And that has got to be one of Bangkok’s Top 10 Experiences.

Top Ten lists for Bangkok touri are popular among travel industry websites. They provide a quick overview of touri-related activities, hopefully convince a customer the site knows of what it speaks, and then quickly moves on to helping them book a hotel for their stay. Along with a dozen official tours that cost five times what visiting that particular attraction on your own would run you. No problemo. Packaged tours are for tourists. They are popular among those who feel a need to be shepherded through life. Even if it is for only a week.

And tourists are great for the local economy. I recently ran across a packaged tour for a 4 to 6 hour excursion through Bangkok on a tuk tuk for the unbelievable low price of just $41 per person. There’s no way an independent traveller is gonna generate that kind of profit. Nor would he spend 6 hours on the itinerary listed; it duplicated the same tuk tuk tour you get for 25 baht by falling for the Grand Palace Is Closed Scam, just without mentioning a stop at a jewelry store, tailor, or discount travel booth. Though I guess that would make up for the additional 4 hours.

Package tours aside, the problem with Top Ten lists – in addition to all listing Jim Thompson’s House of Silk for Sale as a Must-Do in Bangkok – is that they insist you spend your limited vacation time touring the places that every other visitor to the city will also be visiting. Which is cool if you are a pickpocket or get your jollies from rubbing yourself against strangers. If you are a traveller, as opposed to a touri, not so much. Even those who demand travel ‘off the beaten path’ succumb to the same flash-mob style of touring with the added joy of the several hundred fellow touri sharing their travel experience also carrying a copy of Lonely Planet. What’s a poor traveller to do?

Ahhh, Bangkok.

The problem isn’t so much with the lists themselves (other than the aforementioned Jim Thompson’s House of Silk for Sale) but rather with the parameters of defining the ten things a first time visitor to Bangkok during a limited stay should experience. That alone means many of the same sites will appear on everyone’s list. How can you not suggest The Grand Palace as a Must-Do for a first time visitor. Oh. Right. I didn’t. And won’t. But Wat Pho made my list, as it does everyone else’s. You could instead list some wat no one has ever heard of, that would certainly qualify as being off the beaten path. But compared to the Reclining Buddha and the best place in town to experience a traditional Thai massage? Sometimes touring with the crowd is just something you can not avoid. Even if the idea makes you want to skip the whole thing and just visit the Top Ten Bars in Bangkok instead.

Some try to get away from the ordinary and add at least a few places that are bit different, a bit edgy, to their list. But that just means Khaosan Road shows up on half of the Bangkok Top Ten lists. And while Ko Kret certainly qualifies as being off the beaten path, I don’t know that it qualifies as one of the city’s top ten experiences. Chatuchak is without a doubt an experience unto itself, but there are better ways of spending a large portion of your weekend days when you have only one weekend in town. And while the River Kwai and Damnoen Saduak make many lists and entice many touri to take that tour, neither is in Bangkok, both require a full day devoted to an attraction worth only a quarter of a day of your travel time. But then as the person with his feet on the ground, which of the 100 places that make top ten lists you’ll visit, ultimately, are up to you. Even if that means a visit to Jim Thompson’s House of Silk for Sale despite how many times I’ve trashed that destination.

The trick, in my humble opinion – which admittedly while being an opinion does not qualify as being humble – is in attitude. You can hop on a tour bus (or $41 tuk tuk) with everyone else who rushed through breakfast for an early morning start of their day, or you can strike out on your own. You can walk through Wat Pho with your nose buried in your favorite guide book, or you can stumble through the expansive courtyards clueless to what is what but enjoying every minute of discovery. You can play tourist at any site you visit, and snap the same photo everyone else is taking – provided the bastards get out of your way – or your visit can be governed by accident, ruled by fate, open to possibility, and free of any agenda save curiosity.

Tranquility awaits smack dab in the middle of Bangkok’s hustle and bustle.

Off the beaten path is an enviable traveller’s goal. Off the Top Ten lists ain’t bad either. Either suggests some hidden gem that few know about, a perfect travel experience tucked away in some secluded and rarely visited corner of town. The seventh entry to my Top Ten Bangkok Experiences list almost qualifies. It seldom makes anyone’s Top Ten list; guidebook often give it but a brief mention, providing its location, the origins of its name, and, possibly, a few fleeting anecdotes. But located in the center of Bangkok’s bustling business district where Silom Road meets Rama IV hardly qualifies as a secluded spot. Nonetheless, spending a large part of a day a Lumphini Park should be on everyone’s list of Must-Dos in Bangkok. And it is the perfect spot to let fate dictate your experience.

Created in the 1920s by King Rama VI, Lumphini Park covers 142 acres of prime downtown real estate offering a rare breath of Mother Nature amidst the district’s stifling concrete and high-rise buildings. Named after Lumbini, the birthplace of the Buddha in Nepal, at the time of its creation Lumphini stood on the outskirts of the city. Now the city surrounds the park. It is not a place that touri flock to, locals however make good use of the open space, and while generally it is not very busy, on weekends the park can become quite crowded.

For most visitors the best and easiest entrance to the park is the southwestern gate near the Rama VI statue, just off Rama IV Road at the foot of the far reaches of the Sala Daeng BTS station. On your way down Silom, stop and pick up a picnic lunch, and then just at the gates of the park stop and pick up a picnic lunch for the critters who make Lumphini their home too. Today is about kicking back, not about rushing from one site to the next. Nor is it about taking a structured tour – so leave your damn guidebook and map back at the hotel.

What better destination than one marked with a statue of a gay king?

You’ve already spent most of your holiday going, going, going. Now it is time to depressurize. No worries, we’ll get your blood pumping again before the day is over. If you are a cardio queen, you can join the mass of joggers who usee the park for their early morning workout. Or if you are an early bird, show up at 6 a.m and join in with the Tai Chi aficionados near the western bridge (which other than the early hours is a great experience – even if you haven’t a clue there are plenty of practitioners who will gladly show you a few moves, ‘cuz everyone likes to start their day off with a good laugh.) But do that tomorrow, today take a break.

Start by renting a plastic mat and choosing a shady spot to spend an hour feeding the fish, turtles, and monitor lizards (oh yeah, your first sighing of one of the park’s mini-dragons will undoubtedly get your blood pressure pumping, so who needed an hour of jogging anyway?) Locals consider this merit making, just in case your day requires purpose. (They also consider killing a monitor lizard merit making too, but we’re leaving bloody sport for the end of the day.)

