Doing Dave

29 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World

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Writing posts for this blog doesn’t usually require a lot of thought. The resulting efforts probably already clued you into that fact. Usually, I come up with a subject, let it stew in the morass of neuroses, prejudices, strong opinions, and the occasional flash of brilliance that is my mind. And then a suitable, somewhat puny title pops out, and I’m good to go. Sometimes the title alone is enough to change where I thought that post was going; sometimes the gist of the article means coming up with a better fitting title. I can’t think of a time in the past where I couldn’t get a handle on at least one of the two. Until today. I’ve started writing this post about a dozen times already. I even took a break, watched some porn to clear my mind, and came back to my keyboard expecting inspiration to have struck. No such luck. But that did help remind me to always wash my hands after watching porn before putting fingers to my keyboard.

The subject of today’s post isn’t the problem. How to present it is. Maybe waiting a week, or a month, or until hell freezes over (which with global warming may not be all that far off in the future) would help me to clarify my thoughts. But, while I’m usually a fairly optimistic kinda guy, in this case I fear life is just going to become even more muddled with the passage of time. In fact I know it is. I also thought doing a two or maybe three part post might be the better way to go. ‘Cuz the subject matter is epic. It also brings up a few questions I thought y’all may enjoy fulminating about, a quandary or two that might give you pause for thought, and a dilemma or three that, at the very least, should make you glad you are not me. That’s a lot to fit into a single post. Even when you are not brevity-challenged as I am.

There’s also a good chance even without intending to make this post a multi-parter, tomorrow’s may still be stuck in the same place. Yeah, I hope not too. But my mind keeps circling back and replaying events, reposing questions, and looking for some safe dark place to hide out in until the sun shines on my normal little world once again. That’d be the world that offers me the great amusement of non-stop opportunities for laughing at the idiosyncrasies, eccentricities, foibles, and trials and tribulations of others. Karma can be such a bitch.

I’m not even sure where to start today’s post. Other than, obviously, with three paragraphs of digressions, degradations, animadversions, and a healthy does of stalling. I still don’t have a title for this post either. ‘Cuz “Fuck Me!” sounded a bit too rude, as appropriate as it may be. But some wise soul – I think it was either Yoda or Christopher Robin – once said the best place to start a story is at the beginning. So I’ll start with the beginning of my problem: After a thirty-year bromance, my BFF, favorite wing-man, bestest running partner, travel buddy, and partner in crime – not to mention the lust of my life – came out to me this weekend. And, as a side note, I’ve completely changed my opinion on the issue of coming out. Don’t. Ever. Stay in the closet where you belong. ‘Cuz coming out only fucks up other people’s lives.

Okay, so I guess that means the real start of this story was some thirty years ago, but let’s fast forward to the beginning of this weekend when I was supposedly headed off for a surprise long weekend away, a romantic getaway, with Phil, who at some undefined point in the recent past graduated to being my boyfriend (leaving Noom with the undisputed title of love of my life, mostly for clarity’s sake for future I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy blog posts). I’m not a big fan of surprise trips, mostly because they make packing a bitch. But last New Year’s Phil surprised me with a trip to The Big Apple to watch the ball drop in Times Square. That’s because at some point I’d mentioned doing NY for the NY was on my bucket list. So I gave him a pass this time around.

The nice thing about living where I do is that it is centrally located. So within an hour’s drive, your destination options are pretty well set depending on which compass point you’re headed. West means the ocean, east the mountains, north a weekend of either getting blitzed on wine – or if you are driving a bit further up the road, weed – and south means surely he’s not stupid enough to think a weekend in Tijuana would be romantic. Regardless of the direction you are headed, if you have not been told to bring your passport it means your weekend will not be as exciting as it could have been. Since Friday’s direction was south, passport-less, and since we’d already passed LA (which to Northern Californians encompasses everything from the Grapevine to San Diego) our surprise destination was obvious.

“We’re going to Comic-Con!”

The sad shake of Phil’s head said I was wrong. About many things in my life. But I thought it was a good guess because attending Comic-Con is on my bucket list too, even if the details of that one is going there solo ‘cuz nerds can be pretty hot. And real easy to lay. But no such luck. And once we turned onto The 10 (Southern Californian’s like to identify their freeways as “The” for some strange reason) our intended destination was obvious: Las Vegas. ‘Cuz there is no good reason to follow that road any farther than that.

“Why?”

Okay, so that wasn’t the nicest comment to make, but we’d just spent a long weekend in Sin City at the beginning of the month for UFC Week; two fight cards, a lot of parties, and a meet and greet expo where I’d got to ~~perv out over~~ meet Benson Henderson’s flesh in the flesh. And since neither of us is a gambling addict, a return visit so soon didn’t make a lot of sense.

“Wait and you’ll see,” said Phil with a knowing smile. Even though as it turned out he hadn’t a clue as to why either. But my little mind got busy churning over the possibilities and finally decided it was because when I’d met Dana White at the UFC meet & greet I’d chastised him for allowing the NBA and NFL to beat him to the punch of signing the first openly gay athlete when he (Dana) was head of the fastest growing sport in the nation. Used to dealing with rude fans, Dana replied he was open to having a gay fighter in the UFC. And then had a chuckle when I reminded him he was Dana White and with all the UFC wannabes out there could easily demand any one of them go gay in order to land a contract. So I assumed he’d thought that over, culled his list of potential soon-to-be-gay fighters down, and wanted my opinion on which would be the best choice. Turns out that guess was just as wrong as Comic-Con had been. But I think Phil appreciated that one a bit more. That or he is just getting too used to me.

So Vegas it was, and without Phil making any moves towards taking that destination to where it’d be surprise-worthy, after checking into our hotel, I called Dave to let him know we were in town and arranged to get together for dinner. As both of them knew I would. That had been the plan. On Phil’s part, that was as far as it went. Dave had called him wanting his help in getting me to Vegas so he could have a face-to-face chat about some undisclosed subject, and Phil, being the good guy that he is, arranged it without question. Methinks he will never make that kind of mistake again.

Sitting around sipping after dinner drinks with our conversation slipping from one subject into another, Dave asked us what made us gay. We both burst out laughing, both thinking of the sex we’d had waiting for him to show up, and both thinking said sex probably was what did it. But he clarified his question after a scowl or two. What he wanted to know was what it was that, at some point in our respective pasts, decided in our minds that perhaps a life of heterosexuality was not in our future. That’s a good question. I have a friend who came out to his parents at the age of 13 but didn’t have his first sexual experience until he was in his late twenties. So, for him, sex was never a part of identifying as being gay. On the other hand, I had a fuck-buddy who after months of living up to that title decided he must be gay because of all the gay sex he’d been having. In his mind he wasn’t gay until he’d consummated that fact. Numerous times.

There are those who claim that if you have sex with another man, you are gay. Or at least bisexual. Even if it is only once (uh, overall, not per guy you bedded). But then lots of straight guys have gay sex but never consider themselves to be anything other than straight. So is your choice in sexual partners that makes you gay? And if not, if you are gay but never have sex with someone of the same gender, are you still a gay? Even if you are not a happy one?

