I use several different on-line news sources to keep up with events in Thailand, placing little faith in the un-biased accuracy of any one. It’s like watching FOX News and MSNBC back home. Neither provides a true reflection of what happened or is happening in any story they cover. The truth is somewhere in the middle. It takes a lot of reading between the lines. Fortunately, in the U.S. we have Comedy Central, and its satirical review of the day’s top stories helps. With the media in Thailand, not so much. Not only is much of what is reported propaganda but the news outlets in the Kingdom take the Thai custom of not saying what everyone is supposed to know to new heights. And Thailand doesn’t have its version of Comedy Central. If it did, the entire network would be in jail on lese majeste charges.

You’d think the foreign media’s coverage of what is happening inside Thailand would help. Al Jazeera’s American network does a much better job of reporting U.S. news than the homegrown outlets do. But the foreign press only casts its eye on Thailand when a major story comes along. And then gets most of what they report wrong. Part of that is their natural bias in reporting the news, a larger part is in their inability to comprehend how Thailand works.

For example, back when the Red Shirts decided to turn Bangkok into their private camping grounds the foreign press cast the Red Shirts as a pro-democracy group. Because that’s what their signs said. In English. And when the authorities made some grand pronouncement about some action they would take on a specific date and then didn’t, the foreign press painted them as ineffectual leaders. Because they didn’t grasp that in Thailand when you say you are going to shut down some encampment on Tuesday, what it really is is a warning that everyone has to clear an area within a few days of the deadline or the authorities will act. On Monday. Or next Thursday. It’s about face. And allowing both sides theirs. Which everyone in Thailand understood.

So I don’t pay much attention to the foreign press’ coverage of Thailand news, and assume the Thai media is only providing me half of any story. I still get the gist of where things are headed. And since it’s all very foggy anyway I can ignore those incomprehensible Thai names too. They contain too many groupings of letters that don’t normally appear next to each other. And are too long to boot. I think Thaksin only got half the press he did because his name is short and easy to pronounce and recognize. All Thais should only be known by their nicknames. If Noom went by his legal name, I’d just call him Honey or Baby instead. I can’t even be bothered to remember which name goes with which princess. I just refer to them as the one with big lips and the one who is a dyke.

The Good General’s arrival on the scene has only made matters worse. Now it seems half of the news reported involves some high-ranking military or police official, so along with a too-long name you get a fanciful title to go along with all the braid on their uniform. So I ignore both. Because until one of them trades that title in for Prime Minister, it doesn’t really matter who they are. Lately, that high ranking officials have been busy being busted for corruption is enough of the story to know. That it was Maj Gen Jennarong Dechawan who got arrested isn’t that germane. Besides, sometime in the near future whoever he is he’ll re-appear with some new fancy title anyway.

Nonetheless a story in the New York Times recently caught my attention because its headline suggested something was up with The Royals, a bit of palace intrigue that I hadn’t heard a hint of in the Thai news media. Thanks to the way the Thai mind works and the country’s lese majeste laws the media is touchy about reporting on The Royals. Everyone knows the King is ailing and until last year traded in his royal residence for a hospital room. For almost five years. As though a five year hospital stay is normal. Even if you aren’t one of the world’s richest men and basically own your own country. The media has never bothered to question why he didn’t just move back home and take the country’s brightest medical minds with him. That whole “If the mountain won’t come to Muhammad then Muhammad must go to the mountain” thingy just doesn’t apply when you are king. Noom said it was because he was afraid his wife would poison him. Huh. When Noom tires of being a bar boy, there’s a job waiting for him at FOX News. But I digress . . .

So I was aware that the military has been cracking down on police corruption which, even though everyone knows tea money is one of the perks of being a Boy in Brown, wasn’t surprising ‘cuz when the military is in charge a clear message about who is boss needs to be sent to the only other armed branch of the government. And cutting off the cash flow to the competition ain’t never a bad move. That goal, by the way, is what’s behind the recent crack down on showing dick on Soi Twilight, not The Good General’s moral beliefs. And I was also aware that one of the high ranking police officials being so charged recently inaugurated the Thai Chapter of the Flying Farang Club too. Has I bothered to pay attention to names, or been capable of connecting those names, I may have not been as surprised to learn it ain’t just the military vs. the police but a Battle Royale too. In the round of arrests last week, the police officers involved all had links to the family of Princess Srirasm, the wife of Crown Prince Maha Vajiralongkorn. And things ain’t looking too good for the princess and her family either.

