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Category Archives: The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

It’s Almost Spring And There’s Bromance In The Air

12 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World, Moving Pictures, The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

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Olympics, That's Gay

Yuzuvier: The Olympic’s hottest couple.

Yuzuvier: The Olympic’s hottest couple.

Just a few weeks ago the rice queens of the world swooned in unbridled lust when Japan’s Yuzuru Hanyu took to the ice in Sochi where he won the men’s figure skating gold medal. The 19-year-old’s Olympic skills and youthful appeal set hearts pitter-pattering across the world with a lot of that thumping resulting in fans reaching for the closest bottle of lube. While those with faulty gaydar questioned the sexuality of Jason Brown, fans of the men from the land of the rising sun instantly grasped the importance of not allowing speculation to get in the way of an object of their fantasy; Hanyu being young, cute, and Asian was all that mattered. Besides, when you are wondering is he or isn’t he, that he is a male figure skater pretty much settles that question. And if you are Spain’s equally dreamy skating hunk Javier Fernandez, your best bet is to take a page from Nike’s advertising campaign and Just Do Him.

Two of a kind.

Two of a kind.

While fans of Hanyu wait in eager anticipation for a few of his nude selfies to surface, Javier ha been keeping his eye on the prize. He may not have won a medal at Sochi, but still came out a winner by capturing a gold medal cutie’s heart. Yuzuru and Javier’s adorable bromance has since been melting the ice of rinks around the world. A hug here, a butt slap and warm embrace there, the pair’s obvious enjoyment in each other is evident both on and off the ice.

Their eyes tell the story.

Their eyes tell the story.

The two train together at the Toronto Cricket Skating and Curling Club in Canada, and both are coached by Olympic silver medallist and openly gay figure skater Brian Orser who too once set gay men’s hearts aflutter. Orser still does, if you are into bears. And considering Hanyu’s well-known fondness for Winnie the Pooh, that makes sense. But he chose to switch coaches and make the move to Canada last summer because of Javier (some claim it was because Fernandez was landing two quads in his program and Hanyu wanted to do the same, but one look at Javier’s prodigious talents in tights should easily convince you otherwise).

Ice Dancing is not usually a same-sex sport.

Ice Dancing is not usually a same-sex sport.

Fernandez, who already had a thing going with Orser in Toronto said Brain asked him first if it was okay if they made it a threesome. “He said, there is this young skater, he is going to come here,” says Fernandez. “Do you mind it? Do you have a problem?” Javier didn’t mind and was actually excited to have Yuzuru training with him. “I’ll never have a problem with that,” he says. “Yuzuru, he is such an energy boy. He can work and work and work.” Ah to be young and able to achieve those multiple orgasms again.

Not being an native English speaker, it’s understandable Javier misunderstood ‘meet the press’ to mean an opportunity for him to press the meat of his best buddy.

Not being an native English speaker, it’s understandable Javier misunderstood ‘meet the press’ to mean an opportunity for him to press the meat of his best buddy.

Orser says his boys have become great friends and inseparable training partners. “One day, Javi fell on something and he just lay there, as he does’” Orser fondly recalls. “And Yuzu skated over, stopped and extended his hand, helped dust him off, and away they went. That’s how they are.”

“Keep your hand off my gay!” says Javier, photobombing a moment between Hanyu and Orser.

“Keep your hand off my gay!” says Javier, photobombing a moment between Hanyu and Orser.

Hanyu is popular at the club both for his quiet friendliness and willingness to take to the ice with other skaters, even if Javier is his obvious favorite. Terry Nolan, assistant general manager of the club, said watching the two compete at Sochi was an emotional experience. “It tugged at our heartstrings,” he said. The pair’s bromance has been tugging at the heartstrings of fans ever since. They even have their own bromantically named hash tag #YuzuandJavi, and the all important name mash-up of Yuzuvier.

A bromance on ice.

A bromance on ice.

Hanyu and the 22-year-old Fernandez have a lot in common, which is always a plus in a budding relationship. Both got into skating because of their older sisters, both eventually moved to Canada from countries where their opportunities were limited; close in age, they don’t speak the same native language but they communicate beautifully, bonding over their shared passions, going to competitions together, training under the same older gay man.

