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Aloha Friday #15
23 Friday May 2014
Posted Aloha Friday
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23 Friday May 2014
Posted Aloha Friday
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22 Thursday May 2014
Posted Gay Thailand Sexpats & Addicts
in≈ Comments Off on The Thailand Sexpat Guide To Emergency Preparedness Kits
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If you live in an area subject to frequent displays of nature of the disaster variety, such as hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, flooding, and days if not weeks of arctic-like weather, you’re probably familiar with the importance of having an emergency preparedness kit at hand to help you survive the accompanying power outages and loss of civil services. And if you are like most people, despite recognizing how important it is to be prepared, you do nothing about it until it’s almost too late, and then descend upon your local grocery store to do your part in hoarding necessary supplies like potable drinking water, batteries, and foodstuff that does not require refrigeration. ‘Cuz nothing says natural disaster like empty shelves at your local Piggly Wiggly.
Civil unrest too can disrupt the flow of normal daily life, and now that the This Is Not A Coup in Thailand has become one – like nobody saw that one coming – the lives of sexpats and sex tourists are beginning to be negatively impacted. While the future of the country is at stake, the real disaster caused by the recent political upheaval has been succinctly put into perspective by Jabba The Butt and his band of fairy men: The bars in Sunee Plaza will soon be a pleasure of the past. Oh the horror. The horror . . .
The most damaging aspect to lives of sexpats is the curfew that has been announced, it runs from 10:00 pm to 5:00 am. Everyone must be off the streets during curfew hours, except for those involved in an emergency such as a run to the hospital or airport. Personally, I can not think of any greater emergency than a bar boy on a short-time off trying to flee from his customer’s hotel room, but the sexperts in these matters feel otherwise. They believe the inherent danger in picking up a bar boy or arranging for a money boy through Gay Romeo is that if you fail to cum before 10:00 you’ll be stuck with having an unexpected over-night guest. But I’m of the when you’re handed a bowl of lemons make lemonade school of thought. To me, that’s a short-time off that lasts for a good 8 hours. That he could not leave is beyond your control. That you then have eight hours to molest him non-stop is just the way the cards fall. So enjoy yourself. And when you finally boot his ass out the next morning when the curfew is over, hand him his 800 baht short-time tip. ‘Cuz that’s all you’d agreed to.
Nonetheless, that means you have to be prepared. Your sex life – which for many sexpats is their entire life – depends on it. So here’s what you need to stock in your Thailand Sexpat Emergency Preparedness Kit:
Bottled Water: Everyone knows how important hydration is. Every sexpat knows how equally important maintaining your alcohol intake can be. At your age everyone expects to see a bit of shakiness in your limbs. But the tremors of alcohol withdrawal are never a pretty site. While you may assume the case of gin you keep in your pantry will see you through any emergency – like when your bar boy tells you he no longer lubs you – when your supply starts running dry there’ll be no reason for panic if you have an ample supply of bottled water at hand. ‘Cuz diluted gin tastes the same as the cheap gin you are used to.
Fleshlight: While the breeders in your condo run around patting themselves on the back for owning a working flashlight, you’ll be safely ensconced in your apartment, sitting in front of your computer monitor watching free porn while your Fleshlight does that patting for you. A flashlight may sound like a good idea, but with the bars and liquor stores closed due to the curfew, there is no good reason for you to ever leave your home. And face it, inside your place the darkness is your friend. I’m sure no money boy has ever asked you to turn on a few more lights. So forget the flashlight and stock a fleshlight in your disaster kit instead. This will be even more necessary if you were unable to convince a money boy to break curfew to come and service you. It ain’t bad at hour three when the one you did convince to come over no longer wants to have anything to do with you too.
Batteries: Nothing is worse than being just moments away from the culmination of your favorite battery-operated sex toy’s hard work only to have its batteries fail. No problemo if you planned ahead and have a spare case tucked into your nightstand drawer next to your lube and condoms. But we’re talking a major disaster of biblical proportions if that’s not the case. Sure you could step out into the hallway and ask one of those breeders running around with flashlights for some spares, but your neighbors are already talking about you and you really don’t need to provide them with yet another reason to report you to an NGO.
Obviously a spare battery for your laptop so that during a power outage you can keep up with the news (that’d be the latest gay Asian porn on X-Tube) is a necessity too. As are spare batteries or a solar battery charger for your cellphone so that your boy du jour too has a ready supply of porn to watch while he is supposed to be servicing you.