When you feel yourself nodding off, you’ve reached the right level of consciousness. Now go take a stroll. You’ll be happily surprised by the things you find in Lumphini. And finding them on your own is half the fun. In addition to the two man-made lakes and connecting waterways, there is a senior citizen’s center (not that I’m calling you old) that offers various activities including ballroom dancing classes on weekends; Bangkok’s first public library (you can check out a book after paying a 10 baht membership fee and a 40 baht book deposit); tennis courts (but seriously, don’t); and, even a swimming pool (you have to be a member to use it, but that only costs 40 baht though you also need to submit a passport photo and a doctor’s note stating you are free of illness).

You can also rent a paddle boat for 30 baht, which may sound a bit childish – especially since the boats are in the shape of a swan – but if you are visiting the park with your boy du jour, he’ll love it (plus you can make him paddle while you sit back and enjoy the ride. Kinda like you did last night in your hotel room). And on Sunday evenings during the winter month’s free concerts are held at the park too.

. . . and you thought you’d already been playing the role of prey in Bangkok.

Spending your time communing with locals ain’t a bad way to kill a few hours too. There are lots of Bangkokians with far too much time on their hands who will willing engage you in conversation (or as much conversation as their limited English allows) along with a few more enterprising souls who offer massage (no, not that kind) not to mention a vaguely worrisome vendor of snake blood who calls the park his business’ home. The point is, your Lumphini experience can be what you make of it. And it can be yours alone.

Of course if you are into hot male muscle, then you’ll be once again be sharing an experience with many others. The open air gym at Lumphini is quite famous in its own right (there are 3, but you’ll know which one you want as soon as you see it). Popular among the muscle studs who work at Tawan, as well as many who one day will, the gym is filled with eye candy daily.

And if looking isn’t enough (um, for a 20 baht fee you can have access to the equipment too – but that’s not what I’m talking about) a smile is all it takes to start negotiations. The guys know what’s what and when they catch you drooling will put on a show to entice you to make a move. Most are not gay, but do posses that Thai fluidity of sexuality and love of baht . . . beside Rama VI, whose statue adorns the park’s entrance is considered to have been gay himself, so . . .Huh. Guess we got your blood pumping a bit earlier than planned.

Lumphini Park offers plenty of eye candy too.

When I take visitors to Lumphini, especially to spend the day there, I seldom tell them where we are going in advance. A park just doesn’t compete with all the other attractions Bangkok has to offer. And while after the visit, unlike after visiting MBK, none has ever clamored to make a return trip before having to get back on the plane, months later when talking about their holiday it is the time they spent at Lumphini Park that gets brought up again and again. So don’t be too quick to cross this one off your list. Besides, you day isn’t over yet. And many of you will want to cross part 2 off your list. You fools.

You spent the better part of your day kicking back, now it’s time to spend it kicking some ass. Or at least watching some extremely hot young Thai men trying their best to do so. Muay Thai, or Thai kick boxing, is the national sport and reeks with culture. More importantly, it reeks with hot sweating superbly conditioned and near naked bodies. And a night spent at the Lumpini Boxing Stadium will be one of the highlights of your holiday. Especially if you take the muscle stud you picked up in the park along for the evening.

Long time visitors to Bangkok mourn the good old days, when sleeze was what the city was all about. It still appears that way to many newbies, but with golden arches and Prada outlets spring up all over, it just ain’t the same. Until you walk into the Lumpini Boxing Stadium. Now this is what Bangkok is all about.

Lumpini Boxing Stadium puts the sleeze back into Bangkok.

Located just down Rama IV from Lumphini Park, the stadium is run by Royal Thai Army on behalf of the Thai Government. And like governments everywhere, when money doesn’t need to be spent, they don’t. Stadium might be a stretch, the place is more the size of one of Patpong’s larger bars. Its dark and gritty warehouse-style interior is illuminated only by a few bare, hanging fluorescent bulbs. And most of the ‘seats’ are standing-room-only concrete steps. Ringside, where the pricey seats are, there are folding chairs – but for the full experience you do not want to sit there. Those seats are for tourists. And you are a traveller. Not to mention ringside views will run you 2,000 baht while spending your night with some of Bangkok’s finest will only cost 1,000. (And if you feel the need to be in a fighting mood, Thais are only charged 300 baht, which has to be the leading ‘farang price’ rip-off in the country.) Whatever you pay, you get lots of bang for your buck.

Starting at 6 p.m. on Tuesdays and Fridays and at 4:30 and again at 8:30 on Saturdays, most 10 fight bills last about four hours. That may sound like a lot of time to spend watching guys beat on each other, but there’s lots of pageantry too. And with beer running only 100 baht for a large Chang, you – and the crowd – will quickly get caught up in the excitement. For the rest of the fight fans that means gambling. Which is part of the spectacle and why you should be standing in the cheaper seats. Just don’t try to make a few bucks off betting on your own. The losing opponent in the ring will probably not wind up quite as bloody as you would.

You can consider this Bangkok Experience as a day devoted to cardio – avoiding it for most of the day and then ramping you pulse up to near heart attack levels. And all for the price of a song. Today’s experience, including lunch (yours and Lumphini Park’s finest), transportation, booze, and entrance fees will run you about $60 per person. Unless you did pick up one of the muscle studs at the park’s gym.

How could you not enjoy Muay Thai?

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Oh, wait. He’s a to do not a not to do.

Yesterday’s article, upon request, was the Top Ten Things To Do In Bangkok, a list of the things I think a first time visitor on a short trip to Bangkok should do and see. Today’s could just as easily be called Yeah, But . . . and answers all those who’d suggest some other destination or activity that I failed to include on my list. It could also just as easily been called Those Were My Suggestions Not Yours So Fuck Off, but that just wouldn’t be polite.

But then being polite is not one of my many faults. And since it isn’t polite to knock places down instead of building them up, I thought I’d go with what I’m more familiar with and better at and give you a list today of the Top Ten Things Not To Do In Bangkok. The parameters are the same as yesterday’s: this list is geared toward the first time visitor who only has a few days to discover all the city has to offer. Though everything on today’s list should probably be avoided by anyone anyway. More importantly, these sites are the ones that many first time visitors think they need to see. They often appear on other’s Top Ten lists for some ungodly reason . . . maybe to provide fodder for a Top Ten Stupidest Suggestions Of Things To Do In Bangkok list. Which, I guess, could have worked well for today’s post’s title too.

So without further ado, here are the top ten things to cross off your list of things to do in Bangkok.

