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5 Things James Barnes Doesn’t Want You To Know About Out In Thailand

26 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in Gay Thailand Message Boards

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

Gay Thailand

Guess what free publication's readership just took a big drop.

Guess what free publication’s readership just took a big drop.

James Barns, the editor, web master, writer, publisher, marketing director, etc., etc., etc., of Out In Thailand recently published an article called 5 Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Thailand. Had it been slightly edited and written as satire it would have been a funny piece. Instead it just came across as funny-strange. Attacking half of what you claim is your readership – as dubious as that percentage may be – is an unusual move for any publication. Even for a free trade magazine that relies on Thailand’s sex trade for its existence. Anyone stumbling across that article who was unaware of the back story would have to wonder just what it was that got the writer’s panties in such a wad. Those more familiar with why that article appeared in Mr. Barnes free publication can only be reminded of the truth in that old adage: you get what you pay for.

Out In Thailand attempts to promote its monthly issue on the gay Thailand message boards, the very same forums it now claims are responsible for everything wrong with the perceived image of gay life in Thailand. Or I should say did attempt. Its editor quit posting those messages on two of the three boards after those forums’ members repeatedly pointed out inconsistencies and inaccuracies in his magazine, as well as an objection to misleading hyperbole like claiming the publication of an exclusive interview that was actually a reprint of some other publication’s exclusive interview. And then on the sole forum left to him for promotion, the members recently took him to task for publishing inaccurate maps of the bar areas in Bangkok, Pattaya, and Chiang Mai.

5 Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Thailand was Mr. Barnes’ response to the public bitch slap he received on that forum. It’s a temper tantrum, not a piece of journalism. Although now Mr. Barnes would have us believe his article was an attempt to rectify the incorrect image of gay life in Thailand that sexpats and sex tourists insist is the only version of Thailand that exists. Kinda like Bill O’Reilly’s No Spin Zone. Where you hold up someone else’s nonexistent standard so that you can then shoot it down. I’m not sure if Out In Thailand is bringing in the income Mr. Barnes hoped for, or if it will ever become the premier Gay Magazine in Thailand that he claims it is, but if not there’s a future with FOX News just waiting for him. Well, at least an unpaid internship.

Not all young gay Thais work as moneyboys. Some young straight Thais do too.

Not all young gay Thais work as moneyboys. Some young straight Thais do too.

In the opening of his diatribe, Mr. Barnes claims there is a group of old gay expats who lurk on the online forums ” ready to snipe and bitch and advise the newcomer of ‘how things really are.’” He goes on to state they pose as experts but only strive to infect others with their cynicism. Kinda like Mr. Barnes has in his introduction to explaining the five things said forum lurkers don’t want you to know about gay Thailand. So my bad. Forget that adage about getting what you pay for. More to the point would be Nietzsche’s quote “When you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” But equally educational, I’m sure, are the five things Mr. Barnes says “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand.

Evidently the first thing “They” don’t want you to know is that there exists a large cadre of young gay Thais who are not moneyboys, a “new generation of middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution.” Who knew? I thought every Thai male was a moneyboy. Guess I’m gonna have to re-think my plans for a hot night out with General Prayuth on my next visit. It’s just a shame Thaksin isn’t still in power ‘cuz rumor has it he’d do just about anything for money.

What Mr. Barnes conveniently forgets in drawing his conclusion that sexpats and sex tourists think all Thais guys are moneyboys is that gay transplants and visitors looking to get laid tend to hang out in those places where they are. That’d be those places Mr. Barnes identifies on his publication’s maps to make finding them that much easier. At least when he gets the locations right.

In case you didn't know it, Thailand's moneyboys all have a heart of gold. That's why they tell you they lub you as soon as you meet them.

In case you didn’t know it, Thailand’s moneyboys all have a heart of gold. That’s why they tell you they lub you as soon as you meet them.

Nevertheless, now that we’ve been properly schooled and know not every Thai man is a moneyboy, let’s move on to Mr. Barnes’ second thing “They” don’t want you to know. Um, which is again about moneyboys. Not that they all are, mind you. But those who are are not just in it for the money. They are also capable of committing random acts of kindness. As proof Mr. Barnes recounts a tale of having a flat tire one night while pulling up to one of his favorite watering holes, one which one would assume was accurately identified on his publication’s map. Before he could say ‘moneyboy’ Mr. Barnes relates, “one of the freelancers spotted my predicament.” It’s probably a good thing Mr. Barnes didn’t have his flat amidst a group of those “middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution” instead, ‘cuz then who knows what would have happened.

But moneyboys aside, Mr. Barnes soon found himself surrounded by a group of . . . ooops, young moneyboys, who all pitched in to fix his flat while he went inside for a shot of gin (which should not be confused with the beer all sexpats drink for breakfast, according to Mr. Barnes). And while it is not one of the five things “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand, this incident does shed some light onto the phenomenon of why it takes six salesclerks to help you at a department store in Thailand, and why there are eight employees assigned to your table at restaurants in Bangkok.

But as not all fairy tales do, this one ends happily, proves moneyboys are not just about money, and is certainly not the only incident that would do so as Mr. Barnes tells us he could recount many such stores. Undoubtedly as many as there are moneyboys in Thailand.

There is far more to Thailand than the commercial sex business. At least during the morning hours.

There is far more to Thailand than the commercial sex business. At least during the morning hours.

The third thing “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand – and y’all better sit down for this one ‘cuz it’s gonna really blow you away – is that “there is far more to Thailand than the commercial sex business.” I know. Whodathuink? But there is. According to Mr. Barnes, there is entertainment, food, movie theaters, art, dance, music . . . and the list goes on. None of which, unfortunately, advertise in Mr. Barnes’ publication. Nor does his magazine run articles about those places. But there are “lovely locals who are thrilled to assist and entertain visitors” too. And occasionally fix your flat tire while you get your afternoon shot of gin. But enough about moneyboys. Let’s talk about ladyboys instead.

Mr. Barnes says the fourth thing “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand is ladyboys. Which is probably why TAT doesn’t feature ladyboys on the cover of any of its publications. It’s all a big conspiracy. And not that you should ever refer to a ladyboy as a “thing.” Unless you’re Mr. Barnes, But his point is that ladyboys are not untrustworthy thieves. And he’s right. Because the fact is, those ladyboys who ply their trade along Sukhumvit can always be trusted to be thieves. It’s kinda their thing. So don’t misunderstand them as being criminals. That’s not why the Boys in Brown routinely raid the area and haul them off in a paddy wagon.

What ladyboys are, according to Mr. Barnes, are brave, resilient, folk who work hard to “make a crust”. Which, by default must mean they are not part of the “middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution.” But Mr. Barnes says they may also be “high functioning executives” who still have to work hard to make a crust. Huh. Talk about your glass ceiling. It’s just a shame Mr. Barnes can’t get his publication’s maps accurate enough to pinpoint where a visitor could find such upstanding examples of Thailand’s third gender. ‘Cuz I’ve heard those ladyboy cabarets really make for a fun night out.

Thailand's ladyboys are not all untrustworthy thieves. Some are just ugly.

Thailand’s ladyboys are not all untrustworthy thieves. Some are just ugly.

Fortunately, Mr. Barnes didn’t go with The Top Ten Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Thailand, and stuck to a mere five instead. ‘Cuz #5 itself is just a rehash of the indictment against old sexpats he began with. Specifically, what Mr. Barnes wants you to know – but “They” don’t – is that internet forums are not the fount of all knowledge. Duh. That’s what Twitter and Instagram are for. ‘Cuz Out In Thailand certainly isn’t. And forum contributors have “limited experience of the real Thailand.” I’ll bet few have ever had a flat tire in front of a moneyboy bar. But while said forum posters may lack real Thailand experience, they do have “embittered agendas and bile” and “admissions of failure wrapped up in their pitiable ego trips.” Which you should not confuse with Mr. Barnes’ article no matter how similar the two may sound.

Mr. Barnes wants you to know that Thailand is changing rapidly, and despite the old guard’s inability to change, you should seek out the new, seek out the truth and seek out your little slice of paradise and find the new way that is beautiful, exhilarating and fab! By which, I’m guessing, he doesn’t mean Out In Thailand. ‘Cuz if this article is an example of what he publishes, there is little new, truthful, beautiful, or exhilarating about it.

As a free rag, Out In Thailand does serve a purpose. It advertises the places gay tourists might want to visit, assuming they are interested in prostitution. But you’d almost think the publication doesn’t want you to know about the “middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution” because while busily “providing the best media and information for the tourist and expat alike” it never makes mention of those folk.

Gay tourists enjoy reading Out In Thailand. Or at least looking at the photos of naked boys.