Matches: Yes, the irony of you being one of those fussy queens who throws a hissy fit when some poor nicotine addict lights up in a gogo bar having to stock matches in your emergency preparedness kit is priceless. And almost reason enough for you to have to do so. But this one is more about consequences and connecting the dots. When a power outage occurs your apartment’s ventilation system stops working. When your apartment’s ventilation system stops working, the exhaust fan in your bathroom no longer functions. When the exhaust fan in your bathroom no longer functions, your boy du jour will discover what you are really made of even if you did remember to flush. When your boy du jour discovers what you are really made of even if you did remember to flush, he will not want to have anything more to do with you. When your boy du jour no longer wants to have anything to do with you, you’ll quickly run out of your stock of batteries for your favorite sex toys and be forced to resort to using a dildo. When you are forced to use a dildo to pleasure yourself, your friends will all laugh at you for being stuck in the ’90s.
Light a match and don’t let this happen to you.
Condoms: Considering all the other things you do that impact your health negatively, your adherence to practicing safe sex is commendable. Even if like many, you don’t. But condoms are popular among the sexpat community, not because they help prevent STDs, but because the thought of sticking your best buddy where one of your fellow sexpats has cum before is enough to turn anyone’s stomach. And your boy du jour probably isn’t too crazy about the idea of any of your flesh actually touching his flesh either. So stock up on condoms before the need arises and you find yourself without. BTW, the condom you’ve been carrying around in your wallet for six months does not count toward your emergency preparedness kit supply. That’s the ID you show to prove you are a sexpat.
Moist Towelettes: Since we’ve already agreed your stock of bottled water will be used to extend the life of your stock of gin, the need of H2O for sanitary purposes needs to addressed. Your boy du jour, conforming to Thai cultural dictates, will refuse to have sex with you if you do not shower first. Which, with the water turned off makes for an impossible feat (kinda like touching your toes). Sure you could drain a bottle of gin over your head using the alcohol to sterilize your unclean flesh, but we all know when it comes down to the question of alcohol or sex, the booze will win every time. Fortunately, reality is not big among the locals, and a quick wipe down with a moist towelette will pay the lip service needed to get your boy du jour to do his job. They work well for cleaning things up when he’s done and you discover he spits instead of swallows too.
Toilet Paper: Yup, your bum gun won’t be working when the water shuts down too. And that last thing you need is to have your boy du jour using up your stock of moist towelettes to clean up messes from the wrong side. Even if they’re yours.
Little Blue Pills: If you check out on-line advice for emergency preparedness kits for the other 98% of humanity, you’ll find that a stock of required medications is always included. For the sexpat, that means an ample supply of little blue pills (a generic term used for whichever EDS medication you can find at the cheapest price). Nothing is as traumatic than finding yourself with an unwilling playmate stuck in your home for eight hours only to discover you can’t rise to the occasion. That can totally ruin your long-time off at a short-time off price experience. But then as a card-carrying sexpat, you probably keep a week’s supply on hand anyway. So never mind.
Baht: Your boy du jour probably prefers his own brand of medications, like yaba, and won’t want to be responsible for you running short by taking one of your little blue pills to keep him in the shape you prefer: hard. No problemo. Thanks to years of genetic factoring, all Thais respond to a wad of baht in the same way your best buddy responds to those little blue pills. But with eight hours or more to occupy your time, you’ll need several wads to do the job. So keep a handful of lower denomination bills as an emergency stash in your disaster preparedness kit.
First Aid Kit: (See Little Blue Pills)
Documentation: Anywhere in the world, during an emergency it is important to have copies of personal documents (e.g., proof of address, deed/lease to home, passport, birth certificates, and insurance policies) close at hand. In Thailand this list of documentation is not as important as having proof of your boy du jour’s age, preferably via an official government ID card that he didn’t borrow from a friend. Normally this would not be much of a concern. But with the curfew keeping your neighbors home at night, they may begin noticing the parade of suspiciously young looking boys who visit your apartment. And that can mean a visit from the Boys In Brown who will want to see the necessary papers (See Baht.)
Manual Can Opener: Man can not live on gin and sex alone. I know. But really, you can’t. Fortunately, throw a few cans of baked beans into that mix and you can survive for decades. Just look at any of Pattaya’s sexpats for proof. But during a state of emergency, you will not be able to visit your favorite 5-star restaurant in Sunee Plaza for that treat and will have to feed yourself on your own. And since you have difficulties in opening easier packaging, like a condom wrapper, getting into your feast fit for a king will be nigh impossible without the assist of a can opener. Which probably also means an assist from your boy du jour in using it. ‘Cuz technology can be a bitch for septuagenarians.
