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Monday Meat #15
19 Monday May 2014
Posted Monday Meat
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19 Monday May 2014
Posted Monday Meat
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18 Sunday May 2014
Posted Selfies Sunday
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17 Saturday May 2014
Posted End of the Week
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Because good porn happens even at the Bangkok Airport.
While the 16 pillows I can understand, requesting a dead mouse in your room or asking for a discount because your girlfriend’s snoring kept you awake are a bit out there, and among the World’s Weirdest Hotel Requests And Complaints.
The final episode of Tom Daley Goes Global aired in the UK this week and featured Tommy stripped down for an almost naked massage in Morocco (which he coulda got in Bangkok and then skipped the rest of his travels). Every square inch of his beautiful, toned body gets the treatment, lovingly captured by the camera and provided in animated GIF form by the boys at Famous Meat.
This is what happens when Godzilla invades Bangkok.
And speaking of top movie moments, The Most Realistic Gay Sex Scenes in Film, contains a lot of NSFW man-on-man action that you may have missed the first time around (even though they didn’t think that squeal like a piggy scene from Deliverance counted). Huh. I’d forgotten that Leonardo Dicaprio used to get his gay on in his early days.
The NFL’s first openly gay player, Michael Sam has yet to make it to the locker room and already has had his sex tape leaked. Kidding. But Google’s gonna be sending my blog lots of traffic now. By way of apology, here’s Jason Biggs getting totally naked for a good cause. No? How about Orlando Bloom’s naked ass then?
Before there was Tumblr there were devoted bloggers scouring the internet for hot, NSFW pix of their favorite type of men, and if your diet includes some other than rice The Darker Boys is a perfect example (but there’s rice there too for you fanatics).
30 Questions For Straight Guys is a hilarious look at the things breeders do and say that has probably made you scratch your head too.
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16 Friday May 2014
Posted The Boys In The Bar
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As the early morning light began seeping through the gap between the curtains, attempting to bath the room with its dim, slow-moving rays, Noi rolled over, as sluggish as her mind, her consciousness caught some place between wakefulness and slumber. Her sleep had been uneasy, her night full of refracted dreams. Like trying to read newsprint through a diamond. She reached across to where So’s body should have been stretched across the bed, his back to her, his arm hanging off the edge of their bed as though reaching for something forever just beyond his grasp in that way that he had, only to find his presence as elusive as the memory of the tail end of her dream. With one eye opening to confirm what her mind already knew, Noi sighed, giving voice to her longing, blaming the emptiness for awakening her, marveling at how deafeningly loud someone’s absence could be.
The cacophony of the neighborhood begrudgingly starting its day battled with the nascent daylight for her still wakening mind’s attention, the angry bleating of a tuk tuk passing by punctuating the smoker’s hack of the old man who lived in the room below. The sound of doors shutting loudly echoed through the building; the neighborhood’s roosters began their morning cry. Exerting their authority. Marking their territory. Like a dog peeing on a lamppost. Only noisier.
“Fucking roosters!” Noi thought, then giggled, realizing her condemnation – while technically warranted – singled out the wrong species of rooster for her discontent. Noi hated waking alone. She hated waking up without So beside her. That his absence meant the potential of staving off yet another angry visit from their landlord did little to ease the despondency the gloom cast by the paucity of sunlight that had managed to struggle through the gathering clouds seemed intent on fostering, a murky feeling of loneliness and abandonment that the warmth of So’s body nested against hers would have helped temper.
A soft zephyr of a breeze made its timid entrance through the open window by her bed, bringing with it an insipid cloud of diesel fumes from a truck making its way down the soi, its intricate clattering of gears encouraging the old man below to put more effort into clearing his lungs. His routine in greeting the dawn was more annoying than the roosters’. And at least the roosters had something to crow about. Their downstairs neighbor was a dour, unfriendly man of indeterminate age – beyond ancient – who relied upon a narrow roster of derisory scowls to broadcast his resentment of life. He had a voice like a blender grinding ice. A voice he used sparingly, barking out brusque, stunted – and at time, indecipherable – words, supplanting normal human conversation with the hacking noises his lifetime addiction to nicotine favored.
Noi briefly considered whose neck she’d rather wring, the roosters’ or the old man’s. Wit’s face popping into her mind settled the debate. She nestled back into the fold of her pillow, listening for the faint snore that would mark his presence in the outer room. But the sofa he used as his bed was as empty as the expanse of sheets that signaled her husband had booked a customer the night before too. Wit’s absence had less of an affect on Noi’s mood than So’s did. If anything, she thought, it was a welcome start to her day.