Gay tourists enjoy reading Out In Thailand. Or at least looking at the photos of naked boys.

In its ‘City Guide’ for Bangkok, after a short introduction paragraph that informs you shopping opportunities abound, like the Patpong Night Market, Out In Thailand quickly gets into listing massage parlors, short-time hotels that offer hot and cold running boys, and what has to be the classiest gogo bar in town, Nature Boy. Which is fine. The magazine’s distribution is those places sex tourists gather, so catering to them makes good business sense. But then acting like you’re all above that, doesn’t. And when Alexa ranks the popularity of your publication’s website far below that of the message boards that you warn against, and attempt to draw your readers from, you might want to rethink your strategy.

If the majority of readership is quickly becoming gay Thai guys, as you like to claim, maybe you should publish it in Thai. And those difficult to get accurate area maps can be discarded ‘cuz most gay Thai boys already know where all those places are. If you want to educate gay sexpats and visitors about all the other things wonderful about Thailand, that it is not just all about moneyboys, publish articles about its wats, its museums, its night-time entertainment options that don’t revolve around the sex trade. Instead of articles about the latest gogo bar to advertise in your publication.

If you want to do Thailand’s ladyboys a service, how about an article about the proposed constitution recognizing Thailand’s third gender and what that means to the country’s ladyboys instead of a review of a ladyboy cabaret (that advertises in your publication). And if you despise those who contribute on Thailand’s gay forums so much, how about no longer posting promotional links on those message boards. Because there’s another apt adage to consider, that one about biting the hand that feeds you.

James Barnes has worked hard to help his readers form a new opinion of his magazine.

James Barnes has worked hard to help his readers form a new opinion of his magazine.

Or maybe you could just get those maps updated correctly.

My How Time Thais

16 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Gay Thailand

Time and Thai waits for no man.

Time and Thai waits for no man.

There are many little habits common among Thai that drive farang crazy. Not social customs so much as peculiarities that many seem to share. One of the least popular is what is commonly referred to as Thai time. That’s when you agree to meet someone at say 7 o’clock and they show up somewhere around nine. It’s such a wide-spread habit that it makes you wonder why knock-off watches are such a popular item at night markets in Thailand. But then again no self-respecting local would be caught dead wearing knock-off bling. Any more than they would looking at their watch to make sure they were on time.

Personally, I have a bigger problem with their love of karaoke than I do with their time avoidance issues. Part of that is from having lived in Hawaii for so many years where Thai time is called Hawaiian time. Both use the same clock. Numbers not being my strong suit, it doesn’t hurt that I tend to avoid clocks and watches myself. I don’t get why there’s such a big thing made of time pieces being instruments of great precision when the traditional clock is anything but. When seven forty and twenty to eight mean the same thing you’re just asking for trouble. At least if you’re asking me what time it is. My biological family still likes to make jokes about my time telling capabilities. Like if we’re meeting somewhere at eight, they’ll go: So that’s when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on . . . . They’ve been beating that one dead for so many years you’d think they were Thai.

So 7-ish makes perfect sense to me. That mean your arrival time for any social engagement is when there’s a seven anywhere on the face of your clock. Unless yours is digital. Then you don’t even have to show up at all. But that drives many visitors crazy. Which, since most are on holiday, doesn’t make a lot of sense. The only time you should be concerned with is whether you are booking a bar boy for a short-time or long-time off. Or how much longer you have to pick a guy before the bars close.

When  the big hand is on  . . .

When the big hand is on . . .

Nonetheless, and while I doubt it will help any of you chill, I’d thought I give you my thoughts on why Thais seem so unconcerned about the time. And that’s often because they are instead concerned with face. Uh, not the one on your watch. Thais go to great lengths to avoid setting up themselves, or you, to lose face. And setting a time to meet does just that. Believe it or not, they know arriving late is rude. But even if they leave home with plenty of time to arrive when they should, there’s no telling what will come up in between. They may run across a friend. Or two. Or there’s more traffic than they planned for. Or the local 7/11 was having a sale. Ya never know.

So everyone concerned is better off if you just agree to meet at an indefinite time. Like later. Or tonight. Then they won’t lose face for arriving late. And you won’t lose face for being upset that they are. Which is even worse. Because if you were Thai and understood the concept of face you’d know by getting mad you are not doing your part to protect them from the loss of face for being late. You just can’t beat Thai logic. At any time it appears.

There’s the issue of confrontation at work too. Thais avoid confrontations almost as much as they do face loss situations. And when it comes to time, there’s two confrontational paradigms at work. The first, obviously, is that there is a good chance they will arrive late and being a farang and not knowing better you’ll get mad and a confrontation will ensue. In which you will lose face. But even before that disastrous event, your insistence on setting a time to meet alone is confrontational. ‘Cuz the trifecta in the time conundrum is that Thais hate to say no. So when you say let’s meet at 7, they’re stuck. They can not say no. Even though they know there’s no way they can be there until 8. So it’s your fault. ‘Cuz if you were Thai, you’d know better.

Looks like 3 o'clock to me.

Looks like 3 o’clock to me.

Of course that’s assuming they even want to meet you. A Thai will also agree to meet you at 7 even when he has no intention of ever meting you. At any time. Because telling you that would be rude. And you’d lose face. Again. It’s the same principle at work when you ask a Thai for directions to somewhere he has no clue about getting to. He’ll still give you directions. Because that will make you happy. Later, when you are completely lost, he’s out of the picture so it’s no longer a problem for him. Ditto for when he never shows up for your date. He made you happy by agreeing to meet you at 7. That was the extent of his duty to you. What happens afterwards when he fails to show is up to you. And you’ll have plenty of time to deal with it.

Farang just spend too much time allowing a clock to dictate their life. Thais know whatever the time is, it doesn’t really matter. Farang rush to get out of bed in the morning to not miss out on their hotel’s free buffet breakfast. Thais know that if the buffet closes at 10 and they show up at 10:30, one of their countrymen will open the restaurant’s door for them. The important thing about their job as a bar boy is not that work starts at 8, but that they show up sometime before the show begins. ‘Cuz that’s when the manager really needs them. And it really doesn’t matter what time your plane is scheduled to arrive and that they convinced you to allow them to meet you. Because airlines tend to work on Thai time too. And even if they are an hour late getting to the airport, they know you’ll still be there waiting for them. Because despite the aggravation of their lack of a sense of time, it’s the time you spend together that you really treasure. And that’s what is really important.

Penis Power In Thailand: The Legends Of Phra Nang Cave

05 Friday Dec 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Tips

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Attractions, Gay Thailand

Towering mounds of hard limestone thrusting into the sky ain't the only reason visitors to Phra Nang Beach have penis on their minds.

Towering mounds of hard limestone thrusting into the sky ain’t the only reason visitors to Phra Nang Beach have penis on their minds.

While these days Thailand’s southern beach areas are best known for dead tourists, not-so-dead wood too awaits the more adventurous travelers. And since there are only so many illegal Burmese immigrants around to blame your local troubles on, the authorities on Krabi recently devoted a day’s efforts to cleaning up the island’s most troublesome hot spot. ‘Cuz rumor had it that some of those damn farang – who are almost as good as Burmese for finger-pointing – had been filling the local phallic shrine with dildos.

Thanks to Thailand being as sybaritic as it is religious, Phra Nang Cave – aka the Princess Cave – should be on every budding queen’s must-see list when holidaying on Krabi. Located on the far end of Phra Nang Beach, the cave is a shrine to an Indian princess who was killed in a shipwreck. Or she was the wife of a local fisherman who was lost at sea. I’m not sure how the legend of a dead princess and one about a dead fisherman’s wife who lived out the rest of her lonely days in the cave pining for her husband’s return managed to become intertwined and confused, but then since the result is hundreds of dicks who really cares?

Come to think about it, I’m not too sure how either legend ends up being about safety on the seas or getting knocked up either. But along with those two stories comes those two beliefs. Or you can combine them, kinda, sorta, and claim the shrine is where local fishermen go to pray for success with their day’s catch. Which doesn’t explain how having good luck with fish translates to dick either. Other than that some claim Phra Nang Cave resembles a vagina. But since the one thing everyone can agree on is that the only use for a vagina is sticking a dick or two in it . . .

According to local legend, this is what a vagina look like. Now aren't you glad you avoid those things?

According to local legend, this is what a vagina look like. Now aren’t you glad you avoid those things?