1. Prove What A Dullard You Are At Jim Thompson’s House Of Silk For Sale.
Oh come on. You knew that’d be my #1 thing not to waste your time doing in Bangkok. And don’t bother commenting to disagree because by even thinking of doing so you’ve already established you are boring. I almost changed my mind about this place when I recently read the rumor that Jimmy was gay. But then seeing the closet of a closeted gay man isn’t all that exciting either. So let me answer your Yeah, Buts . . .

There are better and more authentic examples of traditional Thai teakwood houses than one designed, built, and lived in by a farang. There are better places to see a wider selection of Thai antiques (these are called museums). There are cheaper places to buy Thai silk – including places offering the Jim Thompson brand if you just have to have it. And a block away and just over a small wooden bridge is the home of the locals whose backs Jim made his fame and fortune off of.

Copy this photo and then say you’ve done the Damnoen Saduak Floating Market. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

2. Get Taken For A Ride At The Damnoen Saduak Floating Market.
Photos of old ladies selling goods from their boats at Damnoen Saduak are one of the country’s top draws. Visitors make the long trek to the market with visions of taking that postcard perfect picture themselves. Good luck with that. The reality is bus loads of touri filling every square inch and/or zooming about on long-tail boats belching diesel fumes.

I could just leave it at: with only three or four days to do Bangkok, the full day excursion to visit Damnoen Saduak just isn’t worth your time. But the truth is even with a month to explore what the city has to offer Damnoen Saduak is still not worth your time. Unless you hire a private car and get there and leave before the busses start pulling in.

3. Spend The Weekend At The Market
I know. Sacrilege. Personally, I love Chatuchak. I’ve never not visited the market on any trip to Bangkok. Others are not quite a thrilled with the experience. It is hot, humid, crowded, and so humongous that for many it is just too much. And for a 3-4 day visit, it really takes up too much of your available time. Go buy your knickknacks at MBK instead on this trip and save a visit to the Weekend Market for your next holiday.

Now You know what a Thai will do for 100 baht. (But he is kinda cute.)

4. Crocodile Farms Are For Children, Fools, And Childish Fools.
Ya know Boo Hoo could use a reader or two and if visiting a crocodile farm actually was on your list you may enjoy his blog more than you’ll enjoy mine. His probably recommends all the other sites on this list too. Along with making silly giggling noises when he writes about ‘rented admirers’.

Elephants are a symbol of Thailand, crocs are not. But then foolish touri with more money than brains are too, and that’s why there are so many crocodile farms spread throughout the country. There are better ways of spending your time. Like taking a nap.

5. Dine Like A Peon On The River Of Kings.
Dinner cruises on the Chao Phraya are a popular touri activity. I think the ticket comes with a free stop at Jim Thompson’s House Of Silk For Sale. Guests get treated to cattle-class service, bland and poorly cooked food, and a pricey ride up the river that you could also have at a cost of only 14 baht by taking an express boat ride instead. You’re better off dining riverside at a 4 or 5 star restaurant. Where you can watch the fools who over-paid for a dinner cruise motor by.

You can see real live Asians on Soi Twilight too ya know.

6. See Real Live Asians In Chinatown.
If you like laughing at people as much as I do, go park yourself at the Ratchawong Pier and watch the hordes of touri, guidebook in hand, disembark for the long walk into Bangkok’s Chinatown. Where they will get completely lost and spend the day wandering around in a haze looking for their authentic Asian Experience. Here’s the problem: Chinatown is not a touri destination, it is a neighborhood. It does have some sites worthy of your time, but they are spread out all over the place and are not easy for a first time visitor to find. And when you do you’ll experience that place with the other 10,000 touri who bought the same guidebook as you did. Save a visit to Chinatown for a future trip and then hone in on a specific attraction or two. For this visit, you can see many real live Asians almost anywhere in town. And many will be Chinese.

7. Have A Blast At The World Trade Center.
Bangkok was recently voted the #1 shopping destination in the world. With good reason. Lots of them. The World Trade Center, Thailand’s largest shopping mall, isn’t one of them. To avoid potential terrorist problems, after 9/11 they renamed The World Trade Center Central World. Which didn’t fool at least one bomber. Nor the hordes of Red Shirts who burnt it to the ground during their Bangkok holiday. But that’s not why you shouldn’t visit the place. That it is just too big is.

Central World does not offer anything that you can not find at one of the other malls (all within ten minutes of the place). And at those you won’t get lost. Rents are high at Central World, prices are too. Plus there is little that has to do with Bangkok there. MBK is a better choice for a first time visitor. As is Gaysorn Plaza, Big C Ratchadamri, Amarin Plaza, Central Chidlom, Siam Paragon, Siam Center, Siam Discovery Center, Siam Square, Platinum Fashion Mall, and Pantip Plaza. To mention but a few.

Ladyboys in Bangkok outnumber 7/11s, so there’s no reason to be paying to see them.

8. Get Your Gay On With The Guys Who No Longer Are.
If you are 80, or clueless, you probably still equate gay with drag queens. The rest of us have some dignity and have moved on. Bangkok teems with ladyboys, which are the authentic version of a drag queen. And just like you shouldn’t waste your money buying knock-offs in Bangkok, you shouldn’t waste your time with knock-off ladyboys either. The drag queen revues of Bangkok are for straight touri to titter over while over paying for the experience. You are better than that. If you just have to see ladyboys on stage, go hit Nana Plaza and any one of the dozen of bars there that specialize in the third gender. Or just walk down Sukhumvit at night.

9. See The Whales At Siam Ocean World.
Oh wait, Those are at the beaches in Pattaya. My bad.
To be fair, Siam Ocean World in the Siam Paragon shopping mall isn’t a complete waste of your time. If you enjoyed your packaged dinner cruise on the Chao Phraya you’ll just love Ocean World too. Ditto if you are under the age of 6 or have never seen a real aquarium before. But real aquariums employ professional marine biologists; Siam Ocean World hires ticket takers. Its world is not one of science but one of sales. If Siam Paragon wasn’t’ supposed to be a classy shopping mall, Ocean World would be a crocodile farm. On the plus side, your ticket for Ocean World also includes a pass for Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. Know what I mean, Vern?

Soi Rambuttri is what Khaosan Road was once supposed to be.