It wasn’t that Noi didn’t like Wit. No one didn’t like Wit. He was a charmer, a smooth talker who despite his frequent failings still managed to always enchant. But the money that, to her, had been the selling point when she’d agreed with So that his bar mate could share their home seldom, if ever, seemed to materialize. That was the problem with Wit, Noi thought. It was difficult to blame him even when he was to blame. He tried to do his part, tried to bring the money he earned in tips home to pay his share of the rent, but with a good hour between the soi and home there were just too many distractions, too many places where those funds could be spent, too many friends willing to help celebrate his good fortune. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, his intentions were always honorable. If seldom realized. It was just that total self-absorption was the one commitment Wit never failed to keep.
Noi knew, when Wit finally showed up sometime later that day, he’d hand over what he could, what he had left, hoping his smile, draped with sincerity and promises, would make up for the shortage. Noi liked Wit. She enjoyed his company and the way he made So laugh. Just thinking of his boisterous vivaciousness put a smile on her face. Until the reality of his total disregard for his responsibilities caused it to flee, leaving behind no traces it had ever been there.
Living in Bangkok was not cheap. Everything came at a price. And an expensive one at that. Back home in their village So and Noi could have lived comfortably, if frugally. But village life offered little opportunity and both of their families needed the additional income the two could make by working in Bangkok. It was just that after paying rent – which always seemed to be past-due – buying food, household necessities, and paying for the use of three cell phones, there was never much leftover to send back home. What little they managed helped, but both of their parents were getting older fast and would need more financial assistance soon. That didn’t make managing their household finances any easier. And lately Lek, her younger brother, had become more and more vocal, begging to join them in Bangkok, promising that he’d find work that would help both their family back home and them. Noi loved her brother. But so far, his staying with them just sounded to her like another mouth to feed. She wasn’t sure if adding another to her growing flock was the smart thing to do. Too many roosters in the hen house would always be problematic. Even though she suspected one of those roosters had hen tendencies of his own.
It’d been years since Noi saw Lek last. His voice had just been deepening then, though that pitch had barely moved on the scale she remembered with a laugh, turning to share her humor with So only to be reminded again of his absence. Maybe having another body in the house wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Maybe Lek could find a job with hours that matched hers. Maybe she wouldn’t have to spend so many nights by herself then. And Lek was such a sweet boy. When So got home Noi would have to tell him that decision had already been made.
Dim shadows played tag with the dark gathered across the ceiling of her room; Noi knew she still had some time left before she’d have to get out of bed and start her day. Only those with no choice in the matter would be stirring this morning, the gloom would soon be added to by rain keeping the streets relatively free of its usual bustle. The morning market would be emptier than normal too; she could make quick work out of her shopping needs. And then it would be better to wait and see what the weather had planned for the day before pushing the barbeque cart out to its spot. Noi worked for an old lady down the soi who was too frail to manage her food cart on her own. Truth be told, Noi thought that old lady was just a bit lazy too.
It was Noi’s job to fetch the meat and vegetables from the market, her responsibility to haul the cart out to the corner at the main road. She’d fire up the grill, prepare the sticks of barbeque, and wait on the occasional customer until business took off in the early afternoon. Later, much later, the old woman – Mama Khem – would appear to perch regally behind her stand giving Noi meticulous instructions on every little detail of the operation as though she’d never worked the cart before. It was Noi’s duty too to return later that night and haul the cart back to where it was stored next to Mama Khem’s house. Noi didn’t think that was fair. But Mama Khem was the boss and she’d used the logic that if someone didn’t move the cart back, it wouldn’t be there for Noi to haul out to the street in the morning. And since that was Noi’s job, it was up to her to make sure the cart was where it needed to be. Okay, so Mama Khem was a lot lazy.
Noi hoped one day to have a cart of her own. She knew she could be a success, all her customers raved about her barbeque, usually any Mama Khem thought she had to make for the evening rush were still sitting there when Noi returned later to help close the stall down. She’d been squirreling away a few baht here, a few baht there, slowly building a nest egg to finance a cart of her own. Some day. She’d have to leave her customers behind, find a new spot to set up shop. That was only fair. Even if Mama Khem wasn’t. Noi had shared her dream with So. He’d teased her that she would become hi-so and wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. She offered to skewer his meat on a barbeque stick, she told him as long as he was selling it, there was no reason she shouldn’t too. So had not thought her joke was funny.