The Boy Scout motto is Be Prepared, and since you’ve probably done many Boy Scouts in your time, following that advice is the least you can do. Undoubtedly, as in the past, the current coup will be a short one and the army will once again install their favorite political party as the rightful leaders in Thailand. Which is a good thing ‘cuz even watered down your stock of gin won’t last forever.
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22 Thursday May 2014
Posted Take It Off Thursday
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21 Wednesday May 2014
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This post started out to be about bar boys preferring to sleep in their underwear. I mean when they spend the night with you. Otherwise, I don’t really care. But on the nights that I’ve paid for their companionship, they should be dressed for bed appropriately. Which is completely undressed. As the gods intended. Even though, admittedly, there is a small thrill in stripping off whatever they did think they were gonna get away with wearing between the sheets.
You’d think with Thailand’s hot humid weather, sleeping naked would be the norm. But most bar boys grew up in a small house filled with people and are used to wearing at least their underwear to bed out of a sense of decency. Regardless of how indecent I think doing so is. You’d think as much as Thais hate making a decision, they’d opt for sleeping in the raw. That’d render the question of boxers or briefs moot. Instead they split the baby in half and often wear a pair of briefs under a pair of boxers. But that’s not a problem with Noom, my bar boy friend and current love of my life. As much as he might prefer sleeping in his briefs, he knows from experience before he can snuggle up to the pillow he just stole from me, I’m gonna offer my one word of direction: “Off.” It’s just easier on both of us if he hops into bed naked and stays that way. Dispute avoidance works wonders in any relationship. Naked sex is generally highly prized too.
The exception to that rule is on high holy days; Hindu observances, not Buddhist holidays ‘cuz he professes to be the former. You are not supposed to have sex then. Or, evidently, sleep in the nude. The sex part there’s little he can do about. I think he chalks it up to bidness and gives himself a pass. As for sleeping attire, on those infrequent days, he dons a pair of white cotton fisherman’s pants we bought years ago on a visit to Chiang Mai. They are Noom’s version of a chastity belt. I cracked up the first time he put those on for bed. His attempt at explaining why didn’t help matters. Neither did that he became entangled in them sometime during the night and decided his best solution was to get rid of them entirely. Which to me just proved there really are gods. Whether you pay proper observance to them or not.
It’s not that I have anything against underwear, even in bed, but rather I love the way Thai guys envelope you with their bodies, preferring farang for a pillow over the skimpy things most hotels provide. And that feeling is just that much sweeter when you can feel every square inch of their body against yours. Especially the parts that are rounded. Outside of bed, I don’t really care. Nor do I have a preference for boxers or briefs. Though you’ll note I did not include boxer briefs on that list. Boxer briefs are the underwear equivalent of being bisexual. They are marketed as the best of both worlds, but in reality are for those who just can’t man up and make a definitive choice. Personally, for myself, I favor briefs over boxers, provided they are Calvin’s. But given my druthers, I’d just as soon go commando. Which for many guys seems to never be an option. They’ll tell you it’s because they need the support. I suspect it really is the support underwear gives them makes their package look bigger than it is. Which, I guess, is a form of support in its own right.
And so it is that at some time in your life as a world traveler you will wake up one morning to discover that which we have all faced at one time or another: you have no clean underwear left to wear. The less fastidious opt for a second day’s wear out of their cleanest pair. The slightly more fussy make the same choice but wear them inside out. Noom opts for the former, but then immediately informs me we need to go shopping for underwear. Which for some strange reason seems to happen often. He prefers Homme’s when my wallet is paying, but picks out no-name briefs at street markets when he makes the purchase on his own. As often as he takes them off, you’d think he’d just skip the whole idea.
I assumed, at first, when he’d run out of clean underwear that it was about being forgetful and not packing accordingly. But the frequent morning ritual of being told we need to go shopping eventually turned into stopping in the men’s department at Robinson on our way into the hotel in the early evening. I suspect Noom favors that hotel because one of its entrances is through the department store. But then since he always models whatever we buy for me when we get back to our room, I’m not complaining.
Not being as savvy of a shopper, when Phil woke one morning to find he was out of fresh drawers, after a bit of hemming and hawing – and a discussion about tropical heat and heat rash – he went with my suggestion of going commando. And seemed to manage his day with a smile on his face. Until Noom joined us and we made a pit stop back at the hotel before heading out to Soi 4 for the evening. When Phil slipped out of his pants to put on a different pair for the evening, Noom was appalled.
