Since our visit to Bangkok last November to get his cherry popped, my nephew Jake and Noom – my bar boy friend and current love of my life – have become fast friends and bosom buddies. During our trip the two spent far too many hours playing video games at Noom’s place. But then seeing Bangkok wasn’t on Jake’s agenda. Getting laid was. Since then they’ve stayed in touch and graduated from emailing and texting to playing games against each other on line. I’m sure Noom could find someone a bit closer to home to play with. But to him Jake is family and that’s all that matters. Jake, on the other hand, I think enjoys dropping a mention into conversations with buddies about the male prostitute in Bangkok that he goes mano y mano against on-line.

The two hook up on-line frequently enough that neither bothers to mention to me when they do. Though now usually when I see Jake, he’ll tell me. “Noom said Hi.” And emails from Noom which used to just be about the weather and how slow or good business was, now occasionally include the note, “I win Jake.” Knowing that it is his accomplishments that always means the most to me, Noom never mentions when he loses to Jake. Jake, whose football player physique belies his inner geek – the boy attends gaming conventions all over North America and is a nationally ranked player for whatever in the hell game it is that consume 80% of his life – diplomatically says little whenever I mention that I heard from Noom that he wiped the floor with Jake’s ass. But then a well-timed derisive snort always speaks volumes.

“Noom says Hi,” is fine. “Noom says he hasn’t heard from you in a while,” sounds a bit too much like a guilt trip via proxy. Huh. And I thought being in a relationship with a bar boy who lives thousands of miles away negated that whole guilt dynamic thingy. But it worked, as guilt always does. And I immediately sent Noom an email telling him how the weather was and if bidness was good or slow. I also mentioned that Jake had told me he beat Noom during their latest gaming battle. I don’t think Noom got that email ‘cuz he never responded to it.

Jake calling to tell me “we” needed to talk about Noom, however, is a different story. And not a conversation I would be looking forward to. And it wasn’t. Because it centered around a conversation that I’ve been avoiding by using my favorite relationship tactic: ignoring the problem and just hoping it goes away. Not that I’ve ever had much success with that ploy in the past. But I thought maybe I was due to score one in the win column. Nope. Obviously I haven’t set enough caged birds free while in Thailand or my karma would be much better than it is.

My visits to Thailand, other than my annual year-end holiday, never follow a set schedule. Sometimes I go five or six times in a year, other times only twice. But I usually sneak a trip in around June or July. I didn’t this year. And Noom noticed. And was concerned. So rather than ask me about my absence directly he resorted to a time honored relationship tactic that has never been any more successful than my favorite technique and involved a third party. Namely Jake.

Noom’s efforts started with asking Jake if I was okay. When that was not successful, he moved on to asking where I was at. Since neither got the response he wanted, he opened up and explained his concerns. To Jake. Who got a laugh out of the situation, but still was concerned enough to take me to task about my failure to keep Noom apprised about what was happening in my life. Because what I really need is relationship advice from a nerd who lost his virginity just a little over six months ago.

Since ignoring the problem hadn’t worked, I went with my second favorite relationship tactic: procrastination. Noom, for being a Buddhist, isn’t big on patience. And I got an email from him while I was still idly considering how best to broach the subject. After the weather report and a discussion on the state of the world economy as reflected by how busy the bars are, and a few ‘I miss you!” utterances, he got to his point. Which in typical Noom fashion meant he’d already considered all the angles, decided wherein the problem laid, and offered his solution. Patience may not be on of his virtues, but decisiveness is. Which is pretty unusual for a Thai. As was his reading of the problem and his suggestion for a fix.

Noom’s customer base has always been farang. Over the last few years that has changed. Fewer Europeans and Americans are making the trek to Thailand. But more Chinese as well as Asians from neighboring countries are. Those farang that he does book tend to whine about how bad the economy is in their respective countries. Because that’s the info a bar boy who is relying on you to do the right thing financially wants to hear. That has become such a standard refrain Noom decided the reason I’d not visited him in June or July was my bidness was worse than I’d let on and that I couldn’t afford the trip. No problem. He offered to pay for my airfare so that I could visit him. Huh. I immediately called Jake to let him know Noom was gonna buy me a ticket to Bangkok. Me. As in not Jake.