Looks like love.

Looks like love.

Each morning in the locker room, Yuzuru greets Javier in Spanish and Javier greets Yuzuru in Japanese. It started as a mix-up and then it became a joke and then it became just another part of the life they share with each other. Hanyu likes the taste of Hola! in his mouth, and he likes hearing Javier stumbling over Osu! in return. But love conquers all. And Javi and Yuzu are the Olympic’s hottest couple. At least until that sex tape of Chris Mears and Tom Daley surfaces.

Adorable? Yes. Gay? Um, roger that.

Adorable? Yes. Gay? Um, roger that.

The Thrill of Victory . . .

The Thrill of Victory . . .

. . . and the joy in da feet.

. . . and the joy in da feet.

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The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics: Do Svidaniya Sochi, Anyoung Haseyo Pyeongchang

24 Monday Feb 2014

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The XXIII Games of the Winter Olympics promise to be much more viewer friendly.

The XXIII Games of the Winter Olympics promise to be much more viewer friendly.

Yesterday, some old man with a bad German accent declared the XXII Winter Olympics officially closed. Which probably came as a surprise to many who thought the Games were over a good week ago. You gotta feel a bit sorry for the Winter Olympics, they just don’t draw the world’s attention like their big brother does, but then even sports enthusiasts don’t quite get what the Winter Olympics are all about. There’s just too many events that seem like they were made up to fill airtime. I mean I’m glad so many snowboarding events are now part of the Olympics for winter, but you’ll note the Summer Games have never bothered to add skateboarding to their roster. No need. There’s enough real sports available to choose from for the real Olympics.

Next is Brazil, then Korea . . . whoever is picking the Olympic host cities deserves a pat on the back.

Next is Brazil, then Korea . . . whoever is picking the Olympic host cities deserves a pat on the back.

I’m probably one of the few who watched the entire prime-time coverage of this year’s Games. I’ve never watched the entire Winter Olympics before. And probably never will again. NBC’s constant cheesy attempts to wrench some emotion – or even a modicum of interest – out of its viewers was bad enough. But the nail in my future viewing’s coffin was what sitting in front of the TV for 4+ hours a night for 18 days did to me. I’m sure that ratcheted up my likelihood for suffering from alzheimer’s and/or senior dementia a decade sooner than my brain cells had planned. Worse, the immediate impact was that forced somnolency resulting in packing on poundage that would qualify me for instant citizenship in Sunee Plaza.

The Land of Morning Calm indeed.

The Land of Morning Calm indeed.

But all is not lost. I could, of course, immediately go on a diet and relearn what exercise is. Instead, I’m gonna take a page from my brethren in Pattaya’s play book and celebrate my new-found corpulence. I’m gonna embrace my XXXXL size. But rather than just roast that fat by laying on the beaches of Thailand’s cesspool by the sea, I’m gonna put those extra pounds to work for me. I’ve got four years to learn a new skill set. So expect to see me marching into the stadium with my fellow not-really athletes at the 23rd Winter Games in Pyeongchang.

Four years to go and then it’s those hot boys of Korea.

Four years to go and then it’s those hot boys of Korea.

Yup, my new goal in life is to become an Olympian. And I’ve found the perfect not-really a sport to use as my vehicle for my run for the gold: the four-man bobsled. I know the bear who drives the bobsled is called the pilot, and the bear who stops the thing after it crosses the finish line is the brakeman. I’m not sure what the two bears in the middle are called. Other than dead weight. But that’s the job for me. I figure with a full four years to learn how to push a bobsled for about ten steps, which seems to be the entire skill-set required, this is doable. Sure, there’s also the technique of being able to jump into the sled and execute a perfectly synchronized hand swoop while doing so, but as a gay man I figure I already have a natural talent for that one. And I think, if my teammates and I demand it, having our sled designed by Porsche instead of BMW, will mean we’re looking at gold in South Korea. Well, that and eating a lot of Big Macs.

Part of the trick in four-man bobsledding is carefully choosing who sits in front of you.

Part of the trick in four-man bobsledding is carefully choosing who sits in front of you.

