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Justavacations

24 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in Gay Thailand Message Boards

≈ 6 Comments

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Gay Thailand Forums

Sexpats and sex tourists often have a myopic view of what makes Thailand Thailand.

Sexpats and sex tourists often have a myopic view of what makes Thailand Thailand.

As cumbersome as typing out the entire phrase is, I try to use ‘sexpats and sex tourists’ in my postings to be all inclusive. But I’m lazy and sometimes use only one of the two designations to stand for both. There is a difference, but not much of one. Sex tourists may only be visiting the kingdom, but dwell full time in a Pattaya state of mind; Sexpats are those who’ve made the move to their idea of paradise but spend the majority of their time in pursuit of boys in the bars and on the beach, just like sex tourists do. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with either. But the mindset is the same. Looking to get laid, getting laid, and thinking about looking to get laid rules the day for the sexpat and the sex tourist alike.

They also share in common the characteristic for coming up with some wild justifications for the things they do and to explain a culture totally foreign, one never to be assimilated into their daily lives. Whether it’s due to wearing rose-colored glasses or blinders, it’s a common enough trait amongst tourists the world over. Sexpats and sex tourists just seem to take it to a whole new level. There’s an excuse, a rationalization, a defense for everything they do; an explanation, a reason, an interpretation to resolve the unfamiliar, the foreign, the different. They’re justifications, but in honor of the sex tourist I call them justavacations. They’re the asinine excuses for tourist behaving badly, the insensitive expedients for explaining a foreign culture. And there is no place you’ll find better – or more – examples than on the gay Thailand message boards.

Years ago, although undoubtedly still a popular idea today, was the belief professed on the boards that bar boys preferred one star hotel rooms over 5 star accommodations because they were a more familiar environ. Ditto for eating at a noodle stand for dinner rather than a sit-down restaurant that actually had a printed menu. Typical of a justavacation, it actually sounds like it makes sense; the fish out of water syndrome is a believable phenomenon. But in reality, it’s a justavacation used by cheap bastards to excuse their frugality.

But how do you expect to fit all of that in a one-star hotel room?

But how do you expect to fit all of that in a one-star hotel room?

Before I wised up enough to remind myself that advice coming out of Pattaya should be taken for what it’s worth, I fell for that ‘book a cheap room ‘cuz your boy du jour will love it’ line. It was the first time I was taking Noom to a far-flung destination. Okay, so Chiang Mai isn’t really that flung, but for him it was and I wanted to ensure he was comfortable. The look on his face when we checked into the room was enough to tell me I’d just made a grave error. When he discovered there was no TV, he made sure that look alone wouldn’t have to stand on its own to make sure I never went downscale again.

It’s kinda like those who claim a one-star hotel room is all they really need ‘cuz they don’t spend much time in the room anyway. Which flies in the face of what being a sex tourist is all about. And totally disregards the fact that a one-star room comes in a one-star hotel. Which usually means no amenities, bad service, and no respect. Not to mention decor tacky enough to turn a gay man straight. It’s another sex tourist justavacation. That makes no sense. Unless you are a cheap bastard. One of the pluses of Thailand is that you can get a room that would run you $200 back home for under $100 a night. Just because you can find a room for $20 doesn’t mean that you should. No matter how you justavacate it.

But it’s not just about being cheap. Okay, so it is often about being cheap, but justavacations are popular for how and why sexpats and sex tourists treat bar boys the way they do too. Even when they call them boyfriends. Horror stories about bad bar boys abound, bad boyfriend tales are common. And so we hear, yet again, about a young Canadian’s failed relationship with a bar boy he turned into a boyfriend after knowing him a week and then spent the next several years living together in misery all because of the boy’s lack of ambition and drive. Which is, in this case, the justavacation for everything that went wrong with their doomed romance. Because a sexpat will never concede that he too may have been at fault, that he never was the white in shining armor the boy envisioned him to be.

Justavactions from cheap bastards are just a drop in the bucket.

Justavactions from cheap bastards are just a drop in the bucket.

