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The down and dirty on successful gay gogo bar navigation in Bangkok.

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part XI

09 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by in Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars

Recently there has been a rash of comments posted from first time visitors to Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars on Soi Twilight, newbies sharing the experience of their inaugural visit to everybody’s favorite street in Bangkok. Some have reported great success, others, not so much. What they all do share is a sense of that initial thrill of walking onto a soi filled with establishments offering a never-ending selection of naked male flesh, all available to ogle for the price of a drink, all available to be your companion for the night for a wad of colorful cash. It’s an exciting, heady world that just doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world and most first time visitors respond as the proverbial child in a candy store. No surprise there; with that much eye candy all in one place it’s more surprising that the gay guys of the world don’t all decide to make Bangkok their home.

I enjoy reading those tales. They stir memories of my initial foray into Bangkok’s gogo bar world, even if in those days Twilight was the only bar on that soi. Back then you had to hunt the bars down; they were spread out in and around Patpong and its environs. There was no single street filled with neon promising boys, boys, boys. But the excitement was the same, all of my senses still came alive, the knowledge that as soon as I walked through the door a vast bevy of partially naked men would be on display – and available for the price of a song – was just as exciting. I’d like to tell you that first timer tales are the only way I can experience that feeling of wonderment now, that they are a vicarious reminder of just how exciting your first time can be – and they are – but even today when walking onto the soi seems more like coming home again, that first night of every trip still thrills, my heartbeat still ratchets up a notch, the possibilities still enthrall and entice, and I still bask in the less than salubrious promise all that neon flashes.

My first night in Bangkok is still filled with the wonder those who have never been there before experience. Giddy with expectations, the life of the soi still infuses every molecule in my body, my pulse still attunes itself to the disco beat of decade old melodies wafting out of partially open doorways, the outstretched, more than welcoming hands that briefly impede my progress down the soi still seem to beckon with a promise of pleasure more than commerce, the beaming smiles that pop up everywhere still seem to welcome rather than be the atavistic response to the sight of fresh meat that they are. The only difference is that unlike a newbie, I know which bars have the kind of guys I like, which provide the most comfortable atmosphere for me, and which I can enjoy without becoming fodder for aggressive mamasans. I know how to make my way down the soi without being mauled by the barkers, there is no question in my mind about the procedures involved in selecting and/or offing a guy, or for that matter even in ordering a drink.

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars

For the true newbie it’s like being Alice in Wonderland just after dropping through the rabbit’s hole; the sudden babble of foreign tongues, strange lighting, and an overarching promise of sex creating a frisson of excitement tinged with a sense of danger. As soon as you step onto the soi, you are out of your comfort zone. The sights, the sounds, the underlying purpose for Soi Twilight’s existence both captivates and cautions; your senses tingle in both anticipation and in warning. There is equal reason to be nervous and beguiled. It’s the unknown that causes unease, the known that whispers a siren’s song too mesmerizing to escape.

The massive, lipidic farang of advanced years who fill the chairs spilling onto the soi in front of Dick’s glower sullen streaks of curdled sunlight, an intimation of the affluenza infecting their souls garnered through far too many years of visiting the soi; their familiarity doesn’t breed contempt so much as it does disdain and an outrage over things no longer being as they once were. Posiden, for some unfathomable reason other than a testament to someone’s lack of good taste, squats in competition for space with the old German bar owner whose hound-dog face, as wrinkled as yesterday’s shirt, scowls at the world while he berates his staff of barkers for not being more welcoming to those who attempt to pass by. The dipsomaniacal are as well represented as febrile newbies, the former in favor of a hazy existence ignore the soi’s enticements, the latter try to drink it all in. And those who make their living off of both, smile in anticipation of the baht the evening will bring.

Soi Twilight is a confusing world of contrasts for the first time visitor. Even well-armed thanks to reading my previous posts in this series (with both a thanks for your attention and self-congratulatory pat on the back) finding the particular brand of fulfillment you’re looking for can be a daunting task. You can throw caution to the wind and trust in the fates, or carefully conceive a finite plan of attack in advance. Neither option insures success; Bangkok, because that is what it does best, will always fuck with you. That makes providing advice for a newbie as daunting of a task. I’m often asked which is the best bar on the soi. And I can’t tell you. I can tell you which usually has the kind of guys I like, or which usually has not employed a mamasan who is more concerned with the size of your wallet than in seeing that you have an enjoyable time. But your tastes may be different than mine. And while the established bars may not change much, their personnel does and that alone can mean what once was the hottest bar no longer is.

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars

I can tell you that if you are into twinks Classic Boys is probably your best bet. But then occasionally management tries to add a bit of testosterone before sinking back into its world of fem so you may do just as well elsewhere. I can tell you that for several years now Dream Boy has been the most popular bar on the soi, but it is not a favorite of mine. Dream Boy usually has a large stable of guys, offering something for everyone. But as many times as I’ve visited that bar – all in the name of research of course – I’ve only offed a guy from Dream Boy once. And that was thanks to a ‘next time’ promise I’d made when he worked at a neighboring bar. I can tell you I prefer X-Size over X-Boys, but I think that has more to do with location than anything else. And I can tell you I have only been in Fresh Boys once; the layout of that small bar makes me feel like I’m the one standing naked on stage. But that may be just the thing you are looking for. I can tell you I still favor the bars with shows over the beer bars that have sprung up all along the soi, but that could be the very reason you’d enjoy spending your time at one of the beer bars instead. And although it is no secret that you should head down to Tawan if you are into muscles, or across the street to Jupiter if you are into the male model look, you can find both types of guys on Soi Twilight too. Okay, so maybe not at Classic Boys . . .

I can tell you if money is a bigger concern than your orgasm is, the sleaze bars around Tawan is where you should go. Although Sunee Plaza in Pattaya is probably an even better bet. And while I can’t tell you which bar has the best show, I can tell you if its barker is promising, “Show Now!” it will be at least an hour before the show starts. I can also tell you that despite their sign that says differently, if you relied on the guidance of a tout, Dream Boy will pay him for delivering you to their door just like every other bar on the soi. Oh, and ignore all those warnings you’ve heard about ‘upstairs’ bars ripping you off. Those on Soi Twilight are no more likely to pad your check-bin or overcharge for your drinks than their neighbors at street level are.

I’d like to tell you as a first time visitor your best bet is to head for Dick’s or Maxis, grab a seat outside and get comfortable with the action on the soi before braving it yourself. But then I know with the scent of dick in the air, y’all will make a beeline for the first gogo bar you see. I’d like to tell you not to off a guy at the very first bar you visit, that you should instead split the baby in half – or since this is Thailand go with Siamese twins and quadruple your fun – that you should visit a few bars before making your move, but I know most of you will not be able to resist the first bar boy who smiles at you. And I’d like to tell you that no matter how insistent the first barker to grab a hold of you is, ignore him. But I know since you want to get inside a bar, that someone pulled you in won’t make a bit of difference.

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars

Finally, I’d like to tell you to indulge freely in all that Soi Twilight has to offer, but keep your indulgence in spirits to a minimum. But then in retrospect, if you get so drunk you can’t remember your night on the soi, you’ll get to experience your first time visiting Bangkok’s world of gay gogo bars all over again. And that ain’t necessarily a bad thing.

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part X

28 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by in Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide

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The savvy sex touri knows how to squeeze the last drop out of his time with a bar boy. Or as they like to think of it: getting full value out of money spent.

The savvy sex touri knows how to squeeze the last drop out of his time with a bar boy. Or as they like to think of it: getting full value out of money spent.

If you’ve been following this First Timers Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars series of posts, then by now you’re probably not really a newbie to the world of Bangkok’s gay gogo bars any longer. You’ve already popped your gogo bar cherry and know how to enjoy yourself at a bar without making an ass out of yourself, know what to expect when you get a bar boy back to your room – and how not to be disappointed when you don’t get what you expected – and have learned the low-maintenance life-style of being a butterfly. Hopefully, you’ve also learned how to not be a cheap ass. But learning and putting that knowledge into practice are two entirely different things. When your soul and your wallet are interconnected, not coming across as kee ngok just ain’t gonna happen. But then there are worse things in life. You could instead be considered by the boys to have a big heart.

As often as I have railed against the cheap asses of the bar world, mine is a voice lost in the wilderness. Read the gay Thailand message boards and you’ll quickly realize mine is the dissenting opinion. Sure that’s more about Pattaya where pinching a penny is considered an obligatory touri activity, but nonetheless the fact remains there is a large majority of punters out there whose ideal orgasm greatly depends on how cheaply they can score. Value is based on how much you can get for how little it can cost you. To them it’s not about the bar boys, their lives, goals, and desires. It’s about their wallets and being serviced. And I get that. I’m a big fan of the It’s All About Me generation too.

I’ve ignored punters’ complaints about the dire straits of their home country’s currency and economy, the rising costs of international travel, and the plight of sexpats who retired to Pattaya on an income that leaves them living below the poverty line as a whining of a bunch of losers for whom life is all about complaining. I should have realized that having chosen Thailand as the only place on earth where they could afford to pay for the sex that would otherwise elude them, costs play an important role. And it’s not just about how cheaply they can get an orgasm (LMTU would gladly blow them for free with the expense being nothing more than a visit to the nearest public loo). It’s about getting value for the small handful of baht they fork over to their boy du jour. I know, being known as the considerate, loving, kindhearted person that I am, you wouldn’t expect me to so brazenly ignore the plight of Thailand’s cheap bastards. So I’ll rectify that matter with these tips on how to squeeze the last satang of value out of a bar boy:

Milk is good for everybody, so milking your bar boy dry has gotta be good for him too.

Milk is good for everybody, so milking your bar boy dry has gotta be good for him too.

1. What Goes Up.
Value isn’t about cost as much as it is about how much you receive for the money you spend. Or how often you receive it. Planned correctly your time with a bar boy does not have to follow that old adage of what goes up must come down. He may base his off on a per-orgasm basis but that doesn’t mean you have to too. If one go-round costs you 600 baht, squeezing in three orgasms during your time together means it’s only costing you 200 baht per spurt.

