nap while waiting the hour or two it’ll take me to have my fill of perusing the aisles.

Reading All About It #3

When they started sneaking Starbucks into Borders back in the U.S. I knew the chain was doomed. A bookstore is supposed to be reserved for the exclusive use of book lovers. Not people who don’t know bad coffee when they sip it. So you wouldn’t think my favorite used bookstore in Bangkok would be one with a cafe attached. But it works. And even adds to the place’s ambiance. Maybe that’s because there are plenty of coffee shops in town for those who don’t really like coffee. Dasa is not where they head. Thankfully. And those who do tend to sit quietly, reading their latest find. Other than Noom who’s busy catching up on his sleep. But more likely it’s because, despite a barista in attendance, the cafe is on the small side. Like two small, round tables with a total of three chairs. Which isn’t quite spacious enough for either Starbucks’ fans or the common but still odd sight frequently experienced at Bangkok coffee shops and fast food restaurants alike: the unemployed yet busily working local with books, notebooks, and newspaper spread across the table he’s claimed for a few hours as though Burger King really was meant to be someone’s office space.

Located on Sukhumvit between soi 26 and 28 and open daily from 10 am to 8 pm, Dasa Books is what a used bookstore is supposed to be. Or for that matter what any book store is supposed to be. Its door jamb becomes a threshold, a portal if you will, to another place; it’s like entering a spiritual building, where there’s a sense of reverence, an oasis of quiet tranquility filled with the vanilla scent of aging binding glue. And a pet bunny rabbit to boot (Um, I mean ‘in addition to’ not to kick. Which is a complete different type of entertainment and not one usually associated with a book store). With some 17,000 books on offer – mostly in English but with some in German, French, Dutch, and Italian too – the store’s brightly colored walls, light wood floors, and well-lit interior quietly redresses the balance of Bangkok’s noise with a tiny oasis full of solitude. And unlike its competition in town, Dasa’s stock is impeccably organized, making it easy to find what you are looking for.

Dasa’s claims to be the best secondhand book shop in Bangkok. And they’re right.

Dasa’s claims to be the best secondhand book shop in Bangkok. And they’re right.

Also unlike many of the used book stores on Soi Rambuttri, there are no xeroxed books for sale at Dasa either. Its three floors may be packed with reading material, but the owners have been selective in what makes it to their shelves. Used books are their business, but they take great care that those books have only been used gently. And their stock turns over quickly enough that they’ve managed to avoid that musty aroma that many secondhand book stores take on.

Prices for recent paperback fiction run between 110 and 200 baht, which is a bit cheaper than the larger used bookstores in Chiang Mai charge. You can, of course, trade in what you’ve already read at Dasa too. With the caveat that any books you do trade in have to be in good to excellent condition. You’ll get a fair trade-in value in the form of credit you can use that day or in the future, and slightly less if you want to sell your books for cash. Note you also need to show a valid photo ID if you are selling your books for baht.

I’d hit Dasa’s without Noom more often, but his muscles come in handy for carrying my haul of books; the store’s selection and prices are good enough that I always end up buying more books than I need to last me through my trip. So yeah, I end up packing even more books in my luggage for the return flight home than I do heading out. And while Noom would prefer we’d spent our shopping hours at the Emporium Mall, getting to take an unscheduled nap gets a big thumbs up from him. As it would from any Thai. And after finishing at Dasa’s when I suggest stopping off at Benchasiri Park, just down the street from the bookstore, so I can spend a few more hours siting on the grass by the pond and reading some of what I just bought, the resigned sigh I get from him is just a bit less filled with frustration than the one my turning toward the bookstore originally elicited. Which probably has a lot to do with that meaning he’ll get to sneak in another nap again.

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BangkokBois’ 2013 Holiday Gift Guide: Who Loves Ya Baby?

09 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Markets & Shopping

Yup, it’s time again for the ever popular BangkokBois’ Holiday Gift Guide. Now doesn’t that make your season bright?

Yup, it’s time again for the ever popular BangkokBois’ Holiday Gift Guide. Now doesn’t that make your season bright?

