An article I ran across on the internet the other day asked the loaded question, Why Are There Gay Men? It caught my eye even though the answer is obvious: so I have someone to play with. On the off chance the article really was about me, I clicked over and gave it a quick read. The crux of the article, or at least the starting point, was that since as we evolve as a species traits that do not further our cause get wiped from the genetic code, then why haven’t gay man genes driven themselves to extinction?

Huh. Besides the need for hairdressers and someone to tell breeders all those Hummel figurines cluttering up their living rooms are just so not right, I thought the authors might have a valid point. And I was willing to concede the basis of the question since evolution doesn’t happen over night, which means headed toward extinction or not there will still be plenty of hot young studs for me to debase well into my golden years. But it does make you wonder. If propagation of the species is the end all to be all, why do those who have no interest in breeding continue to exist? And if being gay is genetic, since we tend to not pass down those genes that work against us, shouldn’t the world be a grayer place by now? And shouldn’t The Homosexual Agenda be worried about this?

Yup, smells like science to me.

According to a study conducted by Andrea Camperio Ciani at the University of Padova in Italy, and soon to be published in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the evolutionary inconsistency of continued blood lines of gay men has little to do with The Gays but rather is all about their slutty family members. It’s not about the survival of the fittest, it’s about surviving the loosest. You are probably a gay man because one or more of the bitches on your mother’s side never learned to keep her knees pressed together. Rather than summing up this phenomenon by saying Auntie Beth is a whore, the scientific community calls this the balancing selection hypothesis. And it’s fast becoming the accepted theory for the genetic basis of male homosexuality. At least until next week when some other researcher’s study comes out.

The study found that the same genetic factors that induce gayness in males also promote fecundity, or high reproductive success, in those men’s female maternal relatives. Or to put it another way, your gay genes are why the women on your mom’s side of the family have always been so popular. Or to put it in its best light, you genetic disinclination to procreate is the reason the women in your mom’s family keep having little rug rats – which evolutionarily frees you up to keep having an orgasm for no better reason than the pure bliss of doing so.

It all has to do with the X chromosome. According to the genetic modeling done by Camperio Ciani and his colleagues, men inherit only one X chromosome – from mom – and if it includes the gene that promotes gayness in males and promiscuity in females – which the researchers call the gay man gene – he is likely to be gay while his mom and her female relatives are likely to have lots of kids. It’s an evolutionary balancing act.

Originally the researches thought that the women who carry this gene had an increased attraction to men, or androphilia. But after investigating the characteristics of 161 female maternal relatives of homosexual and heterosexual men, they adjusted their hypothesis. Rather than making women more attracted to men, the gay man gene appears to make these women more attractive to men. The researchers discovered that for the gene to do its job it wasn’t enough for the women to be loose, they also had to be viewed as being beddable.

So it turns out that the moms and aunts of gay men have an advantage over the moms and aunts of straight men, all thanks to the gay man gene. They are more fertile, display fewer gynecological disorders, have fewer complications during pregnancy, and are more extroverted; as well as funnier, happier and more relaxed. They have fewer family problems and social anxieties than do those women not lucky enough to have a gay man in the family.

“In other words, compared to the others, these women are perfect for a male,” Camperio Ciani said. Attracting and choosing from the best males enables these women to produce more offspring, he noted. It’s Darwinism at its finest. With the side benefit of producing lots of hot gay boys.

Rather than being punished by extinction for not furthering the propagation of the species, from an evolutionary standpoint, gay men actually are a great benefit to the species. Our existence, through genetic factors, make women – as well as gay men – more alluring to other men. The women benefit by having more kids, our species continues to thrive, and we benefit by always being able to find a hot date for Saturday night.

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