Windows 8 recently debuted and I thought I should stop by my local geek toy shop and check it out. It’s been ages since Bill Gates thought he should update his software for a reason other than lapses in security and as not-innovative as his company is, a major reworking of one of the most used computer program platforms was worth taking a look. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s Windows for iPhone 1.0. We now have apps instead of programs, pictures instead of file names, and your fingers are supposed to interact with the screen more than they do with the keyboard.

Granted, I’m still bemoaning the fact they replaced the C: prompt with a graphical based screen decades ago, but it seems to me Bill has sold out to the games/social media/surfing for porn crowd while ignoring the needs of those of us who still use those letter thingys on the keyboard. It’s nice that today’s computers have the computing capacity of yesterday’s Cray computers, but is that really necessary when all you do is surf for pictures of cute kittens?

Of course since geek blood runs through my veins my go-see-what-Windows 8-is-all-about trip turned into buying another new lap top. I really didn’t need a new one even though the ‘a’ and ‘h’ keys on my old keyboard are just big black empty spots. There was probably a more economical fix to that little problem than dropping three grand on a new computer. But I have poor impulse control, and seeing Sony’s latest Vaio in person affects me in the same way as seeing a hot new muscle stud at Tawan. I just gotta have it. The only difference between the two is that with a bar boy I at least take a few minutes to do due diligence before making a buy.

Whodathunk that in giving in to the kitty surfers Bill would have not bothered to support Adobe software? I mean it’s Adobe, not some little software company no one ever heard of. But Bill decided that Windows 8 users have no need for Photoshop. You can not load it to a computer running Windows 8. And if you can’t use Photoshop, you sure in the hell can’t use PageMaker either. Coming from a publishing background, I use PageMaker as my wordprocessing program of choice. Or at least I used to. It’s enough to make a grown man cry. Or go surfing for cute kitty pictures. Or if you are in Bangkok, go cruising for some pirated software at Pantip Plaza to make your world whole again.

Pantip Plaza is Thailand’s version of an XXX adult book store for the geek set. And since we are talking Bangkok, there’s plenty of XXX related merchandise there too. The multi-storied mall on New Petchaburi Road is packed full of every type of electronic gadget you can imagine, and then some. Computers and software reign supreme, with most of the former being the real deal and all of the later being pirated programs filled with every computer virus known to man. There are cell phones by the millions, cameras for the novice and professional photographer alike, electronic toys and gadgets to warm the heart of the child in all of us, iPods, iPads, and iWhatevers, both genuine and fake, and anything and everything else that you can think of that either plugs in or runs off of 4 AAA batteries (which of course are not included).

Visiting Pantip can be a trying experience; the crowd is a nasty combination of Asians to whom personal space is as foreign of an idea as is living on a dark star, techies whose social skills come from a black hole, and aggressive touts pushing porn in your face featuring dismal creatures who will never make it to porn star status. It’s like strolling through the Patpong Night Market except it’s indoors and smells worse. But unlike at Patpong, there are deals to be had. You just need to keep playing the Buyer Beware mantra through your head. Or at least the I’m Not Buying Porn Today mantra.

The ground floor of Pantip is a chaotic mess filled with small stalls selling cheap electronic toys and gadgets, and the ubiquitous pirated DVD and software vendors surrounding a showroom floor offering the latest from big names like Sony and HP. It’s also home to the largest pack of porn movie sellers; you can’t avoid them so just suck it up and ignore them as much as possible. More of them roam the second floor, where you’ll also start finding small shops selling computer accessories at some pretty cheap prices. There’s a food court there too, tucked in between even more illegal software stalls and the escalators, which should be avoided unless you are dying of hunger. Or until you spot the Crepes by Boss stall where you can dine on a crepe filled with bananas and shredded pork (which, considering the mall’s rep for counterfeit good I wouldn’t be too sure is really pork).