Yes, I realize the rest of the country is experiencing first hand what the Ice Age was all about, but in California – where it really matters – we’ve had pleasant almost spring-like weather. Until the last few days when our upper 60s temps took a nose dive into the low 40s. With accompanying winds that meant a ‘real feel’ daily temp in the mid 30s. Which I’m fairly certain qualifies as freezing. It’s so bad I had to wear socks with my flip flops. And thank you for your sympathy. Even worse, with it far too cold out to enjoy life the only option left was to accompany a friend on his annual Christmas shopping trip to the mall. Oh the horror.

In Bangkok the malls are fertile ground for cruising and 95% offer mid-shopping entertainment in the mens room. Not that I avail myself of that service. But it’s nice to know it’s there. Not so with the dismal state of affairs in American shopping malls. A few decades ago our shopping malls were filled with eye candy; malls were a cool spot for the younger generation to hang out. But those hotties have all grown and bought SUVs. Malls are now left to a different kind of cruising; they are now the purvey of ‘power walking’ senior citizens. At speeds reminiscent of being in Bangkok and following behind a group of locals busily attempting to incite jealousy amongst the local snail population. And those senior are extremely pissed over the holiday rush brought on by the Christmas gift-getting season that brings the hordes into what was their domain. Road rage among octogenarians is not a pretty sight. At any speed. But then Christmas shopping isn’t either.

Fortunately said friend is gay so I didn’t have to spend the day with the totally clueless or with the typical straight buddy who’d spend the majority of his mall time trying to work up enough balls to walk into Victoria’s Secret. Straight guys shopping for gifts is a hoot. It’s all about Victoria’s Secret. Even when it’s just their mother and maiden aunt on their holiday shopping list. We ignored Victoria’s. And spent an unnecessary hour perusing the sales staff at Abercrombie’s instead.

Cruising for hotties shopping can be fun  -  just pay attention to what it is he is shopping for.

Cruising for hotties shopping can be fun – just pay attention to what it is he is shopping for.

So things were going well, or as well as could be expected, until we started a major hunt for a gift for the #1 person on his list. And in his life. Who isn’t a person. Finding suitable gifts for his mom, sisters, and assorted lesbian and gay friends was accomplished with ease. Finding the perfect gift for his cat took hours. His cat. Not dog. Which would have at least been understandable. His cat. There is nothing a cat does during the entire year worthy of earning a spot on your holiday shopping list. Cats are evil, vile creatures who are only in it for themselves. The only gift they deserve at Christmas is a lump of coal. Preferably one large enough to cause serious damage when thrown at them.

Even lesbians are smart enough to realize when you are gonna go through life childless the appropriate substitution is a dog. And you don’t have to buy a Christmas gift for your dog. You being there is gift enough for a dog. Dogs are about unconditional love. Cats only love themselves. Though they are also quite fond of finding some hidden spot to take a crap when you’ve pissed them off by forgetting to cater to their every need. So you’d think that my suggestion of a barbecue grill for his cat’s gift would have gone over bigger than it did.

As a gay man, personally, I think you should avoid having anything to do with pussy. But I know there are far too many of you out there who, faced with the choice between getting a Chihuahua or a cat blew the call and settled instead of punting. So to help you avoid the embarrassment of shopping for a Christmas present for your furry friend – and yes, there are some facets of your personality that should remain in the closet – I’ve let my fingers do the surfing and found the purfect cat gift for you. See what I did there? See how dangerous even thinking about pussy can be?

Since you own a cat this is probably something you don’t get to enjoy doing often yourself.

Since you own a cat this is probably something you don’t get to enjoy doing often yourself.

The folks at Meowadays realize that if you share your living space with a cat you probably are lacking in penis. And they got ya covered. For a mere $14 – which is still $15 more than you should be spending on your cat – they offer hand crocheted play toys your cat will love. Why? Because they are filled with catnip which will send your feline friend into mastabatory delight much as the sight of a real penis probably does you. And if I have to watch your cat slobber all over its own face in joy, watching it suck on a penis at least will bring me a bit of joy myself.