Which, at least, helps explain yet another local legend that claims if anyone carves a wooden dick and releases it at high tide anywhere along the Krabi coast, it will eventually end up in Phra Nang Cave. There’s a penis tie-in to yet another legend surrounding the cave too, which says that if a person enters the cave with a good heart, food will drop down from the cave roof to feed them. But if they enter with a bad heart, a great wind will usher from the cave and blow them tumbling to the other end of the beach. Not that Phra Nang Cave is the only place in Thailand you can get a blow job. Even, occasionally, a legendary one. In any case, that’s a lot of legends. And a lot of dick. Both of which the locals are generally in favor of. Farang dick, not so much. Which is why officers with the Noppharat Thara National Park and beach guards recently spent a sweaty day diligently searching the cave for foreign dick. But before we get to the meat of that story, let’s look at another not so legendary one.

Phra Nang Beach, with its beautiful white sand contrasting with the emerald expanse of the Andaman Sea has been called the second most beautiful beach in the world. Thanks to the massive limestone cliffs which block any possibility of making a road to the spot, the only way to get to the spectacular little bit of paradise is by boat. So back in the mid 1990s, The Dusit Group, Thailand’s premier resort chain, decided the only way you could improve on the pristine beauty of heaven was by building a 5-star, exclusive, $1,000 per night, 100 pavilion hotel. So, once again, we’re talking about dicks.

Ignoring every legend they’d heard of, not to mention a few hundred wooden penises, construction of the resort plodded along smoothly until the night before the grand opening when some of the construction workers decided to have a little Mekong whisky party in the Phra Nang Cave. Reportedly, the workers were from Isaan in the northeast part of Thailand, which is almost as good as illegal Burmese immigrants when you need someone to blame for a catastrophe. Which is usually the outcome of any Mekong whisky party. And in this case, the outcome was a fire that torched the penis shrine (that the diminutive workers burned the gigantic penises in a fit of jealousy is more of a rumor than legend).

Because nothing says tropical paradise like a 5-star resort, welcome to the Rayavadee.

Because nothing says tropical paradise like a 5-star resort, welcome to the Rayavadee.

Forget what you’ve heard about the dangers of a woman scorned, because that ain’t nothing compared to the ire of a few hundred penises scorched. While the Issan workers will still trying to decide which of their crew looked most like a Burmese, thanks to their whiskey-infused bonfire a local woman on the other side of the peninsula became possessed by a spirit and began babbling in tongues. Locals claimed Phra Nang’s spirit had take over the woman’s body, pissed about her shrine being destroyed. One of the tongues she babbled in must have been Thai ‘cuz the word went out that Phra Nang – undoubtedly because she couldn’t pronounce Myanmar – said, “The people who do this have the big house, but soon everything come down.”

Quicker than you can say Palad Khik (which is what Thais call wood dildos used as an offering at phallic shrines) word spread of the return of Phra Nang and the dastardly deeds of the Dusit Group. Hundreds of Thais gathered in protest in front of the Dusit Thani Hotel in Bangkok demanding the government stop the Dusit Rayavadee from “trespassing on Krabi’s national park.” Which probably would have been more effective at ground-breaking than grand-opening, but then that woulda meant the loss of lots of local jobs. The Dusit Group responded, showing how much the Thai peoples’ will meant to them, by rolling out a red carpet down Phra Nang Beach to the waterline amidst the sound of champagne bottle corks popping to welcome the hotel’s first guests arriving by hydrofoil jet ferry from Phuket. Phra Nang was not amused.

Pop, pop, pop went the bubbly on the beach. And then bam, pow, kaboom went the hotel’s generator, exploding and shooting flames into the sky in what appeared to be a volcanic eruption. That’s what happens when you mess with a goddess’ penises. And with no backup system to power the resort’s air-conditioners or to recharge foreign-made dildos packed away in guests’ suitcases, the hotel’s inaugural batch of the rich and famous were escorted back to the boat for a hasty retreat back to Phuket.

The last thing you want, as the Dusit Group learned, is an angry local spirit having a hard-on for you.

The last thing you want, as the Dusit Group learned, is an angry local spirit having a hard-on for you.

The Dusit Group’s PR department immediately went to work to prove their not-so-grand opening was merely a badly timed glitch rather than a curse and after bringing in a new generator ordered a large cement spirit house to be ceremoniously built in the cave with the sacrificial offering of a goat to not appease Phra Nang’s spirit, wink, wink. But the goddess didn’t want goat, she wanted penis. And that night, a Thai woman who worked at one of the bungalows was possessed by a spirit. Once again. ‘Cuz Thais will beat a curse to death just like they do a good joke.

Whether you believe in local superstitions or not, the locals do. Management of the Rayavadee awoke the next morning to find many of its employees ready to call it quits. Which kinda puts a dampener on holding a grand opening even when you’ve already held a trial one that didn’t go quite as planned. Bowing to the inevitable, and recognizing that when your heart is set on penis nothing else will do, the Dusit Group directed their remaining staff to spend the day in Phra Nang Cave carving replacement phalluses to turn Phra Nang’s frown upside down. which should have put an end to Phra Nang’s curse on the Rayavadee, but considering since then Gwyneth Paltrow has stayed at the resort . . .

Today, local fisherman and boatmen leave offerings in Phra Nang cave to ensure safe travel on the sea. Or to find true love. Or to get their wife pregnant. Or to have a successful day fishing. Not that it really matters ‘cuz unless they make their pilgrimage at the break of dawn they can’t get near the cave thanks to all the touri who want to take a selfie among the hundreds of erect penises, many vividly painted, many sporting colorful pieces of cloth. And a few far too realistic looking and made of silicone. Which doesn’t bother Phra Nang, but did piss off local authorities after a photo of an adult sex toy sitting in the cave appeared on-line (uh, that’d be a dildo and not Gwyneth Paltrow).

Wood penis good, silicone penis bad, trade-ins not allowed.

Wood penis good, silicone penis bad, trade-ins not allowed.

After a long, hard, sweaty day of thrusting themselves deeply into the dark, moist cave, the officers found the culprit: a single dong-shaped offering which the local media described as “a large, pink faded sex toy”. “We believe it was left there by a tourist who doesn’t really understand local beliefs,” said Komart Paenkerd, who works for the Krabi Provincial Cultural Office, adding, “Since antiquity, it is believed by locals that putting wooden Palad khik penis carvings in the cave will evoke the spirit of Phra Nang and ensure that you find true love.” So wood penis good, silicone penis bad. And any penis equals true love. Which is a legend I can get behind.

But let’s leave the last word to Khun Paenkerd. “I would like to inform tourists that sex toys are inappropriate as an offering,” he said. “Locals worship the spirit of Phra Nang with hardwood only.”

And that is as it should be.

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Penis Envy In Bangkok

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Does A Happy Thailand Mean A Gay Thailand?

09 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in This Is Thailand . . .

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Gay Thailand

Looks like a state of holy matrimony to me.

Looks like a state of holy matrimony to me.

Depending on which appendage you use to count once you get past ten, over 60% of American citizens now live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. Earlier this week the Supreme Court decided to not make a decision on a handful of marriage equality cases presented to it, thereby allowing several circuit court rulings against states’ bans to be lifted. Their lack of action also gave rise to the ire of those wacky right-wing conservative nut cases including Grandpa Duck of the Duck Dynasty who reminded his fan that you can’t get STDs from ‘biblically correct’ sex, which I have to assume means I’m safe if I’m using the missionary position.

Meanwhile, Defense of Marriage Act fans’ rhetoric has become so laughable that federal judges are actually laughing at them in open court. Some, including Justice Scalia, assume the Supremes will take up the issue at a later date; others that by failing to do so again in the future marriage equality will become the law of the land based on state’s rights, with no intervention by the federal government. The only issue everyone seems to agree on is that same-sex marriage will be legal throughout the country one day and that day will be coming sooner than most thought. Well, that and that Hillary Clinton will be the next president.

While some nations that barely qualify to be one, and several Islamic countries flying under the banner of Allah’s love, are busy trying to decide whether caning, stoning, or execution is the best way to deal with their gay citizens, those countries that someone might actually give a damn if they were wiped off the map are slowly coming around to realize that gay people should have the same basic rights as all citizens. And that includes the right to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. There are 19 countries today where same-sex marriages are legal, or are legal at least in part of the country. And the word is that Thailand may soon become the next. Kinda, sorta.

All things being equal . . .

All things being equal . . .

According to some news agencies, we’ll soon get to see if PM Prayuth and his appointed parliament are serious about making Thailand a happy place, or if that’s just an excuse for a moral crusade. Thailand’s Civil Partnership Act may soon be taken up by that august body. Civil partnerships are the same-same but different version of marriage equality, the you can have your cake but not eat it to stop gap measure other countries have taken in the past on their path to full marriage equality enlightenment. Also known as registered partnerships, there are 24 countries in the world today in which same sex couples may legally be united, but not in wedded bliss. Thailand’s Civil Partnership Act was coming up for debate just before then General Prayuth decided to shuffle the Thai leadership deck and while it does not provide equal treatment under the law, it does make some headway in bringing marriage equality to the kingdom.