Currently there’s a thread on Jabba The Butt’s board, the most popular in ages, about the most recent raid on Sunee Plaza. It’s a treasure trove of justavacations. King Butt himself starts the thread off with rumored reports a raid is underway, noting that it appears to be focused on drugs but that Jabba doesn’t know if “other matters will also be checked.” Wink, wink. Jabba’s big on reminding everyone that Sunee Plaza’s problem with underage shenanigans is a thing of the past. As in the good old days. Even though ‘the past’ means a major bust for underage sex occurred less than two years ago. Granted, for a Pattaya sexpat that’s like eons, if not a life-span ago. But among Sunee fans, claiming pedos in paradise is a problem of yesteryear is a popular justavacation. Even while a raid is going on.

The thread quickly dissolved into the usual. There was the justavacation that the raid wasn’t about drugs or underage sex, but that the police were targeting gay bars because it makes for good publicity. Which ignores all the other raids over the last few months at the straight bar areas. Because facts never work well with a good justavacation. Jabba concurred. And then reminded one and all how it is “rare for pedophile arrests to occur.” Anymore. Just to keep the thread on subject. But despite his best attempts, forum threads have a mind of their own and this one turned back to the Boys in Brown. Kinda, sorta. A long-time poster offered up the justavacation that the problem with Sunee Plaza’s rep for being a paradise for child molesters is/was not the fault of the boy lovers but rather the root cause is/was the police themselves.

His was an amazing bit of justavacational logic, all centered on how corrupt the police in Thailand are. In short, he professed that if not for the greedy cops demanding tea money there would never have been a problem with underage sex workers in Sunee to begin with. And even if you need to place the blame elsewhere, the fact is the boys are but pawns. That’s the fault of corruption. Not the pedos. And, obviously, “nothing short of total cultural transformation will get at the root” of Sunee’s problem. ‘Cuz when you have an entire culture to blame, there’s no need to justavacate the acts of those who’d be thrown in jail for diddling the country’s youth back home.

I’ve always gotten a kick out of Dodger, who personifies the bar boy as a boyfriend experience. His Pollyanaesque exploits in Sodom By The Sea always make for a good read, despite the trials and tribulations he often goes through during his annual romances with a string of boyfriends and husbands in Thailand. His is a never say die attitude. Even when some of those boyfriends have died. So I probably would have given him a pass on his lengthy comment blaming all of Sunee’s notoriety on the cops, but never knowing when to quit beating a dead horse too, he wasn’t finished offering justavacations for the ways of the world of the sexpat.

After providing a primer on Thailand’s love motels, and professing that the country’s ever popular Second Wife syndrome is about nothing more than prostitution, he went on to explain the Thai concept of mai pen rai has a much broader and deeper meaning in Thai culture than the common interpretation of it meaning no worries, it’s okay, it doesn’t matter, no problem, don’t worry about it, it is what it is, don’t sweat the small stuff, life goes on, there’s no use crying over spilled milk. Dodger says it means don’t see, don’t speak, don’t think too much too. And so when the police are conducting a raid on places like Sunee Plaza, in their cultural view they are standing in the middle of a road filled with love motels and ignore that fact because of the don’t see, don’t speak, don’t think too much mai pen rai aspect of Thailand’s culture. I’m not sure how tea money, corruption, and underage sex works into that justavacation, but now you know.

But wait! There’s more! Dodger likes to consider himself a good Buddhist. And according to Dodger that’s not so much about what you do but how you do it. The problem – and the need for a good justavacation – is that by ‘it’ he means prostitution. No problemo. Or mai pen rai if you prefer. The Buddha still has your back. “As long as you show respect for the boys who are servicing your needs and treat them well then you are identified as having “good thinking”…”good actions”…”good karma”…”jai dee” all of which are key components of Buddhism and considered far more significant than any hand-written laws” according to the gospel written by Dodger.

The owner of Out In Thailand recently offered up a justavacation for not treating all Thai men like moneyboys of his own.

The owner of Out In Thailand recently offered up a justavacation for not treating all Thai men like moneyboys of his own.

I’m not sure the local Buddhist abbot would agree that hiring a male prostitute to suck you off quite qualifies under the good thinking, good action precepts of his religion, but as a justavacation that surely reaches a state of enlightenment. Kinda like how the ‘pro-life’ folk justavacate being pro capital punishment too. Because a good justavacation doesn’t require that you actually be on holiday, a vacation from reality works just as well.

