Olympic sports, Olympic bulges . . . guess which Google says is the more popular of the two? And I don’t mean a world-wide interest in the Queen’s lower lip during the opening ceremony either. It’s kind of a shame the British Empire is not still trying to take over the world: faxing a few pix of that grumpy face would surely convince any little country they wanted to own to surrender immediately. But then faxing a few of these gold medal worthy Olympic bulges could have the same effect. But in a much more positive way.

It’s ironic that the two sports judged on perfection and clean lines, men’s gymnastics and diving, seem to go out of their way to break those lines with a massive Olympic bulge. Not that I’m complaining. Playing Spot The Penis is an Olympic tradition for many of us. And even those who are not bulge fans can hardly ignore what is so often self evident. Whoever designed the suits worn by divers and male gymnasts must have been a gay man. And deserves a gold medal for his efforts.

Speedo and Arena have been doing their part too, coming up with new space-age materials to better outline swimmers’ hidden talents. There is no longer any reason to do gender testing on Olympic aquamen, even Asian competitors rule out the question of is he or isn’t he. And the question of why James Magnussen is called The Missile has been satisfactorily answered in everyone’s mind too.

The manufacturers of spandex and lycra have also seen to the bulges of wrestlers, who have some of the nicest packages at the Games. The weightlifters too get to show off what the gods have blessed them with, but unfortunately cosmic balance requires that gives and takes balances, and those poor dudes trade one set of muscles for another. Nice for the Irish to have a sport they can watch without feeling less of a man though. And who knew the track and field events were worth tuning into? I never knew those poles used for vaulting came attached to the athletes.

Olympic bulges have always been part of the Games. But, as with the ginormous appendages on equestrian mounts, polite society has always tactfully ignored what the less polite have always zeroed in on. That is more difficult to do these days. We’re barely a week into the Olympics and the growing trend seems to be Olympians fondling themselves on camera. One can only hope those randy Brazilians up the ante in 2016 to Olympians fondling each other.

They dropped an inch from diver’s swimsuits and added a seam up the back to ensure butt crack is almost always visible. The only pouch left is the one your body makes for itself. In those far too short quick moments as a diver balances at the edge of the board viewers get a clear picture of whether he prefers right or left for his tucked position. Wayward dick seems to be problematic in London and divers have been frequently shown making a quick adjustment. One of the Mexican divers on his final dive during the 10m synchronized event looked to be quite excited about the chance he was going to be winning gold, leaving no room for an adjustment to be made. I really expected to see a much bigger splash from his entry.

But at least divers’ suits allow room to grow. The poor gymnast have to pick an angle and then stick to its landing. And when balance is important, a poorly aligned penis can be a disaster. Danell Leyva, whose best buddy has been recently trending huge on the internet, misaligned his not so little friend during his pommel horse routine in the team finals and the extra weight leaning to the wrong side threw off his balance making him fall off the horse.

Being the trooper that he is, he remounted to finish his routine but not before first adjusting himself – not once but twice – while NBC’s cameras lovingly zeroed in on his prep work. And then panning back out caught another gymnast doing the same in the background, possibly needing the extra room in his shorts from watching Danell’s beautifully sculptured butt work its way from one end of the horse to the other.

Danell changed outfits (those damn wet spots can be so annoying) for the individual all around competition, one that allowed for a bit more control but still could not resist giving the fabric a good pull every now and then. It worries me a bit that every time his father gives his ears a pull Danell responds by giving his best buddy a tweak too. But then a family that plays together . . .

And to give an honorable mention to a bulge of a different hue, did little Gabby just invent ‘chalk toe’ during her final apparatus at the individual all around event? What the hell was with that?

And can men have camel toe, too? The half body suits worn by the men of swimming don’t allow much room for adjustment, but do allow viewers to answer that age old question of cut or uncut? Considering the extent swimmers go through to reduce all possible drag – even body hair can mean the difference between a gold and a fail when medals are handed out for 100th of a second in finishing times – you’d think someone would have done something about those bulges by now. Unless they are meant to act as a rudder. I think all of the men’s national swimming team should hire a ladyboy from Thailand to teach their swimmers how to properly hide their candy. New world records would sure to be broken. Along with a lot of ladyboy’s hearts.

With NBC streaming live coverage of Olympic bulges 24/7 it’s difficult to not concentrate on the primo packages that have, and are, showing up elsewhere. But then a regular reader sent in a link too massive to ignore of He With The Hairy Armpits proving a loose pair of sweatpants can be just as flattering as an extremely tight pair of Speedos. And surprisingly more revealing. That’s one of the nice things about the male anatomy, when we are happy about something, we show it.

So, a week into the Olympics and already there have been a prodigious amount of bulges poking out. Unlike some Olympians who try to cram far too much into far too little of space, I’m just posting the best bulges for now. But something tells me there will be a follow up post . . .

[‘The XXX Games’ are a series of posts about hot Olympians, gay competitors – both present and past – and general articles about the 2012 London Olympics of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the XXX Games graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]