Wikipedia says homosexuality is defined as “a romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior between members of the same sex.” Which doesn’t help thanks to that operative little word ‘between’. So I guess my ~~meeting~~ perving out over Benson Henderson didn’t have any gay undertones. Merriam-Webster does a bit better with its definition: “of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex; of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex.” At least M-W hit on the thought-action part of the corundum. And by using the word tendency seems to provide for the difference between the occasional gay thought and one’s propensity or predisposition towards frequently viewing men as sexual objects.

Maybe having an overly-active interest in sex, I’m placing too much emphasis on the sex part of the equation. But then every anti-gay rights nut case seems to be unable to froth at the mouth over gay marriage, or equality, or any other gay-related issue without immediately delving into the sexual. Which for some odd reason usually ends up in a discussion about bestiality. Even the Mormon church says it’s okay to be gay. As long as you never act on it. In any case, although two of the three of us at that table had no idea of the importance of that question, I think Phil and I did a decent job of accounting for that part of becoming a gay in agreeing it was both a primarily attraction to other men and identifying yourself as gay based on that attraction. The gay sex thingy is just icing on the cake. A reward, if you will, for being a gay man.

Which was all fine and good until Phil caught Dave’s signal, excused himself, and after ordering a double, with a deep sigh, Dave said, “Dude, I’m gay.” And sounded none to gay about that fact.

I’ve written about Dave here before. He’s tall, dark, and handsome; a total hunk and one of those guys who is even more attractive because he doesn’t realize just how attractive he is. I met him when we both lived in Hawaii. We’ve traveled to Thailand (and several other countries) together, including Hong Kong where he snagged us some opium to smoke (‘cuz smoking opium in Hong Kong used to be on my bucket list). He’s met Noom too – which ended up with the three of us naked in bed together although as happy of an ending as they may sound, wasn’t. The two of us have been in a deep-seated bromance for decades with me heavily in lust throughout and he insisting he wasn’t gay even though every friend and acquaintance I know has always managed to mention they were sure he was (even those acquaintances whose gaydar was so on point they never seemed to realize I was). I can’t tell you how many nights we’ve drifted off to sleep snuggled in bed together because there have been so many. And while like almost everyone else in the world I too have always thought he must be gay, at the same time I’ve always discounted that thought as wishful thinking on my part. As screwed-up as that scenario is, it’s always worked for us. I’m gay, he’s not, it doesn’t matter, and we’ve had a serious emotional affair that has lasted longer than any relationship either of us has been in, including his marriage. Which I had to assume would soon be coming to an end now that he’d switched teams.

Part of that has been because for the past almost fifty years of his life Dave has not been gay. Or so the two of us thought. There are two strong reasons for that, both in his upbringing and in his view of himself and how that relates to his view of what a man should be. Much, much, much later in the weekend, he admitted he’d always had thoughts about other men, though infrequently, and when he did denial and repression were the best answer. So, if that makes sense, he really never thought he was gay. Just occasionally confused. (Although I’d bet on more occasions than he’d admit to.) I suffered no such illusions myself, so I never before considered that one of the scariest parts of coming out for some guys is in coming out to yourself. And knowing Dave as well as I do – if you can ignore the sexual orientation thingy – for him that must have been a real bitch.

So what do you say when an old friend, your best buddy, tells you that he is gay? And as a gay man, is your response supposed to be any different than a straight friend’s? “It’s about time, now let’s fuck,” was, of course, my initial reaction but even I doubted the appropriateness of saying so. Yet. “Yeah, I always knew . . .” isn’t really what a newly minted gay guy wants to hear right then either. “Congratulations!” didn’t feel right either, or Hallmark would already have a line of cards to cover that event. I went with, “I love you.” With no buts, no anyway, no regardless, or any of the additional phrases people tack on to codify their feelings in reference to what they’ve just been told. Dave has always been quick to tear up, so he did. And then, because he knows me even better than I do him, he shot right back at me, “And . . .”

Which, after a not only pregnant but six weeks past due pause, I laughed and said, “Fuck me!”

See, I told you that was a good title for this post.

Now before you start rolling your eyes thinking, “Dude, it’s not always about you,” a: it is, and b: with everything running through his mind, with all the changes in his life becoming an openly gay man would bring, at that moment Dave’s biggest concern was how his being gay would impact my life. And while I think Dave is unique, that too is something no one ever mentions about coming out. You hear about the fear of how friends and family will react. But seldom about the fear of how your announcement will effect those closest to you. Those in favor of everyone coming out like to tell you that your fears are probably unjustified and the negative reaction you imagine seldom happens. But just because mom says she loves you anyway and always will doesn’t mean that she doesn’t now get to deal with her son being gay. It’s not like you came home with dyed hair and announced you are now a blonde. And good or bad, that’s a heavy load for someone who just came out to himself.

Dave giggled. And then repeated himself, “And . . .”

And I thought about it for a minute, thought about the Dave I know for a minute longer, and said, “And I’m not the one telling your parents.”

Dave’s giggle turned into a laugh. “No, but you will be there. We’re having dinner at their house tomorrow night.”

The bastard.

Probably because it was the safest course of action, we retreated into the imbecilic and immature manner in which we usually deal with each other, heavy on ridicule, making the other guy look as bad as possible as often as possible, and spent that night avoiding the issue of what Dave being gay meant between us. There was a minor food fight we when got back up to our room too, but then that’s par for the course. Eventually, he texted Phil that it was safe to make a reappearance and then fled the hotel before Phil could do so, leaving me to tell my boyfriend that the guy I’ve always been madly in love with was now officially doable. Phil summed up that bit of news quite succinctly with a well-placed, “Fuck me!” himself.

“Does he have a boyfriend?”

“Um, no. He hasn’t acted on it yet.”

“So you two didn’t have sex?”

“No. Of course not honey!”

“Are you going to?”

“Um, it wasn’t part of the discussion.”

“That’s not what I’m asking you.”

Phil dealt with the ‘by the way, there’s this bar boy in Thailand who I love deeply’ thingy quite well. Having met Dave before and knowing our history and how I feel about him, this one wasn’t going to go quite as smoothly. Being the man that I am, I took full responsibility for the rest of the weekend.

“Um, we’re having dinner tomorrow night with his folks so he can tell them.”

“You mean you are having dinner tomorrow night with his folks so he can tell them.”

“Uh, no we’re both invited.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Okay, so ‘quite as smoothly’ may have been an understatement. I don’t know if Phil too had thought a romantic weekend away was what had been in the cards, but give him major kudos for playing the hand dealt him well. At least when Dave was around. He was supportive, encouraging, and ready to help. He kept his own concerns to himself. And never resorted to saying, “Bitch, keep your hands off my boyfriend.” He was a champ. Except for when our conversations turned to sex. Then both of them got a bit squirmish. Not that either had anything to worry about. Yet.