That’s not as selfish and one-sided ass it sounds. Your boy too can benefit. He spent some of his hard earned baht on a little blue pill so that he could look like he was enjoying your ugly ass. Forcing multiple orgasms out of him means he gets more value out the cost of that pill too, even if it is about keeping him hard and useful for your benefit. Mother Teresa should have been as thoughtful.

2. There’s Value In His Other Head Too.
As tired as you may be from squeezing three orgasms out of a cheap, short-time off, just sending your boy off into the night afterward is like leaving money on the table. There’s still gold in them there hills and to get full value from that generous 600 baht tip you paid him, you’d better be ready to mine for it. Your bar boy is sitting on a wealth of information. It’s time to drain him dry. He can tell you which of his bar mates hasn’t been offed in weeks and will be willing to do you for 300 baht. He knows which of the boys in the bar also solicit customers on Gay Romeo, which means you can get the boy cheaper and avoid an off fee too. He also knows which boys won’t do everything, or anything for that matter, and can save you from spending your money on a dud in the future. Feel free to grill him on his fellow bar boys. If it means he won’t have to deal with you as a customer ever again, he’ll probably be willing to share that knowledge with you.

3. Milking Him For All He’s Worth.
Cheap bastards hate paying for a long-time off; after all, you can get a bottle of gin for what those extra hours with a boy will cost you. Sexpats don’t want to give up the time they’d otherwise spend bitching about bar boys on the gay Thailand message boards either. But visitors can benefit greatly from a long-time off. For just a few hundred baht more you get lots of sex and tons of hidden values too.

Your bar boy’s English may suck, even if he refuses to. But then your command of the Thai language is even worse. Using your boy du jour as a translator can make your time in Thailand much easier. You won’t even have to learn those few simple Thai phrases touri who mistakenly think they need to be polite rely on. Whether it’s ordering a meal or arguing with the hotel staff over being charged a joiner fee, using your bar boy as a translator can pay great dividends. Used wisely as such you can easily recoup the paltry sum you paid to him as a tip.

As the paying customer there’s no good reason to not make your bar boy bend over backwards to please you.

As the paying customer there’s no good reason to not make your bar boy bend over backwards to please you.

Even the most hardened sex tourist tends to spend a bit of time seeing the sights when visiting the Kingdom. Your boy du jour can make an excellent tour guide too. Not that he will know of or be interested in the places you want to visit, but he will be able to communicate your desires to your taxi driver. And if you really want to save some baht he’ll know which bus is the cheapest one to take too. If you’re sly about it, you can have your boy purchase admission tickets for both of you too, getting your entrance fee at the lower price offered to Thais.

Tell your boy du jour you need to go shopping and he’ll get hard quicker than that little blue pill ever managed to make him. After you reap that benefit, you can actually hit a mall or market. When shopping, Thais always get better prices than rich farang do. You can use your boy to barter for a discount. Just keep him thinking that the money he saves you will be spent on a new iPhone for him and you’ll be amazed at how quickly those savings add up. Hell, with the money he saves you through haggling you can even afford to pick up an additional boy. And everybody loves a twofer.

There’s also money to be saved by expense avoidance. Bar boys love to go to the airport to see their Farangs off. Most assume the pockets full of baht you haven’t spent will be worthless to you and you’ll hand it over to them instead of it going to waste. That just proves that bar boys are as naive as first time visiting farang. You can use that to your benefit. You won’t have to tip the bell hop at the hotel by using your boy as a porter instead. He’s young and running up and down four flights of stairs to bring all of the suitcases you thought you needed to travel with is good exercise for him. Don’t be afraid to make him carry you down to the lobby either – it’s all part of the service and bar boys love nothing more than the opportunity of taking care of you. And while it won’t result in a direct monetary savings, once at the airport there’s no reason for you to stand in long lines when you can use your boy to save your place in line for you. That’ll give you the opportunity to find something to buy with the remaining baht your bar boy thought would soon be his.

Don’t worry if seeing to your every need causes your bar boy a bit of anguish. That’s how you build character. He’ll thank you for it one day.

Don’t worry if seeing to your every need causes your bar boy a bit of anguish. That’s how you build character. He’ll thank you for it one day.

4. You Can’t Squeeze Blood Out Of A Turnip, But . . .
That doesn’t man you shouldn’t drain your bar boy dry. As needy as they are it’s easy to make promises that will keep them attached to you for as long as you want to string them along. And that doesn’t have to end just because your holiday in Thailand did. Holding out the promise of a future together will guarantee an endless supply of email and text messages filled with expressions of the boy’s love for you. It doesn’t take much effort to ensure those messages come with lots of photos of your favorite part of your boy either. You can get years of pleasure out of a single extended off without it ever costing you another dime. Add those self-inflicted times of joy to your total and it can easily mean paying less than 80 baht per orgasm. Now we’re talking!

If you do decide to make further cash deposits between trips, consider that it’s not only the joy of cheap sex that can be yours. You can also finally have an official boyfriend. And you can satisfy other emotional needs too. Sure, some fools get the stroking their egos need by sponsoring a hungry child in Africa for just five cents a day. But for that same outlay of coin you can do better with what is now your boyfriend. You can not only demand that he remain chaste and true to you between your twice a year trips to Thailand, but you can cause him great emotional pain when you bust him by calling at odd hours to check up on where he is and what he’s doing. Your sexpat friends stuck in Pattaya only get that kind of fun by making fun of their fellow destitute retirees. And they’ll all be jealous of you when you parade your boy special around Sunee Plaza, or have him sit quietly while you and your cronies spend countless hours together nursing a beer during your night out on the town together. Best yet, the cost of your boy is but a fraction of what Paris Hilton had to pay for the scrawny mut she adopted as a BFF. And she didn’t get the bonus of sex out of it. I think.

The fact is if you send your boy a small monthly stipend – about what you would otherwise spend to have your car washed monthly – that’s big money in Thailand. And you now own him. Slavery may be dead, but sex slavery is alive and well. And surprisingly affordable too. Remember that ownership has benefits above renting. Just think of the fun you can have next time you’re in Pattaya and can force your boy special to undergo humiliating drug and STD tests (not that you’d waste money on tests done by medical professionals – there are cheap home-tests you can buy. Ask any of your sexpat friends, they know where you can purchase those at the best price).

It’s surprisingly how little it costs to bind your boy to you. Even if BD isn’t your thing, there’s value in owning another human being.

It’s surprisingly how little it costs to bind your boy to you. Even if BD isn’t your thing, there’s value in owning another human being.

Not that it’s all about you. You are in a relationship now after all. You can see to your boy’s needs by helping him improve himself too. For example, while you are back in your home country you can force him to take English classes so that he’ll be better able to understand you during your future trips to Thailand. Which will increase his value to you as a companion, translator, tour guide, and negotiator. Win-win. That’s what life is all about.

And finally, if you are savvy, all of that money you spent on your boy will not go to waste when you find a new boy younger and more desperate to take advantage of in his place. Like others before you, once the romance is over there’s still value in your relationship. You can use those naughty pictures you’ve demanded he pose for over the years to pimp him out on-line to unsuspecting first-time visitors to Pattaya too. A paid-for relationship with a Thai bar boy is truly a gift that keeps giving. As long as you are willing to take what is rightfully yours.

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers' Guide Part VII

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar Dos And Don'ts For The Newbie

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar Dos And Don’ts For The Newbie

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part IX

20 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by in Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide

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With all the hot choices, how do you select a companion for the evening?

With all the hot choices, how do you select a companion for the evening?

You’d think that with a few dozen half naked guys standing on the stage selecting which bar by is going to spend his night devoted to curling your toes would be an easy one. There’s strength in numbers, and with a bit a luck a few of those guys may even be sporting a number with some strength left in it. But how do you cull the herd? How do you pick out the bar boy who’ll bring your fantasies to life from those who will make you wish you’d just stayed in your hotel and beat yourself to sleep?

You may rely on the traditional method of offing the first guy who tells you that he loves you. But we all know actions speak louder than words. We also all know that a bar boy’s word seldom equates to action. At least not the kind you were hoping for. Or that he promises. But every bar boy has tells, there are a vast number of nonverbal clues that you can watch for, which is a pretty good idea since neither of you speaks the others language. Here are some tips that will help you select the perfect bar boy for you. Or that will at least help you avoid the duds.

THE SIZE: If size where it matters matters to you, spending some time in the bar is a must. Because sooner or later the bar will fall back on that old standby, The Big Cock Show.

There are two sizes of guys in any bar, “I in Big Cock Show” and “I not In Big Cock Show”. Now you may think those that are have a good reason to be. Several inches of good reason in fact. But Big Cock Shows really aren’t about big cocks. The boy is only in the Big Cock Show because he gets paid extra money for showing you what he’s packing. You do have to remember you are still in Asia. And in Asia math still adds up the same: 1+1 equals 2, and 2 inches is still too small to bother with even when it is the norm. Three inches, however, qualifies as a big cock in the Thai mind. No problemo. The Big Cock Show provides you two opportunities for checking your list twice.

Big Cock Shows are about cock, big - not so much.

Big Cock Shows are about cock, big – not so much.

If you are still stuck on size, always select a seat furthest from the stage. You’re old, your eye sight isn’t what it once was, and that you are in a gogo bar thinking you’re gonna find a guy who’ll give you the night of your life proves you are delusional too. You can combat these faults and turn them into positives with distance. And that’s fairly simple. If you can not see the guy’s big cock from where you are sitting without squinting, it’s not. Pass.

Guys with small dicks will tell you it isn’t about size but rather about what you can do with it. I don’t know why some scientist doesn’t grab a shitload of money in government grants by studying why guys with small peni lie so much. But even a small penis is better than a flaccid one. And if a bar boy can not get hard, he can not take part in a Big Cock Show.

Now you do have to realize those engorged cocks on stage only stay that way thanks to a torn rubber serving as a cock ring. But the guy had to work up a stiffy in the first place, so you already are a step ahead of the game. The other tell here is that the guy flashing his proud member proudly, despite its size, is almost always a confirmed top. Those who seem embarrassed about what they are showing know it is not their most important asset anyway.

