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…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

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…dancing with the devil in the city of angels…

Monthly Archives: April 2014

Love You Long Time. Not.

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Smells Like Science

≈ 2 Comments

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That's Gay

Love You Long-Time #1

With all the characters from the comics of my youth making their way to the big screen these days, you don’t hear a peep about one of my favorites, Speedy Gonzales. Granted, that may have something to do with Speedy being a less than stellar portrayal of Latinos, but I suspect it has more to do with no one wanting to emulate his best known characteristic. Few aspire to be known as The Fastest Mouse In All Of Mexico. But then the less than affectionate nickname of Princess Tiny Meat isn’t a sought after moniker either, and that’s not stopping Matt Bomer from taking the leading role in the forthcoming biopic about Montgomery Cliff.

Size matters in all things. Or at least all things sexual. And I’d always assumed that when it comes to length, inches are not the only matter that matters. No one likes to be known as shorty because of what they are packing – or not as the case may be – but being known as a Quick Draw McGraw ain’t exactly a glowing recommendation either. Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! might be a cool catch phrase for a Latino mouse, but when that translates to I’m coming! and you sing it out before the other guy even realizes you’re naked, you may have a bigger problem than you thought. ‘Cuz as with pornography, most of us may not be able to define it but we know a premature ejaculator when we see one.

Being a fan of showing straight boys the light, pent-up frustrations coming to a head quickly is, unfortunately, a fact of life. The quickest short-timer in my experience was a cute little haole GI who barely made it through my front door before he’d wrapped his body around mine and crammed his tongue deep into my throat. Being no slouch at moving things along myself when required, I had his pants down around his ankles before he could come up for air. And I thought that deep moan of release was his reaction to finally being in the arms of another man. It was. But it was also a signal he’d finished before he’d even got started. No problemo. I took it as a compliment. And since in your early 20s it doesn’t take long to re-boot, round #2 went a bit better. And lasted longer than 20 seconds.

Okay, that might explain Speedy’s problem . . .

Okay, that might explain Speedy’s problem . . .

Newly minted gay boys aside, faster than a speeding bullet is all good and well if you have a big red S on your chest. Otherwise not so much. In bed, if you’re out to set a new land speed record, forget about Arriba ! Arriba! you need to learn how to pronounce Lo siento. Or so I always thought. But it turns out far too many guys take the phrase ‘knocking off a quickie’ literally. And the numbers ain’t in your favor.

And yup, that smells like science to me.
‘Cuz we’re gonna have to find somebody to blame.

According to Dr. Harry Fisch, a leading urologist and director of the Male Reproductive Center in New York City, 45 percent of men finish having sex within two minutes. Dr. Fisch is busy promoting his new book, The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups, which fortunately is targeted toward breeders ‘cuz we really don’t need the gay community starting to think running a two-minute mile is acceptable. Though another little tidbit he let leak, that the average man has eleven erections every day, is knowledge that can be put to good use. But back to the subject at hand. Before it’s too late.

Dr. Fisch references multiple studies to back-up his claim that the average joe is a two-minute man, or less, He says there have been studies in which couples were scientifically observed having sex, with a stopwatch used to make a fairly accurate assessment about the length of the coupling. Not surprisingly, there is an extremely large variation in the time it takes a couple to have sex, ranging from the excessively short – about two minutes or less, which famed sex researcher Alfred Kinsey dryly noted was a “frequent source of marital conflict” – to the “Are you done yet?” period of over forty minutes.

Surprisingly though, almost half of men don’t even last long enough for the bam in wham, bam, thank you mam. It turns out far too many guys take Dave Chapelle’s one-liner:. “I don’t believe in premature ejaculation. If I come, it was right on time.” as gospel truth. But then statistically speaking, one out of every two people do enjoy premature ejaculation. Even if it is short-lived.

Time management counts when having sex too.

Time management counts when having sex too.

Dr. Fisch says those devoted to giving the term speed dating a whole new meaning need to realize the point is not how much sex you’re having, but whether you and your partner are happy with the sex you are having. “Quality wins out over quantity every time,” he says. And he’s right. So make every one of those seconds count guys.