Dave and my relationship has always been based on a mutual admiration and love for each other. We are different enough to keep things stirred up, but share many of the same core values. Living up to our commitments and promises is one of those. Monogamy, then, is part of our mutual belief system. I’ve yet to figure out just how Noom fits into that paradigm for me, other than to claim since gay marriage is now a reality and I’m not married I’m not cheating on Phil when I’m in Thailand with Noom. That I have Phil’s approval for those dalliances helps. Not that that means I now expect him to say, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” too. Dave is a different animal than Noom. And Dave is still married and won’t be adding dick to his diet until that little commitment has been handled. Nonetheless, there were three minds pondering that issue. And it was Sunday before Dave or I broached the big question of the weekend.

“So you and Phil seem happy together.”

“Yeah, we are. Or were, you bastard.”

“But he knows you and I aren’t . . .”

“Yeah, but aren’t isn’t his concern. Won’t is.”

“That’s up to you.”

“Oh, now that’s fair!”

“I’m not going to come between the two of you.”

“You already have.”

“Sorry.”

“No, there’s nothing to be sorry about. What is, is. But seriously, we do need to talk about this.”

“I know.”

“And . . .”

“I’m still married.”

“And when you are not?”

“You’re still with Phil.”

“And . . .”

“I told you years ago that if I ever decided to be with a guy, you’d be my first.”

“Bastard. Nice that you are already thinking about who’ll be your second.”

“That’s not funny.”

“Shit. Look. I am with Phil because I want to be with Phil. That doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about you. But you can’t not get on with your life either.”

“I’ll wait.”

“Dude!”

“I don’t want to be with someone else.”

“Fuck me!”

Honesty may be the best policy but it’s not the smartest move when it comes to relationships. Especially those that suddenly became a bit convoluted. And I speak from experience. ‘Cuz I replayed that conversation for Phil later that night. He was less than pleased. Not that he hadn’t seen that coming. He just assumed I was smart enough to lie. But we dealt with it. Or are dealing with it. But Dave’s divorce is like a sword hanging over our relationship’s head. And someone is eventually gonna end up emotionally bloodied. Whichever way it turns out, I suspect that someone is gonna be me.

For now we’ve all agreed that it’s more about Dave and his progress with coming out. That’s easier for all of us to focus on. Phil told Dave to call him, anytime, even if he just needed to talk. The two of us didn’t fare that well at that form of communication on the long ride home, although Phil, who’d spent a lot of his weekend at the tables and managed to walk away just over $3,000 to the good did manage to sneak in the slight dig, “Well, at least one of us got lucky this weekend.”

Phil and I are still together, and plan on staying together. But then that’s easier to say with Dave a good eight hours away and a good year away from being in a position to become a problem that can not be ignored. Part of me hopes he meets some guy before then and falls deeply in love. A bigger part of me hopes he decides he was right the first time around and really isn’t gay after all. Which is a bit strange considering the number of years I’ve been wishing he was gay and the number of years that doing Dave has been on my bucket list. I think, perhaps, it was Yoda too who said, “Be careful of what you wish for.” ‘Cuz I know right now I’m wishing I’d just stayed home for the weekend.

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Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

14 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by Bangkokbois in Out This Week

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Coming Out, Olympics

This weekend five time gold medalist Ian Thorpe began living his life as an openly gay man.

Coming out is a personal process. Even when you decide to do so in front of a million+ television audience as Aussie gold medalist and prodigiously packed Speedo god Ian Thorpe did yesterday. Good for him. The Twitterverse responded favorably. And the gay media had a collective orgasm. I probably shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds my fantasies – if it were not for the gay media I wouldn’t have daily pictures of Tom Daley showing off his bod to drool over – but maybe it’s time the gay media stops emulating FOX news. Journalism and cheerleading are not supposed to be synonymous. That Thorpe came out was newsworthy and laudable enough in its own right. Glossing over the fact that doing so was a carefully thought-out part of a $550,000 deal with Channel Ten that will see him call swimming at the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow later this month cheapens its impact. Or at least its journalistic coverage.

I’m all for any gay man who decides it’s time to be himself, openly and unabashedly. But when that gay man is famous, it would mean more if his coming out wasn’t a tie-in with an event that will line his pockets. Ricky Martin came out to promote his autobiography. Tom Daley’s timing suspiciously coincided with the debut of the new season of his television show which had been suffering poor ratings. And Thorpe’s interview was part of the package he signed with Channel Ten. It is ironic that those who claim they did not come out while actively involved in whatever it was that made them famous out of fear of losing endorsement deals or movie roles, finally do when there is payola on the table. Especially in an age when being a freshly minted gay man is so profitable.

I’ve always held that if, when, and how someone comes out is a personal decision. Although the if part of that equation is a bit iffy. Within reason. I think when you are a world famous athlete or celebrity you are playing on a different ball field. And then, when questions about your sexuality arise, you should do the right thing and admit which team you play for. Or just shut up. I have no problem with Kevin Spacey refusing to discuss his personal life; his response to questions about his sexuality, that that has nothing to do with his art and career, is a valid one. Spending years denying that you are gay, as Thorpe has, not so much. Now that he has, the gay media will refer to him as a hero and a role model. While ignoring that during the years when he was busy winning gold medals he was a role model for being closeted.

Thorpe and his thorpedo now officially swim for the pink team.

The same could be said of Tom Daley, Greg Louganis, George Takei, Ricky Martin, and a host of other famous gay men who went out of their way to announce they were not gay. When they finally do, the gay media embraces them and calls them brave. Takei is so beloved by the gay press he can’t fart these days without it making the news. And I’m glad he is happy now that he’s out. But as a little gay boy it would have meant a lot more to me if Lt. Sulu had announced he was gay back when he was a star. That he’s decided his second career is being an openly gay man, not so much. Thorpe, at least owned that. ”I’m ashamed I didn’t come out earlier,” he said in his interview. “That I didn’t’ have the strength to do it. I didn’t have the courage to break that lie.”

Granted, coming out to the world is a big step. But here’s a hint: if you are a celebrity and the press keeps questioning your sexuality, everyone already knows. And if you are not a celebrity, your mother already knows. Coming out is probably not quite as big of a step as you think it is. Living your life as who you are instead of hiding that truth, is. The media focused on Thorpe’s coming out this weekend. “I’m not straight” was the quote many news outlets went with. “I could have lived a very different life if I’d been out,” was a much more important message.

Out magazine just published its interview with Michael Sam, the man who just nailed the first openly gay professional NFL player title. It’s nice to see an athlete come out at the beginning of his professional career instead of years after the limelight has faded. It’s also interesting that as the NFL draft neared the media questioned which team would sign Sam because of the plus in having a gay athlete playing for their team instead of discussing how many would not out of fear of losing fan support. We’ve come a long way baby. And in his interview Sam describes just how far coming out has brought him.

If it turns out Thorpe is a bottom, some guy is gonna be very, very, very lucky.

