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18 Thursday Oct 2012
Posted Absolutely Thursdays, It's A Gay World
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17 Wednesday Oct 2012
Posted It's A Gay World
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There is never not a good reason to post a photo of Olympic diving cutey Tom Daley and his muscular mounds of joy. Even more so today thanks to this picture that surfaced of Tom and his corporate sponsor, British Gas, making a bad call on their logo’s placement on his all to brief swimsuit.
This shot is from the July 2011 FINA World Championship in China, by the London Test Event in January, the logo had moved to the front of his suit. Too bad. That would have been a choice spot for Oscar Mayer to sneak in a not too little bit of product placement.
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17 Wednesday Oct 2012
Posted Wednesday Wetness
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17 Wednesday Oct 2012
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A historical moment for you, one that I’m sure you’ll want to jot down so that you can remember it for years to come, this is my inaugural intentional Ubiquitous Plastic Stool Shot, the very first one I took. It was the muse for all future Ubiquitous Plastic Stool Shots, stumbled upon at Wat Mahathat. I took my second in a seemingly never ending series of shots just several minutes later (yeah, I know, but then Neil Armstrong didn’t just take one step on the moon either, now did he?). That shot was the first one I posted, it being a singular red Ubiquitous Plastic Stool – I wasn’t sure if y’all would be able to handle the visual splendor of an entire stack of Ubiquitous Plastic Stools so early in your nascent but growing appreciation of this popular art form.
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16 Tuesday Oct 2012
The Queen was coming and the large contingent of locals at Wat Mahathat suddenly took on the guise of a hive of worker bees. I’d never seen that many Thais actually accomplishing something before. But then regardless of their sanuk approach to life, to the people of Thailand the royals matter. Greatly. And a visit by one is not something to be taken lightly. The required pomp and ceremony alone makes for a hectic work schedule. Wait until an hour before the planned arrival to make preparations, and that moves from hectic to frenetic. Which is the last thing you’d expect out of a visit to Bangkok’s Wat Mahathat.
Most visitors to Bangkok have heard of the Grand Palace and many add a visit there to their itinerary, even if once they get to the palace it is closed and they spend the day touring lesser wats, gem shops, and tailors instead. Just as many have heard of Wat Pho and its ginormous reclining Buddha, and most of them manage to sneak a visit in during their busy holiday schedule. Wat Mahathat isn’t on the radar of most touri, even though like Wat Pho it neighbors the Grand Palace and like Wat Pho it is a Royal Temple of the highest order. As large as the temple is, it doesn’t have the same draw as Wat Pho’s reclining Buddha or Wat Phra Kaew’s Emerald Buddha. Its main claim to fame according to the guide books is its large peaceful garden of palm trees tucked away at the back of the temple. Hardly a Kodak moment. And not a grand enough reason for most touri to consider a visit. But the locals know better. And if it is important enough to earn a visit from the Queen . . .
If you plan on visiting Wat Mahathat, the first thing you have to do is to decide which Wat Mahathat to visit. There are four of them in the country. There’s one in Luang Prabang too if you don’t have enough to choose from in Thailand. If you planned your trip by photos you’ve seen, it is probably the one in Ayutthaya you are thinking of. Almost everyone has seen the iconic photo of a statue’s head enveloped by tree roots at the historical park there. The Wat Mahathat in Bangkok looks like many other local wats, lots of white walls, lots of red roofs, and lots of gold Buddha statues lined up in a row. But then since the one in Bangkok is closer for most touri, it’s Wat Mahathat Yuwarajarangsarit Rajaworamahavihara that you want. But calling it Wat Mahathat will do. If you are asking for directions to the wat from a local they’ll be wrong regardless if you use the temple’s full or abbreviated name. Wat Mahathat, by the way, means Temple of the Great Relic. I’m sure that is in no way a reference to the Queen.
The morning I visited Wat Mahathat, I didn’t know about the Queen’s visit. And the grove of palm trees wasn’t enough to peak my interest either. I’d been visiting the Wat Mahathat amulet market, which runs along Maharat Road at the back of the temple, though being the side closest to the river seemed to me to be the front of the complex. I knew the wat was there, but what enticed me to walk inside the grounds were the long narrow lanes of monk housing and minor buildings that make up a large part of the complex. Even during the week the amulet market is busy with lots of locals bustling about. Steeping into an oasis of tranquility had an appeal. And it was both serene and fascinating until I wound my way through the rural lanes and hit the main temple area. Then it was all about the Queen’s visit.