Don’t laugh. Come 2018, y’all will be not watching the XXIII Games of the Winter Olympics, but I will be living them. And while y’all will be drooling over all the Korean hotties out looking to be done by an Olympian, I’ll be doing them. Not that I’ll be hanging with the bobsledders mind you. Partying with the snowboarders, yes. Scoring male figure skater booty, no doubt. (You know that with the majority of them being gay, the percentage into daddies has got to be high. I mean do you really think Tom Daley hooked up with Dustin Lance Black for his body?) But the real draw will be the boys of The Land of Morning Calm. Whom, I assume, will all be lining up to bite my gold medal. Just a soon as I learn how to pronounce Pyeongchang.

But then maybe I’ll wait for 2020 and try my hand at ping pong in Tokyo instead.

But then maybe I’ll wait for 2020 and try my hand at ping pong in Tokyo instead.

Yup, I’m planning on redefining just what the opening ceremonies mean. And I might even do a few twinks, just to make y’all jealous. Because the thrill of victory is just that much sweeter when it involves someone else’s agony of defeat. And that’s what the Olympic spirit is all about. So let the Games begin . . .

[‘The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2014 Sochi Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]
The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics: Getting Naked With Brian Joubert

22 Saturday Feb 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

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Brian Joubert insists he’s not gay. And doesn’t skate like one either.

Brian Joubert insists he’s not gay. And doesn’t skate like one either.

French figure skater Brian Joubert has a long history with homosexuality. But you’d better not call him gay. Gay for pay, however, is a different story. He had no problem posing nude for a gay magazine when he was 19. In fact, he says he enjoyed the experience. But he sued his ex-girlfriend, a former Miss France, for saying he was gay and that she’d been his beard. Taking an ex to court is probably not the best move for landing future girlfriends. But then since Brian is still single at the age of 29, maybe that’s what he intended.

Brain, in case you haven’t figured it out, insist he’s not gay. Frequently. But the subject of homosexuality seem to creep into very interview he gives. Well except for the one where the interviewer said it was time for some girl-talk and then asked him where on his body Brian packed on the poundage. That’d be his thighs and butt according to Joubert. ‘Cuz those are the two body parts straight guys pay the most attention to.

Brian Joubert 2

The French-born figure skating hearththrob began his career on ice at the age of 4, and as it seems to be the story for many Olympic male skaters, it was because his older sister was taking figure skating lessons. Brain says he was more interested in hockey than in figure skating, because he thought that figure skating was a sport for girls, not for boys. The following year, he entered his first competition. But in a manly way, of course.

Joubert is always quick to point out there is nothing gay about his skating. ”After you decide on the music and a theme for the program, it’s important that the costume also reflects that. But it doesn’t have to be too feminine, not with too many sequins or too many “decorations” or layers,” he says. “I, myself, don’t like being feminized.” That’s why he skated in a Gladiator outfit for sevral years.

Brain’s not-gay body.

Brain’s not-gay body.

Brain also blames the gay Canadian skaters for changes in his sport in 2004, which enhanced the artistic aspects over the technical ones. “The Canadians created that to encourage North Americans to Vancouver,” he says. “You should be aware that their skaters are often homosexuals and specialize in skating effeminate. Now suddenly, some are past the 10th spot on the podium!”

It sounds like Joubert has a problem with the gays on ice. But not with gay fans. When asked by an interviewer, “After all, it can’t be bad to be wanted by men as much as you’re wanted by women, right?” Brain’s reply was, “Yes, it’s nice.”

And his not-gay penis too.

And his not-gay penis too.

Joubert came out into the skating world with his first victory at the 2004 European Championships and silver medal at the World Championships in the same year. Billed by the French media as a top medal contender for the 2006 Winter Olympics, Joubert finished a disappointing sixth. He had a better showing at the 2006 World Championships, winning the short program and finishing with a silver medal behind Stéphane Lambiel. Which, rumor has it, is just what Lambiel prefers.

A three-time European champion, and eight-time French National champion, in total Brian is a six-time World medalist and ten-time European medalist. But has never managed to reach the podium at an Olympics, even though Sochi is his fourth Winter Games where, as the oldest competitor in the men’s event, Joubert was 7th in the short program but only 14th in the free skate, finishing 13th overall. “I just can’t do it at the Olympic Games.” Joubert says. “ Every time it goes badly. I don’t understand why. I can’t explain why.”