10. Swim With The Sharks On Khaosan Road.
Wait a minute. Didn’t I include Khaosan on my list of the Top Ten Things To Do In Bangkok? Yup, I did. But considering the minute number of active brain cells you’ll find among the denizens of Khaosan, that makes perfect sense. Khaosan is a world unto itself and as such makes for an interesting and fun outing. But if you are really looking for a cool, laid-back, atmospheric popular hangout for the younger generation that doesn’t feature aggressive vendors and puke filled gutters, just around the corner is Soi Rambuttri and its leafy banyan tree shaded street where the vibe sways more towards local than backpackers. It’s what Khaosan was before the locals found out how easy backpackers are to fleece. And a much better destination for cafe life and bar hopping if you don’t want to be shark bait.

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One of the top 10s you should consider doing in Bangkok.

A reader recently requested my suggestions for things a first time visitor during a short visit to Bangkok should do and see. Since I’m up to #6 on my list of the Top Ten Bangkok Experiences, that seemed like a duplicate effort at first. But if you’ve been reading those posts, they tend to treat an entire day’s worth of activities as a singular experience, which, by the time I’m done posting all ten will make for at least a two week visit. No problemo. A shorter list is required. You may not believe it but I can be concise when forced to. Briefly.

Coming up with a list of things worthy of a first time visitor’s attention is not difficult. Limiting it to ten is. Especially when, as requested, some could be considered off the beaten path. Not that I’d have a problem suggesting a few of the more unusual sites, but there are still several more popular and traditional ones that – I feel – a first time visitor needs to experience to get a full taste of what Bangkok has to offer. For example, not visiting the Grand Palace would be almost criminal. But then I tend to enjoy the company of criminals, so the Grand Palace didn’t make it to my short list. Some of the other popular places almost everyone includes on their Top Ten list for Bangkok, however, did.

The city’s naughty nightlife – whether you participate or just watch – is obviously a must-do, must-see, especially for gay travellers. But every Thai you run across will do his or her damnedest to ensure you have that experience – like you’d need your arm to be twisted – so I’m not including Soi Twilight or a happy ending massage on my list either. I suspect just ‘cuz it isn’t listed here won’t mean hours indulging won’t be spent anyway. When you come up for air, however, you might consider some of these other suggestions:

A little head just doesn’t seem right for Bangkok.

1: Make Merit At Wat Pho.
Wat Pho’s Reclining Buddha is one of the country’s most iconic symbols. And since you have to see at least one wat during a visit to Bangkok, this then is the one to visit. Many touri attempt to combine a visit to Wat Pho with a visit to the adjacent Grand Palace: Don’t. It’s too much for one day. Devote that time instead to getting the full experienced offered at Wat Pho. And if you are smart, that will include indulging in the city’s most authentic Thai massage.

2: Take A Cruise On The River Of Kings.
The Chao Phraya Express Boats undoubtedly offer the most bang for your touri buck. Meant as a form of transportation, they are a tourist activity in their own right. The river boats are the best way to get to the Grand Palace and Wat Pho, offering a scenic ride as you motor past Buddhist temples, historical buildings, and riverside life. Or just hop on one with no destination in mind and enjoy the ride.

3: Climb Into An Elephant’s Ass At The Erawan Museum.
If I were listing Bangkok’s Top Ten Things To Do in order, the Erawan Museum would be in contention for the #1 spot. Completely over the top, it’s Bangkok’s answer to the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona. Others may head for Jim Thompson’s House of Silk Shop, you should check out this museum topped with a 250 ton three headed elephant instead.

There is a reason it’s called Bangkok, sweetie.

4: Find Religion At Bangkok’s Penis Shrine.
Located on the grounds of the Swissotel Nai Lert Park Hotel close to the Pratunam Market, Bangkok’s Chao Mae Tuptim shrine is one of its most unique religious displays. The locals use it as a fertility shrine, touri visit to get their photo taken amidst a few hundred cocks of very size, shape, and color. Which you can also do on Soi Twilight, but this is cheaper.

5: Lay Down With The Fleas At The Ratchada Night Market.
There are almost as many street and night markets in Bangkok as there are 7/11s. All have there fans, all have something unique to offer, not all are actually worth shopping at. Especially if you are not into shopping. But the Ratchada Night Market, a trendy and hip flea market for the younger crowd, offers so much more. Located by the Ladprao MRT Station, and only held on Saturday nights, it offers Bangkok’s largest collection of old, retro, and antique products for sale. It’s also a meeting point for classic car and motorcycle enthusiasts. Younger visitors are thrilled by the kitschy ‘antiques’; older visitors will keep saying, “Hey! I had one of those!”

6: Shop ‘Til You Drop At MBK.
Even non-shopaholics love this place. It is not Bangkok’s newest, largest, or classiest shopping mall, but it is its most popular one. And it fills everyone’s needs. You can barter for your merchandise, or not. Shop, or eat, see a movie, or just people watch. If you are showing visitors the town, I suggest doing MBK early in the trip. Because they will want to make a return visit before heading home. Everyone always does.

Soi Twilight isn’t the only place in Bangkok you can find half-naked, hot, sweaty male bodies on display.

7: Commune With Thais Even More Ferocious Than Pissed Off Ladyboys.
One of the best things to do to see how the locals in Bangkok have fun is to attend a Muay Thai night at the Lumpinee Boxing Stadium. Even if you are not into watching two men beat each other senseless, the pageantry alone is worth your time. As is watching the crowds betting as only Asians can. The hot bodies draped in sweaty, body-hugging shorts ain’t a bad thrill either.

8: Get High At Baiyoke Sky Tower.
You gotta visit at least one tourist trap in Bangkok so that you have something to complain about, and the observation deck at Baiyoke Sky Tower is a good one to waste an hour and your money at. The rotating observation deck on the 77th floor offers unparalleled views of the city. Plus it gives you an excuse to not spend even more baht for a lesser view at the Sky Bar at Lebua State Tower.

9: Forget Six Flags, The World’s Scariest Ride Is In Bangkok.
Almost everyone agrees you haven’t done Bangkok if you haven’t taken a ride in a tuk tuk. And all of those same people will agree one of the stupidest things you can do in Bangkok is to ride in a tuk tuk. For getting from Point A to Point B, they suck. Especially since the driver will also want to stop at Point C to separate you from some of your cash. Unless you are staying at a total dump, there are always a pool of tuk tuk drivers hanging out at the front of your hotel. Knowing you are a newbie to Thailand they will greet you every time you step outside by screaming, “Tuk Tuk!” just in case you don’t know what those half motorcycle half horse cart contraptions are. Pick the driver that looks the least drunk, offer him 100 baht to take you around the block, and then keep yelling, “Faster! Faster!” as he weaves through traffic and pedestrians alike. You’ll have then had you tuk tuk experience and out-crazied a tuk tuk driver in one fell swoop. And the other drivers will avoid you for the rest of your stay.