“You not wear underwear!” he screeched in complete disbelief. Phil thought he’d just committed some major Thai cultural no-no and turned to me for an assist. Which was slow in coming as the sight of my man standing there naked with my other man – stripped down to his briefs – staring at him temporarily grabbed my entire attention.
“Um, he ran out,” I said, thinking I’d follow up with, “We’ll go buy him some tomorrow.”
Except Noom stepped on that line with what I like to view as one of his mating calls, “We go shopping!”
Phil looked down at his naked body, looked at me, looked at Noom, and was obvious in a quandary. I told him Noom would probably forgive him his transgression for the few minutes it would take us to get downstairs to Robinson. And Noom did. Along with placing himself in the sight line between Phil and any Thai who might otherwise notice the farang wasn’t wearing underwear.
Now I admit, buying underwear with and for Noom is a always a bit of a thrill. It’s an intimate moment because of the intimate merchandise. He always consults with me on his choice. Although since he always buys white, always buys the same style, and always buys size small, I suspect that consultation has more to do with how many pairs he’s decided he needs. Underwear shopping is not something buddies do together. Even in Thailand. So I assume the handful of salesgirls that it takes to ring us up, bag our purchase, and say sawatdee ka because they’ve been trained to, can not be that oblivious and have to suspect there is something intimate going on between the hunky Thai boy and his farang companion. I’m not just sure where their minds traveled when it was three of us busy discussing the pros and cons of half of the men’s underwear department.
The problem with buying underwear is that – even in Thailand – you are not allowed to try it on. I get that. No one wants to buy a pair of briefs some unknown guy rubbed his junk all over. But then I wouldn’t buy the pair I tried on anyway. I’d throw those back on the table and purchase a pair that had not been opened.
But you are not allowed to open underwear packages either. Or you are not supposed to. I assume they seal them up like Fort Knox to keep people from trying them on, but if it is a brand or style you are unfamiliar with, you then have no idea how full the pouch is, how high the leg cut-outs are, how irritating that damn label is gonna be against your delicate skin. Until you take them home, or back to your hotel room, try them on, and then discover you just paid $35 for a pair of briefs you’ll never wear. Unless they are the only clean pair left in your underwear drawer or suitcase.
Needless to say, in Thailand I have no qualms over opening the packages to check out the goods. It’s allowed in the gogo bars, so it should be allowed in department stores too. Thai salesclerks are too polite to scold you. They make a face that is supposed to shame you instead. But its hard to shame a farang who is out buying skimpy underwear with his favorite prostitute.
Phil too likes Calvin Klein’s but that’s a difficult brand to find for sale in Thailand. Even though they are made in Thailand. And while he too has the body for it (too referring to Noom’s bodacious bod, not mine) he didn’t want to buy and wear Noom’s favorite brand, which he quietly described as being almost G-string like. Okay, he said butt floss, but you get the picture. Rather than take a risk, or possibly because he’d enjoyed his day of swinging freely, he tried to go with boxers. Noom wasn’t having any of it. So the two of us got busy tearing packages of briefs open to hold up in front of Phil’s crotch to see how they might look.
He settled on a few pair of fuller-cut black briefs. Which is a color I’ve always thought would look good on Noom. I wondered if Noom ran out, since he had no problem wearing a pair for a second day, if he’d be as agreeable to wearing a pair that Phil had already worn. And then decided that thought would be too difficult to explain without coming off looking a bit twisted. So I informed Noom we were only buying black underwear that day. Which meant he had to put the four pair he’d picked out in white back and exchange them for the day’s acceptable color. I wasn’t sure that he was gonna fall for that one, but then Thais have a shirt color for everyday of the week so Noom probably figured farang have an underwear color for everyday of the week too.
Back in our room, with Noom barely able to hide his revulsion at seeing Phil’s underwearless draped body once again, (and as is his wont, having stripped down to his shorts as he made his entry into the room) the two decided to try on their new briefs. Noom went with off with the old and then, being polite, waited for Phil to shimmy into a pair of his new briefs first. I’ve since told Phil that on out next trip to Thailand, we’d be going underwear shopping again. And just in case he packs more than enough to forgo the need for that retail experience, I’ve already decided to throw those he’s packed out and over the balcony each day as he finishes wearing them.