Joubert strikes a manly pose for a gay magazine. (Musta been a Canadian photographer.)

Joubert strikes a manly pose for a gay magazine. (Musta been a Canadian photographer.)

Maybe Brain needs to take some tips from those gay Canadian skaters who concern him so much.

The oldest competitor in the men’s figure skating events at Sochi, Joubert  is still quite the hunk. But not in a gay way, of course.

The oldest competitor in the men’s figure skating events at Sochi, Joubert is still quite the hunk. But not in a gay way, of course.

[‘The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2014 Sochi Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]
The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics: Free-Style Skier Kévin Rolland Is A Moneyboy

21 Friday Feb 2014

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Kévin Rolland won a bronze in Sochi, but gets a gold for being adorably cute.

Kévin Rolland won a bronze in Sochi, but gets a gold for being adorably cute.

My coverage of the Winter Games relies heavily on naked male flesh. Just in case you hadn’t noticed. Which means matching up attractive faces with (keeping fingers crossed) hot, exposed bodies. And you’d think France’s bronze medalist, free-style skier Kévin Rolland would be a good candidate. He’s cute, popular, and has landed lots of modeling gigs with major international clothing brands. But that’s the problem with winter Olympians. They just don’t get naked often enough. And the best photo I could find of Kévin showed he’s a moneyboy at heart.

Kévin Rolland  2

Thank the gods for Facebook.

Kévin Rolland  3

But too bad about the fish. No problemo, I’ll take what I can get. The 24-year-old who’s been on the podium at most free-style skiing championships since his debut in 2009 may pose too often bundled up in a parka, but at least one time he slipped out of the snowsuit to show his fans what he’s made of. And as for that moneyboy thing, he sure posts a lot of pix of him getting massages from older men. So ya never know.

Kévin Rolland  4

What we do know is that for Kévin the answer to boxers or briefs is boxers. And if does end up going the moneyboy route, that’ll bring him in more cash than trying his hand at being a ladyboy again.

Kévin Rolland 5

Kévin Rolland  6

Kévin Rolland  7

Kévin Rolland  8

and he gives good cum face too

and he gives good cum face too

[‘The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2014 Sochi Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]
The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics: 30 Shirtless Sochi Olympians (And A Ginger’s Penis)

20 Thursday Feb 2014

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Steve Langton - USA Bobsledder Bronze Medalist

Steve Langton – USA Bobsledder Bronze Medalist

So many hot Olympic hunks, so little time before the closing ceremonies arrive and I have to bid a fond adieu to my coverage of the Winter Games. (I heard that Hendrik!) Whodathunk that with freezing temperatures the norm, there’d be so many shots of the boys of winter shirtless. That’s a lot of erect nipples and not enough time to fit them all in over the next three days. But then it’s an awfully white group, and most are blonde at that so it’s not like I was gonna be giving them their own post anyway.

Apolo Ohno  -  I know, but he is an Olympian and he is in Sochi

Apolo Ohno – I know, but he is an Olympian and he is in Sochi

Unless they posed naked, of course. Which Shaun White did. I thought at first his was one of those fake celebrity nudes that are so popular on the internet (though I can’t figure out why). But a bit of research and it turns out that is in fact Shaun’s half pipe. Too bad he’s a ginger. And that manscaping isn’t more popular among the snowboarding crowd.

Sidney Crosby  -  Canadian Hockey Puck

Sidney Crosby – Canadian Hockey Puck

So now after looking over this list the only question is, is it that Olympic medalists like to show off their bodies, or is the path to winning a medal is in taking off your shirt?