And the hordes of workers were both busy and excited about the event. Red carpets were being laid out, seating arranged – carefully and in strict accordance of rank inside the temple, and with an eye to squeezing in as many seats as possible outside in the viewing areas – freshly potted plants brimming with color were being hauled in and arranged, somewhat in competition with the elaborate floral arrangements being carried in a non-stop procession into the temple. The AV guys were busy stringing cords and cables for lighting and the PA system, making just as much of a rats nest out of their work as you typically see with electrical wires dangling from the sky along the city’s streets, and gaggles of elderly women manned a brigade of brooms to sweep clean the walkways that the other workers kept getting dirty yet again. And everyone stopped what they were doing to tell me how lucky I was to be visiting the wat when the Queen was coming. An hour an a half in advance to her visit, they all assumed I’d hit the jackpot and would grab a front row seat for the proceedings.
But in all due respect to her Royalness, the Great Flood of 2011 was also gearing up for a visit to the wat, and was already winning the battle against the amulet vendors out on the main street. For me, that scene was a greater draw. My primo seat went to some more deserving, and interested, local. But even then I still spent a few hours wandering through the complex, out to Na Phra That Road (where there is surprisingly a useful map of the complex posted) and then back into the temple again. There is a lot to see at Wat Mahathat, and a lot of history there too.
One of Bangkok’s oldest wats, originally called Wat Salak, it was built in the Ayutthaya period prior to Bangkok being named the country’s capital. Due to its location close to the Grand Palace, it has always had a tie-in with Thai royalty. King Rama I’s younger brother was responsible for its first renovation and had the temple renamed to Wat Nipphanaram. Several years later the king renamed it Wat Phra Sri Sanphet and then in 1803 renamed it Wat Mahathat Of Bangkok since relics of the Buddha are enshrined there. Young Prince Mongkut, who later became King Rama IV served as a monk there and also was responsible for some major renovations. It was given its current name in 1996, and today serves as the residence of the Supreme Patriarch, the head of the Mahanikai school of Buddhism, Thailand’s largest monastic order.
The main entrance to the wat on Na Phra That Road is usually closed. If you are coming from the direction of Sanam Luang your best bet is to walk through the smaller entrance at the corner of Phra Chan Road where you’ll pass an exquisite little wiharn that was part of the original temple as well as the wat’s elementary school. Toward the back you can cut through to the temple’s main courtyard, or exit onto Maharat Road and enter again through one of the numerous gates that lead through the sprawling complex of housing, offices, and classrooms. Wandering through the small alleyways provides a good sense of daily life at the wat, and if you meander over to where the Maha Chulalongkorn Buddhist University is located you’ll often find young friendly monks who’ll enjoy practicing their English while telling you about their life at the school.
You’ll also find the entrance to the inner courtyard may be closed, but the doors are usually ajar and you should go ahead an walk right in. This is where the temple’s main buildings are, including what is believed to be the largest ubosot in Bangkok, an equally large wiharn, the small wiharn used by King Rama IV when he was a monk, and the large square-shaped chedi where the temple’s Buddha relics are enshrined. It’s a large expanse surrounded by cloisters filling with lines of Buddha statues, many of which serve as memorials to departed loved ones. The Buddha statues all in a row are an iconic photo taking opportunity, but you’ll notice the white columns holding up the roof of the cloisters will always seem skewered in your pictures; for some reason they have been built slanted inwards, so it’s the wat’s architecture, not your choice of libations the night before that is to blame.
The buildings take up most of the grounds, but what green areas there are are all formally landscaped. What you won’t find here are the crowds that fill Wat Pho and the Grand Palace. You’ll often have the entire area to yourself. Unless you choose to visit on the day the Queen is scheduled to drop by.
The quiet and tranquil grounds of the wat would seem to lend themselves well to peaceful reflection and meditation. And if you are interested in formalizing your knowledge of those activities, Wat Mahathat is home to the Vipassana Meditation Centre, also known as Section V, an International Buddhist Meditation Center, where visitors can attend a series of classes on Buddhism and meditation.