Bar boys who know how to accessorize are few and far between.

Bar boys who know how to accessorize are few and far between.

THE ACCESSORIES: While newbies may concentrate on size, old hands know a much better indicator of just how good of a time you’ll have is a bar boy’s cell phone. Every bar boy comes equipped with a cell phone these days. And no bar boy in the history of the world has ever bought a cell phone for himself. That hot young thang with the latest version of the iPhone? He convinced some other sucker to buy it for him. And already feels the need for an upgrade. You’ll be buying one for him tomorrow.

Cell phones are seldom used to make phone calls these days. (Don’t argue. You’re old. And a Luddite.) The newer ones have a large assortment of games to play. And there are movies and television to watch too. You can even surf the internet on your phone. Bar boys are much more fond of their cell phones than they ever will be about you. And are much more interested in being amused by their cell phone than they are in amusing you. Look for the bar boy with the oldest cell phone in the bar. Sure he wants a new iPhone too, but that fact his is so old shows you he is already used to being disappointed. With nothing but the ability to text, back in your hotel room he will apply himself to the job at hand instead of the technology in his hands. Picking a bar boy with an outdated phone also means he is probably not internet savvy and won’t Google your name to find out what others think of you, nor will he discover how cheaply you’ve bragged you’ve gotten away with tipping bar boys in the past.

THE HAIR STYLE: In her day, which was a few scant years during the early 80s, Tina Turner was a gay icon. Thai bar boys are big on nostalgia and a favorite hairstyle emulates that of Tina in her Private Dancer days. Which, considering what their job is, kind of makes sense. It also makes sense that any guy who patterns his hairstyle after a woman’s is not going to score high on the manly man index. Conversely, if you don’t mind screaming little fems, he probably will bottom. Tina did.

Thais are proud of being Thai. So they often adopt the stylings of other Asian countries. The Korea look is big in Thailand these days. And will be until Thais realize eating dog is essential to the Korean experience. While you do not have to be concerned that his breath may smell like summer kimchee, the bar boy you are eyeballing with the Korean pop star hairdo should still send a shiver down your spine. Or at least down the spine of your wallet. That hairdo cost him 600 baht minium. Thais can buy a new buffalo for 600 baht. This is a bar boy who is high maintenance. And you will be the person to keep him looking in the manner to which he’s grown accustomed.

This one is gay.

This one is gay.

Bar boys with short hair, or buzz-cuts are always straight and won’t do everyting regardless of what they claim. Those with spikey hair are your best choice if you are into kink. And if it looks like they used a bowl to style their last haircut, they are fresh off the farm and probably have not yet landed a kindhearted customer who taught them how to suck dick.

THE LADYBOYS. If ladyboys are what gets your heart thumping, you should be hanging out at the straight bars in Nana that only employ ladyboys. The reason those bars are in the straight entertainment district is that everyone except you knows that being a ladyboy has nothing to do with being gay. But show tunes do and the only place in town that will allow them to take stage and lip sync Don’t Cry For Me Argentina are the gay gogo bars. And yes it is amazing that even though they haven’t a clue where Argentina is, or even what it is, those are still real tears. Ladyboy acts are important part of your evening if you want to make sure you too don’t end your night with your eyes filled with tears.

Little fem gay boys who aren’t man enough to commit to giving up their dick still get a hard-on thinking about the days when they too can don a beautiful gown and be the envy of every old hag they remember from back home in their village. Pre-ops, of course, are easy to spot. Those little baby tits don’t grow that way naturally. Ladyboy wanna-bes are a bit trickier. Some even still look and act like a real man.

When the ladyboy act comes on, do not watch the stage. You didn’t really want to anyway. Watch the bar boys instead. Those who get a wistful look in their eyes are the ladyboy wanna-bes. Those who look like they want to jump on stage and start plowing into the ladyboys are straight. And horny. The scent of money will bring them to their senses, but if you are an old queen these are the guys that might be capable of getting up enough interest to fulfill your dreams.

Thai smiles are hard to read. Sign language is not.

Thai smiles are hard to read. Sign language is not.

THE SMILE: One of the reasons Thailand is known as The Land of Smiles is that Thais have perfected a few hundred versions, few of which have anything to do with what one would normally smile about. The bar boy flashing a big grin in your direction is not happy to see you. Though he may be happy to see your wallet. Thai have smiles that say, “You disgust me but you may be rich,” “I’m straight but with the help of a little blue pill I may be able to get a good tip out of you,” and “You really think that just because you are not old I’m going to enjoy this anymore than I would with an old fart?” Learning to differentiate one smile from another would be great, but you only have two weeks in country and there are more important things for you to learn. Like how to tell how big of a cock a Thai guy has. Instead, devote your time to wiping that smile off his face.

You can learn a Thai bar boy’s sexual identification by tweaking one of his tits. Straight bar boys will keep smiling (that’s the ‘Payback’s a bitch smile”). Ladyboy wanna-bes will quit smiling and screech because you are damaging the merchandise. Gay bar boys will keep smiling too, but they’ll also get hard. Because unlike straight guys, gay guys the world over known there is a direct connection between your nipples and your cock.

Though when confused Thais will normally keep smiling, when money is involved it throws them for a loop and that smile will quickly dissipate. Tip your potential bar boy 20 baht as soon as he sits down. If he smiles and leaves (that’s the, “Fuck you” smile btw), you just saved yourself a world of financial hurt. If he asks for more, smile for him and then walk away. If he takes the money and starts playing with your crotch, then you just learned what he is willing to do for 20 baht and your smile should be out shinning his.

If only it were that easy.

If only it were that easy.

THE PACKAGE: You don’t have to be a size queen to be concerned about the size of a bar boy’s package. Unfortunately not all bars have a Big Cock Show and even those that do mistakenly think other numbers are required. That leaves most punters having to stare at the boys’ bulges, trying to decipher length from girth. While that is a lost cause, there are three things to watch for that will clue you in on a bar boy’s short comings.

If he stores his cell phone inside of his underwear where his package should be . . . well, the fact there was room enough to do so should tell you all you need to know. If he covers his crotch with his numbered badge, he’s attempting a bit of subliminal advertising and hope you will confuse his number 11, with what he is packing, 2. And lastly, if you are at Tawan and the bulge seems to be top heavy, he’s been stacking steroids for some time now and his balls are the size of peanuts. And worth just as much for your purposes.

THE SHOES: Even if punters never bother to consider the cleanliness of a bar, bar boys do. That culturally the bottoms of your feet are considered the least clean part of your body in Thailand and yet even bar boys won’t allow the bottoms of their feet to come in contact with the bar’s floor should tell you something. Shoes are a bar boys last defense and the last piece of clothing they get rid of in a bar. Almost all bar boys wear shoes during their rotation. And what they choose to wear on their feet can be instructive.

The latest model from Nike means he has a ‘boyfriend’ overseas who regularly sends him large sums of money. In fact he probably has several boyfriends overseas who all send him large sums of money. Of course, if you are looking for love, this is probably the bar boy for you because he has already learned to say all the things you want to hear.

If he is wearing a pair of name brand sneakers that are obvious Thai knock-offs (look for brand names that don’t go with the logo or that are misspelled) he is fashion conscious but down to earth. Which means he has not yet found a customer to buy him the latest iPhone and won’t concern himself with footwear until that goal has been reached. The cost of an iPhone is still cheaper than the cost of supporting him and his entire village, so this one has potential.

If he is wearing flip flops, he is fresh off the truck; back in his village those are called dress shoes. This bar boy will be inexperienced, shy, but easily malleable. Plus you’ll be able to put a smile on his face by buying him a 300 baht pair of knock-off sneakers. A cheap deal all around.

Big muscles usually does not mean a big muscle.

Big muscles usually does not mean a big muscle.

THE DEJECTED AND REJECTED: While you may think Thai guys work in bars for the enjoyment it brings them to walk around half naked in front of a bunch of octogenarians, the truth is that for most it’s all about money. I know. Shocking. And you thought it was all about you. It’s not. It’s about the bar boy and whether or not he’ll be able to feed himself for another day. Slavery is not a Thai institution too far in the past and bar owners still harken back to the good old days. And as much as they hate the idea, they do have to pay their staff a salary. Even if it is below poverty wages. But with your help they can escape that drain on their bank account.

When a bar boy lands a customer the bar owner gets a double bonus to his bank account. First, the off fee you pay goes directly into his pocket. Second, when a bar boy is offed, the owner no longer has to pay his wages for that day. Bar boys salaries are not so much about income as they are about being a consolation prize. Yup, now the generosity of that bar owner who ‘pays the off’ for any of his boys taken out of the bar after midnight starts making sense, huh? Sure he isn’t profiting on the off fee he just gave up, but he also doesn’t have to pay that boy his daily wage either. Yes, charity does begin at home. Especially if your home is on a sleazy soi in Pattaya.

But that doesn’t mean that you too can’t profit from a bar boy’s lot in life. Bar boys who can’t manage to work up a smile are bar boys who seldom get offed. And they are more willing to do whatever pleases you. They’ll even accept a lower tip than is the norm. Of course if you are so willing to take advantage of a young man’s plight and so cheap that saving $15 on your orgasm is what really matters, then you head directly from the airport to Pattaya anyway. And this post is about Bangkok gogo bars. So kindly fuck off.

His ink can tell you a lot about a bar boy

His ink can tell you a lot about a bar boy

THE INK: Some punters hate tattoos. That’s a shame because nowadays anyone under the age of thirty sports at least one tat. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean the guy you are considering offing is ink free. And while you may be able to ignore a tat on his arm, it’s difficult to ignore ink that encroaches on those areas that are important to you. But the question of does he or doesn’t he isn’t as important as what his tats are.

Tattooing is part of Thai culture. Traditional tats are not cheap, nor do Thai gets them from cheap tat parlors. Traditional tattoos are religious in nature in Thailand, they bring their skin’s wearer good luck or protect him from the thousands of evil demons that call Thailand their home. It’s just surprising no one has come up with a tat to ward off cheap bastards yet.