So Noom’s standing there naked, casting a critical eye at Phil as he pulls his new pair of black briefs up around his waist, instructs Phil to turn around so he can check out the fit on the backside, and patently ignores the chub that is obviously on display through my pants. Then he pulls the band away from Phil’s waist, reaches in, and adjusts Phil’s equipment before awarding him with a satisfied nod. Since no one uses film any more I guess that no longer would qualify as a Kodak Moment. But I sure would have loved to have it on film.
It’s not often you’ll find a buddy willing to adjust your junk so that you look your best. When Noom slipped into his new briefs, I waited for Phil to return the favor. But I think he was still in shock from having Noom so casually move his penis around in his new briefs. I waited for someone to come over and adjust mine for me too, but they opted to head out for dinner instead.
That night Noom tried a side run around my Must Be Naked In Bed rule, noting that both he an Phil had on black briefs with the exclamation, “We twin!” Right. I told him they’d still be twins buck ass naked. With a snort of equal parts derisiveness and disappointment he stripped off his briefs before climbing into bed, muttering, “No. I bigger.” I assume he was going with touch rather than sight.
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21 Wednesday May 2014
Posted Hump Day Is Bump Day
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20 Tuesday May 2014
Posted This Is Thailand . . .
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I awoke this morning to discover the Thai army had taken over its own country, declaring martial law in the Kingdom. Needless to say, I was shocked. And surprised. Just four days ago General Prayut Chan-O-Cha announced if the political problems that have resulted in 28 deaths and hundreds wounded over the last few months did not settle down soon, the boys in green would have to step in to bring peace to the land. So my surprise was not that the army moved in but that they’d only waited four days before doing so. Usually it takes six days minimum for those types of announcements to become reality. And my shock was that the self-professed experts on Thailand who post to the gay Thailand message boards were so shocked themselves. I assumed everyone understood how official announcements work in the Kingdom. They never come out of the blue. That’d be rude. There’s always a pre-announcement announcement that alerts everyone to what’s coming. So they don’t look stupid and caught unaware when it actually hits. Rioting in the streets is one thing, causing someone to lose face is a much more serious matter.
The good news is that Jabba The Butt says Pattaya is not impacted and remains the hot bed of lawlessness it has always been. Which is comforting to know. That the country may be torn asunder from civil unrest is a scary thought. That there may be a few less boys selling their bodies in Sunee Plaza, on the other hand, would mean the end of time is near.
I know the board pundits relish pointing out how undemocratic Thailand’s democracy is, but when February’s elections were voided because of voting irregularities and with the Election Commission now saying the do-over scheduled for July 20 is no longer possible because of the continuing unrest, you have to figure that means it’s time for someone to step in. And historically, in Thailand, that peace keeper has always been the military. You can’t have a democracy if you can’t hold elections and the inability of the Thai government to do that has been a blight on its international reputation. Even Syria looks to be in line to re-elect Bashar Assad in the middle of its bloody civil war. So that the military has decided to impose its will in Thailand shouldn’t come as such of a surprise. I mean it’s not like the Vietnamese suddenly began rioting in the streets to push the Chinese out of their country. Besides, One Direction has scheduled a concert in Bangkok for next March and the country needs to mend before such a truly important event can be enjoyed by all.
The announcement that martial law had been invoked, which aired on the military-run television station, stressed that the move was not a coup and that the military’s aim was “to restore peace and order for people from all sides”. Which sounds a lot more level-headed than anything the red shirt or yellow shirt leaders have had to say over the last six months. The idea of martial law and a military take-over has Nervous Nellies in a panic. Frankly, that 5 years after his death Michael Jackson just appeared at the Billboard Music Awards is of greater concern to me. And while visions of tanks rolling through Bangkok’s streets seem the preferred picture of what martial law in Thailand will mean, those with feet on the ground report even more horrifying sights. Like army officials standing guard under BTS platforms with humvees parked nearby. You have to assume some lucky Bangkokian, who like many of his fellow citizens stopped to pose for a selfie with one of the boys in green, will be winning a Pulitzer Prize for Photography. Or at least will amass a few hundred Likes when he posts his pix on his FaceBook page.
Of course if you really want to know what’s happening in Thailand and what the imposition of martial law means, you need look no further than the boys on the boards. The thought of armed military at Suvarnabhumi Airport alone is enough to get their panties in a wad. Not that I can blame them. The first time I landed in Spain and was greeted by an armed military presence I too was horrified. Ditto for my arrival in Israel. And Brazil. And Mexico. And The Philippines. Or any country in Africa. Or the Middle East. Not to mention those sinister looking guys in black that have become a fixture at airports in the U.S. But maybe Thailand will take a page from Russia’s playbook and as Putin is doing in Crimea, deny those boys wearing cammies belong to them.