Khaosan Road will eat you alive.

10: Swim With The Sharks At Khaosan Road.
Khaosan Road is Bangkok’s backpacker’s ghetto and is home to more unusual wildlife than you’ll ever find at Bangkok’s zoo. Though the denizens are not quite as tame. The Big Mango is known as a city of contrasts and Khaosan provides a glimpse into a world that will make the rest of the town seem downright normal. Plus it’s a fun place to hang out. You’ll also find the city’s coolest fish massage spa on Khaosan. Go in the late afternoon for the euro-trash hippie wannabe experience, stay into the late night getting blasted at the street’s clubs and pubs. Remembering your visit to Khaosan through the hazy murk of a world-class hangover is the only way to go.

(You can find more information about each of these activities using the search box at the bottom of this page.)

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It’s time for you to go one on one with Thailand’s iconic symbol: the elephant (and you thought that butt was the photo’s focal point).

What’s the first thing to come to mind when you think about Thailand? Okay, make that the second thing. There’s a good chance your answer would (then) be elephants. An iconic symbol of the country, elephants are much loved by the Thai people, and for many touri one of the more memorable experiences of their visit to Thailand. At least if they get out of Bangkok. Riding an elephant is one of the Must Do touri experiences in the Land of Smiles, but you really need to head up north for that treat. And it is an awesome thing to do. For about 5 minutes.

In Bangkok you are not as likely to stumble upon the opportunity of taking an elephant for a spin (though bar boys get that joy almost nightly). In Bangkok your elephant experience is more likely to be stumbling upon one with its trainer on the streets where you’ll get to overpay for some treats to feed the pachyderm. Who, as a thanks, will let loose with a gushing stream of urine guaranteed to splatter anyone within half a block. Come to think of it, that too could be one of your more memorable Bangkok experiences.

With Thailand and elephants being so interlinked, not including some sort of elephant-related activity as part of your Thailand holiday just doesn’t cut it. And if your visit includes plans to head to Chiang Mai, as a first time visitors you really should visit one of the elephant camps. If, on the other hand, your plans are to stay in Bangkok, do yourself a favor and skip the one-day elephant camp tours offered to the tour bus crowds by enterprising locals. All are a long drive away from town, none offer much in the way of humane treatment of the animals. You’ll be much better off waiting to do it right and use it as an excuse to visit Thailand once again. But that doesn’t mean your Bangkok holiday has to be elephantless. In fact, it shouldn’t. Because a day’s travel experience devoted to elephant sightings is the on my list of the Top Ten Bangkok Experiences. And wild animal urine plays no part in today’s activities. Almost.

To avoid the major part of your Bangkok experience being hours communing with the city’s notorious traffic gridlock, I usually suggest a day full of activities that are in close proximity to each other. But since the main experience in today’s suggestion is already much further afield than most touri go, I’m throwing traffic to the wind. No worries. You’ll still be spending more time communing with Thai tourist attractions than Thai parking lot like attractions. Unfortunately, for this one you are gonna have to get up early for a change. Damn elephants!

What’s cooking?

First up, after breakfast and enough caffeine to get you through the next few hours, a late afternoon option is offered too. But, as I will soon explain, you are better off pulling yourself out of bed early instead. Since part of what makes an elephant an elephant is the copious amounts of food they eat each day, that’s where we’ll start. ‘Cuz nothing says, “I just got back from a trip to Thailand” than you starting looking a lot like the country’s favorite mammal.

With branches in London, Paris, Jakarta, Dubai, and elsewhere around the globe, since 1980 the Blue Elephant Restaurant has offered an award winning menu of Royal Thai cuisine. And that doesn’t mean the stuff you’ll find at street carts. Royal Thai cuisine is what is served at official dinners at the palace. It’s fancy, but bland with the idea being you don’t want to serve something to visiting heads of state that will burn their taste buds. Or give them gas. So for most touri it is the perfect style of Thai cooking. Personally, I think there are better restaurants specializing in Royal Thai Cuisine in Bangkok. But the Blue Elephant’s saving grace is that it offers a cooking school too. And it’s about time you learned how to prepare a mal that doesn’t rely on nuking pre-made entrees in your microwave.

Classes are offered seven days a week, both in the morning and afternoon. Each class offers instruction in preparing four dishes, though those meals are different depending on the day you choose to attend. According to their website, the classes are good for novice and experienced cooks alike. So if you are of the former variety you classmates will all get a laugh out of your efforts. The cost, which is 2,800 baht, is the same for both the morning and afternoon class. But if you take the morning class it incudes a trip to a local wet market to pick up fresh ingredients.

It’s no wonder Thai food is so popular the world over.

Morning classes begin at 8:30 am and end a bit after 1pm when you sit down to enjoy the meal you’ve prepared. Fortunately, that meal also includes dishes prepared by the restaurant’s chefs; the afternoon session starts at 1:30 pm and dinner is served at 5pm. Included in the cost of the class are a certificate and a “delightful” Blue elephant apron.

If you are not a devotee of the Food Network, this might not seem like the best use of your limited time in Bangkok. But hey, you’ve probably been wrong many times before in your life too. The fact is it will be a memorable experience regardless of your abilities in the kitchen. And you will find yourself recreating the recipes when you get back home too.

The Blue Elephant Cooking School (and the restaurant too) is located at 233 South Sathorn Road. Booking your class at least one day in advance is recommended. You can do so, as well taking a look at each day’s class menu on their website: http://www.blueelephant.com/cooking-school/

So that’s one elephant down, and 3 and a tail’s end to go . . .

The Erawan Museum offers a three-in-one elephant experience.

I’m not a museum kind of guy. At least not when it comes to the smaller provincial museums; there are usually better ways to commune with a country’s historical culture than what a local museum has to offer. So the idea of trekking out to a museum on the outskirts of town just never had much of an appeal to me. Even if it did feature a three-headed elephant. That just goes to show you that I too have been wrong in my life before. Your next stop in today’s Bangkok experience is the Erawan Museum, a place that would draw much larger crowds if it dropped ‘museum’ from its name. If museums don’t do it for you too, think incredible wat instead. And if you’ve had enough of Thai temples already, then think amusement park, or kitschy roadside attraction ‘cuz it qualifies as both of those too. And if none of those options work . . . I did mention the three-headed elephant, didn’t I?