Cultural tats in Thailand are applied by monks. They are expensive, usually require several visits to be finished, and are always, regardless of size, quite detailed. They are also quite telling about the bar boy sporting them. First, it shows he is proud of his heritage, and proud to be Thai. That means he will be open, friendly, and easily duped. Second, it shows he realizes there is evil in the world, so he won’t be that surprised when you whip out your leather dog collar and nipple clamps. And lastly, it shows he is a religious person and so will be less likely to perform poorly and still demand a large tip. Unless his pride of heritage takes precedence and then he will perform poorly and still demand a large tip. Plus taxi money.

Do not be fooled by a boy’s participation in a leather number. He’s a ladyboy wanna-be who likes dressing up, not a fan of SM.

Do not be fooled by a boy’s participation in a leather number. He’s a ladyboy wanna-be who likes dressing up, not a fan of SM.

Tramp stamps, however, are not part of Thai culture. Bar boys with tats running across the small of their back have fallen for western ways. You may think a tramp stamp on a tramp is a positive sign, but along with western ink he has probably adopted western fast food as his life-style. And Thais have not yet leaned how to make pudgy attractive.

Playboy bunnies are still a popular bar boy tat. They mean he is both straight and delusional. Traditional Japanese tattoos are becoming popular in Thailand too. Guys who sport them usually have Japanese-sized cocks, and when you are already starting off at extra-small that’s not a good thing.

THE MIRROR. I know. Mirrors are not your best friend. Reality is always a bitch. But in a Bangkok gay gogo bar the walled mirrors can be of great use. Bar boys use them to stare into, which helps them picture themselves anywhere else. Self-aware punters use them to remind themselves of the ordeal their bar boy du jour is gonna be facing, and will then tip accordingly. The more focused among us focus on the best use of the mirrors: checking out the bar boys’ asses. If you catch one of the guys on stage using the mirror to check out his own ass, he’s a keeper because any bar boy who is proud of his ass is one who knows how to use it.

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How Much Is That Puppy In The Window: The Cost of A Night With A Gogo Boy In Thailand

How Much Is That Puppy In The Window: The Cost of A Night With A Gogo Boy In Thailand

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part VIII

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by in Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide

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Picked a dud and wasted an entire night of your holiday?

Unfortunately, it happens. The hottie at the bar that got you all excited and worked up, who oozed sex appeal and promised he did everything, gets back to your hotel room with you and is a total flop. He fails to rise to the occasion, acts as though you are not in the room, and does not want to do anything other than accept his tip and flee. It is a bad beginning to what was supposed to be a happy ending and it leaves you sexually frustrated and irate.

Back home in your own culture you’d instantly know how to react. But this is Thailand. And you’re not in Kansas anymore. What should you do? Get mad? Get even? Get the hell out of Dodge? Here are the top ten options for handling a studly bar boy who turns out to be a dud:

1. Smile, Say Nothing, And Tip The Guy As You Usually Would.
Seriously? What a pussy! But fine, if you lack the balls to stand up over his lack of ability to stand up you’re probably a bottom and used to rolling over and taking it anyway. The bonus in selecting this option is the boy will probably fall madly in love with you and you will be assured a long relationship spanning decades. During which you’ll never get your rocks off with his participation. But ain’t love grand?

Believe it or not, attitude has a lot to do with how well he will perform.

2. Smile, Say Nothing, And Tip The Guy As You Usually Would, And Then Immediately Go Post About What A Dud He Is On the Gay Thailand Forums.
The guys who pull this trick are usually the posters of whom most already feel great pity for any bar boy who has to spend time with them. Your complaint will probably mean his business doubles. You’ll get a sweeter degree of revenge by sending a PM to select members – the posters nobody would want as a customer – and telling them he is perfect for them. Just imagine his reaction when he agrees to a short-time off with say, Fountainhall. He’ll perform no better for him, but will have to listen to a two hour dissertation on the history of men’s underwear. If you want revenge, always use a properly loaded gun.

3. Throw A Tantrum And Immediately Head Back To The Bar To Yell At The Mamasan And Demand Your Money Back.
Or, for short: Throw a Hissy Fit. Which many queens excel at. If I’m in town, this is the option I’d most strongly recommend you take. The fuck shows have become quite boring for me but the sight of a gaggle of fem bar boys beating the crap out of a fussy old queen is something no one ever tires of.

4. Ignore His Flaccid State and Pleas; Force Yourself On Him Anyway.
Did you know Thailand leads the world in penis mutilation by a sex partner? Just saying.

Always tell your sexpat buddies about a bar boy who is a dud ‘cuz your satisfaction is surely their top concern.

5. Send Him To The Shower And Steal His Cell Phone When He’s Not Looking.
Yeah, I know payback is always sweet. But duds are not to be trusted; he probably stole your cell phone too and got away with a newer and better model. On the plus side, at least you will have gotten fucked.

6. Accept The Lack of Orgasm, But Demand He Pose Naked for Your Camera, And Then Upload All Those Pix On The Internet. Or At Least Email Them To Me.
I’ve never actually heard of this approach being used, but thought I’d throw it out there because there can never be too many pictures of hot naked Thai men on the internet. Or on my computer.

7. Recognize He Too Is Human And May Be Just Having An Off Night.
That’s nice. You probably believe in world peace too. And undoubtedly the boys often tell you what a good heart you have. The nice thing about this attitude is that if you go back to his bar again the stud who was a dud will have a long line of his friends for you to off. You’ll never achieve an orgasm, but just think how well you’ll think about yourself. Interesting how masturbation does not always require the involvement of your dick, huh?

Not happy with his performance? Let the boy know, he is sure to empathize with you.

8. Wave A Thousand Baht Note Under His Nose And Watch Him Rise To The Occasion.
Note that this trick only works on new bar boys and never in Pattaya. The experienced and those whose crappy karma landed them in Pattaya all know there is no way your cheap ass is ever gonna hand over that amount of cash. Okay, so yes, in Thailand money is an aphrodisiac, but a thousand baht or two is not always enough to gain the full cooperation of your boy du jour. An ATM card waved under his nose, however, will almost always do the trick.

9. Resort To Threats.
Similar to throwing a hissy fit, anguished cries filled with threats such as I’m going to tell your boss, I’m going to report you to the police, are always a good option. As long as your intent was to reward your dud with laughter. He knows that despite what you threaten to do you are no more likely to actually do those things than he was likely to perform to the degree he told you he would back in the bar.

10. Short Tip Him Just Enough That He’ll Know You’re Not Happy, And Shake Your Head In Deep Sorrow.
If you haven’t yet learned so, yelling, screaming, and becoming irate is not an acceptable release of your emotions in Thailand. It gets you nowhere. And any Thai who observes you ranting and carrying on will be embarrassed for you. That shouldn’t be news. All the guide books tell you this. But what no one bothers to explain is how you should act to show your displeasure. And the name of that game is shame. Reign in your inborn sense for drama, a subtle approach is required. He already knows he failed to live up to expectations and/or tried to pull a fast one. Now he’ll know you do too and that you are embarrassed to have witnessed his error in judgement and faulty behavior. This is the Thai equivalent of being kicked in the balls.

There are some things a bar boy will not do, that doesn’t necessarily make him a dud.

Your bonus option is one often offered by the punters on the Gay Thailand forums who like to appear level headed and above the fray. They say you should tip the guy as you normally would and be happy with whatever he was willing to do, even if that was nothing. Fine. Yes, you are dealing with a human being, not a commodity. But it is still a purchase and service is still service. If you ordered a Big Mac at McDonalds and got a Quarter Pounder instead, would you be just as happy to have been served junk food loaded with thousands of worthless calories that will lead you to an early death even though it was not the junk food loaded with thousands of worthless calories that will lead you to an early death that you wanted and paid for? No. You wouldn’t. And you’d let Ronald know about it too.

The idea that you should just be happy with however your evening turns out is a false humanity. The meek may inherit the earth, but they’ll never be sexually satisfied. Failing to take the boy to task makes you complicit in the increase of bar boys who fail to perform but expect to be handed a big wad of baht anyway. And as much as I hate to think about diving into your sloppy seconds, that means I may some day be dealing with the dud you rewarded for poor service. And know that we’re talking about my orgasm, it just ain’t funny anymore.

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar Dos And Don'ts For The Newbie: The Hotel Room Edition

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar Dos And Don’ts For The Newbie: The Hotel Room Edition

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers' Guide Part V

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part V

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part VII

08 Thursday Mar 2012

Posted by in Dancing With the Devil, Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide

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Let’s take a look at where we are . . .

How To Off A Bar Boy: A Different Kind of 12 Step Program

Let’s Review . . .

You undoubtedly know how to get yourself off – which will come in handy in case you pick out a dud to spend the night with while on holiday in Bangkok – but may not be familiar with how to off a bar boy from one of Thailand’s gay gogo bars. I’ve covered 90% of that process in these First Timer’s Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars posts, but not in an easy to use basic step by step instructional manner. Normally, I wouldn’t care. But a recent reader asked for the process to be explained and rather than answer a newbie’s question I wanted to tell him to go read the applicable post. Not having an applicable post made that difficult. So I deleted his comment instead.

Telling a newbie to go look it up rather than provide the information he is after is a tradition on all the gay Thailand message boards. Being able to take part in that curt, abrupt, and often rude tradition of abuse is something I do not want to be left out of. So here’s my step by step process for offing a boy from a gogo bar in Bangkok. (You need not read it now, I will link to it hundreds of times in the future when other newbies ask.)

1. Pick a bar, any bar. The one a barker shoves you into while you are walking down soi Twilight acting like you had no idea the street was filled with establishments offering naked men to ogle or to order as take out will work fine. If this is your first visit even if that bar’s boys are not the kind of guys who curl your toes, you’ll still be in heaven.

2. As a customer you have a right upon entering the bar to check it out and make sure it is to your liking. As Thais, those working in the bar have the right to treat you like fresh meat. They are better at being Thai than you will ever be at being a customer, so just go with it.