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5 Things James Barnes Doesn’t Want You To Know About Out In Thailand

26 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by Bangkokbois in Gay Thailand Message Boards

≈ 25 Comments

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Gay Thailand

Guess what free publication's readership just took a big drop.

Guess what free publication’s readership just took a big drop.

James Barns, the editor, web master, writer, publisher, marketing director, etc., etc., etc., of Out In Thailand recently published an article called 5 Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Thailand. Had it been slightly edited and written as satire it would have been a funny piece. Instead it just came across as funny-strange. Attacking half of what you claim is your readership – as dubious as that percentage may be – is an unusual move for any publication. Even for a free trade magazine that relies on Thailand’s sex trade for its existence. Anyone stumbling across that article who was unaware of the back story would have to wonder just what it was that got the writer’s panties in such a wad. Those more familiar with why that article appeared in Mr. Barnes free publication can only be reminded of the truth in that old adage: you get what you pay for.

Out In Thailand attempts to promote its monthly issue on the gay Thailand message boards, the very same forums it now claims are responsible for everything wrong with the perceived image of gay life in Thailand. Or I should say did attempt. Its editor quit posting those messages on two of the three boards after those forums’ members repeatedly pointed out inconsistencies and inaccuracies in his magazine, as well as an objection to misleading hyperbole like claiming the publication of an exclusive interview that was actually a reprint of some other publication’s exclusive interview. And then on the sole forum left to him for promotion, the members recently took him to task for publishing inaccurate maps of the bar areas in Bangkok, Pattaya, and Chiang Mai.

5 Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Thailand was Mr. Barnes’ response to the public bitch slap he received on that forum. It’s a temper tantrum, not a piece of journalism. Although now Mr. Barnes would have us believe his article was an attempt to rectify the incorrect image of gay life in Thailand that sexpats and sex tourists insist is the only version of Thailand that exists. Kinda like Bill O’Reilly’s No Spin Zone. Where you hold up someone else’s nonexistent standard so that you can then shoot it down. I’m not sure if Out In Thailand is bringing in the income Mr. Barnes hoped for, or if it will ever become the premier Gay Magazine in Thailand that he claims it is, but if not there’s a future with FOX News just waiting for him. Well, at least an unpaid internship.

Not all young gay Thais work as moneyboys. Some young straight Thais do too.

Not all young gay Thais work as moneyboys. Some young straight Thais do too.

In the opening of his diatribe, Mr. Barnes claims there is a group of old gay expats who lurk on the online forums ” ready to snipe and bitch and advise the newcomer of ‘how things really are.’” He goes on to state they pose as experts but only strive to infect others with their cynicism. Kinda like Mr. Barnes has in his introduction to explaining the five things said forum lurkers don’t want you to know about gay Thailand. So my bad. Forget that adage about getting what you pay for. More to the point would be Nietzsche’s quote “When you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” But equally educational, I’m sure, are the five things Mr. Barnes says “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand.

Evidently the first thing “They” don’t want you to know is that there exists a large cadre of young gay Thais who are not moneyboys, a “new generation of middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution.” Who knew? I thought every Thai male was a moneyboy. Guess I’m gonna have to re-think my plans for a hot night out with General Prayuth on my next visit. It’s just a shame Thaksin isn’t still in power ‘cuz rumor has it he’d do just about anything for money.

What Mr. Barnes conveniently forgets in drawing his conclusion that sexpats and sex tourists think all Thais guys are moneyboys is that gay transplants and visitors looking to get laid tend to hang out in those places where they are. That’d be those places Mr. Barnes identifies on his publication’s maps to make finding them that much easier. At least when he gets the locations right.

In case you didn't know it, Thailand's moneyboys all have a heart of gold. That's why they tell you they lub you as soon as you meet them.

In case you didn’t know it, Thailand’s moneyboys all have a heart of gold. That’s why they tell you they lub you as soon as you meet them.