So had told her that around Soi Twilight the food vendors charged twice the price she charged in their neighborhood. And that many of the customers were farang who couldn’t tell the difference between a hen and a rooster. She could make an even larger profit by selling cheaper rooster meat to them. Noi smiled, thinking things might get quieter around their room then too. She knew the rent would be higher along Suriwong, she’d have to pay for a place to store her cart too, and there’d be tea money to pay on top of that. But she’d be her own boss. And she would get to see more of So too.
Occasionally, Noi had accompanied So to the soi at night, hanging out nearby with a gaggle of wives and girlfriends of the men who worked in the bars, gossiping among themselves for lack of a more productive use of their night while they waited for closing time and their lives to begin again. Twice, So had booked a long-time off, could only give her a subtle nod as he walked his customer out to the street, leaving Noi to return home on her own to a room that seemed even emptier when the question of whether or not So would make it to their bed that night was already answered. Maybe having her cart by his bar wouldn’t be that good of an idea after all.
Noi’s daydreams gave way to the insistent light that rudely spotlit the empty space in her bed. With a disconsolate groan she rolled over and then off the mattress that had again brought no pleasure to her life. A derisive snort followed her thoughts that as a hi-so business lady maybe she could afford to book her husband’s time for her own enjoyment. Another of the neighborhood’s roosters began its call, as if to chide her for the flaw in her scheme, cock sure in its atavistic knowledge of the pecking order of things, reminding her again it was those farang strutting down Soi Twilight like banty roosters who paid the bills. Noi sighed, decided nothing good would come from brooding over it. She checked her cellphone, hoping she’d missed a call or text from So, saw that she hadn’t, and noting the hour realized she needed to shake a tail feather if she was going to get to the morning market before the vendors began shutting down their stalls.
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16 Friday May 2014
Posted Aloha Friday
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15 Thursday May 2014
Posted Eye Candy
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If you’ve ever wondered why the Thai boys are so crazy on Koreans, you need look no further than model / fitness instructor Jiho Lee, a favorite of Bangkok based fashion photographer Haruehun Airry and the recipient of Attitude Thailand magazine’s 2011 Straight Guy of the Year award. Jiho has built a strong career on arousing the lust in not straight guys over the past few years, and now a flash – literally – from his past is stirring new interest in his body of work.
The 5′ 10″, 28-year-old from South Korea was discovered by Airry back in 2011, even though he’d already been working as a fitness model for a few years by then. Since then he’s become one of Airry’s favorite subjects and has modeled for some of the biggest names in the fashion industry such as Attitude, Kenneth Cole, and ELLE Fashion Week. Lee currently writes a fitness column and models for L’Officiel Hommes Korea.
Although Lee has taken it all off for the camera he has yet to go full frontal (officially), and while he’s a fan of posting selfies on the internet those are usually shots of his impressive set of abs rather than what those abs provide shade for. Still, thanks to fitness model layouts requiring as little clothing as possible, Jiho’s talents have been adored by fans for years, even if not in the flesh. Until now.
It appears that in his younger days – one night when it was just a horny young man and his cam – Lee documented an orgasm for posterity. Which seems like a popular career move for a lot of budding fitness models. Fortunately. Jiho has remained mum on the subject of his leaked video, but thanks to those who devote countless hours to matching up nipples, navels, and pubic hair lines, there seems to be little doubt that Jiho and his best buddy were stars way before appearing before Airry’s camera.
If you want to watch his video – okay, make that to watch his video – click on the sixth photo below (in case you suddenly can’t remember how to count, that’d be the photo that says “Jerk Off Video” on it.) Oh. You already did? Never mind.
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15 Thursday May 2014
Posted Take It Off Thursday
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14 Wednesday May 2014
Posted Out This Week
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Those who oppose the gay agenda must be quaking in their boots these days. Courts in the U.S. continue to hand bigots and homophobes their heads on a platter, same-sex marriage is becoming the law of the land around the world, right-thinking citizens (which, strangely enough seldom includes those whose politics lean towards the right) use their wallets to protest oppression and the governments who sponsor it, and it seems hardly a day goes by that some almost famous person decides to come out. It’s a far cry from the day when homosexuality was called the love that dare not speak its name. Today, being gay is more akin to hanging out at Cheers. Where everyone knows your name. And that you are gay. We may still be a distance off from total acceptance, but we’ve already hit a plateau where being gay is kinda cool. Even those who can’t commit fully are heavily in the pursuit of finding the perfect bromance. Or at least another bisexual to hang out with.