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Hump Day Is Bump Day #12

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Hump Day Is Bump Day

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The Small Matter Of Size

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World

≈ 10 Comments

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That's Gay

It may be a question of who is the biggest loser, but when size matters, centimeters do to.

It may be a question of who is the biggest loser, but when size matters, centimeters do to.

It’s an age old question: Does size matter? Of course among the enlightened the answer is a resounding NO! Because enlightened people lie too. Among those men of less stature, not so much. Literally. Whether it’s in centimeters, inches, by a wish or a prayer, how well you measure up matters. Especially when you don’t have a lot of matter to begin with. But then for many who are not interested in being short changed, the size of one’s partner’s talents matters too. And for those who prefer the small countries in SE Asia for their stomping grounds, that often means a night of expectations not met. Sure there are those guy who stand tall in every country, but grading on a bell curve, when you head to the East, there’s a good chance that there just won’t be much of a curve there.

But now, thanks to the formation of the political/economical Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) block, a smaller view of the state of those states can help you decide which country to visit to best fill your needs. And despite Kim Jong-Un using Dennis Rodman as a ringer to bring his country’s numbers up, it ain’t North Korea.

While the official ASEAN can’t manage to get its act together and keeps pushing integration back by yet another year, ASEAN DNA, a website dedicated to promoting a better understanding and appreciation of shared values and common characteristics of SE Asian nations has gotten to the heart of the matter by publishing an infographic of member nation’s member’s size. And because the interests of neighboring countries are always of interest too, their global sphere of influences delves into the less than prodigious arenas of other Asian countries too. Which graphically shows why China will never be considered to be a super power.

ASEAN DNA is a website dedicated to the appreciation of common characteristics of SE Asian nation members, no matter how small those members may be.

ASEAN DNA is a website dedicated to the appreciation of common characteristics of SE Asian nation members, no matter how small those members may be.

As for the ASEAN members themselves, being from Burma is a bit of a bummer, and Bali’s high, eking out a wet spot just slightly above the sausage fest of Malaysia, Singapore, and Vietnam, while the boys of the Philippine Islands inch out a win over those from Thailand, Cambodia, and Laos. Even if that is only a third of an inch.

To be fair, numerology is not an exact science and ASEAN DNA’s graphic is somewhat suspect, claiming as its source the user-generated content of an on-line pop-statistics site which references a couple of studies published by a few dubious ‘health’ sites. Though the ASEAN average of 4.6 inches, which falls short of the global average of 5.5 inches, is a fact of life that Asian men just have to live with.

But then who’s counting.

SE Asia Perspctive

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Twinky Tuesday #11

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Twinky Tuesday

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Sex Break: You Khon Touch This

28 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Sex Break

≈ 3 Comments

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Attractions, Bangkok

khon 1

Mention a grand ole dame and extravagantly flamboyant costumes full of sequins in Pattaya and you’re probably talking about yet another insufferably campy aging drag queen from Bristol taking to a too tiny stage when all the audience really want to see is the naked boys. And while among gay visitors said naked boys are still the perennial favorite production value on Bangkok’s stages, throw in a few soaring golden headdresses and some bare-footed dancers richly clothed in silk and brocade and then you are probably talking about the khon dance performances at the Sala Chalermkrung Theater. Or the ladyboy show at Calypso Cabaret. But let’s act like you have some sense of culture for a minute.

When your wallet says nyet to hitting yet another shopping mall, your spiritual being is watted out, and the idea of watching another Big Cock Show! leaves you limp, not far away and yet worlds away from the Silom gay ghetto, Sala Chalermkrung is one of the few remaining places khon – the traditional Thai classical masked dance – can be seen in Bangkok. This art deco Bangkok landmark, a former cinema dating to 1933, features the traditional Thai dance-drama (enhanced by laser graphics and hi-tech audio) every Thursday and Friday night at 7:30 p.m. And considering the dearth of touri in the audience it counts as being off the beaten path too.

khon 2

If you are not familiar with khon, you are with the performers and the masks they wear as they’re an iconic image of Thailand and are featured in ads and on billboards almost as much as his royal you-know-who is. Khon, originally limited to performances for the royal court – and originally only performed by men, even the female roles (so you ladyboy aficionados are covered) – is a distinct art form that brings together movement, dialogue, narration, costumes, and music to tells the story of the Thai version of the Hindu epic Ramayana (known in Thailand as the Ramakien) although Sala Chalermkrung’s is an abbreviated version since original performances lasted 6 hour or more – but still, as a remake, stays closer to the original storyline than Russell Crowe’s recent attempt at retelling the story of Noah. Though come to think of it, these days Russell could play the hero in Sala Chalermkrung’s version – Hanuman, a white immortal monkey – without having to don one of the traditional khon masks.