Under the bill, the rights of a person in a civil partnership will include the right to use one’s surname, property rights between the partners and rights on how the partnership is ended. However, the bill does not entitle homosexual partners to raise children, and the minimum age of those allowed to register civil partnerships is 20, while for the heterosexual marriage it is 17. So at least Sunee Plaza sexpats are safe from being forced to marry their boy du jour.

A year ago, when the country’s leaders didn’t wear olive green, a parliamentary committee drafted the bill, claiming it would guarantee to registered same-sex couples the same safeguards over inheritance, medical decision-making, insurance benefits, pensions, tax status, and other rights as married couples enjoy. But flaws in the draft were widely noted by lawyers and gay rights activists. Chanon Amornthatri, a Thai lawyer from the University of Cambridge said, ” The draft is very concise yet not concrete. Any marriage rights that are not specified in the draft might not be recognized for same-sex couples.” His concern was that even had the bill passed, it would not guarantee identical rights for same-sex couples as for legally married couples. But then civil partnership status seldom does. That’s why in Utah, where the Supreme Court’s recent lack of a decision is forcing gay couplings down the state’s throat, a local politician has sponsored a bill to call same-sex unions pairages, instead of marriages. Ya gotta love those Mormons.

Equality under the sheets is a good thing as long as that doesn't mean I have to become versatile.

Equality under the sheets is a good thing as long as that doesn’t mean I have to become versatile.

There are pros and cons to civil partnerships instead of marriage equality becoming the law of the land. But sometimes baby steps are the way to go. For Thailand, the first hurdle is actually getting the bill in front of the parliament. Before the government changes again.

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Cha Cha Chai

Cha Cha Chai

A Walk On The Wild Side at Bangkoks Tawan Bar

A Walk On The Wild Side at Bangkok’s Tawan Bar

A Gay And A Lesbian Walk Into A Bar

A Gay And A Lesbian Walk Into A Bar . . .

How Gay Inclusive Isn’t Thailand?

19 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Thailand Travel Tips and Tales

≈ 8 Comments

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Gay Thailand, That's Gay

How gay inclusive is Thailand? Sexpats and the United Nations agree that when it comes to social norms, gay rights, and equality, it's all about being hands off.

How gay inclusive is Thailand? Sexpats and the United Nations agree that when it comes to social norms, gay rights, and equality, it’s all about being hands off.

It’s good to know that Jabba The Butt is mad as hell and ain’t gonna take it any more ‘cuz the powers-that-be want to turn his beloved cesspool of debauchery by the sea into a family friendly resort destination. Even if all that means is he’ll whine about it to the dozen of readers of his blog. Because in Pattaya gay means commercial sex and nothing dictates how gay Thailand is than farang whose myopic vision only allows for a narrowly focused glimpse of self-delusional reality. In Jabba’s case it’s that there is no good reason for Pattaya to be anything other than the Sin City he’s grown to love. Because the lifestyle of a Pattaya sexpat is a god-given right damnit and no meddling government should even think about putting a stop to the constant flow of hot and cold running moneyboys that are the very life blood of his golden years.

Yawn. It’s Jabba’s typical mouthing off about his version of what being gay in Thailand is all about: prostitution. Which, being a failed pimp, isn’t exactly news. But a far wider reaching opinion on what being gay in Thailand means has just seen the light of the day. A report by the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) and the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) has been released that paints a not-so-rosy picture of gay life in the Kingdom. The joint analysis bills itself as a landmark report and the first comprehensive review and analysis of Thailand’s legal and social environment encompassing in-depth research on LGBT issues in Thailand. And their news ain’t good. But then ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ immediately comes to mind, and any report that starts off with a two page list of Acronyms never bodes well for anyone other than its authors. But on the plus side, Jabba can now boast that he is just as myopic as a United Nations task force intent on explaining to Thailand what is wrong with it from the superior perspective of outsiders.

While Jabba’s concerns are on naked boys on stage and the freedom to buy them for the night, the USAID/UNDP’s is instead about gay rights and equality, even though those issues are dictated through Western perspectives. The report claims that “while the tourism authority actively promotes Thailand as a gay tourist destination, acceptance of non-traditional sexualities in Thai society is still perceived to be low.” According to the report, Thailand’s gay citizens live in a society where there is strong pressure to be a “good citizen” and put family concerns or interests before their own. This, the report says, is compounded by the notion that one’s sexuality or gender must not go against accepted norms and should not bring shame to oneself or one’s family.

Thailand's social norms are based in its rural history, much as they are in more fully developed nations in the West.

Thailand’s social norms are based in its rural history, much as they are in more fully developed nations in the West.

All of which is true. But in Thai society everyone is supposed to be a ‘good citizen’ and everyone puts family concerns and interests before their own. That’s how a collective society operates. And sexuality is just one of many areas in which Thais are expected to not go against accepted norms, or bring shame to themselves or their family. In fact, that pretty well defines every breath the average Thai takes on a daily basis. And despite what the report insinuates, just because you are gay doesn’t mean you should be let off the hook.

Gay rights, equality, and non-discriminatory laws and legislation are all noble issues, but when you define those values through Western perceptions . . . well, you’ll quickly find that Western values are not as easy to import as is Western pop culture. And when Western nations feel they have the road map to equality for all countries on the earth to follow . . . well, maybe they need to clean up their own act first.

The USAID/UNDP’s report encompasses the findings of the Thailand National LGBT Community Dialogue held in March 2013 in Bangkok, Thailand (along with additional findings from a desk review, additional interviews, and analysis of published literature on LGBT issues in and around Thailand). The National Dialogue was attended by 45 participants, including representatives of LGBT organizations from throughout Thailand, the National Human Rights Commission of Thailand, donor agencies, universities, nongovernmental, human rights institutions, legal aid organizations, and civil society organizations. In other words, organizations that rely on funding by governmental agencies like the USAID/UNDP.

As with most government backed findings, the USAID/UNDP's report is really about funding.

As with most government backed findings, the USAID/UNDP’s report is really about funding.

So while the report defines how gay citizens are treated and viewed in Thai society, no effort was made to talk to average Thai citizens, only those whose jobs and organizations deal with gay rights issues provided input. That’s like Jabba asking the moneyboy he just hired to molest what his views on prostitution in Thailand are. Or asking one of his band of merry men if public sex in Sunee Plaza bars should be allowed and/or encouraged.

The USAID/UNDP’s report begins with a brief history of homosexuality and transgender behaviors in Thailand, and says that Thai society in the 19 century was relatively androgynous relating to clothes and hairstyle. However, at this time, colonial Western norms of behavior and thinking started to be adopted including the criminalization of homosexuality and sexuality being considered not a private matter but instead a part of social norms. You’d think that conclusion alone would send up a red flag about the dangers of Western norms being applied to non-Western societies. But that would have made for a very short report.

Next, it provides a summary of problematic areas in law, social customs, religion employment, housing, education, and health and well-being (which for some odd reason focuses on sexual-reassignment surgery). You can read the full report here, but I’ll highlight most of the areas the report singled out for you:

What? No PowerPoint?

What? No PowerPoint?

Even though Thailand’s Constitution prohibits discrimination, specific laws that refer to sexual orientation and gender identity do not exist. (As they also do not in the USA)

A proposal to include sexual identities under the anti-discrimination clause of the 2007 constitution
was rejected. (As was the 2007 constitution.)

Existing marriage laws specifically reference men and women, reflecting a traditional interpretation of gender and family structure.(As they still do in the majority of states in the USA.)

Legal and policy reform is seen as difficult both because lawmakers tend to be conservative, and because the constitution and country’s laws are seen as sacred.(Which is also a plank of the US Republican party’s platform, and the gospel truth according to the Tea Party.)

Although there is no overt persecution of LGBT people, Thai society does not wholly accept sexual and gender minorities. Attitudes towards LGBT individuals can be somewhat tolerant as long as LGBT people remain within certain social confines. Hostile attitudes may lurk below the surface of individuals and parts of society that do not express their views openly. (Sounds like America to me.)

There is a lack of understanding about the specific struggles and needs of LGBT people.(Ditto.)

Arguably, the greatest and often most important struggle that a Thai LGBT individual faces is that of religion.(Religious zealots against the rights of gays? Who’d have thought?)

The vast majority of Thais ascribe to Theravada Buddhism. This religion does have negative views of sexual orientation and gender identity that does not conform to social norms, viewing it either as a punishment for sins in past lives, or as a lack of ability to control sexual impulses and tendencies.(Yeah, bit at least they don’t confuse homosexuality with bestiality.)