There was a time too when homosexuality was known as the English Disease. And nostalgic for those days, the men of the UK are today busy getting their gay on. In a recent survey conducted by two researchers at Winchester and Durham Universities 93% of straight British men reported they had spooned with another man. And 98% said they’d shared a bed with a bro. One study participant said: “I love a quick cuddle, just so you remember your friends are about and are there for you.”
“I feel comfortable with Connor and we spend a lot of time together,” another volunteered. “I happily rest my head on Connor’s shoulder when lying on the couch or hold him in bed. But he’s not the only one. The way I see it, is that we are all very good and close mates.”
Hopefully, Connor is a straight dude too. Or he may see those affectionate gestures a bit differently.
Normally I’d be one of the last to argue against any form of man on man action. But enough is enough. It’s time gay men take the joys of being with another man back. It’s time that our straight brethren quit reaping the benefits of a bromance while suffering none of the consequences of living the gay lifestyle. Like having to learn show tunes. It’s time that Chris Martin not be allowed to merely say he questioned his sexuality over Harry Styles’ beauty, but instead be required to do the boy. On film. Not that having had to do Gwyneth Paltrow over the last several years I wouldn’t find Harry Styles attractive too. But if you are gonna talk the talk, you need to walk the walk. Even if that means Harry would be walking a bit funny for a few days.
As homonormative becomes the accepted state, the slippery slope of straight boys acting gay too is gaining wide acceptance. And that needs to stop. Even if it is part of the Brit’s collective gene pool. It’s time for Seth Rogen to quit salivating over Zac Efron’s body. And his dick. But that’s a coupling we don’t need to see. Not that a bit of solo action by Zac would be a bad thing. It’s time for the rule to be that if you want to have an affair with another guy, you need to be willing to suck dick too. ‘Cuz this bromance thing is getting out of hand. And it’s confusing the hell out of the little gay boys of the world. Not to mention making the plot of a lot of gay porn movies totally irrelevant.
Back in the day if you cuddled with a bro in bed, one of you was gay. The other, a bisexual in the making. You could dream, hope, and fantasize, but you were not allowed to touch. And if you woke up in the middle of the night to find your buddy’s arms wrapped around you, you knew there was more than one hard dick throbbing in that bed. Now that just means he loves you. But doesn’t want to make love to you. Now that hard dick pressed into your back just means it is a coincidence, it’s just one of the eleven times the average man spouts wood daily and is not an invitation to cram your tongue down his throat. How in the hell is a gay boy supposed to pick up on the signals when all of the signals have been co-opted by the straight guys?
I just read a review of the latest bromantic comedy out of Hollywood, ‘cuz that’s the closest I’ll ever get to actually watching Neighbors. The reviewer praised the flick for playing what once would have been homophobic jokes as punch lines we all are ‘in’ on. The critic thought it was more fun to be pandered to than laughed at. As if that was a good thing. Acceptance is a good thing. Understanding is cool. But while imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, unless you are serious about it, unless you are willing to actively participate, keep your enjoyment over anal sex to yourself.
In Neighbors, boys will be boys and that means getting together to play with sex toys. Sorry, but when two men engage in dildo play together, that’s gay. Or is supposed to be. Instead, there are so many dildos in the movie they should get top billing. Above Dave Franco’s name. Especially since he’s a bottom anyway. And while I’m on the subject, his brother needs to quit pandering to the straight boys by acting gay too. It sets a bad example. Male celebrities who post twitter pix of them self in bed with another guy only encourage straight guys to think pseudo-gay romances are acceptable. And then the next thing you know Bruce Jenner will have a sex change operation so that he can better fit in with the Kardashian girls.
Ooops. Too late.
The pursuit of straight guys has always been one of my favorite sports. Primarily because even as a beginner scoring is just so damn easy. Or once was. There was always a line that once you convinced them to cross, you knew it was only a matter of time before they’d have their bottom pointed in the air. Like about 5 minutes. Those lines are no longer drawn in the sand. Now those same guys feel perfectly fine with what should still be considered foreplay. And to them it means nothing. Which is exactly what you’re gonna get. Because these days spooning with your best buddy doesn’t mean someone is gonna get lucky. It just means he’s in the middle of a serious bromance. Or that he’s from the UK. But, unfortunately, a gay man’s dick doesn’t speak bromance.
Wikipedia blames the modern day bromance on the use of the term in the skateboard magazine Big Brother in the 1990s to refer specifically to the sort of relationships that develop between skaters who spent a great deal of time together. Even though those relationships were much better covered in the gay porn classic Skater Kidz. And in Skater Kidz 2 and Skater Kidz 3. The modern day equivalent of Encyclopedia Britannica defines a bromance as “a close non-romantic relationship between two (or more) men, a form of affectional or homosocial intimacy.” I don’t think homosocial is even a real world. At best it means having tea with some fussy queen who practically swoons at the thought of getting to play mother.