I don’t think Noom knows what it costs to fly to Thailand from the west coast. I’m sure he doesn’t know what that cost is for what in my opinion is the minimally acceptable class for a long-haul flight. I know when I’m buying and he’s flying, the extra expense for being in the front of the plane – in his estimation – is well worth it. I’d little to think the same would hold true if he was paying for my ticket. But knowing how frugal he can be, I fear that might mean being tucked in with the baggage on China Air. Fortunately, my bidness is actually quite good. And I didn’t need to take him up on his offer. Unfortunately, instead that meant trying to explain why I had not visited him.

Regular readers of this blog know that late last year I met a handsome man while out playing photographer one afternoon. We hit it off. And have been inseparable since then. A while back I explained about Noom to him. He took it pretty well. Though the idea of my flying off to spend a few weeks with my bar boy friend and current love of my life didn’t set well with him. Phil is a champ. But even champs have their limits. We decided the best resolution then would be that he will accompany me on my next trip to Thailand. And I decided to honor both of my favorite avoidance ploys for relationships by waiting until then to explain Phil to Noom.

In my defense, a large part of that was out of concern about not hurting Noom. Face to face, I know I can explain how my relationship with Phil will impact Noom. Doing it by email or over the phone allows for miscommunication and unnecessary worry. But waiting until the fall to have that conversation was no longer an option. Neither was taking Noom up on his offer for a free flight to Thailand. According to Phil.

I opted for email so that I could clearly state my case and so that Noom could take his time to digest the news. His responding message came back immediately. There was no discussion about the weather or how good or bad bidness was. And it was quite succinct. The only question Noom had was the message in its entirety: “Why you not tell me?”

Ouch.

Noom also emailed Jake with the same question. Jake was smart enough to not reply.

I think the world of Noom. Over the years my opinion of him as a person has grown. He’s smart, he’s intuitive, and there is much more going on in that cute little head of his than anyone would suspect. So while my concern over unnecessarily hurting his feelings or causing him worry came from a good place, my failing to trust in him sucked. Big time. And he didn’t require any of my long-winded assurances about his future or the future of our friendship. Because even though I failed to trust in him, he completely trusts me to do the right thing. I apologized. Which is something I’m beginning to do far too frequently.

Jake, knowingly, shook his head in disgust at my stupidity. No problemo. I’ve decided to blame Jake for the entire thing. I know if left to my own devices – the aforementioned relationship problem avoidance techniques – I would not have come across as such a total fool.

Noom and I ironed out my having had a lack of faith in him and we’re cool. His not having to spring for my airfare to Thailand probably helped. He demanded asked for a photo of Phil. Since Phil has seen those of Noom, including the naked ones, I thought one of him in the buff would be a nice gesture. Phil isn’t that much of a champ. Noom’s reply to the one I did send was one of his typical SMS styled communications: “He not gay.”

Noom prides himself on being able to identify the gay from the not gay with one look. But what he means is masculine versus effeminate. Which in his mind means top versus bottom. Phil took his assessment as a compliment. Leaving me to attempt to explain to Noom the reality of modern day gay relationships. I’m not sure he bought it. He did, however, decide the American branch of his family had just increased by one. And can’t wait to meet Phil in person.

Now Noom and Phil have begun emailing each other. Nothing good can come from that I’m sure. Though their blossoming friendship bodes well for our visit in the fall. It also bodes well for my mastabatory fantasies. Phil, I’m sure, will straighten me out on that little ball of orgasmic pleasure when he reads this. But I can dream.

On the plus side, Phil has quit giving me the hairy eyeball over my describing Noom as ‘the current love of my life’. At least for literary purposes. He can be as concise in dealing with relationship issues as Noom. Or as he put it, “How could you not love that guy?” Huh. I am doubly blessed. So maybe I have freed enough caged birds in Thailand after all.

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