I'm all for gay rights. But the two on the left ain't bad either.

I’m all for gay rights. But the two on the left ain’t bad either.

Due to the gender roles Thais are expected to play in the workplace and in society at large, there were numerous accounts of LGBT people facing discrimination in employment settings. Many LGBT people, if possible, choose to remain closeted to avoid discrimination and stigma at work. For instance, there were multiple reports of LGBT individuals being denied promotions, being fired from their jobs after disclosing their sexual orientation, as well as being asked inappropriate questions during interviews and job screenings. (Welcome to the USA!)

Transgender people who cannot easily hide their identities suffer the most employment discrimination in Thailand, and are often limited to working in roles in hospitality, entertainment, or the sex work industry.(Also the traditional jobs for drag queens back home.)

The lack of relationship recognition also leads to same-sex couples having unequal status to heterosexual couples in areas such as the ability to access social services, spousal insurance and benefits, and joint bank loans.(‘Cuz that’s not al;so the law of the land in the USA)

There are reports of negative portrayals of LGBT people in school textbooks that label homosexuals as deviants. *Which is mandatory in Tennessee’s public schools.)

Sexual-reassignment surgery (SRS) is available in Thailand, with indication that Thailand performs the greatest number of male-to-female (MTF) SRS in the world. However, although MTF SRS is easily accessible in Thailand, female-to-male (FTM) SRS is not as easily accessible and as advanced. It is also more expensive. (Well, FTM SRS requires more plastic. And I’m not sure that indicating that Thailand performs the greatest number of male-to-female SRS in the world counts as a negative.)

In terms of legislation, transgender individuals cannot change their sex on legal documents regardless of whether or not they have undergone SRS.(Nor can they in the U.S. and Facebook won’t even allow them to use their new identities.)

But then again when you're fabulous you really don't need ID to prove it.

But then again when you’re fabulous you really don’t need ID to prove it.

While there is some appearance of acceptance for LGBT persons in Thai society, many face discrimination from family, education, media, legal, government, economic and religious structures, institutions and establishments. (As they never do everywhere else in the world.)

There is a great juxtaposition between how Thailand is portrayed globally as a haven for LGBT tourism and the actual acceptance of LGBT persons within Thailand itself. (Thank the gods we don’ have that problem back in the States!)

Thai media generally portrays LGBT people in a negative way, or as stock characters or comic relief on television shows. (But we award them Emmys for that in the U.S.)

The USAID/UNDP’s report concludes with a list of recommendations that will fix these problems for Thailand, such as The Ministry of Finance ensuring equal access to benefits and compensation for LGBT couples as heterosexual couples, The Ministry of Education protecting the basic rights of all students to equal access to education and protection from discrimination, the State and other relevant institutions to ensure equal access and rights to safe and affordable housing for LGBT individuals. school curriculums to include LGBT issues and awareness, etc., etc. etc, All of which would be great initiatives to recommend be implemented in the US and most other Western countries too.

The USAID/UNDP’s report is a product of a broader initiative entitled ‘Being LGBT in Asia, an initiative launched on Human Rights Day in December 2012 that seeks to promote understanding of the fundamental challenges faced by LGBT people and to document the progress being made in anti-discrimination efforts. It is It is currently being implemented in Cambodia, China, Indonesia, Mongolia, Nepal, the Philippines, and Vietnam too.

Societal norms can and do change, usually without the UN's intervention.

Societal norms can and do change, usually without the UN’s intervention.

Gay rights and promoting equality are certainly valuable issues that need to be supported and addressed, but I can save the USAID/UNDP a lot of time and effort: In all eight of the Asian countries the initiative has singled out you’ll find homophobia and discriminization exists, and laws and societal norms need to be changed to ensure gay citizens are afforded the same rights, protections, and treatment as anyone else. Just like you’ll find in 99.9% of Western countries. As for Thailand, pointing your finger at Gen. Prayuth’s version of a government is probably not a smart move. Affecting change by doing so is as likely to succeed as Jabba The Butt’s demand that Pattaya remains to be the armpit of the world that it is.

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I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy: Affairs Of The Heart

26 Tuesday Aug 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy

≈ 14 Comments

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Gay Thailand

Affairs Of The Heart #1

Undoubtedly, I’ve waxed erotically over my bar boy friend and current love of my life, Noom, on these pages before. At least once or twice. It’s difficult not to. The man is a hunk. And whenever Noom pops into my mind, it’s usually vivid pictorial memories of his naked body that accompany those thoughts. So much so that you’d think these posts should be called I Fell In Lust With A Bar Boy. But that wouldn’t make for very interesting stories ‘cuz every gay man who has ever stepped foot inside of a gogo bar in Bangkok has fallen in lust with a bar boy. The smart ones pay his off fee and take him back to their hotel to pursue that lust to its natural conclusion. Because happy endings are what Thailand’s all about.

Lust is pretty much a 24/7 state of being for me when I’m in the kingdom. From the cute waiter at breakfast to the hot hunk at the mall to the novice monk showing nipple at a wat, there is a non-stop constant bombardment of lustful displays of eye candy waiting for me. Even the stoic officer at Immigration causes my mind to start fantasizing over how much fun it would be to strip him out of that uniform. That’s soon followed by the thought that maybe rather than tip him I should throw the bellhop who takes me to my room onto the bed and give him an orgasm instead. Not that that’s an either/or proposition. I’ve done both in the past.

I’m pretty sure Noom knows how many guys I undress with my eyes daily in Thailand. But he doesn’t care. ‘Cuz he knows all he has to do is undress himself and my focus will, again, be entirely on him. Fortunately, Noom is naked almost as often as I am in lust. So that works out well for the both of us. Although I’ve yet to figure out how it is that cuddled naked in bed together after a long session of hot, sweaty sex, I can still be looking at his body with so many lustful thoughts in my head. I think it must be love.

Affairs Of The Heart #2

Someone – whom I really wished hadn’t been the one asking – recently questioned if I would still be as attracted to Noom if sex was no longer part of the equation. So there is such a thing as a stupid question. My attraction to Noom isn’t about the sex we have but rather the sex I want to have when I look at him. Even when we are in the middle of having sex. I think what he meant to ask was whether or not Noom and I would still have the same relationship if sex was no longer part of our relationship. That’s a better question. A loaded one considering who it came from, but a better question nonetheless. And one I’ve considered before. Although, perhaps, with less thought as to what that might mean to someone else.

Early on in our relationship I considered the issue of sex/money/relationship thanks to either the angle or devil on my shoulder, depending on who you ask. I think that is a set of issues many farang involved with a bar boy have questioned in the past. It seems to be a disloyal thought when you suspect you are falling in love and hoping the object of your affections is falling in love with you too. Because it is not about love, but rather about motivation. Or appears to be. But as guilty of a thought as that may be, the alternative is to fix your rose-colored glasses firmly to you face and stumble blindly into a future that may well end up with you being one of those disgruntled farang who claims some bar boy done him wrong. And that’s not ever a pretty sight.

Of course when that question came up the first time – back when it was for my own edification and not posed with ulterior motives attached – the answer was an easier one. Because it had no basis in reality. I could question whether I’d still want to be with Noom if the sex was cut off, or whether he would still want to be with me if the money stopped, but that was a debate of fantasy. Neither was going to happen. Because while you may say it’s about money and sex, we both know it’s about taking care of the other person’s needs. Which in this case, as it is in many, is sex and money. At least for now.

Affairs Of The Heart #3

The initial attraction was Noom’s body and my wallet. It was lust at first sight. As it should be. And over the years my money and his body have continued to play an important role in our relationship. But our relationship has grown, our friendship has matured. It’s no longer just about money and sex. When my little head stops its reminiscing and my big head takes over the controls once again the warm feelings I get thinking about Noom are about who he is and not what he looks like. And how he makes me feel when I’m with him. So yes, if sex was no longer part of the equation I would still be just as attracted to Noom, just as much in love with him. And I realize that at some point sex will probably no longer be part of our relationship. That’s assuming that even at an advanced age I won’t find the naked body of an 80-year-old to be something that stirs lust within my heart. But that’s only an assumption. So I’ll get back to you in another forty years.

Of course I could have told you that years ago if I’d only asked Noom. Not that I had to. Because he once told me as much. From our first night together, he knew. And a year or so later one night when we were cuddled together naked in bed – not having sex, but with lust working its usual magic on my psyche – he said, “Dis when I happy.” It wasn’t that I wasn’t listening; his words at that time however were filtered through my lust. Only later did I realize it wasn’t about us not having sex, or about being naked together, but rather the affection we shared in simply being together. Noom knew way before I did that ours was an affair of the heart.