Fortunately, since the army says it will ban the broadcast of news that could “trigger fear among the public” and has taken 11 satellite TV and radio stations off the air (including Bluesky, which is affiliated with the opposition Democrat party) we still have the forums as a rich source of the latest news and happenings as this story develops. Over on Gay Thailand they interrupted a heated discussion about the scarcity of Diet Coke in Thailand to note that a 9:00 curfew has been imposed throughout the country. Wait. This just in. There is no curfew. in fact, General Prayut said he has not thought about imposing a curfew. So, um, never mind.
And while the Iron Fist of Jabba has declared no political discussion or opinions may be posted in his land, he has proven that despite peoples’ belief to the contrary he is capable of changing his mind, if not his lifestyle. Jabba had previously stated his never-ending cut and paste thread on ‘Escalating Protests” would be circumcised when it reached 25 pages in length, but will now be allowed to continue its growth until it becomes appropriate to use his editorial knife at some point in the future, an announcement of which is promised in advance and which we all await with baited breath. ‘Cuz the truly important aspect of Thailand’s continuing political problems is how and when Jabba will deal with it on his board. The question of why, of course, still remains.
Former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra too has been unable to remain silent, taking to Twitter to announce, “I hope no groups violate people’s human rights or further destroy the democratic process.” Which just goes to show you that Thais do in fact appreciate the humor in irony. But over on SGT, the imposition of martial law is not a laughing matter. The miss-statement of referring to it as Marshall Law, however is. And there too as on the other boards, the big concern is how the army’s decision to take over control of the country, or at least Bangkok, will impact visitor’s travelers’ insurance. Not that the various travel warnings issued by numerous governments didn’t already provide the loophole insurance companies needed to screw you out of a claim for an injury attributable to the civil unrest in Thailand. But – in addition to an excuse for Traveler Dave to remind everyone once again he sells insurance – this may be the take on the troubles that best helps explain what is going on in Thailand. And the word for the day (if you don’t get pedantic about it) is Risk Management.
Insurance is a form of risk management, one of three ways you can deal with potential risks. The other two are a) you can ignore the risk – though the ostrich sticking its head in the sand option is not generally considered to be an effective approach to dealing with risk – or b) you can retain the risk, which means you take full responsibility for the cards falling where they may. Purchasing insurance is the most popular way to exercise option c, which is to assign the risk elsewhere. That’s because the insurance industry has convinced the general public their safest bet is to contribute to insurance companies’ bottom line by paying them to assume the risk for them. Or to put it another way, by purchasing insurance you are gambling that the loss you experience by paying premiums will be less than the loss you’d experience if something bad happened to you. Las Vegas operates on the same principle. And ya gotta love that they’ll sell you insurance when the dealer’s upcard is an ace at the blackjack tables too. Because casinos and insurance companies too appreciate the humor in irony.
The risk today that Thailand is facing is often misidentified as a potential for civil war, or a war between the classes ‘cuz that’s a popular scenario in the media these days. Ignoring the unrelated problems in the South (which pretty much everyone not living in the South does), the looming battle between factions is in reality a fight over power and control. Which, of course, means money. Both sides have done a great job at spin-control, couching their respective goals as either a fight for democratic rule (Go Democracy!) or preserving loyalty to the royal family (Long Live The King!) And both have presented their party’s platform in terms easily understood by the masses: you either wear a red or yellow shirt.
The one thing both parties agree on, which no one is allowed to say, is that the glue that has bound the country together for the last eight decades is now 86-years-old, in frail health, and assumed to be not long for the world. The political unrest in Thailand today is not about the current or former prime minister, or party allegiance. It’s about who will get to call the shots when that day finally arrives. And whose bank account will then reign supreme. That day poses a major risk for both parties. And while the events over the last six months – or last six years – may appear to be political maneuvering, it really is nothing more than risk management.
The force in the country that could put an abrupt end to all of the in-fighting with little more than a few well-chosen words has instead, for various reasons, gone with risk management option a: the risk of what will happen to the country when a certain death occurs is being ignored. It’s a very Buddhist-like approach but not one that bodes well for Thailand’s future. Meanwhile, the politicos on both sides of the fence have gone with risk management option b: they recognize the risk and what is at stake but rather than attempt to find a solution that will benefit everyone, they want to retain the risk, feeling they have enough support to deal with the coming crisis on their own. As risk management techniques go, that’s considered a ballsy move. But while the odds are not in their favor, the potential pot to be won is high. And you should never underestimate the human capacity for greed.