Sam says he met his boyfriend – the cute little swimmer Vito Cammisano whom the rest of the world met when Sam planted a big wet one on him on live TV when he got the news the St. Louis Rams had selected him in the draft – while the two were still in college. Cammisano, a star of the University of Missouri swim team, was out. Sam was not. After a bit of a rocky start, the two got busy doing what two superbly conditioned penises do when they meet each other. But Sam was so scared of being seen in public with a known homosexual that the two spent their relationship’s formative years in hiding. In his interview Sam describes the lengths they went to in order to protect his secret, including late night trysts after which Sam would make his exit through a window to keep their budding romance a secret.

Sam credits the example of his boyfriend living life as an openly gay man as the main reason he decided to show his true self to the world too. Perhaps because he is younger than Thorpe and spent fewer years being closeted he has yet to realize what a different life he could have lived by being out. Instead, he mentions that when he and Cammisano did eventually hook-up, Sam got them both a bit tipsy first – not an unusual route for gay boys who have yet to come to terms with their sexuality, to be out, even to themselves. Nor was the extent the two went through to keep their relationship closeted unusual when at least one in a couple is still hiding from the world. Sam’s story probably resonates with many gay men. I know it did with me.

I’ve never really been closeted. I’ve always figured anyone close enough to me for my sexuality to matter should know. And have never cared much what anyone else thinks. I don’t wear gay pride t-shirts, but only because I’ve never seen one I liked. I don’t introduce myself as being gay because that is such a small part of who I am. And if in that instance it is the main part, that probably means I’m about to have sex. And whoever the lucky guys is probably already figured out I’m gay. Those who I’m not about to have sex with usually find out when I show up at some function or gathering with a guy as my date. Which works for me. When that date is firmly closeted, not so much for him.

When you are in love and out it’s adorable.

I had a fuck buddy for an eight-year run in Hawaii who was deeply closeted as a lot of local boys in the islands are. He wasn’t ‘visibly gay’ but his friends and family often wondered (often wondered meaning suspected, kinda knew, but were patiently waiting to be told). And I say fuck buddy instead of some other relationship related word ‘cuz sex was pretty much all we had. There were deeper emotions involved. But we spent those years entirely in the bedroom. He refused to be seen in public with me. We were not even allowed to go out to dinner together. The closest we got to being spotted together in public was when I would pick him up in my car from the shopping center parking lot where he’d park his car rather than park it anywhere near my house. ‘Cuz he was afraid someone would otherwise notice his car and ask why he’d been parked in that neighborhood. Fear makes you do some strange things. Even when the strange things you are doing are those that make your heart sing.

Eventually he was forced to lighten up a bit. He ended up working for me; his finances, college-life, and career made for an offer of employment he couldn’t refuse. We couldn’t let on that we knew each other outside of work, of course. And even though having dinner with the boss was a normal occurrence for other employees, he still couldn’t manage to bring himself to a point where he might be seen dining alone with another guy even though he now had an excuse. He forced himself to come to a work-related party at my house one night, and then spent the evening acting like he’d never been there even though there wasn’t a single stick of furniture in the place on which we hadn’t had sex at least once. Everyone else had a great time. He spent the night frightened that someone would ask him where I kept the glasses and he’d be busted if he knew.

A few years ago he got in touch with me. He’d finally come out. It was like talking to an entirely different person. He was happy. His family had not disowned him. His friends had not abandoned him. Coming out does not usually involve a 12 step program, but part of his process was that phone call. He needed to tell me how madly in love he’d been with me all those years when the most we could share were multiple orgasms (there is an upside to dating closeted boys). Well, okay, that and he was in the need for a bit of phone sex. But after that matter was taken into hand, he went back to talking about those years and how much he’d missed by hiding what really never needed to be hid. Like Thorpe he’d came to realize he could have lived a very different life if he’d been out. As happy as he was with his life as an openly gay man, the years he’d spent denying who he was still cast a shadow over a long period of memories; those times were still closeted even if he no longer was.

Uh, I did mention Tom Daley, right?

So, of course, I immediately flew back to Hawaii to bang the hell out of him. Kidding. But I did see him last year during a visit. And met his boyfriend. We went out to dinner together. It felt like summiting Mt. Everest. In his interview Sunday night, Thorpe said that part of his reason for coming out was that he didn’t want young people to feel the same way that he did. He said that his message was that you can grow up, you can be comfortable, and you can be gay. “I was concerned about the reaction from my family, my friends and I’m pleased to say that in telling them, especially my parents, they told me that they love me, and they support me,” he shared, adding, “And for young people out there, know that that’s usually what the answer is.”

It’s nice that George Takei considers himself to be the spokesperson for the gay community now that he is out, and thinks boycotting Hobby Lobby is the issue of the day. And it’s a shame that Thorpe waited until his Olympic career was well over before he decided it was safe to come out. But whether a famous person comes out for financial gain or because it’s just the right time to do so, if their message is how much better their life is by not hiding who they are, and if that message resonates with a closeted gay man – of any age – and helps them to begin a more fulfilled life, even the gay media’s fly the rainbow flag reaction is worth it. Because even if you are not famous, living your life being true to yourself is always the better way to go. Hopefully, we won’t have to wait for thirty years for Kristian Ipsen to realize that. ‘Cuz those years spent closeted and living in fear can never be replaced.

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Out This Week: Tom Daley. No, Really.

02 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Out This Week

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Coming Out

Christmas came early this year: Olympic Diver Tom Daley and his penis have announced they are gay.

There have been a large number of actors and other minor celebrities who have come out this year. A surprisingly large number if we were talking about a mere five years ago in fact. But nowadays announcing your fabulousness to the world just ain’t all that. Don’t get me wrong. The decision to do so is still a traumatic and highly charged emotional affair for many; the act may generate less buzz among the general public than the latest cute kitten doing funny things video that went viral, but it’s still a major step for anyone in the public eye. But the bigger interest these days isn’t who is and isn’t gay, but whether or not they should be allowed to marry.

I’m always up for an Out This Week post, but most of those who have braved that step this year were already ‘visibly gay’ so their grand announcement elicited nothing more than a “Eh.” Typical was some reality TV personality who came out last week. I’d never heard of him. But did see a clip of his coming out. I didn’t actually watch the clip to the grand moment, the first few seconds were enough to tell me the dude was gay. Visibly so. It was kinda like watching The Crying Game when someone had already told you the chick had a dick – when you already know the ending, sticking around for the reveal really isn’t worth your time. Ooops, sorry. Spoiler Alert!

And so it has been with most of those coming out this year. I’d read about their announcement, turn to Google to see who in the hell they were, Google would tell me they were some young, twinky, at least somewhat effeminate minor celebrity, and I’d go back to a more fulfilling activity like cutting my toe nails. Celebrities coming out have become so routine it’s just not worth the bother. It’ll take an A-list star announcing he flies the rainbow flag to make the world sit up and take notice. And even then, when Tom Cruise finally admits what everyone else already knows, a good portion of the general public is gonna respond with a deafening, “Eh.” At least Suri won’t get scoldings for saying, “My daddy’s gay” any longer.

Tom and his penis strike a pose back when they were posing as straight.