Andreas Wellinger - German Team Ski Jump Gold Medalist

Andreas Wellinger – German Team Ski Jump Gold Medalist

Christof Innerhofer - Italian Alpine Skier Silver Medalist

Christof Innerhofer – Italian Alpine Skier Silver Medalist

Severin Freund  - German Team Ski Jump Gold Medalist

Severin Freund – German Team Ski Jump Gold Medalist

Anders Johnson - USA Ski Jumper

Anders Johnson – USA Ski Jumper

Zach Parise - USA Ice Hockey

Zach Parise – USA Ice Hockey

Jesse Beckom - USA Bobsledder

Jesse Beckom – USA Bobsledder

Charlie White - USA Ice Dancing Gold Medalist

Charlie White – USA Ice Dancing Gold Medalist

Erik Bjornsen - USA Cross-Country Skier

Erik Bjornsen – USA Cross-Country Skier

Nick Goepper - USA Freestyle Skier Bronze Medalist

Nick Goepper – USA Freestyle Skier Bronze Medalist

Stefan Groothuis - Dutch Speedskater Gold Medalist

Stefan Groothuis – Dutch Speedskater Gold Medalist

Iouri Podladtchikov - Swiss Snowboarding Gold Medalist

Iouri Podladtchikov – Swiss Snowboarding Gold Medalist

Shaun White - USA Ugly Lesbian

Shaun White – USA Ugly Lesbian

Steve Nyman - USA Alpine Skier

Steve Nyman – USA Alpine Skier

Jeremy Abbott - USA Drama Queen

Jeremy Abbott – USA Drama Queen

Ola Vigen Hattestad - Norway Cross Country Skier Gold Medalist

Ola Vigen Hattestad – Norway Cross Country Skier Gold Medalist

Andy Newell - USA Cross Country Skier

Andy Newell – USA Cross Country Skier

Danny Davis - USA Snowboarder

Danny Davis – USA Snowboarder

Alexandre Bilodeau - Canadian Moguls Gold Medalist

Alexandre Bilodeau – Canadian Moguls Gold Medalist

Sven Kramer - Dutch Speedskater Gold and Silver Medalist

Sven Kramer – Dutch Speedskater Gold and Silver Medalist

Ole Einar Bjørndalen - Norway Biathlon Gold Medalist

Ole Einar Bjørndalen – Norway Biathlon Gold Medalist

Tim Burke - USA Biathlon

Tim Burke – USA Biathlon

Simon Fourcade - France Biathlon with a cute brother

Simon Fourcade – France Biathlon with a cute brother

Noah Hoffman - USA Cross Country Skier

Noah Hoffman – USA Cross Country Skier

Bode Miller - USA Alpine Skier Bronze Medalist

Bode Miller – USA Alpine Skier Bronze Medalist

Louie Vito - USA Snowboarder

Louie Vito – USA Snowboarder

Patrick Rastner - Italy Luge

Patrick Rastner – Italy Luge

Alex Pullin - Australia Snowboarder

Alex Pullin – Australia Snowboarder

[‘The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2014 Sochi Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]
The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics: Sochi Bobsledder’s Wardrobe Malfunction

19 Wednesday Feb 2014

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bobsled bear 1

Cool. Despite my temporary concerns, all is right with the world. In my Olympics coverage on Monday about the male bulges at Sochi – and the lack thereof – I’d mentioned that after seeing a shirtless shot of U.S. bobsledding brakeman Steve Langton I might be facing a major mea culpa moment for snarking on the couch potato builds of the men’s bobsledding teams. Steve’s pecs aside, thanks to this wardrobe malfunction photo tweeted by Canadian bobsledder Christopher Spring, my faith in the bears of the Olympics has been restored. Spring, who was scheduled to race the next day, noted that his uniform might be a bit too tight.

bobsled bear 2

Langton’s partner in the two-man event, pilot Steven Holcomb, on the other hand, embraces his bearness to the fullest, having posed for a fully nude photo of his grizzly self in ESPN’s 2010 Body Issue to prove he has no issues with his body. Which makes me think that Thailand could do a lot better for itself in the Winter Games by fielding The Pattaya Bobsledding Team, which could certainly gives those Jamacians a run for the money for being the crowd favorite. They’ve already got the build for it and as a bonus they’ve already got the loser part down pat too.

[‘The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2014 Sochi Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]
The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics: Gus Kenworthy, What A Doll

18 Tuesday Feb 2014

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With his All American Boy looks, Gus Kenworthy is killing it in Sochi.

With his All American Boy looks, Gus Kenworthy is killing it in Sochi.

