Like Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster, bi guys are a quirk of nature that few have ever seen but many assume to exist. We almost had proof when Tom Daley kinda sorta came out, but quickly learned that by bi he meant bottoming for Dustin Lance Black. Bisexuality isn’t so much about a state of mind as it is a state of sexual development. ‘Cuz guys who claim to be bi today usually become tomorrow’s gay men. Except for the self identified straight ones who just had too much to drink. They become tomorrow’s fuck buddy.

It’s one of the benefits of being an out gay man. All the straight guys you know know just who to go to when curiosity gets the better of them. Then they often act like they no longer know you. Until the next time they decide they need a penis to play with. Some self-identified straight guys continue to straddle the line between gay and straight, even when their hottest sexual encounters are being straddled by another man. They claim to be bi because they don’t want to admit to themselves that they are gay. But denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, and the penis always knows.

Dr Qazi Rahman, an assistant professor in Cognitive Biology at Queen Mary University in London knows too. He’s an expert in the study of gender, sexuality, and homosexuality. Note that he doesn’t study bisexuality. ‘Cuz he says, at least in men, there ain’t no such thing. Or if there is you are more likely to be struck by lightening and win the lottery than you are to ever actually meet one. Not that that stops some men from claiming they are. But Dr. Qazi says the problem with studies that report a statistical number of bisexual men is that they rely on self-reporting and self-identification. And as everyone knows, all men lie. Especially when it comes to dick.

Instead, Dr, Qazi says he has a better way. And it’s called a penile plethysmograph. Which is a mouthful. But it also provides a different level of insight because it’s looking at the involuntary physical response of a man’s genitals. Or in laymen’s terms, it’s a lie detector for penis.

The penile plethysmograph, or phallometry measures changes in the circumference of the penis. A stretchable band with mercury in it is fitted around the subject’s penis. The band is connected to a machine with a video screen and data recorder. Any changes in penis size, even those not felt by the subject, are recorded while the subject views sexually suggestive or pornographic pictures or movies. Computer software is used to develop graphs showing the degree of arousal to each stimulus. The machines, which cost about $8,000 were first developed in Czechoslovakia to prevent draft dodgers from claiming they were gay just to avoid military duty. Dr. Qazi uses his to measure blood flow to the penis, which is a strong indicator of sexual attraction and arousal.

In his studies, Dr. Qazi chose to show participants film clips of two lesbians doing disgusting things to each other, and clips of hot,sweaty man on man action. Not just because he assumed gay participants would vomit if show straight sex scenes, but because he believed that straight men would respond to naked female breasts no matter what they were doing and gay men would get hard when a pair of penises appeared while the breeders among them would not. And, for the most part that’s what happened.

“In physical response studies we find that self-identified straight men and self-identified gay men respond as you would expect,” says Qazi. “Straight men are more aroused by watching footage of same-sex activity between women; gay men are more aroused by watching footage of same-sex activity between men.”

But when it comes to the self-deluded, the responses are not what they’d hoped for. Dr Qazi says in his studies 95% of self-identified bisexual men are only aroused by the footage of same-sex activity between men, the remaining 5% are only aroused by the footage of same-sex activity between women.” Ergo, the majority of guys claiming to be bi only get aroused by gay sex while a small minority obviously claim to be bi ‘cuz they think it will help them more easily score some pussy.

Dr. Qazi says his research shows that male sexuality appears to be category specific. “The bottom line is that while social effects will play a part in the way that sexual attraction is expressed, sexual orientation is essentially innate,” he claims. As for the existence of truly bisexual men, Qazi says, “Bisexual males may exist but it’s likely that the numbers may be so low that it’s almost impossible to identify them through the available research. However the prevailing scientific view is that bisexuality in males doesn’t physiologically exist.”

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