Oh, sweet blindness, a little magic, a little kindness. Oh, sweet blindness, all over me.
Four leaves on a clover, I’m just a bit of a shade hung over.
Come on baby, do a slow float you’re a good looking riverboat
and ain’t that sweet eyed blindness good to me.

I’d intended on using a link to Thailand’s Great Gay Imaginarium – an article I recently ran across about the gay commercial sex scene in Thailand – in this week’s End Of The Week post. It’s a well crafted piece, mentions and quotes a few of the gay Thailand message boards and blogs, and even uses a quote from The Loneliest Wombat in its summation. I’m still linking to it here; you may enjoy reading it for the familiarity of people and places mentioned, if for no other reason. The point the author makes, alluded to in its title, had great potential. And still does. But in assigning a pair of rose colored glasses to others, the author – Alex Jung – proves he’s already wearing a pair himself. Too blind to his own bias, he overstates his case, relies on painfully trite metaphors, and instead of a full presentation of the subject, narrows his focus to a shallow depth of field that only buttresses his preconceptions. Too bad, because he takes some well-aimed pot shots at some of the on-line gay Thailand ‘experts’ too.

Thai bar boys and the men who love to love them are a popular subject. But it seems you either have to drool over the hotness of the guys, or foam at the mouth over the indignity of the work they perform. Which, if you go with the latter, of course, is the work they are forced to perform. Neither side seems to attempt to seek a balance. You either have to join in the merry band of brotherhood, and sing the praises of the lifestyle you’ve made your own so others too will join with you, or you have to find those who do utterly disgusting ,pitiful, and only worthy of your ridicule and condemnation. You’re either for or against. And there ain’t no middle ground worth exploring. Unfortunately, fanatically held positions never hold up to the light of the day. Unless you’re preaching to the choir. Perhaps Alex was.

There are two sides of the story he tells, even if he only presents one held up for ridicule, if not condemnation, while allowing the other to speak for itself only by inference. Which is a shame. Unless he’s a much better author than I thought and allowed irony to speak on his behalf, claiming one of the viewing ports in the “Great Gay Imaginarium” as his own. But I don’t think so. If, however, you take the condemnation out of his reporting, what’s left fits his theme well. It’s a point he makes well. But for the wrong purpose. So today I’ll do it for him. Tomorrow – you did notice the Part 1 thingy, right? – since it is the opposing viewpoint, I’ll look at the equally fantastical imaginarium that Alex and those like him have created out of the experience Thailand offers its gay visitors. But from a snark standpoint, I think today’s post will be a lot more fun.

There’ll also be a third part, early next week, that explores the subject looking at the catalyst for the entire ball of wax – the guys who hire themselves out as a date. Because while Alex uses their pitiful plight to find fault with those gay visitors he doesn’t approve of, they too are active participants in the Great Gay Imaginarium. And more importantly, it is their unique mystique that allows for, and even encourages the gay visitor to become enthralled with the fantasy world Thailand’s commercial sex scene offers.

Obviously since this blog is primarily devoted to the subject, I’m a fan of Thailand’s gay bar world. It offers a heady, intoxicating experience that many respond to. And then return to for the experience again and again. I get that. And I dove in head first on my first visit, and have enjoyed my 50th visit just as much. But I also try to keep some perspective. There’s nothing wrong with losing yourself to the fantasy spun in that world. As long as it’s your conscious decision to do so. In fact, I recommend it. It’s part of the experience. A large part. Because in that world you are a hansum man. And some incredibly hot Thai guy will lub you long-time. But there also lies the rub. Which, along with a tug you have to pay for. Hopefully in baht only and only what you can afford. ‘Cuz those who buy too fully into the fantasy often end up paying more than what they bargained for. And often with their emotions rather – or in addition to – their wallets.

I’d like to say that grown men are too wise and experienced to be taken in by the wiles of someone who is often decades younger than they are. But then considering the packaging those wily boys come in, maybe it’s not that surprising that the opposite is often true instead. But it is a shame when those who have come before set unrealistic expectations and paint a rosy and illusion-filled picture for those new to Thailand’s gay scene. It’s a used car salesman, huckster approach. And the unwary fall for it, thinking they’ve found an accurate source to explain a foreign world to them when what they get instead is a world of spun fantasies. And not the kind the bar world promises. Alex highlights some of these in his article, pointing out their inherent faults, even if for the wrong reasons.

He evidently started his journey into Thailand’s commercial sex world on-line and at Gay Thailand.com, and returns the favor by using that site to make his point first. On dating, he quotes the website’s informational pages: “When you arrive in Thailand you will suddenly feel like more of a stud than you ever have in your life. Don’t be surprised if your score rate suddenly doubles or triples.” And on race: “Thai guys who hang out in gay establishments that cater to Westerners are there because they find Western guys to be hotter than their countrymen.” On age, the site concludes: “In fact, many of them find older men more attractive. In other words, you won’t have to compete against 21-year-old gym bunnies, even if you are in your 40s, 50s or 60s. If anything they will be worried about competing against you.”