So I was surprised this morning to hear that British Olympic So-So Tom Daley had come out. The surprise wasn’t in that he’s gay. I along with most of the world had already reached that conclusion once it was legal for us to do so. The surprise was how much the world seemed to care.

Maybe it’s because of all the hullabaloo over the Olympics, Russia, and how the gays attending the Winter Olympics will be treated next year. Maybe it’s because Tom has grown up into such a fine specimen of manhood in front of the world’s eyes. Maybe it’s because just when we were coming to terms with the fact it is probably not all right to still be perving over Paul Walker’s luscious body now that he’s dead, an even hotter celebrity body has stepped up and gone gay for our sexual fantasy lives. Maybe it’s because we’re all used to seeing Tom in the same state of undress as your latest conquest just before you reach out and slip his underwear off.

Tom’s gayness has been a subject in the media for quite some time now. There have been numerous stories in the press, some of which involved legal problems for those who made that claim in an inappropriate way. Tom has remained steadfast about being straight throughout. Until now. So I guess he just came out as a liar too. But we won’t go there. The important thing is he just become the world’s gay fantasy boy. Or will have just as soon as he shaves his damn legs.

. . . and speaking of Tom’s back.

Younger gays deciding to come out to the world often turn to social media these days. I like those who do so via Twitter. Brevity is not one of my talents so I respect it in others. And it’s difficult to misconstrue what was said when it was said in 140 characters or less. Tom went with YouTube instead. Which meant you had to actually go watch his coming out clip. Or jut rely on the reports elsewhere from those who supposedly did. I suspect many who reported on his coming out didn’t actually watch his YouTube video. Not that I can blame them. When you pull that clip up, as cute a he looks in his heather grey T-shirt and just-reached-puberty facial hair, a whole slew of videos of Tom in his skimpy bathing suit are offered up as related clips and . . . well, what to watch is an easy decision to make. Besides, we already knew Tom was gay. Or at leas suspected his penis was.

Tom introduced his video with the statement, “This has been a hard decision to make, but I wanted you to hear this from me.” Which tells you he really needs a publicist. I know the Brits commonly wreck havoc with the English language, but still, grammatically speaking ‘difficult’ would have been the more appropriate word to use. When you are about to tell the world – who has been fantasizing about your body for years – that you’re gay, using the word ‘hard’ . . . well, the news is supposed to be about you and not about the physical reaction of everyone else. Hiring a publicist is good advice for any male celebrity coming out these days. And with corporate sponsorships being all the rage, I’d bet you could land a lucrative endorsement deal if your coming out was sponsored by Astro-Glide.

Publicist-less, Tom’s announcement left the media to craft its own headlines with Tom Daley Comes Out As A Gay Man being the typical attention-grabbing attempt at journalism. Which is putting words in Tom’s mouth. When that’s not what most of us want to be putting in Tom’s mouth. The fact is Tom did not say he’s gay. He says, “Come this spring, my life changed — massively — when I met someone. They make me feel so safe, happy, and everything just feels so right. And that someone is a guy.” Proving it’s difficult – and sometimes even hard – to stop using gender neutral pronouns when you’ve relied on them for so long More importantly, Tom immediately adds: “Of course I still fancy girls. But right now I’m dating a guy, and I couldn’t be happier.”

Oh, Tom. You were doing so good.

Tom make a splash with is YouTube video about fancying girls but dating a penis anyway.

When giving gay face is your natural inclination, delivering that line with a straight face is difficult. And guaranteed to not get anyone hard. And when you are finally ready to admit to the world that the idea of other mens’ penises does, it’s a shame you put so much effort into the announcement and still manage to fail to provide the money shot. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. But bisexuals are probably a figure of your imagination. And ‘pussy’ has never sprung to anyone’s mind when they thought about Tom Daley. Unless it was preceded by ‘boy.’

In his not quite coming out video Tom says he was taken by surprise by his feelings for his unidentified boyfriend (not that he’d actually use the B word) but that that possibility has always been at the back of his mind. Uh, huh. He also says the reason he decided to post his video rather than come out in the press was that he didn’t want his words to be twisted, that he wanted to put an end to the rumors and speculation. Uh, huh. Possibly, using the word ‘gay’ at least once in your five+ minute video might have accomplished that task. Of course when it’s been less than a month since you launched the publication of your 2014 Calendar, any publicity is good publicity. One can only hope fellow British Olympian Louis Smith does it better.

Just last September during an interview with The Mirror, Tom said: “I think it’s funny when people say I’m gay…I laugh it off. I’m not. But even if I was, I wouldn’t be ashamed. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest what people thought.” Which must have made his not-boyfriend-just-the-guy-I’m-dating feel all warm and fuzzy. But then Tom is known for his body and not for his mind; for being cheered and adored for jumping into lukewarm chlorinated water, not for braving the depths of honesty and transparency. In Tom’s world his frequent ‘I’m not gay’ statements are not lies. That’s just Tom being ‘vague’. But then maybe ‘vague’ is British slang for ‘gay’. ‘Cuz if there is one thing you can say about Tom, it’s that the boy is pretty damn vague.

So just who is the top to Tom’s bottom?

Now that despite Tom’s best efforts we have confirmation that the boy has a more than passing relationship with penis – not to mention that as suspected all Olympic divers really are gay – just who scored Tom’s butt is next on the rumor agenda. Back when the 19-year-old Olympic bronze medallist admitted to only dating girls (that’d be last July) Tom gushed over how hot One Direction’s Harry Styles was, even saying, “Harry would obviously beat me in a pulling competition. I wouldn’t stand a chance.” Uh, huh. Again. Thanks for sharing one of your fantasies Tom, but Harry says he’s not bisexual, a statement that wasn’t at all vague. Besides, it’s been Tom’s bromance with fellow band member and not gay or bisexual either Liam Payne that made the news. But Tom says he met his Boy Special last spring, and by then he and Liam’s fling was old hat. And Tom was busy ‘dating’ US Diver Kassidy Cook then anyway. Maybe ‘Kassidy Cook’ is British slang for ‘Kristian Ipsen’.

Fellow Olympian and all around hottie – not to mention possibly vague – Anthony Ogogo appeared on Tom’s television show Splash, and certainly could qualify as the top in Tom’s life. But the timing isn’t quite right for that pairing either. Unless ‘January’ is British slang for ‘spring’. As much of a celebrity as Tom is, his world still primarily revolves around diving. And with all of the vague men who make that sport their career, not-boyfriend material is plentiful in Tom’s world. So there’s a good chance he met his current vaguely not gay not a boyfriend at the Barcelona World Diving Championships.

Tom and his penis’ reaction to their first glimpse of Kevin Chavez.

