Recently, the Williams Institute at UCLA cross-referenced six national and state studies conducted in the past half decade to determine 3.8% of Americans are gay, bisexual, or ladyboys. The gay blogosphere immediately began crying foul, seeing their numbers dwindling from the historically relied upon figure of 1 in 10 citizens being gay. Had the bloggers delved more deeply into the study like I did, (that would be the third paragraph of the synopsis . . . wasn’t worth wading through an entire dry, academic paper) they would have seen that, by grouping, the numbers actually hover around their cherished 10%.
Far more statistically important, the study found that 8.2 % of ‘straight’ men and women have engaged in gay sex, and an additional 11% admit to feeling an attraction to members of the same sex. That almost 20% of the straight world engages in or dreams about gay sex got my attention. ‘Cuz there is nothing I enjoy more than nailing a straight boy’s ass.
We’re not talking tapping a straight Thai guy’s tail here, but rather pounding on some virgin USDA prime beef. Finding a straight Thai guy willing to bottom is not a Herculean task. An extra thirty bucks in your pocket will accomplish that trick. Scoring a repressed straight boy’s booty in the US, however, can be a challenge.
Nice thing about being a guy, and gay, is sex is always readily available. Finding another gay guy for sex is as easy as setting some criteria, logging on, and then making a selection out of the few dozen available and willing guys with ten miles of your location. You don’t even have to leave your home. If you are looking for a LTR, then gay is definitely the way to go. But if you are looking to just scratch an itch, the straight boys will guarantee a much hotter time.
I’m not one of those gay guys who think all guys are gay. Hell, there are quite a few gays guys I’d like to see be thrown back into the straight pool. I don’t want all guys to be gay. It’s too much fun enticing a straight boy over to the dark side for a night of hot, sweaty man on man sex. They may not think they are gay, but finding a straight stud to slide further up the Kinsey scale is a lot easier than you’d think.
Now I’m not talking about a piece of trade for you to kneel before and service. Not my thing. And seriously, few guys, gay or straight, will pass up a free blow job. From anyone. Monica Lewinsky is proof. And I’m not talking finding a straight stud to ride your ass over the horizon either. I’m not a bottom and can not speak from experience but am pretty sure that while straight guys will go for a blow job, outside of the prison walls, pounding your ass to give you pleasure isn’t quite the fantasy they have in mind. What I am talking about is that young stud, confused, curious, or closeted even to himself, who has finally given in to his curiosity about tasting some dick. And that group is huge. And eager.
Considering the large numbers of straight boys out there eager to offer up their ass, I thought I’d use this post to lay claim to the idea of a hook up website devoted to straight guys wanting some man meat on the side. Didn’t plan on actually developing the site, just a place holder so I could Winklevoss Twin whoever actually makes the site a reality. And then this morning reading a gay blog I like, there’s an item announcing that Ashley Madison, a website that specializes in helping married people have affairs, now has a Down Low division for married men who want to have affairs with other men. Too late for my law suit and the accompanying riches, but nice to see my estimate of the number of cock hungry straight boys has been commercially validated.
Singling a straight guy out from the herd is pretty easy. But then he may be ready, but not willing. Getting a straight boy to go ass up is both an art and a science. Fortunately, it’s also a pretty straight forward process.
Once you have a straight boy to yourself, the trick is to initiate the sex part of the experience as quickly as possible. Talking to get comfortable is the wrong move: he’ll either have second thoughts, or sit there thinking, “I wish he’d shut up and just fuck me.”
So your best move is, as soon as possible, cram your hard cock down his throat. None of that timid taste test crap, go for the full on skull fuck. This will accomplish two things (three if you count your dick getting sucked). First it will avoid that apprehensive licking crap. That straight boys don’t know how to suck dick is not their fault. They’ve only been sucked off by a girlfriend, wife, or their mother. And women don’t know dick about dick. Even skanky porn stars whose cocked sucked numbers are as high as Sarah Palin’s Q score haven’t a clue. If you ever had the misfortune of seeing a straight porn film, the fish lovingly tongues dick like an ice cream cone, making goo goo eyes while the guy they got to play the part of the penis thumbs through porn mags trying to stay hard. Any gay guy who has seen this scene in any porn movie thinks the same thing: “Someone needs to teach this bitch how to suck cock.”