Made by hand, kinda like you often do.

Made by hand, kinda like you often do.

But Wait! There’s more!

While I’m talking about facials, let’s not forget Meowadays Sperm Cat Toy, that only run $8 a pop. Which by volume is probably around the same amount you spent on your last orgasm in the Big Mango. And just like their cat nip filled penis toys, each little swimmer is crocheted by hand (as opposed to knitted ‘cuz crochet produces a thicker fabric without seams according to their website, though I can think of the perfect placement for a seam on their penis toys). I’m not really sure what crocheting is, but since you own a cat you probably are.

Or for $10 – ‘cuz you really shouldn’t spend more than ten bucks on your lesbian friends for Xmas anyway – the company offers the perfect gift for any woman in your life. Which being a gay man means the aforementioned lesbians. Their Cat Toy Tampon will make every day that play time of the month . . . or as Meowadays puts it, “Your cat may hate water but I bet it will love the red tide.” These also make a great gift for yourself if you are still trying to convince your friends that you are straight. Leave one or two laying behind your toilet and your buddies will all nod wisely with a been there seen that look. Of course if you are serious about fooling them about your sexuality, you may want to get rid of that damn cat.

Say Ho, Ho, Ho with a visit from Aunt Flo!

Say Ho, Ho, Ho with a visit from Aunt Flo!

Meowadayss also hand makes a cool little zombie finger, which may or may not work well as a dildo. Let me know. And I haven’t figured out who their little aborted fetus cat toy will make the perfect gift for on my shopping list, but assume it will be equally appreciated by both my pro life and pro women’s choice friends. It’s also a good reminder that cats are known to kill and eat human babies.

All of Meowadays awesome pet toys for awesome pets are made to order and may take 1 to 3 weeks to be shipped. So don’t delay, get your order in today. You can visit their website at http://www.etsy.com/shop/meowadays, or friend them on Facebook at www.facebook.com/meowadays because by being a cat owner you probably walk down Lovers Lane holding your own hand and could use a friend anyway.

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Happy Holidays!

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There Oughta Be A Law

17 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Thailand Travel Tips and Tales, Tips

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Bangkok, Markets & Shopping

bangkok street markets 1

The streets of Bangkok teem with humanity; vehicles, pedestrians, street food carts, wide-eyed and totally confused tourists, hucksters and barkers of every imaginable ilk, dogs, cats, rats on the prowl, aggressive ladyboys prowling for a different type of sustenance while proving not all vermin walk on four legs, commuters on foot, bus, and motorcycle taxi, street market buyers and sellers, and tuk tuk drivers – both those taking a nap and those using the sidewalk as a traffic lane – all vie for the limited space nestled in between soaring highrise buildings, palatial hotels, and ramshackle often seemingly deserted shacks. On the boulevards and heavily-foot trafficked sois it’s a cornucopia of hustling bustling humanity on steroids; turn down a small side street and soi dogs take over, their lethargic response to the cacophony of life around them proving no less of a maze. This is Bangkok, where life doesn’t just spill over into the streets, it takes an urban warfare approach that leaves your senses bloodied.

Guidebooks warn potential touri that Bangkok is not a city that favors pedestrians. They suggest the heat, traffic, humidity, and air-pollution are barriers best not scaled. They never bother to tell you that if you are foolish enough to take to your feet, a ten minute walk anywhere will take you a good half hour of sidestepping past beggars, hawkers, and umbrella wielding matrons who come to a sudden stop for no discernible reason. Sidewalks under construction that prove more of a risk to safety than whatever fault is supposedly being fixed, the unsuspected droppings of both man and beast, and what sometimes seems to be the entire population of the city all descending on the same four block area at once, all conspire to beat the unwary into submission. Taking a stroll in Bangkok is a lesson in patience, an education in futility. And then, at night, the streets really come alive. That’s when the nighttime version of street markets – which already seem to infect every square inch of the city’s sidewalks – begin their own relentless pursuit of baht.

As a tourist I love the street markets of Bangkok. As a dedicated flâneur, I hate the interruption they cause to what otherwise would be delightful late morning stroll through the city. Even without the markets sidewalks can often become just as congested and gridlocked as Bangkok’s streets. Once a few vendor stalls spring up, the already precious passageways quickly diminish leaving but a small pathway for those pedestrians who haven’t already taken to the comparably open expanse of the street. By the time all of the city’s street markets are in full swing, the only bodies left an unencumbered passage are the deformed who crawl their way, plastic beggar’s cup in hand, between the feet of those who’ve’ decided if you can’t beat them join them and have begun shopping the heavily laden tables filled with cheap and usually counterfeit goods.

night market @ Chiang Mai

There are street markets geared toward touri, easy to find, hard to make your way through thanks to the crush of sweaty bodies and aggressive vendors who have no qualms over physically grabbing potential customers. There are street markets geared toward locals, filled with used, shoddy, and often stolen merchandise whose vendors take a much more laid-back approach to capitalism, preferring a nap over a sale. And there are markets that barely qualify, a ragtag group of merchant stalls consisting of mats spread across the pavement, mini-streetmarts that pop up wherever enough people pass by to allow their vendors to eke out a just above the poverty line existence. Street markets are the bottom end of the merchant class, a tradition of consumerism you’ll find in every small town and big city in the kingdom. And like insects, viruses, and other parasites who live off the blood of their host, street market vendors too learn to mutate in answer to the vagarities of the marketplace.

That the once open pathways of the BTS, high above the packed streets and sidewalks below, have now become open-air markets of their own should surprise no one. Despite signs prohibiting such behavior, what started out as an occasional market spilling across the broad expanse of National Stadium Station has become a standard along the Skywalks of Victory Monument, Chong Nonsi, and Ratchadamri stations where temporary mats form a flea market filled with every conceivable consumer good a commuter might need. And that’s not even mentioning the corporate chain stands that have paid for an official blessing to squat along what should be a public right-of-way. Combined, they form efficient choke points that reduce foot traffic, already congested by commuters, to a crawl. Those who have turned to the Skytrain to escape Bangkok’s notorious parking lot-like traffic now find themselves facing the same gridlock on foot. But at least there is a Black Canyon Coffee or McDonalds outlet readily available to provide refreshment while you wait for enough open sidewalk to appear so that you can trade an elevated overcrowded walkway for the equally packed one waiting below.

It takes but an evening or two of trying to make your way down Silom to the entrance of Soi 4, or down Sukhumvit to the entrance to your hotel before you swear all sidewalk vendors should roast in hell. Along with those damn Hill Tribe ladies and heir blasted wooden croaking frogs. What initially is a colorful example of Bangkok’s unique brand of consumerism quickly pales when night after night you are forced to shuffle along at a snail’s pace, dodging low hanging plastic tarps and dangling electric cords while the insistent cries of, “Look, Mistah!” compete with whispered offerings of “DVD Mistah. Have XXX.”

You’d try to escape to the trash-filled gutters of the street but vendors’ metal storage lockers block the street just as ably as their stalls do the sidewalks. Your only avoidance option is to time your visits to the worse areas when vendors are prohibited from setting up shop for a scheduled street cleaning. If you could ever figure out what that schedule is.

bangkok street markets 3

There oughta be a law,. But this is Thailand and there already is one. It’s only enforced against those who fail to pay off the right person. But on the plus side, sidewalks overflowing with street stalls give you, and every other tourist in town, something to bitch about. Nothing gets a conversation moving like grumbling about the damn street market vendors who insist on making your holiday a living hell. Friends and strangers alike will commensurate with you about those damn green laser lights that burst into myriad patterns directly in your path that vendors light the sidewalk with, causing your already inebriated mind to lose the focus you were so stridently attempting to concentrate on. But wait. Actually those are kinda cool. And that fake Rolex would make a great gag gift for your boss. And who can pass up 99 baht -shirts . . .

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Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

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