When the USA swept the podium in men’s slopestyle skiing I thought I should do a post about the three hunks with the All American Boy look down pat. I’d hoped to find a photo of the three living, breathing Ken Dolls naked in a hot tube together. I mean that’s how I would have celebrated that victory. And then this story could have written itself. No such luck. But I did run across a photo of hunky Gus Kenworthy buck ass naked, with ass being the operative word. And if you are looking for an Olympian worthy of the Ken Doll moniker . . . well, Kenworthy pretty much says it all.

gus 2

I’m glad a skier stepped up and dropped trou ‘cuz I’m tired of just covering naked male figure skaters. And I was worried I’d have to switch over to one of the too stoned to be trusted with a straight razor snowboarding hunks. Not that that diminutive dreadlock wearing Swedish guy in the XXXX clothes wasn’t worthy of a post of his own, but Gus ratchets up the adorable factor with his now well-publicized attempt at making life better for a few of Sochi’s stray dogs. It’s a good thing for him that there are no ski slopes in Thailand.

Now that Miley Cyrus thingy is making sense.

Now that Miley Cyrus thingy is making sense.

The 22-year-old freestyle skier’s love of dogs also helps explain why he asked Miley Cyrus to be his valentine last week. But then I suspect that has more to do with freestyle skiers getting as drunk as the snowboarders get stoned. I’m assuming the aforementioned diminutive dreadlock wearing Swedish guy in the XXXX clothes partakes equally of both.

gus 4

Gus is one of the few athletes who excels in both halfpipe and slopestyle, so you’ll get to see more of him today and maybe he’ll be winning another medal; he finished second in the halfpipe at the Olympic Test Event in Sochi in February. Named the Association of Freeskiing Professionals top overall rider in 2011 and 2012, Gus had another banner year in 2013. And you already know how 2014 is shaping up for him.

gus 5

The 5’ 10” 165 lb. salute to America’s farmland (and it hunky corn-fed boys) was actually born in Great Britain. But then considering how well the Brits do at the Winter Games, his move to the USA make sense. His spectacular rise in the world of freestyle skiing includes a bronze medal win for the overall title in the X Games, which also landed him a sponsorship from both Nike and Atomic Skis.

Those are some mighty majestic looking mountains.

Those are some mighty majestic looking mountains.

I don’t really do the blonde hair/blue eye thingy, but can understand Gus’ youthful appeal to others. But thanks to that bare ass photo of his bare ass that he tweeted while in New Zealand, he’s an Olympian I could really get behind.

[‘The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2014 Sochi Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]
The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics

The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics: The Sochi Male Bulge Report

17 Monday Feb 2014

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Shani Davis’ baby’s bump is getting the gold for best Sochi Male Bulge so far.

Shani Davis’ baby’s bump is getting the gold for best Sochi Male Bulge so far.

Having spent the last week snarking on the pudgy, non-athletic bodies of Olympic bobsledders, I ran across a shirtless photo of U.S. bobsledder brakeman Steve Langton the other day and then felt a major mea culpa moment coming on. So despite feeling that trimming my toenails would be a better use of my time, I tuned in to the Olympic coverage of Langton’s’s run at a gold. ‘Cuz checking out a hottie always ranks higher than personal grooming in my book. Damn Photoshop. I don’t know where Langton got those pecs in that picture, but they didn’t make it to Sochi’s Sanki Olympic Sliding Center. The rest of his and partner Steven Holcomb’s massively pegged BMI, however, did. On the plus side, bobsledding runs only last about a minute; I can multi-task so my toes got the attention they deserved. And Holcomb took a moment to adjust his little buddy before his first run, close enough to the push-off that NBC couldn’t not include that action in their broadcast. Even if it was a small adjustment.

Shirtless shots of Olympic hotties are always a good way to pick out which athletes to root for. When they look like they wear a D cup, not so much. The IOC added X Games events and even more figure skating to the Sochi Games to try to stir up interest in the off-season Olympics. Instead, they should have moved some of the Summer Games’ events over to the Winter Games. Tom Daley could pirouette off the diving board just as easily in February. Indoors it doesn’t matter how cold it is outside. I get that because most of the Winter Olympic events involve snow and cold temps the bodies participating in those sports tend to pack on some extra weight as a defense, but even in Russia they have modern day inventions like central heating. And face it, while everyone pretends the Olympics are all about the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, what really captures the attention of sports fans and non-sports fans alike is the copious amount of superbly conditioned male flesh on display. Which in Sochi, has been sorely lacking.