There are several transpo option to get from the elephant you just finished with to the next one on today’s agenda. Those are listed in the fuller article about the Erawan below. But with your tummy full your best bet this time around is to grab a taxi (though you gotta admit it would be cool if you could ride an elephant to the museum). From Sathorn Road the fare will run you about 300 baht. And then you won’t have to deal with parking problems or grabbing a taxi from the closest BTS station either. Depending on traffic, which since it is still early enough in the afternoon shouldn’t be too bad, the ride will take you about half an hour. Unless your cabby gets lost.

Fair warning: This is one of those tourist attractions that charges a different entrance fee for farang. For Thais it is cheap enough you may want to spring for your taxi driver’s entrance and thereby avoid having to try to find a cab for the trip back into town. Either way, don’t whine about it. No one wants to hear your bitching and the 300 baht it cost to get in is well worth the price.

Hello Dolly! Oh, wait. Nope, that’s Noom.

If you haven’t heard about the Erawan before, please read the fuller article linked to below. But neither that one nor this much more brief description really does the place justice. I’m a bit of a cynic (if you haven’t noticed) and am not easily impressed. The Erawan impressed me. In fact I would have listed it as my #1 Bangkok Experience, but for a first time visitor there are a few more significant places you really should see first. How Jim Thompson’s House makes everyone else’s Top Ten list when the Erawan doesn’t, though, is beyond me. I mean it’s not like you can’t find Thai silk neckties with little elephants on them at every night market in the Kingdom.

Finished in the early 2000s, the Erawan Museum is the brainchild of Lek Viriyaphant, a rich local boy with a profound love for both antiques and his religion. Somehow that turned into a structure with a 95 foot tall, 150 ton three-headed elephant on top that you can climb up through and grab a view over the surrounding rooftops out of the elephant’s ass. On the ground floor is the museum part which tells the story of how and why the building was erected. The lobby floor opens onto a colorful panorama filled with Buddhist and Hindu imagery in 3D topped by a domed stained glass window and featuring a grand staircase, which, when coming back down makes for a wonderful Hello Dolly moment.

At the very top is a shrine room filled with Buddhas and other religious-based statuary. This room holds the majority of Viriyaphant’s collection of ancient religious art. A large part of his purpose in building the museum was to provide a home for these images. Many are priceless objects of art; they were also held as sacred objects for people of ancient cultures. According to ancient traditions, they were believed to bring blessing and prosperity to the land and its people, and therefore must not be lost to outsiders. It was Viriyapant’s concern to find a way that would keep these objects safe that would also be suitable to their traditional functions. And thus the Erawan was born.

Bangkok’s most impressive shrine is housed at the top of the Erawan.

The Erawan is not a quick, rush through it and move on to the next site on your list kind of place. You need to take your time to really appreciate the place. Plan to spend a minimum of two hours; four is not too much. And make sure you take part in the various merit making activities the museum offers too. The grounds surrounding the main building are beautifully landscaped with secluded benches tucked into shady spots, perfect for taking in the tranquillity of the area and providing you with an opportunity to recharge your batteries. For more info and directions visit the Erawan’s website: http://www.erawan-museum.com/.

Knowing the state of mind that grand entrance you just made down the Erawan’s staircase put you in, we’ll continue in that vein and finish the day off with yet another splashy, regal entrance – and sneak in a bit of elephant splash while we’re at it. Make your way to the BTS and head for the Chao Phraya River at the Saphan Taksin Station. When you hit the river (well, don’t actually hit the river, stop just before you do) to the left of the express boat dock is a smaller concrete dock. This is where the shuttle ferry for the Peninsula Hotel boards passengers. The Peninsula is a 5 star hi-so hotel that often makes the lists for the best hotels in the world. And arriving at the hotel by boat is suitably pretentious (and cheaper than taking the hotel’s private helicopter since the boat ride is free). So put on your most regal airs and hop on board for a quick ride across the River of Kings. Even if you are a queen.

At the hotel, with nose firmly in the air, make your way to the rooftop River Bar; it should be close to sunset by now and this open-air restaurant provides a wonderful view of the play of colors reflecting off the river and the city’s skyscrapers. It isn’t quite the view, by height, that you’d get at the Sky Bar, but is much more laid-back. And whiled the Lebua is gonna charge you $20 for a cocktail to go with the view, at the Peninsula we laugh at those who can only afford such a mesially price for libations.

A queen’s ride on the River of Kings awaits you.

Along with the luxurious comfort and gentle breezes blowing in off the river, the River Bar offers range of original cocktail creations, mixed drinks, and exotic fruit smoothies. Better yet, and more on point for today’s experience, it is one of the few places in town where you can get a cup of Black Ivory Coffee, the most expensive coffee in the world. An espresso roast that connoisseurs claim has a floral and chocolaty taste with notes of milk chocolate, a nutty earthiness, with hints of spice and red berries, it’s a good thing they specify ‘red’ berries ‘cuz considering the source those could be dingleberries instead.

Ten years in the making, Black Ivory Coffee is created through a process whereby coffee beans are naturally refined by Thai elephants at the Golden Elephant Triangle Foundation in Chiang Saen, northern Thailand. Which is a nice way of saying the coffee beans are eaten by elephants and then shat out to be cleaned – many times we hope – before being roasted. Yup, we’re taking the world’s only elephant produced crapaccino. A gut reaction inside the elephant creates what its founder calls the coffee’s unique taste. And despite your gut reaction to the idea, it is a mighty fine cup of coffee.

Starting with the best Thai Arabica beans picked at altitudes as high as 5,000 feet, once deposited by the elephants, the individual beans are, um, hand-picked from the elephant dung, by the animals’ mahouts and their wives and then sun-dried and roasted. Approximately 5,000 beans are culled for each pound of roasted coffee; it takes just over 35 pounds of pre-elephant treated coffee beans to produce just one pound of Black Ivory Coffee. Which might explain its $650 per pound price.

The Peninsula’s rooftop bar is one of the city’s best places to kick back and watch the sun set.

Butt then you’re only gonna order a cup of the shit. Which will run you $50. Which, pound for pound, is still a better deal than you’ll get at Starbucks. Plus the table-side brewing in a contraption that would make Dr. Frankenstein proud is almost worth the price alone. And a portion of the proceeds from the sale of Black Ivory Coffee goes to a foundation that offers free veterinarian care to all elephants in Thailand (except those found on the beaches of Pattaya). Needless to say, so I’ll say it anyway, Black Ivory Coffee is good to the last dropping.