That leaves risk management option c, assigning or transferring the risk to a third party, gambling that your resulting loss will be less than what choosing that option will cost you. And that’s where Thailand’s military comes in. Unable to find a middle ground that would benefit both parties, the factions within the country have allowed the military to step in to settle the debate. Temporarily. In this way, neither side loses face, neither side can claim a victory. And the risk is alleviated on their behalf. For now. Neither side is concerned that the military will stage a coup (despite the country’s history favoring that result). The army’s role in the current political crisis is to act as a buffer, to manage the risk by removing it from the shoulders of both political parties involved. So it’s not about martial law, it’s about risk management. Though what the premiums for going with that option will eventually cost is yet to be seen. The benefit is that both parties, after the army cools things down, can go back to posturing and aligning themselves for the top position when things really come to a boil.
Which is a good thing. For now. At least for Thailand’s frequent visitors, sex tourists, and sex pats. ‘Cuz the important thing is not how the future of Thailand will play out, but that the bars will continue to be well-stocked with offable boys. The downside is that with the army restoring peace, an election will be held, and that means another weekend during which it’ll be difficult for sexpats to find alcohol again. But the temporary lull that the military’s invoking of martial law will result in may provide both sides the time they need to find a peaceful resolution to the question of who will run the country the next time Bangkok sees a nine-tiered umbrella sorrowfully raised. I’d like to suggest the, now, obvious solution is staring Thailand in the face. If it’s good enough for the King of Pop, it should be good enough for the King of Thailand too. The eventual loss of their beloved ruler need not be an accepted, foregone conclusion any longer. And then we could all moonwalk down Soi Twilight in peace.
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20 Tuesday May 2014
Posted Twinky Tuesday
inTags
19 Monday May 2014
Posted Sex Break
inCome sundown, while most gay visitors to Bangkok either get ready for a night of camaraderie on Soi 4, or a night of companionship on Soi Twilight, the city does offer other forms of entertainment. I know. But trust me, it does. For those willing to expand their horizons, that usually means a bit of shopping at one of the city’s paeans to commercialism, the treat of an air-conditioned environment, window shopping, and the opportunity of checking out the eye candy not so brazen as to be working the bars or sitting at home waiting for someone to click on their Gay Romeo profile, a perfect trifecta of indulgence to top off your day.
Braver touri forgo the opulence of Bangkok’s leading shopping malls and hit the more colorful street market scene instead, bustling dog-eat-dog shopping extravaganzas that are hot, humid, and geared toward the tourist wallet. A few, possibly misguided souls, head further afield to small, neighborhood night markets where the locals gather to shop, only to find what the locals are shopping for is of little interest to them. And then there are the savvy touri, those in-the-know thanks to scouring guidebooks and the Internet for those hidden, off the beaten path spots, markets so cool everyone back home will be green with envy when they see their travel pix and hear of the unbelievable deals they managed to get.
The latter group is easy to spot. You’ll find them wandering around Saphan Khwai in a daze, hunting for the famous, but elusive Talat Rot Fai – or Train Market to non-Thai speakers – a cool, nighttime flea market with a Thai twist that popped onto the scene back in 2011, a popular retro-lover’s destination that hasn’t been in Saphan Khwai for almost a year now.
Now in its third year – and third location – Bangkok’s Train Night Market is almost a thing of urban myth. A hipster’s paradise, an ode to all things retro, the now rebranded Srinakarin Train Market is a Thai version of a flea market, where most of the goods on sale are older than you are. And considering where you spend most of your time in the city, that should be an unique and singular experience. It’s Chautuchak without the unbearable heat and filthy toilets, Patpong’s Night Market without the endless displays of fake Rolex watches and come-ons for straight sex shows, Sukhumvit at night without the porn, sex toys, and aggressive ladyboys. The Train Night Market is young, cool, hip, cheap, and far enough outside of the usual touri haunts that farang faces are few and far between. Because most of them are still stopping and asking directions to the market over in Saphan Khwai. And, surprisingly for a market geared toward locals, it’s clean too.