3. You will be shown to a seat facing the stage. Quit staring at the naked guys on stage and sit down. Once seated, start staring at the naked guys on stage.

Most bar’s walls are mirrored so the boys can fake looking at you while staring at themselves.

4. A staff member will ask you what you want to drink. You probably will not understand their question. The drink is a gift from the bar in exchange for you paying a overcharge for watching the show. The longer you sit there, the more cover charges you will pay. The price is fixed. It does not matter if you order water, champagne, or a Johnnie Walker Blue. Except that they will know what water is and god knows what you’ll get as a whiskey. Mixed drinks and shots will all be of the cheapest brand of liquor available in Thailand. Which is probably illegal to sell in your home country. Your best bet is a Singha, a local beer. It will come in a bottle and you don’t then have to be concerned of when the glass you’d otherwise get had been last washed. Because it never has been.

Your cover charge that you mistakenly thought of as the price for a drink will run you somewhere around $10. Don’t bitch about the price, you are a newbie. Ten years from now when you are an experienced and jaded customer – often referred to as an expat – you can let the world know what a cheap bastard you are and bitch non-stop about how much drinks costs at gogo bars. But that’s an honor that has to be earned. You are not there yet.

5. The stage will be filled with hot and not-so-hot young and not-so-young Thai men wearing skimpy underwear. They all stand staring vacantly into space. We call this dancing. They call it work. The boys will slowly rotate around the stage so that you can weigh the pluses and minuses of each of them much as you would when buying cattle. If the stage is in the middle of the bar, they will face in each direction during some point of the rotation. This is so that tops can check out the important part to them and bottoms can check out the important parts to them. It also keeps the boys from falling asleep. If the bar is too small for a center stage, mirrors on the wall will allow you front and rear viewing opportunities.

The boys ‘dance’ in their briefs. It’s a good idea to wait for the Big Cock Show before choosing a partner for the evening.

6. The guys on stage will all be wearing numbered badges. This is neither their age or size. It is their name. The other name they use is made up too and for you will be unpronounceable, so just get used to calling your new best buddy twenty-eight. The number system is so that you can identify which boy you are interested in to a mamasan. It also comes in handy when making your list of potential boys. Unless you fall into lust, take your time in selecting a boy. Depending on the size of the bar’s stable there may be several different stages full of guys to choose from and you don’t want to commit to one when a better boy may come along later. On the other hand, they are cheap and it’s just as easy to buy a few.

7. When you have made your selection tell the annoying staff member who has been screeching, “You want boy?” in your ear which you want. You have a 60% chance of getting the guy you indicated. You also have a 90% chance of never reaching this stage of the transaction. Thais are helpful people and are concerned about making your visit to their country as enjoyable as possible. At the bar, many helpful boys will come sit by you without your having ever shown any intention.

8. Regardless of how he got there, the boy will greet you with the traditional Thai welcome of, “Where you from?” He’ll follow that up with “Where you stay?” and “How long you stay Bangkok?” Depending on your answers he may start playing with your crotch, or run away screeching in terror. These questions provide him with the important information about you. Where you are from tells him culturally how big of a tipper you are and what type of disgusting perverted sexual acts you will be interested in. Where you are staying tells him how rich, or how cheap you are. How long your holiday is tells him how many nights he can expect to book you as a customer.

If you do not like the boy and do not want him to stay with you, when he asks where you are from tell him India. He will leave immediately. And you may be asked to leave the bar. If that didn’t work, tell him you are staying in a shared room at a hostel in Khaosan. If he hasn’t fled by then quickly add that your six room mates are all from India and share everything.

Public nudity is illegal in Thailand, so gogo bars make sure their stable of boys are properly covered at all times.

If you like the boy and he does not find you repulsive, meaning you seem to have some cash, the only thing either of you are interested in is cutting the deal and heading back to your hotel. The bar will want you to buy him a drink first. His too is a cover charge. Even though he is in the show.

9. Before you leave the bar with the meat you selected, you will pay for your drinks, the drinks you bought for boys, the drinks you bought for waiters, and the drinks you bought for the mamasan and/or captain. You will also pay for drinks that magically appeared on your bill though never served to anyone. On top of the charges for booze, you will also pay an ‘off fee’ or bar fine. The amount depends on the bar but will be between 300 and 500 baht. Since fives are easier to add, expect your off fee to be at the higher end of the scale.

During your evening at the bar, as you bought drinks for yourself and all of your new friends, the waiter has skipped a piece of scribbled on paper into your check bin, a small round cup sitting on the table in front of you. The off fee bill will be added to your check bin, and then a mamasan will add up the amounts on the papers. She will use her fingers and toes to do so. If she is a ladyboy, she may use her dick to carry the one. When the mamasan frowns, it means she lost count. Then she will pull a number out of the air as your total.

Your change will be returned in a check wallet, loaded down with coins. Every Thai in the bar, including customers will look at you for a tip. You might want to review the specific post on this blog about tipping at gogo bars to find out just how many of them should be tipped, and how much. Or save yourself the time and follow local custom: Thais do not tip.

In your room your boy will want to wear a towel. He’s shy. Even though you watched him perform sexual acts on stage an hour ago.

10. Back at your hotel after tipping the hotel front desk – a tip known as a joiner fee which is a service charge to thank the hotel for pimping its rooms out – you and your boy du jour will finally be alone. Now that he can devote all of his attention to you, he’ll ignore you preferring the company of your television instead. Go take a shower. A cold shower is not a bad idea because there is a good choice the guy you picked out is a dud and you won’t be getting any.

When you are clean it is time to be direct: tell your boy to go shower. He knows this means the main event is to start up. An hour later, and after you have mopped up all the water flooding out of the bathroom, you’ll finally get what you paid for. Good luck with that.

11. When you are done, your boy will shower again to rinse the stench of you off of him. When he is through and dressed he will head towards the door and then pause. This is when you tip him. The boy will not have change, make sure you have the amount you’ve decided to tip readily available. Most boys will take your money, wai, and depart. Some will take your money, ask for more, pout when you do not give them more, and then wai, and depart. Congrats. You just hired yourself a prostitute, possibly the first time in your life you have ever done so. Live with it. Tomorrow night, and for many years in the future, you will be doing it again.

12. Repeat as necessary, or up until the time your plane departs.

<<< Previous First Timer’s Guide To Bangkok Gay Gogo Bars Post

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers' Guide Part IV

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part VI

21 Tuesday Feb 2012

Posted by in Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide

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Bangkok gay gogo bars

The Care and Feeding Of Mamasans

Like unicorns, sasquatch, and the Loch Ness Monster, in a Bangkok gay gogo bar the rumor of a helpful mamasan is generally considered a myth. I have met one though. Once. In over twenty years of visits to Thailand’s bar world. You should not expect to be as lucky. At best, you can hope to run across one who is indifferent. She’ll still demand a tip, but for the most part will leave you alone. More likely, you’ll meet the typical mamasan, pushy, aggressive, rude, and imperious. She can suck the fun out of a visit to a gogo bar quicker than a Hoover on steroids.

As a newbie to Bangkok’s gay gogo bar world, you probably are wondering what a mamasan is, how to spot one, and more importantly how to avoid one. This portion of The First Timer’s Guide To Bangkok Gay Go Go Bars will help you with the former. Good luck on the latter. Your karma just ain’t the good.

Mamasans, or Captains – a disguise they frequently adopt to fool the unsuspecting – are almost always male these days. Even in the good old days when they weren’t, they still were. Whether mamasans today are dressed like a diva or in a suit to fool you into thinking they are a fine upstanding citizen and not devil spawn, we still call them a mamasan. It’s more polite than blood sucking scum of the earth. In most cases, when you first enter a bar it will be a mamasan who taxes her mental capabilities in finding you a seat. Yes, there are only four other customers in a bar built to seat over a hundred, but don’t scoff. This still requires a highly developed skill set, and eight times out of ten she’ll manage to pull it off.

The bar is usually dark when you enter, a bone thrown to you by management because you really don’t want to see what you are getting yourself into. If the mamasan can remember how, she’ll turn on a small penlight as she guides you to your seat. The light is not so you can see trip hazards. It’s so she can spot any stray satang that slipped out of a customer’s pocket. Once seated an employee who actually has value, the waiter, will take your drink order leaving the mamasan free to begin abusing assisting you.

Now that you are officially a customer and the bar has begun to make money out of you, the mamasan will honor your new-found status by giving you a warm Thai greeting, using one of the country’s standard phrases of welcome, “You want boy?”

You may think this is a stupid question. It’s not. It’s a stupid person asking it. You may have wandered in to order a Big Mac, pick up one of those cute same same but different T shirts, or book a flight on Air Asia for all she knows. That you’d come to the bar to actually off a boy may be a complete surprise to her. Or to you. Regardless, you need to reply with a firm, : No!” Don’t worry, you won’t blow your chance at offing a boy, the mamasan will be back like clockwork to ask you again and again until she’s worn you down to the point you have no choice in the matter. In the meantime, you can enjoy the show and check out the half-naked guys on stage.

The mamasan position traditionally has been one to assist customers in selecting a mate for the night. Once you’ve had your fill of eye candy and are ready to move on to the purchase part of your evening, it’s time to signal the mamasan. The mamasan is Thai, so now that you need something she will employ the national pastime employed by all service personnel in Thailand of gazing everywhere in the room except in your direction. Your best bet is to pick up your check bin and start rifling through the papers. Nothing garners a mamasan’s attention quicker than a customer paying attention to the fanciful figures she’s been jotting down on his drink tab.

You may be shy about telling the mamasan exactly what type of boy you want and what disgusting sexual acts you want him to perform. Don’t be. She’s heard it all before. It’s her job to listen to your request. You don’t want to be disappointed in your selection, so let the mamasan know exactly what you want: thin or muscular; top, bottom, or in-between; young or old; how big of dick, and the aforementioned disgusting sex acts you foolishly think you’ll find a Thai willing to engage in. The mamasan knows her boys and will listen carefully to your order before calling the perfect boy over for you.

You may notice that though you asked for a young, muscular, stud with a humongous cock, the mamasan called over an old, thin fem whose basket looks as empty as Greece’s national treasury. It’s not that she didn’t understand you (though she didn’t because she actually knows very little English) but rather this is one of the boys she has abused to the point he is willing to give her a portion of his tip money. You may have mistakenly thought that as a customer your needs would be the priority. They aren’t. It’s not about you, it’s about her. And her bank account.

Satisfied that she now will be making money off of someone, the mamasan will probably flash her award winning smile at you. Yes, it looks more like a painful grimace, but the mamasan job is not an easy one and after spending an evening inflicting obnoxious pain on everyone within eyesight, all of that negativity builds up inside of you too. In most cases, a healthy belch will rid her of the problem and unclear her mind enough that she can tally up your check bin.

Most mamasans are longtime employees because even the bar manager is afraid of dealing with her. So she has been adding the cost of two drinks and an off for over five years. Multiple times each night. She has not got the total right in all that time, so don’t expect her to add those nice round numbers correctly for you either. Besides, how much your bill totals is not important. How much you tip her is.

Mamasans have an ingrained sense about customers and can recognize cheap bastards. Thrifty minded bar patrons do not like to tip mamasans. Since no customers like to tip mamasans, in her mind all patrons are cheap and need to be taught how to show proper respect and reverence to the staff. You may think that means being polite and not diddling the boys. Ha. The mamasan doesn’t care what you do to the boys as long as you cough up cash. She’ll help by insisting you buy every worthless boy she summons on your behalf a drink. Seldom will she ask a customer to buy her a drink. Often she will just order one and charge you for it.

You may decide the steady succession of drinks you’ve been purchasing for the mamasan and her crew is tip enough. But not tipping the mamasan means confrontation. And all Thais avoid direct confrontation at all costs. Especially when that cost comes out of your pocket. If the mamasan senses you will be a difficult customer, she’ll pick out a boy for you who will make up for it on the back-end. He’ll be the one who demands an extra 500 baht for a taxi after you’ve tipped him for your night of fun. If she called it wrong and actually selected a winner for you, back at your hotel just about when you see an orgasm in sight, she’ll call the boy on his cell phone and demand he return immediately to the bar. You can avoid the latter, but probably not the former, by topping the bitch 100 baht when you leave the bar.

Yes, this is not a tip. It is extortion. But then Thais do not believe in tipping. They believe in tea money. Consider your hundred baht as money well spent on a cultural experience while holidaying in Thailand.

Now that you realize that dealing with a mamasan is a less enjoyable experience than a root canal, and possibly just as costly, it’s time to learn some payback. If you are not the kind of person who gets enjoyment out of causing discomfort to others, you will be by the time you are done dealing with a mamasan. So read on.

Here are a few of my favorite tricks to get value out of the money the mamasan extorts from you:

1. The absolute worst insult to a Thai (other than not tipping when asked to) is to point the bottom of your feet at them. This is a major cultural no-no. It stems from historical times (like last week) when Thais were all involved in rural activities like farming. Shoeless, they plowed their fields walking slowly behind their beast of burden. Which would either be their eldest daughter or if the family was rich – meaning they have a child working the gogo bars in Bangkok or Pattaya – the family’s water buffalo. In either case, by the end of the day they’ve been walking in shit and their feet are covered in the stuff. Today, even to a non-rural Thai that memory is fresh. So is the smell of dung. It’s a nasty memory and having someone point the sole of their feet at them is the same as spitting in their face.

So anytime the mamasan approaches you, lean back, cross one leg over the other, and show her the bottom of one of your feet. Though it is a major insult, she will assume you don’t know this and will force herself not to react. Try not to giggle, it’ll give your game away. Try not to have an open bottle anywhere near you either because the mamasan will retaliate by pouring herself yet another drink off your dime. The insult is not as satisfying when it costs you cash.

2. Embrace the mamasan within you and empty your mind. Put an oblivious look on your face and go hit the restroom. You will not want to actually enter the restroom, the last customer who did died in there and their body has been rotting away for the last three years. That or someone who’d been eating durian all day just dropped a bomb. When you are done with your fake business, go grab a seat on the other side of the bar.

When the mamasan realizes you have vanished, she’ll panic. The mamasan will start scanning the room for you, but her gaze will pass you by. All farang look and smell the same to Thais. The mamasan will only recognize you by your wallet. So keep it hidden.

The cheap bastards who successfully manage this ploy may think they can then skip out without paying the check-bin. Your win was causing the mamasan to experience human emotion. Quit while you are ahead. By now she will have alerted the entire staff and half of the local police force of her missing customer. If you head for the door, you will be spotted. And your happy ending will not be so happy. Though it may be your final ending. Just sit in your new spot, within ten minutes a different mamasan will smell the fresh meat in her section and you’ll get to play with a new contestant.

3. Mamasans make money off the bar, the farang, and the boys. While every employee in a gay gogo bar is technically offable, mamasans do not want to be offed. Doing so puts a crimp in their income stream. One of the best ways to get a pushy mamasan to leave you alone is to tell her how much you want to off her. If she doesn’t run away screaming in terror immediately, explain in great detail every disgusting thing you want to do with her. Don’t use your own sexual fantasies. Describe what your father used to do to your mother instead.

4. Mamasans have to be proficient in English to land their position at the bar. That means they have learned at least one more additional phrase of English than the typical bar boy. That phrase is usually, “Tip me!” But like many Thais who have failed to master the English language, mamasans have mastered the look that says she understands what you are saying. You may even run across a mamasan who understands as much as 10% of what you utter. Regardless of their proficiency, when it comes to comprehension, all mamasans face the same stumbling block: numbers.

Because it is rude to point in Thailand, the bar has each boy wear a numbered badge on his skimpy underwear. Many use their badge to hide the fact that in the meat department they are lacking. Others use it to make it easy to identify where they have stuffed the cell phone last night’s customer bought them. The mamasan is supposed to use the numbered badge to identify the boy that you want her to bring to your table.

This trick is not a good one to use if there is a boy you actually want to off. But then since 90% of the bar’s stable is composed of ugly little street urchins, no problemo. Pick out a boy whose badge has double digits on it. Mamasans can only add to 10. In English or Thai. Larger numbers stump them. If you ask for boy #84, she will not be able to identify which boy that is. And panic will once again set in.

The mamasan will try and foist off one of her twinks on you anyway, but be firm and keep repeating, “84.” Your heart will be warmed by the consternation you are causing her. After you have repeated 84 a few dozen times, switch to 48. It’s possible she was coming close to having a brain synapse and might have hit on the right two number combination soon. If she does miraculously hit on the right boy, quickly hand her your check bin. Having to deal with additional number will throw her off her game and you may be able to slip away during the ensuing melee, allowing you to return and do battle with a mamasan again in the future.

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers' Guide Part VIII

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part VIII

Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part V

30 Friday Dec 2011

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Bangkok gay go go bars

Gratuitous Gratuities In Gogo Bars

Tipping is not customary in Thailand. All the guidebooks, both online and in print, will tell you that this western custom is not the norm in the Kingdom. And, in Thailand, prostitution is illegal too. So of course you’ll never run across prostitutes on your visit. Nor will any Thai ask, or expect, a tip from you. But Thailand’s gay gogo bars are a world of their own. In Bangkok, that world is centered on Soi Twilight. Where you’ll find establishments full of prostitutes. And everyone involved in the business not only expects to be tipped, but will demand a gratuity from you. Hopefully, you’ll at least get an orgasm out of it.

Undoubtedly the most often asked question about tipping and gay gogo bars in Thailand is: how much? That’d be how much to tip the guy you took back to your hotel room. I’m not gonna tell you. Actually it’s not that I won’t, but rather I already have. Go hunt that post down if you must. This post, instead, is about all of the other guys – as well as those who once were guys – who will expect you to tip them. The easy rule of hand is to tip everyone. You’ll be a popular customer and all the boys will talk about what a big heart you have. All of the other customers, most of whom are expats, will talk about what a jerk you are and about how you are ruining their world. Don’t worry about it. Those guys grumble about everything anyway. The trick is to tip enough and to the right people to not be confused with an expat, and to not overtip to the point that all of the boys mark you as a sucker. Regardless of the years you’ve spent gaining that reputation.

So fill your pockets full of baht and get ready, here’s your definitive guide to tipping in Bangkok’s gay gogo bars:

Barkers & Touts: These are the guys who grab various parts of your body as you saunter down the soi trying to decide which bar to enter. Most visitors hate these guys. It’d be different if they grabbed the parts of you that you’re planning on having grabbed, but that you’ll have to wait for until you are inside a bar.

Veteran bar goers scoff at the idea of tipping barkers. Shooting them, yes. Handing over some cash? Not so much. But if you consider that tipping in the gay gogo bar world is more about extortion than gratitude, tipping the soi’s touts is a smart move. After doing so, the next time you stroll down the street they’ll be less aggressive and will greet you with a warm smile instead of pulling your arm off.

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Captains: In theory, mamasans and captains are the same. In practice, captains don’t become mamasans until they master the trick of being overly aggressive, pushy, demanding, and greedy. Oh, and extremely annoying. So while most captains are mamasans, for now we’ll pretend they are actually part of the human race and are there to help you. That won’t last long.

The captain will be the first person you meet when you enter the bar. His job is to direct you to a seat. The bars are seldom so crowded you actually need help finding a seat, but the bars have learned that without a captain to direct traffic, newbies only make it as far as the first few steps into a bar. Then they stand there, dropped jaw, mesmerized by the naked and hard studs on stage. This would not be a problem except there is no money in it for the bar, so they’ve learned to help you to a seat where you can order a drink and start emptying your wallet.

It is not unusual at an entertainment venue to tip the person who seats you to score the best seat in the house. But this is Thailand. So fuck that. As the evening progresses you’ll have plenty of opportunities to tip staff members, no reason to jump in quite yet. Besides, it’s time for you to establish who is boss. The captain will lead you to either a chair at stage side, or to a spot on one of the benches, making other customers scoot over while half of the tables are still empty. Ignore him. It’s good practice for when he transforms into a mamasan.

The stage-side seats at first glance appear to be prime viewing. But sitting there means you’ll spend your evening staring up at the naked boys and you’ll spend the next day trying to find a chiropractor to fix the crick in your neck (you’d think with all the massage places in town you’d be able to find relief easily, but all of those places are in business to give you a different kind of relief). Sitting at stage-side also exposes you to various body fluids that tend to fly around once the show starts. The view from a few feet back is not only better, but safer too.

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Thais are comfortable with what is familiar to them and since the captain has been sitting customers at the same table all night he’ll direct you to one that is overcrowded and overflowing. You do not want to sit there. Most of those potential tablemates are not really people you want to associate with. Plus, you will want plenty of empty space around you to fill with boys. So head in the opposite direction instead and stake out your claim at an empty table.

Waiters: After sitting down the captain will take your drink order. It will be brought to you by a waiter. In most bars all around the world it is customary to tip your waiter. Usually for each round. Thais have not yet figured this out and there is no reason for you to help them add to their tipping repertoire. Accept your drink and keep your wallet where it belongs.

The exception to this rule is when you’ve checked out all of the boys on stage and decided they all suck. Before you head off to a different bar for a better selection of meat, take a minute and check out your waiter. He may just be exactly what you have in mind. Just because he is not standing naked on stage does not mean he is not available. He is, after all, Thai. You’ll pay the bar a higher fee for offing him than you would for one of the bar boys, but waiters are usually much less jaded and have not learned how to screw you without having to screw you. Yet.

If you don’t off your waiter, at the end of your time in the bar he’ll be the employee who brings you your change. He will make sure your change is lots of worthless coins and almost as worthless small bills. The bars know guys hate coins and most will leave them as a tip regardless of how much they add up to. Don’t be surprised if your change includes coins worth several hundred baht.

A lot of customers are cheap bastards and do not leave anything as a tip, so whatever you tip will be fine. Depending on how long you sat at the bar, how cute the waiter is, and if you have a boy you are offing (who will watch to see how much you tip so he can establish how much extra to ask you for to cover his taxi after your orgasm), an acceptable tip is between 20 and 100 baht. Though if you leave 100 baht on purpose, you’ll be the first person that month to do so.

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The tip you leave in the check wallet does not go to your waiter. No matter how cute he is. It goes to the ‘house’ and is supposed to be split among the waitstaff at the end of the evening. Good luck with that. If you want to tip your waiter and not the bar manager and owner, hand the check wallet back to him (with or without coins) and then place your tip directly in his hand. He gets to keep what you fork over in this manner.

It’s considered rude to tip your waiter by shoving a few bills down his pants while you cop a feel. Rude, but not unheard of. You may weigh the chance that others will think you are rude against the opportunity to molest a hot Thai guy and decide it’s worth it. Then go for it. Play dumb (you never know when a bar is looking to hire a new mamasan), you’ll get the same insincere wai that those who thought they should abide by their moral code while in a whorehouse do. Your stiffy is on the house.

Boys on Stage: If Thais were able to obtain visas for travel to other countries they’d be more clued in to tipping customs in the rest of the world. Lucky for you, they are not. While elsewhere it is customary for patrons to stuff bills in gogo boys’ g-strings while they are performing on stage, in Thailand this is not a normal practice. Even if you reach up and fondle a boy, tipping him while on-stage is not required. Fondling him while he is on stage is not required either, and is in fact not appreciated. That’s what the empty spot next to you is for. But if you can not control yourself, well, it’s amazing what a 100 baht will do toward smoothing a Thai’s ruffled feathers.

Boys Sitting With You: Unlike a boy on stage, when you are fondling one sitting with you, a tip is required. Even if you are too shy to play with the merchandise. The bar would rather you buy the boy a drink. The boy would rather you give him cash. Actually, the boy would rather you off him and give him lots of cash, but if instead you decide to throw him back into the pond, you should tip him for his time. 20 baht is plenty for a short, non-fondling chat. 100 baht is generous if you played with him; it’s not like he gave you a blow job. Unless he did give you a blow job. Then you may want to tip a bit more.

Bangkok gay gogo bar

Screeching Queens: You need not, however, tip a boy who approached you on his own. Invariably, these are the fem boys who screech out a ‘Sawaaaatdeeeee kaaaaaaaa’ when they plant their ass next to you. If you lack taste in men and like this kind of boy, then feel free to keep him with you and tip him for his time. If on the other hand he makes you consider going straight, your duty is to convince him to leave you alone, not to tip him.

Getting rid of an unwanted companion at a gay gogo bar in Thailand is not easy. Little screeching queens all want to be fabulous ladyboys when they grow up, but usually become mamasans instead. Ignorance is something they are earnestly striving to master. If you try and send one on his way by saying something like, “No thank you,” it will not work. Do not be polite. His English speaking skills may be minimal, so sign language is your best form of communication. And you have several choices. The most polite is a brushing away gesture with your hand. This works best with an look of extreme disgust on your face. A quicker acting gesture, and one everyone understands, is an emphatically thrown middle finger. Best yet is the ‘two fingers in your mouth, gag reflex in use’ gesture which is also understandable the world over. The plus with using this gesture is he’ll screech in horror as he scurries away. Which is entertaining in its own right.

Boys on Your Lap: Closely related to the screeching queen is the other screeching queen who demands a tip while he is spread across your lap while being fucked by one of his bar mates. If you are too drunk to identify this tipping opportunity, the screeching queen will help you out by yelling, “Tip Meeeeeeee!” in your face. Well, actually at your crotch. This is not a tip, it is extortion. Get over it and tip him quickly so he moves on to the next sucker. Unfortunately, they don’t make 10 baht notes, so you’ll have to waste a green bill to free yourself from this horror.

You may wonder how the fucking act decides which customers get their attention. Which really means you may be wondering how to avoid having a little Thai ladyboy wannabe getting fucked on your lap. Simple. The customers who have tipped the captain for showing them to a seat, tipped the waiter every time he brought a drink, and tipped every screeching queen who planted their ass next to him, are the ones they zero in on. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and guys who tip too much at gay gogo bars.

Bangkok gay go go bars

Boys Massaging You: Whether you called a boy over, bought him drinks and tipped him, or were too big of a pussy to send the little screeching queens fleeing from your presence, if the boys in the bar note you are handing out baht they will flock to you. Throwing a bit of cash around means half of the boys will soon be surrounding you. When the good tip-getting spots are taken and a boy is already sitting on each side of you, others will stand behind you, to your side, or in front of you and massage your neck, your hands, and/or your legs (all three of them).

As with most services in the bar whether you allow this is up to you. But if you do, again, it is customary to tip the boys working on your body parts. 20 baht per boy is fine. Maybe 100 baht to the one kneeling in front of you if he kept his hands behind his back.

Boys in the Toilet: In many of the gay gogo bars you’ll also get a shoulder or neck massage when you are trying to take a piss in the toilet. I’m not sure how this custom started, or who thought a guy would enjoy a neck massage when he is trying to empty his bladder, but there ya go. Much like the screeching queens who get fucked on your lap, consider the toilet massage extortion, hand over a 20 baht note and pray the sucker leaves you alone so you can pee in peace.

The toilet massage guys are not exactly at the top of the pecking order in the bar and some become quite aggressive in their pursuit of a tip. Amazingly, they have not figured out they could get a big tip by dropping to their knees, but instead will just keep mauling your upper body in an effort to get more baht out of you. If the first 20 baht didn’t do the trick and they still won’t leave you alone, do not fall for their additional extortion attempts. You’re already armed, just direct your flow in his direction and he’ll get the idea. Or you’ll find the sole kinky Thai in Bangkok.

Bangkok gay go go bars

The Boy You Take Home: All those 20 baht tips you’ve been handing out for attention, or to be left alone, add up. If you’ve been careful, you may have enough money left to actually off a boy and take him back to your hotel with you. If you do, you probably have sex on the mind. Everyone else has more tips in mind.

The mamasan who tallies up your check bin, with off fee included, will ask for a tip. Not because she did anything to earn it, but because she’s learned that being pushy works with most Westeners. Even though she expended the least amount of effort out of all of the bar employees you tipped during your visit, she will expect 100 baht as a tip. Ignore her.

Giving money to mamasans only encourages them. She is going to demand some of the tip you give to your boy when he returns to the bar anyway. Besides, when she was younger she dreamed of a fabulous future as a ladyboy on stage, Instead she grew old and ugly and could only find employment as a mamasan. So she’s used to being disappointed. It’d be cruel of you to hold out some hope by giving her a tip, allow her to wallow in her misery while she reflects on what it was she did in a previous life to have come back as a mamasan in this one. That can count as the cultural experience for your trip.

When you get back to your hotel, unless you have been careful about where you booked, the hotel too will want a tip. They call theirs a joiner fee. It’s a tip for using your room for sex and is usually a fixed-price, anywhere from 400 to 1,000 baht and more. The hotel acts as a pimp and pimps are the only Thais you’ll run across who refuse to negotiate price. So don’t bother. Pay up. You really don’t want to waste time in the lobby when all the fun will be up in your room anyway.

Bangkok gay go go bars

Lastly, of course, is the boy himself. I already told you I’m not using this post to discuss appropriate tips for your boy d jour. But as big of a concern for newbies as how much is when. This is the part of the night where fantasy takes off and forking over cash ruins that fantasy for may customers. Fortunately, the custom in Thailand is to pay for the goods after delivery. You tip the boy after he is dressed and ready to leave. This also allows you to decide how much to tip, depending on how good of a time you had. Or how badly you hurt him.

Some guys feel most comfortable leaving the tip on the dresser (but if you do you will have to point to it). Most slip the tip to the guy just before he walks out the door. Surprisingly, most boys will take your tip without counting it, wai, smile, and leave. Not surprisingly, others count it carefully, and then, regardless of how much you tipped, ask for more. They usually will ask for money for a taxi as the excuse for more baht. You can avoid feeling like you have to give your boy more cash by making sure the tip you give includes a handful of smaller baht notes. The greedy ones will still ask, but you already got yours so ignore their pleas of poverty.