As you go up the stores become larger and more computer related (there’s also a good selection of cameras and photographic equipment). The top floor is home to IT City, which compared to what you walked through to get there is quite well organized. The humongous IT shopping paradise is one of your best bets for making pricey purchases – at least you’ll be guaranteed buying the real deal instead of counterfeit goods unlike at many of the smaller places at Pantip. IT City along with the not quite as large Hardware House on the mezzanine level are a bit pricier than the mom and pop shops that crowd the aisles, but both offer the added security of a manufacturer’s warranty and reliable after-sales service.

Cramped, dirty, noisy, full of pirated goods, counterfeits and fakes . . . why would anyone ever shop at Pantip? Well, besides offering the cheapest porn DVDs in town, there are true geeks at work at Pantip, and Geek trumps Thai even when there is baht to be made. Any IT-related problem you are experiencing while in Bangkok, one of the geeks at Pantip can solve your problem. And it’s surprisingly cheap and almost always comes with one of the glorious Thai smiles (which can be a bit unnerving on the face of a geek). English is not their main forte, but they are almost clairvoyant about sussing out the problem you need help fixing. And if it takes a new gadget to work around your problem, there’s at least 100 stalls offering your miracle cure at a cheap price.

Even though a large majority of computers are now manufactured in Thailand, retail prices on new units compared to those back in the U.S. are staggeringly high. Pantip is probably a good place to go check out the latest hardware and software on the market if you, like me, have low impulse control. Even if you do run across a good deal, you need to be concerned with warranties not to mention that if whatever you are looking at plugs in it won’t plug in to your standard socket back home. If you are shopping with a local friend however, Pantip is one of the cheapest places in town to buy him that computer he is just dying to own.

Though spur of the moment computer purchases are the norm for me back in the states, an unplanned computer purchase is Thailand is not. On one trip my friend Noom, however, had made plans anyway. As he tends to do with any major purchase he has decided I need to make on his behalf, he did all of his homework in advance so that he could present the idea as a done deal that only required the opening of my wallet to complete. It was to be his first computer and he’s not exactly computer savvy so the idea of buying from a small shop in Pantip made me a bit wary. Not even sure of why he’d ever need a computer, but needing one with his every breath nonetheless Noom opted for size. Not in hard drive storage, but in physical dimensions. Laptops got a derisive snort. We needed to go for a full desktop model with the largest tower available. The one that lit up with red neon lights.

He’d made several trips to Pantip before hand, and with the help of a little gay geek (Noom likes gay salesclerks, as they do him) he’d designed the perfect computer for himself, all of which would be built component by component to his exact standards (which was big, black, with red neon lights). I probably spent as much time as he had grilling the techie to make sure all of the hardware was neither counterfeit nor second-hand goods. I knew that asking for genuine software would be pushing it. While it was not top of the line (the more expensive models had much smaller speakers and were not worthy of looking at) the system was still surprisingly cheap, about half of what it would have cost to have built back home. The difference in the price is that in Thailand, labor is included. And if you are purchasing software, viruses are too

It’s difficult to pass up buying a ten CD copy of a software program that would run you $800 back home for a mere $25 in Bangkok. Unless your moral code prohibits you from doing so. Sometimes living by a strict code is a good thing, buying pirated software at Pantip is never a winning proposition. The bad karma you just picked up trounces you as soon as you insert your pirated CD into your computer. Sure a good anti-virus/anti-malware program will catch most of the crap that wants to infect your computer, but none of those work on faulty copying. The more expensive the program the less likely it is to ever work correctly.

Software is the one thing you should avoid buying at Pantip (besides those banana-shredded pork crepes). Even if it comes sealed in its original box, it’s probably a pirated copy. Just like the Viagra sold on the city’s streets. Save yourself from a headache, and save your money while you are at it. If nothing else you’ll be able to afford a few porn DVDs on your way out of the mall.

Pantip Plaza is open daily from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. but the stores within the mall are free to operate their own hours. Many stores aren’t open until 11 in the morning and by early evening many are already closing down.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy: