After months of foreplay and weeks of stroking, The London Olympics finally reached its climax and had a happy ending. The good news is the Winter Games just don’t do much for me; the only bulges are on the luge athletes and that’s about rolls of fat not fatties of Olympic rowers. So you’re safe from Olympic coverage from me for another three and a half years. Though you may want to start planning accordingly, I’ve decided to attend next time around ‘cuz Rio is a wild and crazy town that should make the 2016 Games extreme to the max. I’ve got time (a bit) to work out the logistics but I seem to remember it’s easy for a Thai to visit Brazil so I’m thinking of taking Noom along. Even though that is like carrying coals to Newcastle.

Of more immediate interest (to me) is seeing how many new readers stick around now that the Olympics are over. It seems having the keywords ‘bulge’ and ‘gay’ paired up with any Olympic athlete does wonders for driving folks to your blog from Google. During the two+ weeks the Games were underway there were over 300,000 page hits on my blog with a new record of 31,500 visitors on August 1. Channing Tatum’s penis finally met its match in a hunky little Cuban boy in tights. NBC may have thought the interest was in the competitions and who won a medal but Google says the world wanted to know who might be gay and who had the best bulge in London.

That is gonna be a much more difficult call in Brazil. Even before the Olympians hit town. And I couldn’t think of a better way to wrap up the XXX Games than to post a taste of what Rio has to offer. See ya in 2016!

[‘The XXX Games’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2012 London Olympics of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the XXX Games graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]

With all apologies to Bill Maher for brazenly ripping off his bit, it’s time for some new rules for the Olympics:

You don’t get to call them the most spectacular opening ceremonies ever when you chose to play the booger card.

Shakespeare, Chaucer, Dickens . . . and you went with Harry Potter and Mary Poppins?

If you are going to use the Industrial Revolution as a highlight of British history, then you need to give a nod to child slave labor and tuberculosis too.

a: Al Gore invented the internet, and
b: If “This is for everyone” why do I pay $50 a month for access?

Having a field full of minimum wage workers dressed in peasant outfits clear your set from the first act of the opening ceremony is irony that deserves a gold medal.

If your monarch gives grumpy face when forced to stay up past her bedtime, schedule your opening ceremonies earlier.

NBC does not need to explain why a country is appearing out of alphabetical order during the Parade of Nations. We’re Americans – we can’t spell and have never heard of that country anyway.

Ralph Lauren has not been happening in over a decade. Next time have Sean Combs design the US uniforms.

The stylings of Divine were never intended to be copied by pre-teen girls in leotards.

Giving a hug to the Olympian you just booted off the podium because your coach whined you were not judged fairly is not good sportsmanship.

It’s time to stop assuming all male gymnasts are gay, they aren’t. But all male divers are.

Someone needs to tell that bitch that calls the diving that there is no such thing as ‘almost’ a belly flop.

Tom Daley is only 18. I did not need to know he always dresses to the left.

After lovingly panning over Nick McCrory’s massive bulge again and again, it is unnecessary to tell us Kristian Ipsen selected him as his roommate.

We do not need a splash meter to show us how big the splash was we just watched a diver make.

If you can not refrain from wearing a T-shirt with a picture of your Olympian kid on it, at least pop for the extra $10 and have it done professionally.

If we can land a rover on Mars we can do better than an octogenarian holding up a ‘it’s good’ white flag on every long jump and triple jump attempt.

Decathletes need to quit whining about how gruelling the ten event two days sport is or the last event needs to be switched to the triathalon.

It’s been 100 years since the King of Sweden said that gold medal winning decathlete Jim Thorpe was the world’s greatest athlete; we can stop using that title now. None of the decathlon medal winner’s scores and/or times would even qualify them for the finals in the individual events.

In one year we’ve seen planking, photobombing, and owling. Winners biting their medal is a photo op whose time is long past.

It doesn’t matter how much coverage you give BMX, it’s still a bunch of almost 30-year-olds riding bikes the rest of us put in storage when we got our learner’s permit.

You have four years to prepare, you should come up with a better interview question for whoever won whatever than, “Tell us how you feel right now?”

When an Olympic rower gets major wood during the medal ceremony, the commentator needs to ask him, “Tell us how you feel right now?”

No one cares that the women beach volleyball players wear a bikini. Except the lesbians.

If it takes longer to introduce the competitors than it does to finish the event, don’t.

We have to admit it is not that black guys run faster than Caucasians – it’s just the white boys can’t compete with those bulges.

a: When you use childhood dyslexia as the adversity an Olympian overcame, you are trying too hard, and
b: No one will ever trump Oscar Pistorius’ overcoming adversity card, so it’s time to put that cheap attempt to pull the audience’s heartstrings to bed.

If you’ve been hyping the women’s 4 x 100m relay all night long, don’t cut away from the race to announce who Mitt Romney chose to share the silver medal with him come November.

After 17 days and a few thousand hours of television coverage, don’t be surprised if the Roseanne Barr Roast gets higher ratings than the closing ceremony.

British fashion is a lot like British food: bland and not popular even in the UK. Neither is worthy of designing your closing ceremony around. As for featuring a line-up of has been rock stars: Eric Clapton is glad he was not invited to the party.

[‘The XXX Games’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2012 London Olympics of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the XXX Games graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]

When it comes to 10m platform diving coverage of the Olympic Games, the Chinese and gay boys get all the press. Undoubtedly they’ll also get all the medals. The leaders are all cute, but none have the pure masculine sex appeal of previous gold medal winner Greg Louganis. If that was part of the criteria used, then Italy’s Francesco Dell’Uomo would be standing on the podium at the London Games.

The Italian 10m champion since 2004, the XXXth Games of the Olympiad will be Francesco’s third appearance at the Olympics. The Italian stud’s best performance was a bronze at the 2008 European Aquatics Championships until he stunned the crowd at this year’s FINA Visa Diving World Cup test event in London in February when he won the gold medal.

The 25-year-old, who began diving at the age of five, has made a major comeback over the last year since suffering from an inflammation of the membrane of the heart caused by a bad landing off the 10m board a year ago in January. Diagnosed with pericarditis he was unable to dive for almost half a year, making his winning finish at the test event all that more remarkable.

There is not a lot of information on the internet about the hottie from Rome, but since they say a picture is worth a thousand words, here’s a 10,000 of them.

[‘The XXX Games’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2012 London Olympics of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the XXX Games graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]