Last Saturday the office of the crown prince sent a letter to the interior ministry ordering the government to strip his wife’s family members of their royally bestowed name, Akkarapongpreecha, after seven of her relatives – including her elder sister and her uncle, General Pongpat Chayapan, the second most powerful police officer in the country – were arrested and accused of misusing their royal status to amass vast wealth and carry out numerous abuses. Authorities used a back hoe to unearth an underground vault filled with what the police report was ill-gotten wealth including ancient Buddhist artifacts, 24 gold bars, large quantities of jewelry, millions in cash, hundreds of Buddhist amulets, property deeds, and 80 truckloads of rare timber. Along with charges of extorting bribes in exchange for promotions and of collecting bribes from oil smugglers and underground casino owners, lese majeste charges are being filed for having “cited the monarchy to obtain benefits and money from others.”

The general assumption among those brave enough to make assumptions is that the crown prince is merely clearing the way to divorce Princess Srirasm, generally regarded as a onetime cocktail hostess, who he married in 2001 after divorcing his second wife – charitably described as an aspiring actress – and forcing her to flee to the U.K. with her four children after being stripped of their titles. Rumor has it that wife #4 is already ensconced in the royal palace and is either pregnant or delivered a baby boy earlier this year. Crown Prince Vajiralongkorn appears to be sorting out his personal affairs before the succession, so that he can choose who will be his queen, and who will eventually succeed him.

And there’s the rub. It would be easy to assume the general clean-up of corruption under PM Prayuth in his attempt to turn Thailand into the Happiest Place On Earth, and the crown prince’s general clean-up of his family in his attempt to turn his bed into the same are two unrelated stories. But the specter of former PM Thaksin, whose power-base was the police having risen himself from police ranks, still looms heavily over PM Prayuth’s control of the country. And the thrice married and future king – maybe – was a supporter of Thaksin, who is said to have built him a palace. But that being then and this being now, Vajiralongkorn reportedly has abandoned Thaksin to make common cause with Prayuth and the military in return for the junta’s support to become king. And he’ll need it.

The crown prince is not as popular among the Thai people as his father was. He’s a bit of a playboy and comes off more as a Kardashian than as the future leader of Thailand. In secret cables liberated by Wikileaks from the U.S. Embassy he’s been described as unstable. And members of the Privy Council have confided that they fear his elevation to the thrown and would prefer his sister, Princes Sirindhorn (aka the one who is a dyke). Depending on which set of succession laws you prefer, either could be named as Supreme Royal when that which no one is allowed to talk about finally occurs.

By aligning himself with The Good General, and vice versa, the crown prince’s future seems more assured. As does The Good General’s. A little anti-corruption, anti-police, and anti-Thaksin action goes a long way in stabilizing both’s power-base. The only question is should both prevail, whose thumb will whom be under. And a third news report this year would appear to have some bearing on that outcome.

I would have dismissed the story about The Good General visiting the powers-that-be in Cambodia and Myanmar as mere propaganda and ignored the story too if the Thai press hadn’t referred to Prayuth’s visit to Cambodia as his “first overseas trip” as PM. Mostly because I just love the Thai mentality that ignores basic geography when it’s situated outside of the kingdom. (Uh, if you are American, there is no sea between Thailand and Cambodia. Or between Thailand and Myanmar.) And while visiting your neighboring countries as a new world leader makes sense, that The Good General is busy binding ties with the two closest countries under military rule speaks volumes. ‘Cuz there’s nothing like a little hands on experience when it comes to knowing how to deal with royals.

No one knows for sure who will become the leader of Thailand, although it’s obvious that at least two of the major players are making moves. But even that’s only obvious if your news source isn’t confined to the Thai media. Or if you are Thai. Because what isn’t said, as everyone knows, is what really matters. Even when it’s the media not saying it. And when even members of the royal family can now be charged with lese majeste violations, not saying anything is your best bet.

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