Despite what you would assume from those who vent their disillusionment on the message boards, there are a lot of successful relationships between farang and bar boys out there. Genuine relationships. Real relationships. Not the relationships of boyfriends who change faces several months later, but relationships that began years ago and are just as strong today. One of the benefits of writing this blog is that I hear from farang in those relationships. Some of whom have moved beyond the sexual to pure friendship. You’d think since that’s where it started, when sex is no longer in the picture, those relationships would be over. Not true. Maybe that’s the difference between lust and love.

Affairs Of The Heart #4

I’ve heard from several farang who were in a relationship with a Thai for years, enjoying his company as much as they enjoyed having sex with him. Years later, for one reason or another, the boy moves on in his life, often returning to his village, often finding a wife and starting a family. You’d think that would be the end of that relationship. But instead the farang remains an important part of that guy’s life. He becomes part of that guy’s family. Sex is no longer part of the picture, but the affection and love the two shared still is. It would be easy to write those relationships off as examples of sad farang who have so little in their lives that they are willing to settle for a pseudo-relationship with a guy who won’t even have sex with them any longer. But if that’s your take, a quick peek in the mirror will show you who the sad farang really is.

Orgasms are cheap and easy to come by. What those farang have is the brass ring. It’s not about lust. It’s about love. And hearing from those farang share their pride in the achievements of the men who were once their sexual partners, provides a small inkling of the difference between the two. There are those too who continue to have a relationship with a Thai guy that includes sex, probably even more of them. And I’m not trying to discount those relationships. That’s the cake, with the icing, and a cherry on top. But when you remove what everyone assumes is the main attraction, at least for the farang, and still have a warm, loving relationship . . . how can you then claim that’s not a real, genuine relationship? How can you then assume that sex and sex alone is what makes a relationship between a farang and a Thai or between any two people – tick? You need to quit thinking with your dick.

Noom and my relationship still includes sex, largely due I’m sure to the high degree of lust I still feel for him. That may, or may not, continue for years to come depending on how what we share together plays out. And while I’m thankful for it, the act of sex in and of itself, is no longer the driving force – for me – behind what we share. It is part of our relationship, yet separate from it too. If that makes sense. That’s not something new. That’s not a paradigm I’ve grown into. I think that has been a standard of our relationship for years because of what he does for a living. Many have marveled at my caviler attitude towards his life as a bar boy, that I’m not jealous over the time he spends with customers and that, if anything, I encourage visitors to Bangkok to off him. I probably would be jealous, I probably would be concerned, if any of that had anything to do with our relationship. But it doesn’t. It’s just sex. Or bidness, in his mind. Which has absolutely zero impact on what the two of us share. Other than that occasionally he picks up some new trick. And I thank you for that.

Affairs Of The Heart #5

But back to the original poorly posed question. I’ll always be attracted to Noom because of who he is, not because of the orgasms I’ve enjoyed with him. Would our relationship change if those orgasms were no longer part of our time together? Sure it would. There would be a lot less post-coital showering involved. Would our not having sex in some way lessen our relationship, or even bring it to an end? You’re thinking with your dick again. Focusing on the sexual part of our relationship – while understandable – provides the wrong picture; sex should not be your concern. Because sex hasn’t been the basis of what we share for years. And whether or not we continue having sex will have no impact on that relationship. Or on its future. It’s not what is important. It’s not what makes our relationship what it is. Noom is and always will be part of my life. Because I didn’t just fall in lust with a bar boy. I fell in love with Noom.

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The Boys In The Bar 10. The Boys In The Bar Meet The Boys In Brown

08 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in The Boys In The Bar

≈ Comments Off on The Boys In The Bar 10. The Boys In The Bar Meet The Boys In Brown

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Gay Thailand

boys in the bar 10 #1

Outside the bar rain was coming down in buckets. That didn’t bode well for business. Customers seemed to think they would melt if they got wet and an early evening rain almost guaranteed an off-less night for most of the boys working the bars on Soi Twilight. Not that this evening would have set any records anyway;it was the middle of the week when bidness tended to be slow. And as the bar boys showed up to work tonight, the manager informed everyone that the bar was scheduled to be raided by the boys in brown. And that meant the boys in underwear would not be having much of a happy ending to their night.

Lek was excited about the raid. It would be his first. And since he was old enough to work at the bar, had his ID card, and wasn’t a drug user, Wit had quickly clamed his initial fears. Being raided was just part of bar life. Even with all the tea money the owner paid out monthly, there were times when the police had to make it look like they were doing their job. And they made sure whichever bars would be raided knew about it in advance. Doing your job, or pretending to, was one thing. Actually having to work because some unsuspecting bar boys got caught up in the snare was asking a bit too much. So instead of quaking in fear over the visit from the authorities, the manager was busy re-shuffling the acts for the night’s shows so that they complied with the letter, if not the spirit, of Bangkok’s laws. That meant no nudity. Which, in turn meant even those customers who weren’t put off by the presence of police on the soi wouldn’t be as enticed to off a boy as usual. And that was before the heavens opened up. A few boys having heard about the planned raid, for one reason or another, decided taking the night off was in their best interest. They wouldn’t be missing much. Except for Lek’s inaugural performance as a diva. And divas really should play to a packed house.

Since Lek had begun performing his comedy act the bar’s business had been booming. Word of mouth passed swiftly among the local population and since most Thais enjoyed a good laugh, and the gay ones loved a bit of cock to go along with that chuckle, the house filled up during show times on weekends. Lek enjoyed the attention, but in his heart he wanted to take to the stage as the diva he was. So far the bar’s manager had refused.

boys in the bar 10 #2

Tonight, since Lek’s act involved a naked cock – Wit’s naked cock to be precise – the manager suggested he do a different act. Lek thought it was finally his chance to shine until the manager told him to do the ugly ladyboy with sagging water balloon breasts skit that all the bars eventually mixed into their routines. Lek had thought the first one he’d seen was funny. Grandma Nong, his mentor, dissuaded him from that opinion. Laughing at ladyboys was not okay. Laughing with them, like the audience did during Lek’s act, was. So it was his turn to refuse the manager. Which wasn’t an easy thing for a young Thai boy to do. For a diva, it took not much more than a flamboyant snap of the fingers. Suddenly faced with an angry ladyboy, the manager gave in, and with stars in his eyes Lek rushed over to his friend to share the good news.

“Wit! The boss says I can do my act tonight!”

“No! You can’t,” his friend and roommate informed him. Wit knew that Lek’s act wouldn’t fly during a raid. Even though it was humorous, a lot of that humor relied on naked male flesh. And since most of it was Wit’s naked male flesh, he knew better. Wit was happy for Lek’s success at the bar, but performing what amounted to a sex act – in fact a few of them – with his newest member of his family still bothered him a bit. Having the audience laugh when your erection made its appearance on stage didn’t make it any easier. So a night off wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“No not my comedy act! I get to sing! I’m going to do Don’t Cry For Me Argentina,” Lek corrected him. “I love Madonna,” he added needlessly.

boys in the bar 10 #3

Wit responded the same, “No you can’t.”

“But the manager said I could. He needs to fill the show and I’m the perfect answer,” Lek explained.

“No, I mean you can’t sing,” Wit shot back. ” I’ve heard you try. It sounds like a kitten being devoured by a hia.”

That hurt. Lek considered mentioning that someone’s cock didn’t always get as hard as it should during their act but took the high road instead. “I’m not going to sing, just mouth the words. It about how I move and look, not my voice.”

“Well you’d better not even hum a note or the only moving and looking that will be happening will be customers looking for the door and moving toward it as quickly as possible.”

Lek slapped Wit with his fan. Wit was getting tired of that damn fan. Ever since Grandma Nong had given it to him, Wit always seemed to have it at hand. And if he was serious about being a ladyboy he needed to do something about getting some tits, not acting as though an embroidered silk fan transformed him into the lady he wanted to be.

boys in the bar 10 #4

Lek had texted Grandma Nong, hoping the old woman would bring her a gown to wear and help him with his make-up. But Grandma Nong too acted as if she’d melt in the rain. And in truth, her make-up probably would and that would be much the same thing. Lek had to bribe one of the boys whose familiarity with yaba meant he couldn’t risk being at the bar during a police raid to take a tuk tuk to Grandma Nong’s place and pick up a gown for her. He was anxious about the boy getting back to the bar in time for the show. And a bit anxious too that the boys in brown had not yet shown up.