When the Talat Rot Fai first started up by the Kampaeng Phet Station MRT station, it was a match made in heaven. Not far from Chautuchak Market, and filled with vendors peddling all sorts of vintage goods – from clothes to records, handmade accessories to antiques, as well as spare parts of classic cars and even secondhand Vespas from Europe – with camper vans and vintage cars serving as makeshift bars, it was a beautiful mess with access initially only through a hole in the fence at one end of a car park. Set beside an old set of train tracks topped with abandoned, rusty coaches open to visitors to explore or just kick back in, it had an ambiance worthy of the vintage wares its vendors offered for sale. And for the young and hip it immediately became major competition for the better-established Ratchada weekend night market.
Squatting on land owned by the State Railway Authority of Thailand, the market was an instant hit. Until, in the summer of 2013, when it was hit by the tsunami of competing interests that seems to govern the way things are run in Thailand. The powers-that-be decided the land would be developed for an extension of Bangkok’s BTS, and while in the middle of discussions with the market’s vendors over their home did what landlords intent on removing tenants in Bangkok seem to favor as an option: they called in the bulldozers late one night.
The vendors, granted a reprieve of sorts, were offered the use of a near-by warehouse, the market’s second location. Kinda, sorta. When they began moving in to their new home, mysterious black-clothed figures began threatening both vendors and railway employees who were responsible for leasing vendor spaces – ‘Cuz in Bangkok, mysterious black-clothed figures are almost as popular of an option as bulldozers are when settling disputes. Vendors pulled out, market goers stayed away, and last year the Talat Rot Fai’s organizers decided to move to the other side of town, behind the Seacon Square shopping center on Srinakarin Road.
At its new location, the Train Night Market is still a growing concern; even locals are still discovering its wonders. A bit more organized than when it was in Saphan Khwai, it offers a chilled out atmosphere with some of the coolest pubs in town. Second now in size to only the Chautuchak Weekend Market, the Srinakarin Train Night Market includes an indoor area featuring rows of old warehouses and containers converted into shops, pubs, cafes, and tattoo parlors. Outside things are a bit sketchier, with huge tracks of florescent tube lit tents and less professional displays of merchandise spread on the ground; this is where the real deals are and while the focus on vintage has made way for cheap, mass-produced clothing and knick-knacks, you’ll still find plenty of cool stuff that you’ll remember from your childhood. Or at least from your late ’30s. And, fortunately, the makeshift micro-mini bus cum bars are still as much in evidence as ever.
The Train Night Market may or may not be the best place to visit with your boy du jour. He’ll probably get bored quickly with your delight in finding out-dated technology and remembrances of your past, but your wallet will be delighted with being able to buy him a T-Shirt for 60 baht or less. (Possibly less happy about him feeling that a that price you should buy him a dozen shirts or more.) The outdoor section of the market, expanding at a breakneck speed, offers tons of food options, from inexpensive street-cart treats to slightly more pricey pub grub along its edges. And paying homage to its heritage, along with knock-off replica buildings built for ambiance, the market has brought in a few decommissioned train carriages too. So for photography buffs, photo ops abound. For the rest of you, there’s a lot of local eye candy too.
The new version of the Talat Rot Fai is as much of a party atmosphere as it is a shopping experience. Vendors are not as aggressive as at the night markets you are probably used too; the famous and now getting to be mythical Thai smile is quite evident and there’s a good chance you’ll be invited to join the seller for a beer after he made his rent off you.
Officially, the market is open from Tuesday through Sunday, starting at 3 pm, with its food stall section only open on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays (yeah, welcome to Thailand). The outdoor section is only open on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, beginning at 4 pm and running to midnight. Your best bet is to arrive around 7-ish, once all of the smaller, local vendors have set up shop. It’s a massive, crowded affair, so even if you don’t plan on having dinner there, you still need to schedule about three hours for your visit.
The downside (which is a plus since it keeps the tourist hordes away) is that there is no direct BTS or MRT route running to the Talat Rot Fai. A taxi from the Silom area is your best bet; that ride will run you about 150 baht (tell your driver your destination is Seacon Square – he may not be familiar with the Train Night Market’s new location). You can also take the BTS to the Udom Suk station, and then take a motocy taxi to the market (about 50 baht) or a regular taxi (70 baht). Going back, a taxi caught on the road in front of Seacon Square will run you 200 baht – they’ve seemed to have banded together for a fixed-fare return trip. Or take a 70 baht ride to the BTS On Nut station where foot massage places abound. Your feet will appreciate the attention after having spent the night walking through Bangkok’s hippest night market.
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