China’s Qiu Bo and He Chong are both good not-a-boyfriend material. But that’s more my fantasy than Tom’s and I’m sure he was already familiar with both as those two divers have frequently beaten his ass in the past. And we’re looking for a potential who has other uses for Tom’s ass anyway. U.S. diver David Boudia would qualify too, but he’s been busy convincing the world he is not gay by getting married. ‘Cuz that has always been so believable about vague celebrities and athletes in the past. Mexico’s former world’s most impressive unibrow contender Yahel Castillo would certainly put Tom’s speedo in a state of unrest, but Yahel’s massive bulge made it’s debut at the Olympics in 2012 and Tom had to have noticed that impressive stretching of lycra along with the rest of the world back then. Danell Leyva certainly did.

It’s a shame Tom’s team mate Chris Mears couldn’t make the timing cut. But you have to assume for Chris it’s been a been there done that existence as far as Tom goes anyway. However, relatively new to the scene and a perfect specimen of everything drool-worthy in a man is Mexico’s Kevin Chavez, who exemplifies everything in a not-a-boyfriend Tom could possibly want. Those abs, those thighs, that el massivo bulge . . . we’re talking Greg Louganis quality meat back when Greg was quality meat. And the timing works. You probably haven’t seen much of Kevin yet, but one look will have you wishing for seeing more of him. Much more. And if he didn’t catch Tom’s eye, and end up being pitcher to Tom’s catcher, come the 2014 Olympics Tom might just be releasing a new video. ‘Cuz same-sex marriage is legal in Brazil.

Kevin Chavez is my vote for Tom’s not-a-boyfriend.

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Out This Week: Yup, That’s What Happens When You Go To Prison

23 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World, Out This Week

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Coming Out, Movies & Television

Wentworth Miller announces he is a gay man. “Cuz we’d have never guessed.

In case you missed the news, no longer a celebrity Wentworth Miller came out of his humongous closet on Wednesday via a letter he sent to a Russian film festival turning down their request that he host their function, as a protest against the country’s recent anti-gay legislation. The letter, which miraculously appeared on the internet even before the film festival organizers received their copy, says:

“Thank you for your kind invitation. As someone who has enjoyed visiting Russia in the past and can also claim a degree of Russian ancestry, it would make me happy to say yes. However, as a gay man, I must decline.”

Okay, so maybe his move is a tad bit better than refusing to order a shot of Stoli, but on the larger stage a film festival that can’t do any better than a celebrity whose only press coverage over the last 4 years has been gay rumors isn’t quite up there with the Winter Olympics. Not that anyone gay has figured out what to do about that boondoggle yet. And while you have to give the 41-year-old star of Prison Break credit for coming out when he doesn’t have a soon to be published book to promote, I’d care more if:

In my dreams. In Wentworth’s too no doubt.

He’d come out when his career was on the rise instead of when being considered as a contestant on Dancing With The Stars;

His name wasn’t Wentworth, ‘cuz when you name your child Wentworth you just know how that’s gonna turn out;

He wasn’t British, ‘cuz when your child is British you just know how that’s gonna turn out;

He’d come out back when I was still in touch with my friend Jay, so I could have collected on that $100 bet that the boy was family;

He’d not spent so much time and effort in the past denying he was gay . . . like, “I’m not gay, I’m just shy,” was any more believable than Jeremy Renner‘s claim that he’s just too busy to be dating girls;

He’d come out in tandem with co-star Dominic Purcell, ‘cuz I’d really like to see those two get their gay on;

He’d posed at least shirtless back when he had a hot body, without all those god awful tatoos, and;

I wasn’t so busy trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Bradley Manning is now a ladyboy namd Chelsea

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Out This Week: The WWE Flys The Rainbow Flag

15 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World, Out This Week

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Coming Out

The WWE’s Darren Young joins the ranks of out professional sports athletes.

Joining the NBA’s Jason Collins and Tim Duncan and Boxing’s Orlando Cruz and Oscar Dela Hoya, yesterday’s abrupt announcement by WWE Superstar Darren Young that he is not only gay but happy adds yet another professional athlete to the roster of those who proudly wear the rainbow flag; professional wrestling can now boast of its own gay player. I know. But as it turns out not everyone involved with professional wrestling is in fact gay. Whodathunk?

. . . and strikes a pose to prove it isn’t just a publicity stunt.

Young, AKA Fred Rossen, AKA Fred Rosser, AKA Fred Sampson, AKA Fred Sanford, AKA Frederick of Hollywood, AKA Officer Sampson, AKA No Day Off, AKA Cocoa Pebbles, the 6’1”, 239 lb, 33-year-old native New Jersey boy who is a rising star in World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. (WWE) was sandbagged for a short interview by a camera man for TMZ at the baggage carousel at LAX yesterday when, in response to being asked whether a gay wrestler could survive in the WWE, he said, “Absolutely. Look at me. I’m a WWE superstar and to be honest with you, I’ll tell you right now, I’m gay. And I’m happy. I’m very happy.”

Young in action. And yes, in pink.

For the record, Darren is now the first openly gay wrestler ever at WWE. And the first headlining wrestler ever to come out while still signed to a major promotion. Also, for the record, Young’s Twitter description, which reads, “As comfortable in the VIP section as he is in the ring, Darren Young’s life revolves around three things — money, women and wrestling,” might need to be updated.

Young pictured with two unidentified drag queens from back when the sport promoted him as a ladies man.

John Cena, a fellow wrestler who those outside of the teenage boys the sport is marketed to might have heard of, congratulated Young for finally coming out, saying, “Good for him. That’s fantastic … I know Darren personally. Darren’s a great guy. That’s a very bold move for him. And congratulations for him for actually finally doing it.” Cena, whose older brother is gay, added that he expected this wouldn’t have any effect on Young’s career. A safe bet since the WWE doesn’t perform in Russia.

The WWE released a statement this morning in support of Young’s coming out while plugging its Be A STAR anti-bullying rally to be held today in Los Angeles at which Young will appear. Whether the promoter will treat Young’s future in the sport in the manner he deserves or if instead it will be a rerun of WWE star Orlando Jordan, who when it became known was bisexual was turned into a ridiculous pervert who sprayed lotion all over himself because it looked like ejaculate, remains to be seen. On the plus side, there is already a Darren Young action figure on the market, so we can only hope for a whole new series of One Direction doll memes.

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Out This Week: The NBA Edition

30 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World, Out This Week

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Coming Out

Jason Collins scores a record that Kobe will just have to live with.

With the NBA playoffs in full swing, it’s timely that yesterday, Jason Collins, a 12-year NBA veteran, became the first male U.S. athlete in a major professional American team sport to come out as a gay during his playing career, doing so to Sports Illustrated in a major cover story for the magazine’s most recent issue. Collins, who played center this season for the Washington Wizards . . . oh wait. The Wizards. Never mind.

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Gay Of The Week: Two Samoan Men And A Penis

01 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by Bangkokbois in Gay of the Week

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Coming Out, That's Gay

Yup, I know. But there’s enough penis there for two men.