Usually when a raid was conducted the police arrived just after the bars opened. It was slow then. They could make the appearance someone higher up’s face required and then be gone before business really started up. But the boys in brown were not fans of getting drenched, so it looked like tonight they would arrive later. Which usually meant at the very end of the night. That way their business wouldn’t interrupt the bar’s business, or cash flow, still. But if his barmate didn’t hurry up and return, that could be smack dab in the middle of Lek’s turn on stage. And if that happened, the tears he planned on gushing for his number would become real ones. And ladyboys didn’t like getting drenched either.

Fortunately the little yaba addict appeared before the police did. And he had Grandma Nong in tow. At least Lek thought it might be Grandma Nong. He’d never seen the diminutive octogenarian not in drag before. And the quick finger to her lips said no one else should know they just had either. That she had braved the weather – and braved facing the world as a man – just to see Lek’s diva debut meant a lot. A hell of a lot. Grandma Nong as a man was quite a hideous sight. His face looked like a bad tattoo. Even if he wasn’t a ladyboy Lek thought he’d still benefit greatly from a liberal application of make-up before going out in public.

boys in the bar 10 #5

The house lights dimmed just as Lek put on the finishing touches to her own make-up. Wit and the other bar boys in the candle act took to the stage, their sheer silk scarves draped over white undershorts instead of their normally erect cocks. It just wasn’t the same. And when the customers realized it wasn’t going to get any better, several paid up their check bin and left. Lek was glad she was up next. Or there would be no one left to appreciate her fabulousness. With a spotlight causing the rhinestones in her tiara to shoot rainbows across the stage, she made an entrance worthy of Madonna herself (although Lek had shaved his armpits; emulating your heroine was one thing, allowing body hair to grow au natural was quite another). Lek wasn’t sure whether the audience applauded her entrance or not, in her head she heard the standing ovation. And with the first tear beginning to spill over and drip from her right eye, she lip synched the opening words, a chanteuse’s lament for the love of her people who didn’t love her back quite enough.

As Lek got to the line about having had to let it happen, about having had to change, her stage tears became real. She was no longer not-singing about some farang dictator’s gik; it was her life, her decision to move to Bangkok and become the person she always knew she was. It was her song, her words. And her audience was soon forgotten. By the time she began belting out the words, “So, I chose freedom,” she wasn’t lip synching any longer. Her voice rang out across the stage. Which normally would have been fine, the bar tended to keep its sound system at an eardrum shattering decibel level and no one would have heard her off-key warbling. But with the spotlights blinding her, Lek hadn’t noticed that just as she’d feared, the boys in brown had made their entrance during the middle of her act. The manager cut the music. The audience winced, thinking Lek’s voice was just a particularly nasty bout of feedback. And the next line of her ballad was trampled over by the noise of the bar’s customers reaction to the sudden presence of a squad of the local constabulary in their midst.

Grandma Nong breathed a sigh of relief.

boys in the bar 10 #6

The house lights came up, the spotlights on the stage dimmed, leaving Lek stranded on stage and unsure of what to do as she attempted to dry her tears, which began flowing even more freely when she realized her debut as a diva had just been ruined. She stared out at the audience, at her bar mates being hustled into a group by a few of the cops, looking for someone to help her, to tell her what to do. She spotted Grandma Nong, or the elderly man she was passing for, but the old ladyboy’s signals were about her mascara running and not about whether she should flee or finish her act. And Wit, who would have let her know what to do was busy looking worried about a pee test the police had begun administering that had not been part of the raid’s schedule.

Just as she was about to panic for real, Lek felt a presence next to her on the stage. Through teary eyes she saw a large brown blur approach. And then a gentle hand at her cheek, a smooth thumb brushing away her tears. As her vision cleared a handsome Thai in uniform appeared. No, a gorgeous young uniformed hunk, not just a handsome one. And he smiled at her as their eyes connected. Lek thought she might faint.

Lek felt his strong arms envelope her. And then in her ear he whispered in a lilting voice (and completely in key), “The answer was here all the time, I love you and hope you love me.” And as he helped her off the stage he followed up with what Lek thought was an even sweeter serenade. “My name is Khemkhaeng,” he told her. “And I hope we can become very good friends.”

boys in the bar 10 #7

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The Boys In The Bar: 07. Something Familiar, Something Peculiar

The Boys In The Bar: 09. What’s Love Got To Do With It?

01 Friday Aug 2014

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bois in the bar 09 #1

The Farang was back in Bangkok, and So wasn’t entirely sure if that was a good thing. He’d been excited when he received the email telling him he was arriving soon, more so than he would have expected. Good or bad, farang were farang and as customers not all that different from one and another. Some were nicer, more kind, more respectful than others, but in the end their farangness overshadowed their differences. They weren’t Thai, they didn’t think or act like Thais do. Farang were strange. Which didn’t help So make sense of why he was feeling so strangely about this one.

Several nights earlier at the bar, before The Farang showed up, Wit had noticed how anxious and excited So had been about The Farang’s arrival and had teased him about being in love. But regardless of how nice he was, regardless of how much So had enjoyed their time together on his previous visit, The Farang was a customer. And what’s love got to do with that? Maybe Wit, being gay, allowed his emotions to color his relationships with customers, but So wasn’t. So was straight. And married. Falling in love with a man . . . well, that just wasn’t possible. Having sex with one was tricky enough.

When he first started working at the bar, back in his late teens, that wasn’t a problem. In those days it seemed he was constantly in a state of arousal; it didn’t really matter that the person he was in bed with was a man, or old, or wouldn’t qualify as attractive in anyone’s book. Flesh was flesh and it was all about So’s flesh and his orgasm anyway. As the years passed those acts became more familiar, and therefore easier too. But So no longer got hard from just slipping out of his jeans. Now he had to coax his cock into an erect state. Where once just being naked was enough to get him hard, now he had to fantasize that he was doing something that his body wanted to do. With someone he wanted to do it with. More often than not, that meant thinking of his wife Noi; closing his eyes and letting the sex they’d had the night before replay in his mind usually did the trick. At least while his customer of the night was busy performing acts that didn’t require So to look him in the eyes.

bois in the bar 09 #2

The Farang awoke, rolled over, and noticed that something was playing on So’s mind, its movements replicated on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked in a voice that barely made its way across the bed.

So looked at the face that had so quickly become familiar and a part of his life, thought of how he could explain – and then thinking better of it – smiled, settled himself back into The Farang’s arms, and whispered, “Nothing.” But something was wrong. Noi was suddenly on So’s mind. And the fact that now was the first time he’d thought of her over the last three days worried So.

When So had called her the night The Farang arrived to let her know he wouldn’t be home for a few days, he could tell she was torn between being happy about the income his multiple day off would bring them and the long expanse of nights she’d spend alone in their bed because of it. That she didn’t trust farang deepened her concerns. Noi was protective of her husband and knew how easily bar boys could fall for the lies visitors told them when spinning their fantasies of love and friendship. And she was a woman naturally resonant with worry.

bois in the bar 09 #3

In her typical way of not addressing what was bothering her directly, Noi had offered her warning instead through gossip, recounting for So the story she’d just read in the newspaper about a 30-year-old farang who’d been convicted of killing his Thai wife after she destroyed his prized collection of Star Wars toys. In his defense, the farang had told the court that he’d long put up with abusive treatment from his 28-year-old wife, but that the destruction of Darth Vader and company had sent him over the edge. And if that didn’t tell you how strange and dangerous farang could be, Noi didn’t know what did. But So felt safe snuggled deep within The Farang’s arms. Still, perhaps, it might be a good idea to check his luggage in the morning to make sure he didn’t have any Star Wars toys packed away.

Not that So was worry-free himself. He’d trusted in farang customers before, only to be disappointed, used, abused, and burned. He’d learned their promises were as believable as a politician’s. They just paid better. And when his heart had been hurt in the past, Noi had always been there to comfort him, ready to soothe his pain. But she was just as ready the next time to remind him of those farang who’d treated him badly in the past. So was more of an optimist. And he believed some things were best left buried in memories that stayed safely tucked away in the farthest recesses of his mind. He didn’t think every wound needed to be poked, prodded, and opened like Noi did. Not every wrong needed to be reexamined, or dragged kicking and screaming into the light. It was better to just let a disappointment or hurt heal, even if it didn’t heal quite right. Those emotional scars, he thought, could deepen you, could give a greater luster to your colors, a richer resonance to your view of the world. That is if they didn’t destroy you, if they didn’t burn away your optimism and spirit. And your capacity for dreams. So believed sometimes it was better to leave some things in the dark and remind yourself not to go stepping into shadows when you could just as easily avoid it.