Classes in Vipassana meditation (insight meditation) are offered at Section V in English daily, and consist of an introductory meditation instruction followed by demonstrations of both sitting and standing meditation. The three hour programs are offered at 7:00 in the morning, 1:00 in the afternoon, and again at 8:00 in the evening. Longer stays, including accommodation and food can be arranged, but students are expected to follow an even stricter regimen of conduct than what is expected of those attending the three hour programs. And those requirements alone you may have a problem in meeting
Students are required to wear only white attire during the programs, (outfits are available for rent at the center). They are also asked to observe five basic Buddhist precepts, which may be problematic. These five rules, if you will, are the basic precepts all devout laypersons are expected to adhere to, so it’s more of an indoctrination into Buddhism that rules demanded by the school.
Perhaps while in attendance at the classes you may have little problem with abiding by these life rules; staying true to your teachings afterwards may be more difficult. The five basic precepts are that you shall not kill, shall not steal, shall refrain from sexual misconduct, shall refrain from gossip, lies, and verbal abuse, and shall also abstain from intoxication liquor and drugs. If you plan on indulging in a longer program three more precepts come into play, those that most Buddhists adhere to during major religious holidays. They are no eating after noon, no sleeping on a bed, and no entertainment – so no TV, or music, and definitely no heading out to watch a gogo bar show.
Wat Mahathat is open daily from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. If you want to experience the amulet market too, Sundays are your best bet, that’s when the market really gets swinging. You can get to the wat by bus, or for about 90 baht by taxi from the Silom area. But your best entrance is by riverboat, which from the Central Pier can run as little at 14 baht each way. Get off at the same pier as you would for the Grand Palace, the Chang Pier, and turn left at the first major road, Thanon Maharat. The amulet market starts immediately along both sides of the street and there are several entrances to the wat along the right-side of Maharat Road. But if you want to enter like a queen, you’ll need to head up a block and use the temple’s main entrance.
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16 Tuesday Oct 2012
Posted Bangkok, Travel Photography
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If Wat Mahathat is the first temple you visit in Thailand you’ll be amazed by all the gold set off by vivid reds. If you’ve already seen a few wats in Bangkok, you’ll be amazed that they all feature lots of gold set off by vivid reds. But there are plenty of other colors to catch your eye here, and the wat is filled with architectural details to delight.
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16 Tuesday Oct 2012
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15 Monday Oct 2012
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Today’s I Fell In Love With A Bar Boy post is not typical of those stories that normally appear under that heading. Ultimately, today’s post is about Noom, my bar boy friend and current love of my life, but does not include him in its telling. It didn’t start out that way. The subject was much broader. But then the more I wrote the more it became about Noom – and about me – which being my two favorite subjects in the world I guess should not come as a surprise. To anyone.
A frequent reader of this blog recently dropped me an email, a follow up to a previous piece of correspondence, which caused me to actually think for a change. Usually I answer emails with the same attitude I do life, flippantly with little concern over how I’m received. That continued correspondence is a rarity in my life is of no surprise either. I’m only going to share a bit of his backstory with you, for this post where that story led is more germane than the actual events.
The reader was involved for several years with a young Thai man, who, I’m sad to say, recently passed away. His feeling of loss continues, attempting to deal with that loss is still a major part of his life. This is one of those times I wish I really did have all the answers. But I don’t. And even the thought of putting myself in his shoes (which Noom would not be thrilled with since that would mean putting him in the shoes of the reader’s boyfriend) is painful. I’m not sure how you go about dealing with the loss of someone so important to you when you are thousands of miles away. It’s one of the few aspects of a long distance relationship that doesn’t get discussed. And one of the few that I’d agree is a negative.
Now before Boo Hoo starts getting a major chub thinking this is a post about death and dying, it’s not. It’s about love. In attempting to convey the pain he is feeling, the reader wrote of some of the things he misses. That included little things like the simple joy of being able to talk with his friend again. It also included his loss of not being able to give and share things with his boyfriend, as well as the joy in his face when the reader gave him a present in the past.
Without sharing his entire correspondence with you, which I do not feel free to do, that may sound very materialistic. But it is not just about material goods; his desire of sharing is just as much about experiences; it is about the desire all of us who truly love someone have to make that person’s life better and more enjoyable. Thai bar boys refer to this – whether giving or receiving – as ‘taking care’ of each other.
Punters who frequently post to the gay Thailand message boards and who like to promote the Walking ATM Syndrome as a universal truth miss out on this aspect of being in a relationship with a Thai. To them it is always about money. But then I think that is more about what they value in life than it is about the realities of being in a relationship with a Thai. I’ve even seen a thread in which they discussed what that phrase means, and they were all entirely clueless (though more than willing to incorrectly define it). Not that money and materialistic things don’t play a part. They do. As they do in all of our lives. So, indulge me while I focus on that part of my relationship with Noom.