Despite the fact that what passes for news in America and what passes for reality on reality TV are one and the same thing these days, news stories about the foibles of mankind don’t generally interest me. From headlines alone I already know Lindsay Lohan is a drugged out alcoholic bitch with light fingers. And I know what Anthony Weiner’s penis looks like draped in underwear, though I haven’t a clue as to why those pictures surfaced. America may be fascinated with the antics of a six-year-old fat piece of future white trash being dressed up like a 16-year-old whore to win dubiously titled ‘beauty’ contests, but I really don’t need to make Honey Boo Boo part of my life. Other than as a reminder of why so many of my countrymen buy into the claim that FOX news is actually news. Generally, if a story is about a ‘personality’ instead of a newsworthy event, I ignore it as much as humanly possible. Unless, of course, it involves hot naked male flesh.

That doesn’t mean I’m not aware of those stories; articles about global warming and civil unrest always take a backseat to scandals and long-winded descriptions of who wore what to the latest round of entertainment industry awards. So I knew about the strange case of Manti Te’o once it began to surface. Being not the least bit interested in college sports or dead girlfriends, I just never bothered to delve deeper into the story. Now that it has taken on a gay angle – which always holds some promise of hot naked male flesh – my interest in the tale has taken off. Even though one of the two Pacific Islanders involved in the story is ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road. Besides, watching the talking heads on FOX try to pronounce Manti Te’o is almost as enjoyable as watching them try to correctly pronounce Quatar.

I did mention hot naked male flesh, right?

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, let me fill you in on the basics. Te’o, who is a linebacker for Notre Dame’s football team, met a girl on-line, fell in love, bragged to all of his buddies about his new girlfriend – whom he had never met in person – and then elicited tons of sympathy when shortly after the death of his grandmother, his girlfriend died too. No problemo. If a touri who spent a week in Thailand getting his rocks off with a bar boy can claim he now has a boyfriend, a semi-athletic Samoan can claim girlfriend rights with an internet friend too.

Three months later, the ‘girlfriend’ resurfaced, alive once again. Which sounds suspiciously like the life cycle of Thai water buffaloes. Te’o quickly – at least for a Samoan – figured out he’d been scammed and that his now no longer dead girlfriend really wasn’t. Exactly why he felt the need to report this to his coaches, or why Notre Dame began an investigation into the matter, and why they all felt the need to bring in the press I’m a bit fuzzy on. Other than that Penn State recently discovered how detrimental sweeping a scandal under the rug can be. Regardless, the media went crazy for the story because the choice between reporting on the Fiscal Cliff or a football player’s no longer dead fake girlfriend was an obvious one. It’s just a shame he hadn’t shot her, or the story would have really had legs.

Manti Te’o says he isn’t gay. I’d do him anyway.

The story, which at best should have lasted for a single 24-hour news cycle, became the lead news for the pundits at FOX, who spotting a new newsworthy member of a minority wrapped up in a scandal, couldn’t control themselves. They began to dump on Te’o in a big way, accusing him of fabricating the entire tale in order to gain the public’s sympathy which in turn increased ticket sales at Notre Dame’s games and furthered Te’o’s ambitions in winning the Hiesman Trophy (not that either of those things actually happened). Bill O’Reilly even foamed at the mouth while condemning Te’o for perpetrating such a hoax. Or for having a name Bill could not pronounce. Maybe Manti Te’o will be his next word of the day. Bill thought Te’o’s actions were almost as bad as Hillary Clinton faking a brain tumour to get out of appearing before the congressional committee investigating the Benghazi attack. Like the Muslim terrorist story ever stood a chance . . .

Despite Te’o’s story showing up on FOX’s list of talking points daily, that should have been the end to a story that should never have captured the national media’s interest in the first place. It didn’t mine. Until the most recent chapter. It turns out the once dead girlfriend was in fact a hoax. And it turns out the once dead girlfriend was in fact a dude. So Te’o never had a fake internet girlfriend, he had a fake internet boyfriend. Even if he didn’t realize his chick had a dick. Evidently Te’o has never heard about webcams.

What does Chaz Bono have to do with this story?

The press decided to call the not dead girlfriend who really was a guy a hoaxster. His name is Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. And yes, all Samoans have cool names. I would just like to interject that considering how well Tuiasosopo pulled his faked internet ID off, all of the hydras who post on the gay Thailand forums should immediately cease and desist out of shame. Or at least email Tuiasosopo for some tips on how to do it right.

Hoax aside, at its heart this is a story of two men who met on-line and fell in love with each other. Sure, one of them thought he was falling head over heels for pussy, but the emotional bonding between the two guys can not be ignored. And you know there was a good deal of masturbating going on on both sides of that internet connection too. Even without a webcam. Unless you are a member of the press. Even the right-wing haters on FOX are not using the gay label in their follow up coverage. Because, despite what is in their black little hearts – and thanks to their realization that they desperately need to expand their voter base – saying bad things about gay people just isn’t acceptable anymore. Even when they would have a right to. We’ve come a long way baby. At least since November.

Fellow Samoan, ex-Hawaii resident and ex football player Esera Tuaolo is not gay either. Or wasn’t until 2002.

More details about the affair are coming to light thanks to a two part interview Tuiasosopo is giving to Dr. Phil. I’d watch the second part except that means I’d have to watch Dr. Phil which is almost as bad as tuning into Oprah. I’d be more inclined to go see Oprah in person then watch her show on TV, just for the free goodies she bribes her studio audience with. If you can consider surrounding yourself with an audience of 500 women whose menstrual cycle just went into synch with Oprah’s free. But then I really don’t need to be the unproud owner of a new Ford Focus. Tuiasosopo, nonetheless, is spilling his guts and getting his 15 minutes of fame. While Te’o, who now knows he fell in love with dick, is finally, not surprisingly, keeping mum.

Now you could try to claim there is nothing gay about their love affair because Te’o didn’t know he was in the middle of a bromance. We also know Te’o is not gay thanks to the hard hitting journalism of Katie Couric who asked him if he was. If you want a demonstration of how not to be convincing when denying you are gay, check the clip out on YouTube. Of course any 22-year-old stud who only has a fake girlfriend that he has never met is probably trying to hide something. But I can tell you from the years I spent living in Hawaii, little gay local boys do not go gay until they hit 28 years of age. Then they explode. Especially the first time. Literally. I haven’t a clue why this phenomenon exists, but have frequently thanked the gods that it does. So despite having fallen in love with a dude, Te’o has another six years to go before he turns gay. I just hope he manages to find a real boyfriend when he does.

Like in Thailand, ladyboys are part of Samoan culture. They just don’t pull it off as well.

Tuiasosopo too is trying to avoid the gay issue. Even though he suspiciously looks like a darker version of Chaz Bono. But that’s more about being a transsexual than about being gay. If you ignore the T in LGBT. And ignore the lack of a P dangling from between Chaz’s legs. Not that either of these Samoan guys are likely to be sprouting that much more than Chaz. There’s a good reason why Samoa is located toward the bottom of the map. Regardless of size, or lack thereof, Tuiasosopo is not quite sure what he is supposed to do with his. After admitting to Dr. Phil that he and Te’o were in a romantic relationship, he admitted he was gay. Then claimed he was confused. And then claimed he was a recovering homosexual. I’m guessing confused was the closest answer to being correct. Though totally fucking whacked might be an even better answer.