Nevertheless, now that we’ve been properly schooled and know not every Thai man is a moneyboy, let’s move on to Mr. Barnes’ second thing “They” don’t want you to know. Um, which is again about moneyboys. Not that they all are, mind you. But those who are are not just in it for the money. They are also capable of committing random acts of kindness. As proof Mr. Barnes recounts a tale of having a flat tire one night while pulling up to one of his favorite watering holes, one which one would assume was accurately identified on his publication’s map. Before he could say ‘moneyboy’ Mr. Barnes relates, “one of the freelancers spotted my predicament.” It’s probably a good thing Mr. Barnes didn’t have his flat amidst a group of those “middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution” instead, ‘cuz then who knows what would have happened.

But moneyboys aside, Mr. Barnes soon found himself surrounded by a group of . . . ooops, young moneyboys, who all pitched in to fix his flat while he went inside for a shot of gin (which should not be confused with the beer all sexpats drink for breakfast, according to Mr. Barnes). And while it is not one of the five things “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand, this incident does shed some light onto the phenomenon of why it takes six salesclerks to help you at a department store in Thailand, and why there are eight employees assigned to your table at restaurants in Bangkok.

But as not all fairy tales do, this one ends happily, proves moneyboys are not just about money, and is certainly not the only incident that would do so as Mr. Barnes tells us he could recount many such stores. Undoubtedly as many as there are moneyboys in Thailand.

There is far more to Thailand than the commercial sex business. At least during the morning hours.

There is far more to Thailand than the commercial sex business. At least during the morning hours.

The third thing “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand – and y’all better sit down for this one ‘cuz it’s gonna really blow you away – is that “there is far more to Thailand than the commercial sex business.” I know. Whodathuink? But there is. According to Mr. Barnes, there is entertainment, food, movie theaters, art, dance, music . . . and the list goes on. None of which, unfortunately, advertise in Mr. Barnes’ publication. Nor does his magazine run articles about those places. But there are “lovely locals who are thrilled to assist and entertain visitors” too. And occasionally fix your flat tire while you get your afternoon shot of gin. But enough about moneyboys. Let’s talk about ladyboys instead.

Mr. Barnes says the fourth thing “They” don’t want you to know about Thailand is ladyboys. Which is probably why TAT doesn’t feature ladyboys on the cover of any of its publications. It’s all a big conspiracy. And not that you should ever refer to a ladyboy as a “thing.” Unless you’re Mr. Barnes, But his point is that ladyboys are not untrustworthy thieves. And he’s right. Because the fact is, those ladyboys who ply their trade along Sukhumvit can always be trusted to be thieves. It’s kinda their thing. So don’t misunderstand them as being criminals. That’s not why the Boys in Brown routinely raid the area and haul them off in a paddy wagon.

What ladyboys are, according to Mr. Barnes, are brave, resilient, folk who work hard to “make a crust”. Which, by default must mean they are not part of the “middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution.” But Mr. Barnes says they may also be “high functioning executives” who still have to work hard to make a crust. Huh. Talk about your glass ceiling. It’s just a shame Mr. Barnes can’t get his publication’s maps accurate enough to pinpoint where a visitor could find such upstanding examples of Thailand’s third gender. ‘Cuz I’ve heard those ladyboy cabarets really make for a fun night out.

Thailand's ladyboys are not all untrustworthy thieves. Some are just ugly.

Thailand’s ladyboys are not all untrustworthy thieves. Some are just ugly.

Fortunately, Mr. Barnes didn’t go with The Top Ten Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Thailand, and stuck to a mere five instead. ‘Cuz #5 itself is just a rehash of the indictment against old sexpats he began with. Specifically, what Mr. Barnes wants you to know – but “They” don’t – is that internet forums are not the fount of all knowledge. Duh. That’s what Twitter and Instagram are for. ‘Cuz Out In Thailand certainly isn’t. And forum contributors have “limited experience of the real Thailand.” I’ll bet few have ever had a flat tire in front of a moneyboy bar. But while said forum posters may lack real Thailand experience, they do have “embittered agendas and bile” and “admissions of failure wrapped up in their pitiable ego trips.” Which you should not confuse with Mr. Barnes’ article no matter how similar the two may sound.