The reader’s mention of the joy in his loved one’s face when presented with a gift struck home; Noom’s glorious smile at those times came readily to mind. That also reminded me of how often I’ll see – and buy – something that I know he would like and know will produce one of those smiles. The question that raised in my mind was then, do I buy things for Noom because of the joy it might bring him, or do I buy things for Noom because of the joy it brings me? If it is the latter, is that selfish of me? Am I buying my own happiness through the material things that bring him happiness? Is that nothing more than a Pavlovian response, my present ringing a bell that produces the reward of a smile?
Probably the best answer is that often heard bar boy refrain, “You tink too much.” I don’t know that in the end it really matters. If it makes both of us happy, who cares? Unfortunately the warnings of message board punters still echo in my mind, and god knows I’ve read enough posts from newbies regaling us with stories of all the cash they spent on their new friend that my only response can be, “Oh, you foolish little man.”
But the fact is, when you take the monetary aspect out of the act, the balance is easier seen. It is not money or material things that I give to him, but rather what I have to offer to our relationship. That may still seem to be goods or money – because it often is – but it is what is behind those gifts that really matters. And I don’t think it is a selfish pursuit at all. Unusual for me, it is not about me and any possible reward I may receive in return. Even if that reward is only a smile. It is about Noom. And that I am able to do something for him that makes a difference in his life.
Bar boys, as well as many Thais not working in that industry, have very real needs. The kind of things that Maslow ranks on the lower levels of his pyramid of hierarchical needs. Food, clothing, a roof over their head; the things many of us in the West, or at a higher financial status, take for granted. Those things remain regardless of the job taken in pursuit of obtaining those needs. Whether you call it a friendship or love, when you are able to help someone satisfy those needs, when you are able to take care of your friend, the reward is not in what you may receive in return but rather in the simple enjoyment of having done something for another human being. In this case, one whom you love greatly. The gift is in the giving, not in the specifics of the gift.
That continues to hold true as your relationship grows and as his needs rise on Maslow’s pyramid. With basic needs of safety and security satisfied, happiness in his life evolves to social needs: love, friendship, and a feeling of belonging. This is the level the Walking ATM Syndrome aficionados never realize. They get lost back at level one, thinking the expense to their wallet is a greater need than a bar boy’s needs for the basics in life. And many bar boys have learned that those punters are not willing to give of themselves and will only give from their wallet begrudgingly. So they take it upon themselves to obtain their needs by demanding bigger tips, trying to score as many customers in a night as possible, asking for gifts or extra cash . . . all of the things the punters condemn them for doing. Neither is scaling the pyramid, both are stuck in a circle with one demanding more and more and the other giving less and less. And it’s no surprise neither walks away feeling satisfied or happy.
If, however, you have been stupid enough to ignore the warnings, and have given of yourself, and of your pocketbook freely, you soon find yourself at the level where friendship and love hold sway. That is a sweet spot to be at. Because your friend has risen to a level where you already have been. And are. Suddenly, you are both equals. Your needs are the same. Thanks to your help, he finally achieved enough security in his life that he can look toward friendship and love as a real need. You passed that level years before, climbed much higher up Maslow’s pyramid, but found yourself in need of one of the basic needs far below the level your life is at. And you find your needs being satisfied by the Thai bar boy who is taking care of you.
Many of us fall in love with Thailand, and fall in love with a Thai, not because of the ready availability of sex – often with a much younger man – but because we reach a point in our lives where we need what is missing: a friendship that includes love. And satisfying that need only took a bit of generosity on our part. What is interesting is that satisfying that need is something bar boys begin to do way before it becomes one of their needs too. They begin taking care of you almost from the start. Unfortunately, many of us fail to recognize this.
The big pay-off, at least for me, has been Noom’s rise to the next level, satisfying his needs of self-esteem. With his basic needs covered, and a friend he knows he can rely on, he has become a much more confident man. I see it in the way he walks, in the manner he conducts himself, in the attitude he carries himself when engaged with other Thais. His self-esteem has grown, his status – an important factor far too over-looked by Westerners – has risen, and he has begun looking toward personal goals to achieve, like an education. And all that took was a gift of a new iPod from me. Amazing how powerful that smile I got in return turned out to be.
