Guys, for the most part, are only interested in one thing: sex. And once we’ve had the sex, our second most important life pursuit kicks in: sleep. That’s because even we know it’d be rude to roll over grab a beer and turn a football game on. If however you are not completely dense, or haven’t fallen into a deep slumber already, you may have noticed your partner has something else in mind: a bit of spooning, cuddling, or god forbid, talk. Obviously if you did your job right he would not be capable of speech for at least half an hour. But what about the cuddling crap? Isn’t a restful night of sleep reward enough? Or are men too turning into women?

Yup, smells like science to me.

According to a recent study by evolutionary psychologists at the University of Michigan and Albright College in Pennsylvania, its not a question of whether or not partners nod off after an orgasm, but who falls asleep first. And the quicker you do, according to the researchers, the deeper your partner’s desire for bonding and affection will be. Not that you’d know it ‘cuz you’ve already nodded off.

The study, published in December in the Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, examined 456 participants, who completed anonymous online surveys assessing experiences and desires with one’s partner after sex. Participants then indicated “who falls asleep after sex?” and “who falls asleep first when going to bed not after sex?.”

Participants whose partners nodded off immediately after sex had stronger desires for post-coital cuddling and chatting. “Falling asleep before one’s partner may be a non-conscious way to foreclose on any commitment conversation after sex,” says co-author Susan Hughes, associate professor of psychology at Albright College in Reading, Pa., immediately assigning a woman’s perspective to the phenomenon. It could just as easily be that once you’ve got what you needed, it’s time for some sleep.

Despite the common stereotype, the researchers did not find it more common for men to fall asleep first after sex. Women, however, were more likely to fall asleep first when sex hadn’t taken place.

“Perhaps men stay awake longer as an artifact of mate guarding — making sure the woman doesn’t leave them for another partner,” says Hughes. “Men may also stay awake longer in an attempt to entice their partner into having sex.”

Entice? Do women really think we put that much effort into it? The obvious flaw with this study – besides allowing a female researcher to float hairbrain theories to explain its results – is that none of those participating in the study were gay men. ‘Cuz that would have really skewed the results. The only talking we are interested in after sex, on those occasions when we are being polite, is to finally get around to exchanging names. Even then it is just as easy to roll over and mummer, “Good Night John-Boy,” before nodding off to sleep.

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