Mr. Barnes wants you to know that Thailand is changing rapidly, and despite the old guard’s inability to change, you should seek out the new, seek out the truth and seek out your little slice of paradise and find the new way that is beautiful, exhilarating and fab! By which, I’m guessing, he doesn’t mean Out In Thailand. ‘Cuz if this article is an example of what he publishes, there is little new, truthful, beautiful, or exhilarating about it.

As a free rag, Out In Thailand does serve a purpose. It advertises the places gay tourists might want to visit, assuming they are interested in prostitution. But you’d almost think the publication doesn’t want you to know about the “middle classed, well-educated Thais who have ambitions that never even acknowledge prostitution” because while busily “providing the best media and information for the tourist and expat alike” it never makes mention of those folk.

Gay tourists enjoy reading Out In Thailand. Or at least looking at the photos of naked boys.

Gay tourists enjoy reading Out In Thailand. Or at least looking at the photos of naked boys.

In its ‘City Guide’ for Bangkok, after a short introduction paragraph that informs you shopping opportunities abound, like the Patpong Night Market, Out In Thailand quickly gets into listing massage parlors, short-time hotels that offer hot and cold running boys, and what has to be the classiest gogo bar in town, Nature Boy. Which is fine. The magazine’s distribution is those places sex tourists gather, so catering to them makes good business sense. But then acting like you’re all above that, doesn’t. And when Alexa ranks the popularity of your publication’s website far below that of the message boards that you warn against, and attempt to draw your readers from, you might want to rethink your strategy.

If the majority of readership is quickly becoming gay Thai guys, as you like to claim, maybe you should publish it in Thai. And those difficult to get accurate area maps can be discarded ‘cuz most gay Thai boys already know where all those places are. If you want to educate gay sexpats and visitors about all the other things wonderful about Thailand, that it is not just all about moneyboys, publish articles about its wats, its museums, its night-time entertainment options that don’t revolve around the sex trade. Instead of articles about the latest gogo bar to advertise in your publication.

If you want to do Thailand’s ladyboys a service, how about an article about the proposed constitution recognizing Thailand’s third gender and what that means to the country’s ladyboys instead of a review of a ladyboy cabaret (that advertises in your publication). And if you despise those who contribute on Thailand’s gay forums so much, how about no longer posting promotional links on those message boards. Because there’s another apt adage to consider, that one about biting the hand that feeds you.

James Barnes has worked hard to help his readers form a new opinion of his magazine.

James Barnes has worked hard to help his readers form a new opinion of his magazine.

Or maybe you could just get those maps updated correctly.

Sunday Funnies #80

29 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Gay Thailand Message Boards

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The boys on the Gay Thailand forum celebrate gay pride.

The boys on the Gay Thailand forum celebrate gay pride.

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Songkran ‘14 Special Report #11

19 Saturday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Songkran ‘14 Special Report

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Songkran ‘14 Special Report #10

18 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Songkran ‘14 Special Report

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Songkran ‘14 Special Report #9

18 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Songkran ‘14 Special Report

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Songkran ‘14 Special Report #8

17 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Songkran ‘14 Special Report

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Songkran ‘14 Special Report #7

17 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Songkran ‘14 Special Report

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  • Jon on How Do You Say Humongous In Sudanese?
  • Jon on The 2nd Gayest Thing You’ll Ever Put In Your Mouth
  • Jon on The 2nd Gayest Thing You’ll Ever Put In Your Mouth
  • Jon on Getting A Straight Boy to Go Gay
  • Joe on Bangkok’s Tawan Bar: Muscle Men Central
  • Robert Alvarez on Pictures That Move Me #2
  • Robert Alvarez on Can’t You See I’m Busy?
  • Daddy_lover on Bangkok’s Tawan Bar: Muscle Men Central
  • dookie on Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part V
  • Raven Starre on The Elephant Experience in Thailand
  • david hopkins on Good-bye Bangkokbois
  • Andi Cheok on Good-bye Bangkokbois
  • e. sexton on The XXX Games: Naked Olympic Athletes Celebrate The London Games
  • Ryan Billingsley on Gay Of The Week: Thomas Finchum Wants To Be Top But Settles For A Three-Way
Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

Move along, there’s nothing to see here folks; pay no attention to that man behind the curtain:

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