The performance is a colorful display of dance, acrobatics, movement, and mime with a cast of 60 whose mesmerizing control and balance is a lesson in absolute body control. The dance is a highly physical and symbolic art form requiring performers to adhere to certain movements which express various emotions, choreographed right down to the fingertips. At Sala Chalermkrung you can view all eight acts of the Thai Ramayana and its authentic movements exacted with amazing skill in a little more than an hour. Which is probably all the culture you can handle.

Your evening at Sala Chalermkrung begins with a short documentary that explains what khon is and how the performers train and prepare for the show. It also covers the significance of the performers’ stylized movements and introduces you to the main characters and the masks each wears, to help visitors from the West to better follow the tale as it is an unfamiliar one since Disney has not introduced the Ramayana to American and European audiences yet.

khon 3

During the actual performance there’s also a LED display hung high above the curtain that provides an English translation of the narration – since the actors faces are masked, narrators sing the storyline along with the live music to express the dialogue and plot. Surprisingly, you’ll soon quit bothering to read those subtitles – the actors’ movements and the masks alone quite capably tell the story. So well in fact that your senses will also quickly disregard the accompanying traditional Thai music, which can be, and usually is, quite grating to the western ear. The hot guys on stage – even if they are wearing more clothing than you are used to – ain’t bad either.

Part of the show is the theater itself. Sala Chalermkrung was built by King Rama VII in the 1930’s and was at that time considered to be the most modern building in Asia. A blend of western and Thai architecture, it was a far step above the theaters of the day, which were usually small, cramped buildings that looked like wooden houses with zinc sheets used as a roof. Opened as a royal project, the luxurious 2,000 seat Sala Chalermkrung introduced new technologies to Bangkok’s cinema world, such as sound, light, and an automatic curtain system. Undoubtedly even more importantly to moviegoers, this theater was the first in Thailand to install air-conditioners, a novelty Thais are still enthralled with today as evidenced by the near-freezing temps the SFX chain keeps their theaters at.

Sala Chalermkrung today is a charming theatre, immaculately maintained with period fittings that whisk you back in time 80 years with its mass of brass fittings, red velvet cushions, and sepia photographs. Everything looks as fresh as it did when the theater opened its doors in 1933. The theater itself offers lots of photo ops, and although you are not allowed to take photos during the performance, afterwards the main characters assemble in the lobby to pose with you. And they are not as greedy about being tipped as the ladyboys in Phuket are.

khon 4

Located at 66 Charoen Krung Road (next to Old Siam Plaza) Sala Chalermkrung is easy to find though your best bet for transpo is by taxi. Tickets for the khon performances run 800, 1,000, and 1,200 baht – dependant upon how close to the stage you want to be – and are available on-line through Thai Ticket Major, or at the door.

You can also purchase tickets at the Grand Palace if you want to make it a full day of culture, but then the Grand Palace will probably be closed the day you plan on going and your cultural outing instead will involve discount tailor shops and special one-day only government sponsored gem and jewelry sales. But hey, then you’ll have some new duds and bling to wear and you can pretend you are a Hollywood starlet walking the red carpet when you arrive at Sala Chalermkrung that evening.

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Monday Meat #12

28 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Monday Meat

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Sunday Funnies #74

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Sunday Funnies

≈ 2 Comments

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Gay Thailand Forums

Timmy! discovers sometimes when you play the blame game when the wheel stops spinning the needle lands on you.

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Selfies Sunday #12

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Selfies Sunday

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Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

Move along, there’s nothing to see here folks; pay no attention to that man behind the curtain:

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