As long as I’m addressing needs, let me digress for a minute and talk about a very real one. Sex. Noom is a bar boy. At its most basic, that means selling your body for sex. His attitude on the subject has always confused me. More than once he’s mentioned some customer who, wrongly in Noom’s opinion, was primarily interested in sex. Or as he’s put it, “Sex. Sex. Sex. All he want is sex.”
Huh. Yes. And that should be obvious. It’s why many guys go to a gay gogo bar while visiting Thailand. The live fuck show should tip you off that that may be where their interests lay. (And don’t get me wrong. If that is what you want, tip the guy well and show him some respect. You’ll get the orgasm you are after and your ending will be a happy one.) But sex is plentiful in Thailand and even though it is on the lowest level of Maslow’s pyramid, it is not the be all that visitors think it is. At least not to a Thai bar boy. That’s a need he can satisfy for you quickly with little effort. But without ever hearing anything about Maslow’s work, Noom knows that for many customers sex isn’t the real need. Love and friendship are. It confounds him that his customers don’t realize that. And focus on the sex when he is trying to give them so much more. He, and many of his bar mates, are trying to take care of their customers when the customers think all they need is for their cock to be taken care of.
Okay, so some of you are shaking your head and muttering unkind remarks right about now. I know. You go to Thailand to have sex. With hot younger guys you’d not be able to do back home, and whether you are willing to pay for it back home or not, at prices that are ridiculously low. Even though you enjoy bitching about those costs. Right? So let me ask you this: Once you’ve added in your airfare and trip costs, your orgasm could have been obtained commercially back home for the same or even a smaller outlay from your wallet. So why do you go to Thailand? If you really feel all you are interested in is an orgasm, who is it that satisfies your needs of love and friendship back home? And if you do have that person in your life, why do you need to fly thousands of miles away to get sex, a more basic need, satisfied? Or as Aretha Franklin put it: Who’s zoomin’ who?
I’m not suggesting that every visitor to Thailand who hits a gay gogo bar and offs a boy needs to open themselves to love and friendship. Those needs may take a back seat to other needs you have that are of more importance. Just don’t try to tell me sex is the only need you have. Because if you believe that, you are only fooling yourself. Even the bar boys know better. And if you are one of those who despises idiots like me for throwing money at a bar boy, you got it wrong. I’m not throwing money. I’m throwing love and affection. And getting it back in spades.
The gentleman who wrote to me about the loss of his loved one, in trying to address how to lessen the pain that lost has caused, brought up the fundamental Buddhist belief that life is about suffering and that suffering is caused by attachment. According to the Buddha’s teachings, you must learn how to let go of those attachments, how to free yourself from them, to obtain the blissful state of nirvana. His email questioned, however, how he could possibly detach his heart from the pain that goes to its very core. And he wrote of other losses he had experienced in his life, that were not as great. Of those, he wrote, he felt the loss was not felt as heavily because they did not need him as much as his friend had. And that, to me, makes perfect sense.
Maslow called the top level of his pyramid of needs Self-Actualization. He considered all the lower levels to be basic needs, the top tier to comprise the needs that dealt with self-fulfillment. Needing to be needed is one of those. That speaks highly of humans and of the steps of our personal growth. That after obtaining all of the basic needs of safety and security, friendship and love, confidence and self esteem, respect and achievement, one of the needs that we still need to pursue to be happy is the need to be needed by others. And what a wonderful gift that is, to be needed. Even if it is only being needed by a bar boy.
I don’t have an answer for how best to deal with the pain of his loss. But will note that the degree of pain he is feeling has to be indicative of how much the two of them loved and meant to each other. I don’t know if realizing that you were needed and stepped up to the plate alone can help alleviate the pain you are feeling now. Or that knowing how much your friendship and love meant in his life can to any degree help you deal with your loss.
I hope that possibly in understanding your needs that he filled, the level of pain you are experiencing might make a bit more sense. Because he was helping you to achieve a level of happiness that many of us never reach. That probably makes your loss even greater. But also speaks to what a wonderful human being he was and how lucky you were to have known him. Even if what the two of you shared was for far too brief of a time, he is still part of your life. The only thing I can suggest is to remember how much your happiness meant to him, and how much it would mean to him now to see you happy again. Maybe, by trying to still fill that need of his, your sorrow will be lessened. Because he still needs you.
And thanks for reminding me that is it high time I selfishly got around to putting a smile on Noom’s face again. While I still can.
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