So’s current worry wasn’t so much about the what, but rather the why anyway. Or maybe that was the how. Back before he’d met The Farang business had been slow, and money was tight. One Thursday night So had stopped at the Ganesha shrine in front of CentralWorld to ask the deity for some help. And not unmindful of the gods’ needs too, to make an offering to the god whose realm dealt with business success, money, and wealth. The next night The Farang walked into his bar. Which didn’t surprise So in the least, that’s the way the spiritual world worked. But while he’d been in the area he asked for a blessing from Trimurti at his shrine too, since it was only meters away from Ganesha’s. Just to cover his bases. Because Trimurti was a popular deity for those looking for success, prosperity and happiness too.

bois in the bar 09 #4

But timing can be everything and the Trimurti shrine, around 9:30 on Thursday nights, was known to be the place to go for those seeking happiness in romance. So had made an offering using nine red joss sticks, a couple of red candles, and nine red roses – 3 roses for each of the god’s heads as was custom. But he’d been thinking of Noi and the bit of a spat they’d had because of their financial problems. At the time he hadn’t really considered that the shrine was known to be especially successful in matching foreign mates with Thai partners. After meeting The Farang, he’d stopped back by the Ganesha shrine to make an offering of thanks. But now he was beginning to suspect he’d been giving credit to the wrong god. As most Thais knew, getting an assist from those gods you most often honored was not unusual. But like gods everywhere in the world, they tended to have a wicked sense of humor.

Whichever god was responsible, feeling The Farang’s arms wrapped around him So felt blessed. This one did seem different. And generous. Already he appeared to understand his duty in taking care of So. Already So’s financial situation had improved. And the blessing the gods had bestowed upon So was beginning to translate into money that would allow him to live the life he aspired to for his family. His and his wife’s future already looked brighter. A fleeting thought of Noi and he staying at such a fine hotel as this, their bodies cocooned together in bed, danced across his mind; So felt his cock stiffening at the thought, and then felt guilty as though that brief vision was a betrayal of the one whose arms encircled him. Feeling The Farang’s warmth radiating outward to encompass his entire being, So’s cock finished extending to its full length. One of his barmates claimed that he always got hard after eating a full meal. Maybe that was all this was, elation over having his immediate needs filled. If sex could be considered as a meal, then the two of them had certainly just had their fill.

So laughed, felt The Farang move in response, stirring just enough that his bare arm dropped down across So’s chest, his hand now resting just above So’s throbbing cock. He pressed his ass cheeks up against The Farang’s crotch, feeling safe, secure, and drifted back to sleep with the thought that he shouldn’t question what blessings the gods decided to bestow upon him. He should just be grateful for what he had. However it came packaged.

bois in the bar 09 #5

Noi awoke in the early dawn, the noises Lek was making, quite on purpose, stirring her from her slumber. She stretched, moved to reach out to So, and then remembered he was still with his farang customer. She groaned and pulled herself out of the bed, ready to get an early start on her day. She had made a bargain with Lek that if he took over running the food cart this morning he wouldn’t have to sell bags of her barbeque to the morning’s commuters. He’d jumped at the opportunity to avoid the work that he hated, but still couldn’t resist letting her know his displeasure over being forced to work two, almost three, jobs. But what he made at the bar wasn’t much. The owner paid him to perform his comedic ladyboy act, but Lek didn’t work as a bar boy. And booking customers was were the real money was at. Noi decided he could make all the ruckus he wanted; what mattered was that the baht kept flowing freely.

Working seven days a week didn’t give Noi much in the way of spare time. Usually it didn’t matter. Her job running Mama Khem’ s food cart kept her busy and tired her out enough that the evenings and nights she spent alone usually ended up devoted to a nap. But now with the extra money coming in from Lek selling her barbeque too, Noi had decided it was time to take the next step in her and So’s marriage. She wanted a child. Maybe a boy. Who would grown up to be as handsome as his father. So didn’t yet know they were trying to have a baby. And Noi wasn’t sure that she should tell him. He still needed to please his customers, but so far his efforts with her had not turned out as she’d hoped. She was afraid that he wasted too much of his power on those who booked him, draining him of the gift she needed him to give her. But if she mentioned it, he might not book as many offs. And they still needed the money bookings provided to survive. Noi had decided before she brought So in on her plan she’d try something else. And now she had the morning free to do so.

With the sun just beginning to drop hints of red and gold across the windows of the high rises lining the street, Noi caught a tuk tuk into Pratunam. The driver, a wizened old man who looked even older than Noi was feeling this morning, only had a vague idea of where her destination laid. He made a few wrong turns, stopped to ask directions that only seemed to confuse him further, and then finally pulled up at the wrong hotel. The security guard stationed at the entrance knew where she was headed though, and Noi decided to walk the rest of the way rather than find herself delivered to some other place she didn’t want to be. Her circuitous route took her to the back of the hotel instead of its entrance, but since that’s where she needed to go anyway it worked out just as well.

bois in the bar 09 #6

The Swissotel Nai Lert Park had changed names over the years; when Noi had first heard of the place it had been called The Hilton. Some farang Hollywood star, one Noi wasn’t familiar with, had killed himself there, involved in some weird sex act – supposedly with a ladyboy – that the women in her neighborhood had all giggled about but didn’t understand. Farang. What could you expect? Noi thought they may have changed the hotel’s name after that, possibly in an attempt to remove the bad luck his death would bring to the place. Not that it mattered. The hotel was just a landmark, where she was headed pre-dated its existence, under any of the names the building had been known as.

The fetid scent of the klong provided her the direction she needed to go, as she skirted the outer boundaries of the hotel’s swimming pool and parking lot. A small garden opened at the edge of the pavement, its walkway lined with gaily painted wood phalluses of every imaginable size and shape. A large ficus tree shaded the area; this was the home of the spirit Chao Mae Tuptim, and it was her shrine that Noi had come to visit and pray to.

Years before the hotel had been built on its grounds, the owner of the property, a businessman, found a spirit house floating in the klong and placed it on the bank of his land next to a large tree. A local woman came to pray at the shrine asking the gods for help to conceive. Chao Mae Tuptim, a tree spirit who resided in the tree next to the spirit house, heard her prayers and nine months later the woman gave birth to a healthy child. She was so pleased that she came back to the shrine and left a large wooden carving of a giant penis as thanks. Word spread of her good fortune and since then hundreds, if not thousands, of women had made the same pilgrimage; their successes evidenced by the growing number of lingam left as offerings. Some were small, some were painted in realistic hues, one was twice the height of Noi. And at the shrine she could sense the power of the spirit.

bois in the bar 09 #7

Not unlike her husband had a month earlier and just a few blocks away, Noi brought offerings of candles, incense sticks, and flowers; in this case lotus blossoms to symbolize birth and jasmine because that was a blossom that Chao Mae Tuptim was particularly fond of. She knelt, and then kowtowed before the shrine, beseeching the goddess for assistance. A feeling of calm entered her soul as she explained to the deity why she should intervene on her and So’s behalf. Noi pictured their future together as a family. She had not planned on staying at the shrine long, just long enough to give the spirit its rightful due, but now found it difficult to pull herself away. It was peaceful and quite here. Surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the city, the shrine was a small oasis of serenity, the shade of the tree Chao Mae Tuptim called home cooling the small garden, its branches providing a temporary perch for a flock of small birds busily twittering above her head.

Noi thought she might spend the afternoon here, and then got busy cleaning up the spirit house, straightening offerings left by others, and gathering the stubs of joss sticks that had burned out to discard later on her way home. Even at rest she had a difficult time in not making herself useful. She thought the goddess would approve of her efforts, but as she knelt again to point out the good deed she’d just done – gods may be all knowing but it never hurt to make sure they recognized your labors on their behalf – she heard someone nearing, a gradually approaching noise that soon turned into giggles, and then out-right laughter. A small group of farang appeared, all men, the kind who patronized the bar So worked at from the look of them. They ignored her, ignored the shrine, didn’t even seem to notice the spirit tree, and began taking photos of each other standing next to and climbing on the phallus offerings that surrounded them.

Noi finished her prayer. And then apologized on the farangs’ behalf. She’d rather have told them off, but lacked the English to do so. Besides, she was worried that one of them may in fact be a customer of her husband, and that the spirit may have recognized that fact. She lit another set of incense sticks, just in case, before leaving for home. Noi didn’t believe in coincidences when it came to the spiritual world, and as she made her way back out to the street decided the appearance of those farang may have been a sign from the goddess. Noi decided when So got home, though that may still be another few nights away, she’d tell him she wanted a baby. Even if that meant fewer bookings for him for a while. Because so far, their love for each other alone, hadn’t been enough to bring her the child she desired.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:
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Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

Move along, there’s nothing to see here folks; pay no attention to that man behind the curtain:

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