TMZ reported that in addition to the Lennay Kekua persona Tuiasosopo used to bond with Te’o, he created yet another female character, like Lennay, to interact with men through her – because instead of feeling guilt about his sexuality, he could then chalk it all up to make-believe. Which most adults call a sexual fantasy. Or fetish. The media said Tuiasosopo did the fake on-line girlfriend thing because he otherwise feared scorn and ridicule from the Samoan community. That sounds like a reasonable excuse. Except for that like with ladyboys in Thailand, men who want to develop their female character in Samoa too are free to do so. Fa’afafine are a normal and accepted part of Samoan culture. Even on-line. And considering the large number of ‘straight’ men who head to Bangkok for ladyboy love, Tuiasosopo could have scored a hell of a lot of more dick using the fake fish scam instead of the catfish scam he went with. Then Te’o could have been happy with a fake fake girlfriend. Like other normal straight guys. At least until he turns 28.

Te’o would not be the first famous gay Samoan.

Te’o and Tuiasosopo’s on-line love affair lasted for just over two years before Tuiasosopo pulled his death act. The two spent hours on the phone ~~having phone sex~~ chatting in addition to their on-line time together. Tuiasosopo now admits that it was really him on the phone with Te’o, even though he’d previously claimed to have used a female cousin to make those calls. Te’o now admits that though he’d previously told his father that he met Lennay in person, he never did. Though he did meet Tuiasosopo. Huh. For two men who like to point to their staunch religious beliefs – they are both Mormon – as justification for why neither can possibly be gay, neither seems capable of telling the truth. Or being believable when they lie. So much for the power of magic underwear.

Like the Republican Party, the Mormon church now says it is okay to be gay. Their twist on the subject, however, is that while it is okay to be a homosexual, you just can’t act on it. And if phone sex doesn’t count, Te’o and Tuiasosopo’s relationship is cool with their faith. Though while both are firm in their belief that God lives on a planet named Kolob, neither thinks he is gay. Yet. Even though both have been in a romantic relationship with another guy for the last two years. That begs the question of just what it is that makes you officially gay?

Nor the first gay Samoan athlete.

There are many men who have had sex with a another man who still consider themselves straight. And many men who have had sex with lots of other men who too say they are straight. Then there are the guys who go to Thailand to have sex with ladyboys – which still puts one too many cocks into the equation – who claim to be straight. There are also guys who identify as gay though they have never had sex with another man. That would lead one to believe that it is not the act, but rather how you feel inside that qualifies as being gay. And even if you are confused and do not want to pin a gay badge onto your shirt, if you are romantically involved with another man, you are probably gay.

Tuiasosopo may have been pretending to be a woman, but certainly knew he wasn’t and obviously knew he was – or is – in love with a dude. He may not be ready to admit he is gay, but that day will come. Probably sooner than he expected. Te’o can use the excuse that he thought he was in love with a woman, but there are just too many little signs that make you suspect that was but a convenient illusion. If nothing else, he needs to consider what it is inside him that opened him to a romantic relationship with another guy – whether he really thought the dude was fish or not. Both have probably learned that discovering your sexuality on-line is probably not the best way of doing so. And having that journey played out in the national media is even a worse idea.

With all the airtime to be filled by television newsprograms that aren’t, both Te’o and Tuiasosopo still have ample opportunity to continue the saga of their love affair gone wrong in the public eye. At least until the next vehemently anti-gay Republican gets caught having sex with another man. More allegations, denials, confessions, and excuses are sure to be brought to light before their tale has been totally beat to death. Which can’t come too soon. At least until their sex tape surfaces.

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Out This Week: Cruzin’ For A Bruisin’

07 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by Bangkokbois in It's A Gay World, Out This Week

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Coming Out

WBO Featherweight Orlando Cruz has announced that he is gay.

While the NFL continues to be split on how to tackle the issue of gays in sports (and it’s interesting to note supporters are all hot hunks while the homophobes would be safe even in a room full of blind gay men), the arena where homosexuality was least expected to make an appearance, professional boxing, now has its very own internationally ranked gay boxer. Featherweight Orlando Cruz came out via a press release late Wednesday night, becoming the first professional boxer to acknowledge that he plays for the pink team.

Rumors about the sexuality of professional boxers are nothing new. Floyd Mayweather Jr., Lennox Lewis, Fernando Vargas, Hector “Macho” Camacho, and Juan Manuel Marquez have all been called out for being gay, sometimes as a homophobic slur by opponents, sometimes because fans believe the stories are true. But in a sport where calling your opponent a faggot hardly inspires even the blink of an eye, actually admitting to being gay is not considered the path to fame, fortune, and riches. Golden Boy Oscar Dela Hoya chose to blame a series of photo of him in drag on drug use rather than confirm the rumors about his sexuality that have followed him throughout his career. Perhaps with Cruz’s announcement the inability of professional boxers to openly be who they really are that will change.

In his press release Cruz, much like fellow Puerto Rican Ricky Martin in his coming out statement, said he is proud to be a gay man. Unlike Martin, Cruz has acknowledge his preference for men while at the peak of his career: he is trying to make a run at a world title.

A former Olympic Boxer, Cruz’s career is on an upward trajectory. His personal life just took a step toward the better too.

Currently ranked as the #4 featherweight by the World Boxing Organization (WBO), the 31-year-old Southpaw represented Puerto Rico at the 2000 Olympics as a Bantamweight (now adding to that Games gay athlete count and making it the gayest games in history). He began his professional career in late 2000 with a 16-0-1 record and did not lose a match until 2009. Today Cruz is 18-2-1 with nine career knockouts. Nicknamed ‘The Phenomenon’, Cruz is scheduled to fight Jorge Pazos on October 19th in Florida.

”I’ve been boxing for over 24 years and as I continue my upward career, I want to be true to myself. I try to be the best example I can be for children who see boxing as a sport and as a career,“ Cruz said in his press release, adding his announcement was due to him being tired of hiding who he really is. “I have always been and will remain a proud Puerto Rican. I have always been and will remain a proud gay man. I do not hide any of my identities. I want people to see me for the man I am. I’m a professional athlete who always brings his best to the ring. I want people to continue seeing me for my skills in boxing, my character and good sportsmanship.”

How his sport responds will be interesting. Cruz is not a major figure in boxing, although he’s not unknown, either. In 2009 he fought on the undercard of the Floyd Mayweather-Juan Manuel Marquez pay-per-view match, gaining some international recognition, and again appeared on HBO in his match against Daniel Ponce De Leon. The 5’4” Latino has knocked out nine other men to get where he is in his career today, so his announcement can not be viewed as some unqualified no-name pugilist trying to get attention. His next few fights will be instrumental in determining his future, both by whether he wins those matches or not and which other ranked boxers are willing to sign to fight against him. Homophobia within the boxing world could prevent Cruz from a shot at the title regardless of how he performs. It remains to be seen if his fellow boxers are manly enough to fight against an openly gay boxer.