The U.S.’s John Daly proves he’s no Tom Daley.

The U.S.’s John Daly proves he’s no Tom Daley.

When your coverage of the Olympics depends on what isn’t that well covered – and what other coverage matters? – come winter-time the pickings are slim. Even if the athletes are not. I mean how many times can you bully Bode Miller into bubbling like a little girl by repeatedly asking questions about his dead brother at the moment when he finally wins a medal at the Games? Those journalist who still want to have a job tomorrow have to focus their attention lower. At least physically. And while I’d be the last person to mention how pervy it is to be scouring the internet for pix of male Olympian bulges (people living in glass house and all that jazz, ya know?) when the best Cosmopolitan Magazine can come up with is U.S. speedskater Shani Davis’ lycra encased package . . . really? You have to go with one of the few black American Olympians at Sochi for a crotch shot?

‘2014 Sochi Winter Olympics Male Bulge’ is a pretty specific internet search phrase. When Google Images thinks Bjorn Barrefors prodigious over-flowing crotch shot from the 2012 London Games is the best answer to that search, you know you’ve got problems. Especially since Bjorn never actually competed in those Olympic Games. Both Cosmo and VH1 have weighed in on the heft of Sochi’s male Olympians now, and both relied on recycling official team photos that showed little. Literally. When everyone’s go-to crotch shots includes an image of Korean speedskater Kang-Seok Lee’s not impressive for even an 8-year-old’s package, there’s something rotten in the State of Denmark. Or some 1,500 miles due east.

South Korea’s Kang-Seok Lee’s bulge is only impressive if you’re Asian.

South Korea’s Kang-Seok Lee’s bulge is only impressive if you’re Asian.

It’s no wonder the shot of the day isn’t of Olympic proportions but instead a pictorial salute to Tom Daley’s speedo encased little buddy being reunited with Dan Osborne’s on Splash. Not that it isn’t always fun to see Tom’s gay penis enjoying itself.

I even tried Bing to see if Bill Gates was better at uncovering what spandex is covering at Sochi. But even with search refinement choices like size, color, and type to select from the moose knuckles shown look more like camel toes. From a bulge perspective you can barely tell the difference between the male and female competitors in speed skating. If advanced, space-age technological fabrics can tell us if Michael Phelps is circumcised or not, why can’t the same technology at least tell us if J.R. Celski dresses to the right or to the left?

Austria’s Daniel Pfister’s moose knuckle looks more like a camel toe. But he gets Grade of Execution  points for his last name.

Austria’s Daniel Pfister’s moose knuckle looks more like a camel toe. But he gets Grade of Execution points for his last name.

The problem, I suspect, is not the known effect of cold weather on male genitalia. Or that what passes for journalism these days relies heavily on copying what others have already covered. No matter how tiny that coverage was. Or that winter sports attracts men with small penises. Or that even my best buddy would flee in fear into the tuck position at the idea of hurtling at 80mph face-first down a bobsled course on nothing but a flimsy sled. Or even its similar reaction at seeing what the women who compete in that sport look like. Nope. I think it’s Putin’s commie, anti-gay plot to ruin the Olympic for gay fans that is to blame.

Being an obvious size-queen, ‘big’ has been the operative word for Sochi coverage when you are talking about Putin and his country’s attempt to convince the rest of the world it still matters. So where are all the shots of Maxim Trankov’s impressive package then? How that thing has not yet become an internet meme is beyond me. By now, it should have its own twitter account. But regardless of how you spell his first name, go ahead and try an internet search on that puppy. You’ll get nada. By now, if you searched on Ivan The Terrible or Peter The Great, a photo of Maxim’s massive talents should pop up.

Though Steve Langton’ pecs didn’t make their Olympic debut during last night’s telecast, Italy’s ice dancing hunk Luca Lanotte’s impressive package did. How that boy keeps his balance when skating upright is an amazing feat that deifies the laws of gravity. But you think you could find an Up Close and Personal photo of Italy’s pride and joy on the internet this morning? Nope. Not a hint. I’m telling you, it’s a plot to rid the world of its rainbows. And it’s all Putin’s fault.