Wikipedia goes on to provide examples of famous bromances to help you get the picture. Even though we all know that picture should only be envisioned when a bottle of lube is close at hand. They cite Ben Affleck and Matt Damon as “perhaps the pioneering bromance in showbiz history,” though technically the relationship between Batman and Robin came way before that and was always a bit suspicious. Star Trek’s on and off screen coupling of Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine gets a nod too as the epitome of the modern bromantic relationship. Which is my point. Zach had to come out just to set Chris straight on what those nights spent cuddling together were supposed to mean. And do you think that got Zachary any closer to his goal? Well, yeah, I do too but since they’ve yet to make it official, we have to just call it a bromance.
It’s no surprise that Wikipedia’s entry on bromances starts off with a warning saying This Article Has Multiple Issues. Duh. Those issues are what are supposed to separate us. Not place us in bed together. “Boy was I drunk last night!” is supposed to be the straight guy’s excuse for the naked tumble he indulged in with his best buddy the night before. Just before he suggests the two of you go out drinking again tonight. Acting like it never really happened is fine with us gay guys. As long as you’re willing to not really do it again. And again. Straight boys who explore their sexuality with their gay best friend are not supposed to be allowed to chalk it up as a bromance gone wild. Straight guys are only supposed to be allowed to have sex with other guys when it’s pledge week at your local frat house. And despite Wikipedia’s enticing revelation that a bromance can be between two (or more) men, that’s not a bromance. It’s an orgy. And when there are no fish involved, it’s gay. Or the football team bonding in their locker room’s shower after practice. Which explains why Michael Sam considers team sports to mean something deferent than what 90% of his teammates does.
Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid was not a popular movie among gay men because it was a western. Because, as kids, playing cowboys and indians was supposed to end quite differently in our minds. That flick did not call to us because Paul Newman and Robert Redford were hot. Okay it did, and they were, but there was a bigger draw too. Movies are about fantasies, and the fantasy to gay men in that movie had Redford looking longingly into Newman’s baby-blue eyes. Just before he turned over and provided the muse for And Lee’s western to come, Brokeback Mountain. It was one of Hollywood’s greatest gay couplings. Because we were allowed to interpret it that way. Homoeroticism used to mean something. But now we have bromances instead. And every man in England butting up next to his bros. Now we have Zac Efron playing with a dildo. But not in a good way. Worse yet, we now have the ‘man date’ to contend with too.
A New York Times article helped clue breeders into the idea of a man date, defining it as follows:
A man date is two heterosexual men socializing without the crutch of business or sports. It is two guys meeting for the kind of outing a straight man might reasonably arrange with a woman. Dining together across a table without the aid of a television is a man date; eating at a bar is not. Taking a walk in the park together is a man date; going for a jog is not. Attending the movie “Friday Night Lights” is a man date, but going to see the Jets play is definitely not. Two guys getting together to suck each other’s dick is a man date, doing so after attending a revival of “Cats” together is not.
Okay, so I added that last one. But let’s get real. Strolling the beach at sunset, walking hand in hand is what gay guys do when they want to prove it really isn’t just about getting dick. Even though we all know you will be getting dick after strolling the beach at sunset. Especially if you were walking hand in hand. Though if your partner is on the queeny side you may have to reenact that scene from From Here To Eternity first. The point is, the behaviors described by The New York Times are not how straight guys are supposed to act. It’s how we act. Those are gay dates. Those are examples of what we do when we finally succumb to thinking Match.com is the only way we’re ever gonna find a husband. And straight guys imitating our mating rituals only leads to disappointment. We’re out there looking for a husband. Not another Best Man.
Those who rail against the Gay Agenda need to get wise and recognize the insidious promotion of the pseudo gay lifestyle that Wikipedia and Hollywood is. Because we need your help in keeping man-on-man relationships the exclusive domain of gay guys. It’s a sad state of affairs when the gay community has to look toward Rush Limbaugh for an assist. But we either need to champion the cause of the dudes from Duck Dynasty, or just accept that our world will slowly be eroded by the gay antics of the straight boys of the world. The world needs to put a stop to the idea of the bromance. ‘Cuz it’s a slippery slops that can only lead to that bestiality thing y’all are so fond of talking about. And when you co-opt the meaning of doggie style from us, things are gonna get really ugly, really fast.
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