Today’s experience is not cheap. With tuition (and lunch), transportation, entrance fees, and a cup of joe you’ll be talking about for years to come, it will run you about $160 per person – a bit more if you opt to take the Peninsula’s Rolls back to whatever dive you are staying at. But considering you got edumacated, climbed into an elephant’s ass, and then enjoyed savoring what comes out of it, not to mention having not one but two queenly moments, I’d call that a priceless experience!

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The Top Ten Bangkok Experiences: Part 5 – Doing Nothing, Accomplishing Lots

Whodathunk one of Bangkok’s Top 10 Experience would be a day devoted to your ass?

The problem with Bangkok for a first time visitor is that there is just too much to see and do. The city is so overflowing with historical sites, museums, attractions, cultural sites, and exotic experiences it is impossible to take them all in on a single visit. You can stick to the tried and true, those places that always make it to guidebook and internet site Top Ten lists, but that seldom provides you with a full picture of what Bangkok is all about. You can spend weeks in advance of your visit scouring guidebooks and the internet to come up with the places you want to visit and the things you want to do, but your unfamiliarity with Bangkok then results in your spending too much of your limited time crisscrossing a city that has a well deserved reputation for not being easily crisscrossed. And so focused on the next spot on your list, you’ll probably fly right by something more deserving of your time anyway.

With all the activities and sights worthy of a visitor’s time, it’s no wonder that so many travellers get that lost, dazed, confused, and totally worn out look on their faces by the third day of their trip. Bangkok can just be too much if you allow it to be. Forget about needing a vacation from your vacation when you get home, you might not even survive long enough to make it to your plane. As important as seeing everything that you can may seem, a major part of being on holiday is just that. Relaxing, doing nothing, just allowing the ambiance to soak into your consciousness is, in my book, even more important than a 30-minute tour of where some member of the royal family once lived. And my fifth entry to my Top Ten Bangkok experiences is devoted to just that: sitting on your ass. No worries, there’ll be plenty of walking involved too – though strolling is a more appropriate phrase – ‘cuz we wouldn’t want your ass to go completely numb. You may still want to use it later at night

Of course you can’t very well start a day’s outing devoted to sitting on your ass by getting up with the crack of dawn. Even as appropriate as that may sound. Instead, let your hotel empty of your fellow travellers – you’ll see them again much later when they all look like zombies – your day begins at a respectable hour, around 11ish. By now you should have mastered using the BTS, if not consider it a bonus round for today’s experience and head for the National Stadium Station, the terminal point for the Silom Line where the MBK Mall is located. But you won’t be visiting the mall. You won’t be visiting your next way point either. Get used to it. You won’t be visiting a lot of places today.

Jim Thompson’s House makes it onto everyone’s Bangkok Top 10 List. You’ll be ignoring it today.

Use Exit 1 to the street level and walk down Soi Kaem San 2 to Jim Thompson’s House (you can take a tuk tuk instead, the route itself is of little interest). Jim’s place makes it onto everyone’s Bangkok Top 10 List, so we’ll give it the attention it deserves and walk right past the place. You’ll soon hit the San Saeb canal, turn left and cross the bridge to Ban Krua.

The Ban Krua community, made up of Cham Muslims from Cambodia, dates back to the time of Rama 1 when they fought on the side of Siam during the Burmese-Siamese wars and were granted the land just outside of the Old City in recognition for their loyal service to the king. It’s no coincidence that Jim’s place is located just across thee canal; silk weaving was a traditional craft of the Cham and they brought these skills with them to Ban Krua. In the 1940s Jim convinced a group of eight Cham families to produce a sample batch of silks which he took to New York. The silks hit Vogue and the rest is history. And so were most of the Cham.

Jim’s company no longer buys from the Cham, making their own silk in a factory in Korat instead. You, however, can; there are still silk weavers at work in Ban Krua, and they offer some of the best prices on Thai silk in town. Even if you are not interested in purchasing textiles, a stroll though the predominately Muslim community provides a historical glimpse at what is now considered a traditional Thai handicraft. And a much better one than the bus tour throngs will be seeing back at Jim’s house. If you do make a purchase, ask that it be wrapped in a few extra layers of plastic bags, ‘cuz things are about to get wet.

Ban Krua is home to some of Bangkok’s last traditional silk weavers.

Head back to the canal and the Baan Krua Nua pier – you are about to experience one of the cheapest and quickest ways to get around Bangkok. It may also be one of the wettest. Riding on the Khlong Saeb Saep Ferry can make a tuk tuk ride seem tame. It’s not something many touri do, but the locals know better and about 60,000 of them ride the Saen Saep Express Boats daily. The service has a checkered reputation among touri, due to the polluted water in the khlong and the nature in which the boats operate. But it’s time your ass got a chance to rest – and trust me, for this journey you will want to sit down.

Using the canal boats is easy. As long as you are quick. They tend to take off from a pier just before the last customer is ready to get on. Or off. With luck you will be boarding with some locals, and can just follow their lead. If not, aim for the middle of the boat. There really is no designated entry way – you climb down onto a seat that may or may not be occupied depending on how filled the boat is. Ignore whoever it was you just stepped on and sit down. Quickly. The boat will be taking off soon. Or it already did.

Fares run from 10 to 20 baht, you’ll be going to the end of the western or Golden Mount line – Panfa Leelard – which is only 4 stops away. The fare should be 10 baht, thanks to your farang face it may go as high as 15. Soon after the boat takes off roaring down the water way, one of the ticket collectors will find you. Tell him where you are going, he’ll quote the fare, hand you your change, and issue you a ticket. Or conversely, just pass over a 20 baht note without saying a word and watch to see what you get back as change.

And you thought riding a tuk tuk was exhilarating!

Normally you need to be on your toes riding the canal boats, they only stop at a pier when someone needs to get off there or someone is waiting to board. But since you are going to the last pier, no problemo (though you will still have to get off quickly!) The sights along the route are not much to speak of, though it is an interesting and different view of Bangkok. Watching the guys working on the boat scuttling barefoot along the gunwales – and ducking at the last moment to make it under a bridge in one piece – is a better way of passing your time. In any case, you won’t have much of a view. Once the boat gets underway some local will pull on the plastic tarp curtains running alongside the boat to raise them and keep the dirty water from splashing on passengers.