I haven’t a clue who wrote Gay Thailand’s stuff. I do know the last time I looked at it it was seriously out-dated and filled with just this kind of too good to be true pollyanna-esque crap that reads as if it were promotional material for an advertorial. I won’t even mention the ridiculous porn supposedly written by a ‘host’ boy. By the time you get to where there is some allowance that money just might be involved, you get this kind of advice: “Don’t feel guilty cause you want it! …None of the boys are ever forced to work in the bars. They do so, for the most part, because they are gay and can make a lot of money doing so. They are happy to get out and meet interesting guys and learn English.”

Um, sorry. But what fucking world do you live in?

The article goes on to quote several message board posts and bloggers, all of whom make Thailand sound like the place gay men can find nirvana. Frequently the country is called a great gay mecca. And hey, it can be a lot of fun. But that mecca is a severely constrained part of a much larger country. Yup you can get laid in Bangkok at almost every turn, but you’d better be taking those turns within the gay ghetto or you won’t be finding many happy endings. The locals’ acceptance of gays is also frequently heralded. And just as often that acceptance is misconstrued for approval. Which allows those who don’t know better to walk through Bangkok’s streets hanging all over the boy they offed the night before. Alex finds fault with the ‘palpable glee’ gay fans of Thailand ooze over their luck in finding hunky sex partners. What he should have found fault with was those who propagate an unrealistic view of what being gay, as a visitor, in Thailand means.

There are, undoubtedly, thousands of gay visitors to Thailand each year who never partake of the joys offered by its commercial sex world. I visited for years and fell in love with the country long before I stepped over that line. As readily available and obvious as it is, not being part of that world does not require morale outrage and indignation. There are enough other treasures to discover to completely occupy your limited time within the country. But since as much as he disapproves of that world that’s all that the author focused on, I’ll stick to the commercial sex scene here too.

Yes, Thailand is the Great Gay Imaginarium, There are those who slip on their blinders as soon as they get off the plane, make a beeline for their first orgasm, or Pattaya, or both, and dwell in a fantasy world where every guy they meet (in the bars, saunas, and on-line) finds them irresistibly attractive, and enthrallingly interesting. So what? It’s their life, it’s their holiday. And if you don’t allow yourself to get hung up on sex being involved, it’s no different than the vacation fantasy others who travel to Jamaica to spend two weeks ensconced in a Sandals resort enjoy.

Other gay travellers find a variety of activities to enjoy during their stay in Thailand, some of which may include spending time in Soi 4 and/or hitting a bar or two. And offing a guy or two while they are at it. Thailand may work as a Great Gay Imaginarium for them too with the fantasy spun of total acceptance because their nights are spent in a small enclave filled with like-minded souls. But then what tourist doesn’t travel with blinders on?

There are repeat visitors – whose frequency of repetition would make an OCD sufferer jealous – who have settled into a relationship with a guy who does or did work in the bar world – such as yours truly – many of whom, much to the chagrin of others, refer to their guy as a boyfriend. Labeled or not, that too is part of the Great Gay Imaginarium. Not that what the two share isn’t real, but its basis is still fantasy. One both parties have fully bought into. And one that works well for both too.

There are those who fall head over heels in love with a bar boy – and even if he wasn’t he still qualifies since his motivation is the same – living a life others can only fantasize about. Whether that be pleasant dreams or a nightmare. Equally well represented are those who fell in love with a bar boy, even if only for a short period of time, got burned (aka reality set in), and now are counted among the disgruntled and disenfranchised. They too are part of Thailand’s Great Gay Imaginarium, even if theirs is a fantasy no one would willingly choose.

The point is Thailand is the Great Gay Imaginarium; it lends itself to being so, it even encourages it. Regardless of the particular fantasy that you decide to subscribe to. It’s a sweet kind of blindness you just don’t find any where else in the world. And that ain’t a bad thing. It is not solely the purvey of elderly farang who can’t score in their home country and only travel to Thailand because of the orgasms their money can buy. Despite what Alex believes. Thailand draws gay visitors from every age group, from every continent (or at least six out of the seven), from every walk of life. And a large number of them end up in the bars found on Soi Twilight.

The men of Thailand draw raves from gay visitors from all over the world for a variety of reasons, with their availability for a few baht being one of the more minor ones. Making the country’s commercial sex scene part of your version of the Great Gay Imaginarium does not mean there is something lacking within you. It just means you’re version of Thailand encompasses everything the country offers to its gay visitors.

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