Second, it will set the scene for what is to come. You started by treating him like a crack whore, a piece of meat to be used and abused and left to fester in the gutter. That’s how you’ll finish the night out too. That may sound like you are being rude. But notice how hard his dick is. This is what straight boys fantasize about. In their dreams, it’s all about them sucking and getting fucked. Their orgasm hardly enters the picture. Your job is to make that fantasy come alive.
It is not unlike what younger guys want from older guys. I mean the younger guys who get all hard about Daddy doing them. The results from a poll a few years ago exploring this dynamic showed the majority of younger guys want to be pounded until they can’t walk. Conversely, the majority of older guys in bed with a younger guy were all about candles, rose petals on the bed, and a Harlequin moment. So there’s an additional tip for you: Straight or Daddy’s Boy, fuck ‘em hard and put ‘em away wet. It’s what they want.
A lot of straight guys got a bit of a taste of man on man action in their youth, discovering themselves through a group jack off. Those that missed out have heard about group JO’s and feel bad about not getting to play. Both dream of the experience either again or for the first time. So if your straight boy is a bit reticent, mutual salami slapping will get him in the mood.
Offering a helping hand is a natural next step. He won’t refuse and will more than likely lay back and let you go to town. Touch inaugurated, it’s time to get serious. A lot of straight guys have a phobia about sucking dick. They’ll let you fuck ‘em, but will hesitate about going down on you. Yup, makes no sense to me either. But it is time to let him know if he is going gay he doesn’t get to choose which parts of his body are going to play. Jump onto his chest so your cock is at eye level. By the time you thrust toward his mouth, he’ll have opened his lips. Skull fuck time.
He may or may not be stroking himself. Possibly it is difficult as he is having trouble breathing. Ignore those gagging sounds and whimpers; tell him to jack off if he is not already doing so. This isn’t for his benefit. It’s for you to determine how up he is for some ass play.
Watch. Most will eventually slide a hand down to cup their balls. Pretty soon that pinky finger gets hard and starts heading toward their asshole. He may be too shy to insert it in front of you, but the pinky never lies. When that sucker makes it move, you know when he is home beating off he fingers himself regularly. That’s all you need to know to jump on it.
Do not ask if he is ready or if you can fuck him. Verbalizing a positive response may be impossible for him. His body language already gave you your answer. Just flip him over onto his stomach and dive in. Do not be gentle, do not go slow. Save that for a gay guy’s first time, With the straight boy think rape. That’s really what he wants. If he starts in with that, “no, no, please, stop” crap, ignore him. If he really wanted it to stop . . . well, moving your ass out of reach is a fairly easy accomplishment. His protestations are for his benefit, to save his manly pride, they are not directions for you.
Pound his ass unmercifully until you come. Or pull out right before you do, turn him over and cum all over his face. He probably beat you to orgasm, but if not don’t turn back into your usual nice self and cuddle with him until he strokes himself to climax. Leave him laying there covered in your cum and go take a shower instead.
If you followed my advice, you’ll hear from him again soon. And often. Unless he decides he really is gay. Then he’ll hate you because you treated him like a dirty little sex pig. No problemo. He no longer qualifies then as straight boy ass anyway.
Landing a straight boy’s ass to ride on can, however, be dangerous – and expensive – if you live in Montana. Representative Ken Peterson, chair of the House Judiciary Committee, one of the folks who led the charge to block a bill that would’ve removed Montana’s sodomy laws from its books, is scared of ‘the gays’ and wants legislation to protect Montana’s straight boys. According to Peterson, there are at least two prosecutable offenses in Montana, both felonies punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a $50,000 fine. The first is the “recruitment” of non-gays. “Homosexuals can’t go out into the heterosexual community and try to recruit people, or try to enlist them in homosexual acts,” Peterson says, providing an example: “‘Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.”
Yes. I’m sure I’ve heard this exact dialog in a gay porn film before. But see? Even homophobes know the straight boys will like getting fucked if they try it. The second felony in Montana is the public display of homosexuality. Peterson says being gay in public is wrong, stating that “In my mind, if they were engaging in acts in public that could be construed as homosexual, it would violate our statute. It has to be more than affection. It has to be overt homosexual acts of some kind or another. . . like kissing.”
Fair enough. Make sure you fuck your Montana boys in private: a hotel room, the back seat of your car, or along any of the State’s barren and untraveled roads. Obviously I disagree with Representative Peterson. As he is well aware, sending a gay guy to prison just means he’ll have even more sexual partners available to play with. That’s reward, not punishment. And as for the fine, I do not think it should ever cost you cold hard cash for fucking a straight boy. Unless you are in Thailand.