U.S. bobsledder brakeman Steve Langton’s impressive build doesn’t include being impressively built.

U.S. bobsledder brakeman Steve Langton’s impressive build doesn’t include being impressively built.

No one has yet asked, Why Sochi? For the Winter Olympics, choosing a spot with almost tropical temperatures when the rest of the country is known for its frigid winter weather doesn’t make a lot of sense. Unless you are Putin. The resulting soft snow has been a major boondoggle for the skiers who are used to something a bit more winter-like. And the result has been upsets in most of the events. Just like that wily bastard planned. World Cup Gold Medalist Steven Nyman was one of the few winter Olympians with the goods to make his team photo bulge-worthy and he shoulda been a contender. Instead, thanks to Putin’s plot, in the Alpine Skiing Men’s Downhill he came in 27th. Impressive gay interest/male bulge problem solved.

Everyone got all up in arms about Putin’s anti-gay legislation before the Games began, but so far the only protest at Sochi to make the news was some Italian tranny who got arrested for about five minutes. That Putin is a crafty sucker. During pervious Olympics you could do a search on ‘gay Olympians’ and find out just how many of them were. Or were suspected to play for the rainbow team. For the Sochi Games that search returns nothing but day-old news about Russia’s anti-gay laws. With one swipe of his pen, Putin has completely homogenized the Olympics’s homo coverage.

Everyone laughed at the official uniforms for Sochi employees and volunteers because as anti-gay as Putin supposedly was, those duds were all in the colors of the rainbow. And rainbows are plastered all over the venues too. Ha. Now who’s laughing? Rainbows as a symbol of gay pride? Sorry, Putin co-opted that motif, there are rainbows all over Sochi. And not a one of them is gay. And if you use Google’s image search, instead of pix of the Sochi gay Olympian hotties, you get photo after photo of Putin, shirtless. Which is more effective than any gay conversion therapy yet invented.

Steven Nyman’s gold medal worthy low hanger failed to podium in Sochi.

Steven Nyman’s gold medal worthy low hanger failed to podium in Sochi.

And Putin has not even left the lesbians to enjoy their version of the Games. So far, the only openly gay lesbian athlete to medal was Dutch speed skater Irene Wust. And if fish is your preference and you Google her photo, instead of the naked with strap-on shot you think you might get, you’ll get a photo of her cuddling with Putin. The man’s devious plan to keep the gay out of Sochi is as evil as it is all encompassing. He even brought in the only straight male figure skater in history as a ringer.

You may think I’m just being paranoid, but I ask you this: Has anyone heard a peep out of Brian Boitano in the last week? After an entire career of living in the closet he just came out so he could be on Obama’s gay delegation to the Games and so far his presence has been as well covered as Billie Jean King’s. You watch, the first time you hear about Brian at Sochi will be a photo op with a shirtless Putin.

Everyone thought we had the newest crack smoking Rob Ford mayor candidate when Sochi’s mayor said there were no gays in his town. Now it turns out he was not just repeating the party line, but foretelling the future too. ‘Cuz when you emasculate all the Olympic hotties by removing the bulges from the Olympics, no gay man with any self-respect is gonna hang around your town.

[‘The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2014 Sochi Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]
The XXII Gays of The Winter Olympics
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Sawatdee and welcome to the new and improved Bangkokbois Gay Thailand Blog! Okay, so it’s not necessarily improved, just hosted on a new site. And it’s not just about Thailand, though that still is the main focus. And it’s not all gay either, unless you’re not and then you’ll think it’s pretty damn gay I’m sure. All of the penis might tip you off. Which means if you are not of the required legal age to be looking at penis other than your own, you should leave. And go tell your parental units they suck at their job.

But it is a blog and one out of three ain’t bad. Besides, Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand Blog For People Of Legal Age is just too wordy. But so is Dancing With The Devil In The City Of Angels, which is really the title of this blog.

As cool of a title as that is, Google just ain’t sharp enough to figure out that means this blog is mostly about Thailand. And pretty damn gay to boot. The penis part even Google figured out. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz Bangkokbois Pretty Gay Mostly About Thailand With Lots Of Penis Blog For People Of Legal Age, I think, was taken by someone else.

Move along, there’s nothing to see here folks; pay no attention to that man behind the curtain:

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