Safely back on terra firma once again, from the Panfa Leelard pier the first recognizable site you’ll see is the Golden Mount. It too is usually on everyone’s Bangkok Top 10 List, so we’ll give it a pass. Consider it your new tradition. Instead, exit towards Ratchadamnoen Road, walk over the bridge and hang a left on Thanon Mahachai (Wat Ratchanadda is on the far corner of this intersection), walk down about two blocks and just after you pass the gas station stop at the first open-to-the-street restaurant on your left. This is Thip Samai, the best Pad Thai restaurant in Bangkok. And since that’s all they serve, you won’t have to worry about what to order for lunch.

You may have tried Pad Thai elsewhere in Bangkok, it’s one of the city’s best known dishes. If so, what you’ll get at Thip Samai will convince you that you have not tried Pad Thai before. This is Bangkok’s most famous Pad Thai restaurant, and invariably voted as having the best Pad Thai in town. Usually, it is a zoo. By 5pm locals are lining up for dinner and take-away. That’s when the place officially opens. But just after noon, a small portion opens for the lunch crowd and you’ll have a good chance of snagging one of the less than a dozen open tables.

Bangkok’s best Pad Thai may not have the desired effect on your ass that’d you’d hoped. But your tummy will be smiling.

There are three, or maybe it’s four, versions of Pad Thai on offer at Thip Samai, I’d recommend the Pad Thai Haw Kai Goong Sot, which comes wrapped in an egg. It’ll run you 70 baht. And while there are more enjoyable spots with a better ambiance to rest your ass (which we’ll be getting to again soon) none can compare for a truly Thai dining experience.

After lunch, cross the street and head back up toward Wat Ratchanadda. Before the wat, you’ll come across a concrete path way leading alongside Khlong Wat Thepthida, hang a left and stroll alongside the canal for a taste of ‘old Bangkok’. To your right is the back entrance to Wat Ratchanadda, which will take you into its amulet market. The display of religious paraphernalia here is astounding, it’s a popular market for monks from other wats to purchase trinkets for sale at their temple. Meandering along its aisles, you’ll eventually end up at Wat Ratchanadda and the Loha Prasat, which provides a decent interactive visit to one of Bangkok’s more unusual wats. Make sure you climb the staircase of the Loha Prasat for some incredible rooftop views of the Old City.

Ratchadamnoen Road fronts the temple and there are always a handful of tuk tuks and taxis waiting for a fare. If you have not yet experienced being scammed with a multiple temple cum jewelry store tuk tuk ride, these guys will fill that need. Catch one back over on Thanon Mahachai instead, and it’s a 35 baht ride to Khaosan Road.

Wat Ratchanadda is one of Bangkok’s more recognizable landmarks.

Khaosan is the backpacker ghetto of Bangkok, the temporary home of the world’s youth who are out to experience the world and instead experience small enclaves of it filled with white faces. Many would argue, and perhaps rightfully so, that Khaosan has little to do with Thailand. But it is, for many, their entire Bangkok experience, and different enough from the rest of the city that you should have a small taste of its scene.

During the day Khaosan is basically a street market. And a poor one at that. It’s also a street cafe scene, rating just as low in that regard. Between the scam artists, aggressive street vendors, and roving packs of scum intent on selling you magic wallets and oversized cigarette lighters, you’ll wonder why the place exists. To discover why the place exists, you’ll need to walk its about four block length to the opposite end, take a right and then an immediate left into Soi Rambuttri.

Soi Rambuttri is a unique U shaped lane that straddles a massive white walled temple compound called Wat Chana Songkhram. It’s what Khaosan was twenty years ago. Walking around can be quite beautiful as large Banyan trees provide cooling shade cover. Like Khaosan, Soi Rambuttri is a haven for backpackers and budget travelers. Unlike its ugly step-sister it’s a place where life slows down in a city that is moving forward at a hectic pace. Among Bangkok’s grit of congested traffic and crowds of shoulder to shoulder pedestrians, Soi Rambuttri is a tiny slice of heaven just north of all the hustle and bustle. It’s a bohemian community filled with street-side cafes, restaurants, and bars. And a perfect place to plop down and sit awhile while you watch a colorful stream of people pass by.

Soi Rambuttri is what Khaosan Road was 20 years ago and a great place to spend hours accomplishing nada.

Soi Rambuttri’s stone-paved path is a vibrant street scene and there are tons of street stalls selling music CDs, used books, second-hand guitars, funky T-shirts, and more. It’s just not as pushy and in your face as Khaosan. And it’s cheaper too. It’s becoming one of my favorite places to hang out in town. Stop in at Book Lover, just before the bend in the street – there is no sign, but the shop has an all-white appearance – for one of the cleaner and more organized used-book shops in the area. Grab some reading material and hit the first cafe that interests you and the rest of your afternoon will be complete.

When dusk begins to set, head off in the direction you were walking several hours ago and take a right on Soi Chana Songkhram. At the end, take a right onto Phra Athit Road. This to is a cafe/pub/bar lined street though it can be a bit more mature and cosmopolitan than Soi Rambuttri. There’s no good reason not to stop, have another beer, and savor Phra Athit Road’s scene. And if it is to your liking and you stay for a bit, Jazz Happens at the Bar Bali Pub and Restaurant is popular among the locals (though farang don’t seem to know about it) offering some of the city’s best live jazz, a collaboration with Silpakorn University’s ‘Faculty of Jazz’ and played by Thai jazz students along with their professor.

Phra Athit Road is also home to Phra Sumen Fort, which is best seen at night when it is lit up. It, along with Mahakhan Fort on Ratchadamnoen Road are the only two remaining of 14 forts built by Rama 1 to protect the borders of the Old City. It’s nestled in the quiet Suan Santichaiprakarn Park, which itself straddles the banks of the Chao Phraya River. It too is a great people watching spot and a favorite hangout for local youths.

Phra Sumen Fort on the banks of the Chao Phraya River is the focal spot of Suan Santichaiprakarn Park.

You may become so enamored with the Phra Athit Road scene that you’ll decide to spend the night enjoying its bars and clubs. If it isn’t too late (before 8pm) when you decide to head back to your hotel, look for the small sign for the express boat pier (uh, that’d be Phra Athit Pier) near the Navalai River Resort, and catch a boat on the Chao Phraya to get back to the central area of Bangkok. It won’t be quite as thrilling as your boat ride in, but the historical buildings lit up at dusk and the balmy breezes blowing across the river make for a pleasant ride. And your ass will thank you – it will be in much better shape than your fellow travellers who spent the day rushing from one site to the next will be.

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