Outside of Bangkok: As a newbie you may not yet have made it to the sex tourist capital of the world, Pattaya. Tipping in Pattaya is different than tipping in Bangkok, or in any other city or town in Thailand. In Pattaya, you’ll be expected to tip everywhere you go because the entire town is a brothel. At the same time, Pattaya attracts the biggest number of cheap bastards, so being stiffed on a tip is par for the course.

You can quickly go broke tipping in Pattaya, so embrace the cheap bastard within you; no worries, you’ll blend into the crowd. A good trick if you do not want to be constantly hassled for a tip, is to learn a few phrases of Russian. Then no one will expect a tip out of you. Nor will they want to have anything to do with you. Even to a Thai, there are somethings one just doesn’t do for any amount of money.

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Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar First Timers’ Guide Part IV

29 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by in Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide

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The Art And Science Of Being A Butterfly

thai gay gogo bar boy

Butterflys are free, on-going relationships with Thai bar boys are expensive.

For total newbies, ‘butterfly’ is the term the local boys use to refer to customers who flit from one guy to the next. Variety may be the spice of life, but to a bar boy it means a loss of tip money. Bangkok bar boys do not like butterflies. Usually. If a bar boy urges you to become a butterfly, offering a line-up of his bar mates for you to off in his stead, you may want to reconsider your daily hygiene regime. That you are old, fat, bald, have a tiny dick or a grumpy disposition will not rule you out for the honor of being a repeat customer. Being badly in need of a bath will.

If you are a cheap bastard, you won’t be invited for seconds either, but the boy won’t pawn you off to his friends; on your next visit to his bar, the mamasans, waiters, and the entire stable of boys will ignore you instead. A bit of soap will take care of the first problem, rereading any one of my posts about the cost of a night’s companionship at a gay gogo bar in Bangkok should set you straight if squeezing the last satang out of a baht is your preference.

You’d think spending a few hours with a Thai bar boy would be much the same as any other commercial sex scene elsewhere in the world. And there are many similarities. But it’s the differences that make the Thai gogo bar world so extraordinary. Elsewhere a rent boy may appreciate repeat business, in Bangkok bar boys live for landing a multiple off customer. But it’s not just repeat business they are after. They also are looking for a sponsor, someone willing to take care of them. And their financial needs. And the financial needs of their family. And the financial needs of their friends. If you fall on the side of a potential sponsor, the last thing a Thai bar boy wants to find out is that you prefer to float like a butterfly.

Thai gay gogo bar boy

Thai bar boys will always tell you that they are a simple farm boy in search of love. In truth, they are devious little bastards who love to pull the wings off butterflies.

The species of butterflies known to Thai bar boys are customers who want a different guy every night. Forget the possibility of a life-long commitment to his bank account, a butterfly means he’s not going to even score a second night. Butterflies are not a popular breed of customer in Thailand, but bar boys are used to the strange ways of farang and will accept that they netted a butterfly with no ill-will as long as you pay attention to a few social rules of the road.

You may think that if you paid your money, there is no obligation on your part to play the game according to bar boy rules. And while you are right in this belief, failing to observe a few simple rules can mean your experiences on future nights and with future guys will not be what you dreamed of. Misunderstandings are common; you speak English, he speaks bar boy so what you think you said may not be what he heard. Here are 10 tips that will help you navigate the world of Thai bar boys:, protect your butterfly status, and ensure your entire holiday is filled with wonderful sexcapades with a variety of hot studs:

gay gogo boy thailand

This may be the vision you see in your mind of the next morning when offing a bar boy long-time - meaning over night. His vision is similar; only your ass is draped in a pair of pants with a nice fat bulge in the rear pocket thanks to your wallet. A short-time off not only means a smaller tip, it means your wallet will only be opened once.

1. Short Times Makes For Best Times: Assuming you qualify as a customer the bar boy wants to see more of, nothing will kill his interest quicker than you only wanting a short-time off. To a bar boy interested in an extended business relationship, that’s the kiss of death. If you are not interested in spending the entire night with him, he knows you will not be interested in committing yourself to a life-long relationship either. Offing a guy for short time only will make quick work out of his plans for your future. The bar boy phrase for short time is ‘You come, I go’. The customer’s is ‘I come, you go’. An oft repeated gem of wisdom is that with a bar boy you are not paying him for sex, you are paying him to leave after the sex. Make sure your money is well spent.

2. Fess Up, It’s Good For The Soul: The only Thai word you need to know is ‘butterfly.’ Use it as soon as possible to establish your desire to keep your wings free. Your bar boy du jour has already decided to schedule you for companionship for the next few days; he knows how many days because back at the bar he asked you, “How long you stay Bangkok?” You probably thought he was just carrying on a conversation; he was determining just how good of a catch you were and how long he could possibly keep you as a customer. Set him straight from the get-go. At the bar when he asks your name, reply, “I butterfly.”

bar boy Thailand

To a Thai bar boy, the idea of tieing his time up is good. Actually tieing him up? Not so much.

3. Be Firm, But Polite: Pretty much anything you say a bar boy will take as a promise. You may try to be polite in answering his question of whether you want to see him again or not, but anything other than a firm ‘no’ quickly followed by, “I butterfly” will result in him thinking you are up for an extended relationship. If you didn’t decide to not off him again until after you bedded him, there is no reason to be rude about your plan to move onto greener pastures. You do not have to tell him he looked hotter in the dark of the bar or that he sucks dick like a lesbian. Bar boys are big on ‘face’, even when you’ve just shot your load on his. It’s not healthy to piss a bar boy off, so just make your claim of butterflyness and call it a night.

4. 1 + 1 = Forever: Often customers will off a guy for a night or two and then remember that variety is the spice of life. Bad mistake. By spending a second night with a bar boy you’ve signalled your interest in continuing the relationship. You now belong to him. Freeing yourself from his clutches will be messy, if not impossible. Hearing a Thai bar boy wail in agony and disappointment when the love of his life for the last two nights deserts him is a more grating sound than a pack of cats in heat. Or Thais singing traditional songs. Stick to a single off or face the consequences.

Thailand gay go go bar boy

Your view of a bar boy may be as a toy for your enjoyment, a night of pleasure boxed up in a neat little package. Cool. But play nice, don’t lie, and though he may be as cute as a doll, remember he is a fellow human being and deserves to be treated with respect, not like a sex toy. Short or long, you’ll have a much better time if you consider his feelings too.

5. It’s His Bar, Not Yours: Even if you’ve made your butterfly status clear, showing up the next night at the bar the boy you offed the previous night works at will get his hopes up. Not a good idea unless you want to have him immediately attach himself to you when you walk in the door. You will not be able to pick a new boy out from that bar’s stable. Besides he already told all of his bar mates all about you: how fat you were, how hairy, the size of your dick, the funny noise you made when you came … you’re better off hitting a new bar and starting with a fresh slate.

6. You Can Run, But You Can Not Hide: If you chickened out and told a bar boy you’d come to his bar again and off him for another night – meaning you lied – trying to avoid him by hitting a different bar will not work. Bar boys are all in tune with each other and he’ll be alerted to your presence in a bar even if it is one further down the soi. He will find you. Your sex life in Bangkok will be screwed. And not in a good way.

gay go go bar boy Thailand

Mirror, Mirror . . . Thai bar boys are always looking for a fortuitous sign that the farang they are with will lub and take care of them. For life. If you are a butterfly there is no need to shatter his dreams, but be clear that you believe variety is the spice of life.

7. Float Like A Butterfly, But Don’t Sting Like A Bee: Maybe you are an acceptable customer. Maybe your bar boy was a great lay. You can both be complementary about the other guy without committing yourself to a long term relationship. Just don’t use the ‘lub’ word. You do not have to be rude or abrupt in establishing your butterfly status. And should not be. It is neither necessary to make excuses or find fault. If you do, your bad rep will spread quickly through the bar boy world. Not being respectful of a bar boy one night will almost guarantee you land duds on the other nights you are out on the prowl.

8. Butterflies Are An Endangered Species, Protect Yourself From Extinction: Thai bar boys are not stupid. But they know farang are. You may tell a bar boy that you are a butterfly, but he’ll know better; that you just need a bit of encouragement to become tangled in his web. You may think announcing your status as a butterfly is enough, but it’s not. You need to be aware and continue to hold true to your desire to sample a different guy nightly. One slip of the tongue, one gaze of too lingering of a look is all it takes to confirm to the guy that you are hooked. Once he feels he’s landed you, you’re dead meat, your wings will have been clipped. Being a butterfly takes commitment. Failing to be strong results in a commitment.

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Be firm in your commitment to being a butterfly, there’s no reason to bend over and commit to multiple offs when all you want is one night in heaven.

9. Butterflies Are Free, Boyfriends Are Expensive: Many visitors are looking for a romantic adventure, to fall in love with a bar boy while visiting Thailand. That’s quite easy to accomplish. And there is nothing wrong with not playing the butterfly card. But, your financial obligation on repeated offs grows proportionally. He’ll need money for food and rent, his family’s buffalo may be ill, his cell phone will need replacing. Love is grand, but it costs. Being a butterfly means never having to pull your ATM card out of your wallet. Falling in love with a Thai bar boy means you better have made sure your bank account was well stocked before hopping on the plane. If your money runs out, you will get to be a butterfly whether that was your intention or not.

10. Try A Little Help From A Friend: Thai bar boys are first and foremost Thai. Their extended family pretty much encompasses everyone in the Kingdom. They consider their bar mates to be brothers and look after their well-being. If you have made it clear you are a butterfly, and qualified as a good customer, don’t be surprised if your guy suggests one of his friends for your next night’s bout of pleasure.

While you are under no obligation to follow his recommendation and off his friend, you may want to consider doing so. You will avoid having to establish your butterfly status, and will also avoid having to specify what it is you like or don’t like to do in bed. Your original bar boy will have already clued his buddy into every small detail about you. If the idea has no appeal, suggest instead that both guys join you back in your hotel room. The spectre of having to do disgusting things with a farang in front of a buddy will send most bar boys running. Then again, they may agree and you’ll be in for a real treat.

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