The nice thing about posting your naked photo on a gay hook-up site is that no matter how ugly, gross, weird, or disgusting you are, someone out there is gonna take one look and get all hot, bothered and horny. And will then stalk you for the rest of your life. The bad thing about posting your naked picture on a gay hook-up site is that people you know may run across it one day and if you pissed them off may end up emailing a copy to your mother. Worse yet (‘cuz moms probably already knows what a disgusting little piggy you are) is your posted photos are up for grabs; anyone who wants to use them elsewhere on the ‘net can. And often do. For the rest of us, that can be quite amusing.
I’m not sure how or why I ended up on Lurid Diggs, but was immediately fascinated by their site. They have ripped off a great collection of amateur shots, gay guys in all their glory, posing provocatively for the masses in their livingrooms and bedrooms. Most of the guys are unappealing at best. But the six person team who write for the site do not find fault with the flesh (too often). Their unique take is all about the surroundings. They call themselves ‘design experts’ and offer up rather snarky comments about the rooms, decor, and bad decorating taste of the non-hotties whose photos they’ve snagged. If your photo shows up on this site you’ll wish it had only been emailed to your folks.
Leave it to gay guys to ignore hard cock and zero in on decorating errors. Lurid Digg’s design experts do so to an extreme level. It’s campy, snarky, sarcastic humor at its best. But they do have a point. No matter how unappealing your naked shots may be, you can make them even worse by including the pig sty that you call home in your shot. Maybe part of the reason this site has made me chuckle is that I have run across photos on hook up sites of some truly spectacular specimen of manhood that causes instant lust to set in only to have the fantasy that starts playing in my mind wiped away when I notice the dude has a cat box, that looks to have been cleaned maybe once during the previous century, snuggled in right next to his bed. Or I start drooling over some hot, masculine stud’s photo thinking I really need to send him an email when I notice his high heel collection spilling out of the closet he posed next to. Lurid Diggs presents these tableaus as well as others, proving that unintended photographic TMI can have disastrous effects on your love life.
Lurid Digs claims to have been founded on one important principle: “when left to their own devices, homosexualists can throw together some extraordinarily fucked up shit. No matter how bottomless the power bottom, no matter how hungry the cockgobbler, even the gayest swimmer in the gene pool can get confused when it comes to window treatments.” But inappropriate draperies are the least offensive decor highlighted on the site. Some problematic photos are just about trash; why anyone would pose in a room filled with a year’s supply of garbage bags – already filled – is difficult to understand. With others trashy taste rules in lieu of the stench of garbage. In almost all, only a depraved mind at work could be responsible for both the rooms shown and the poses these guys deem to be erotic.
Part of the reason the site is so funny is that they are so often smack on point. In bringing you each post of an astonishing moment in gay interiors gone wonderfully wrong, the gang uses descriptive headlines, previously unknown decorating themes from the depths of middle America like “John Wayne Gacey Meets Little House on the Prairie,” “David Lynch Does Doogie Howser,” and “Laura Ashley Meets Captain Kangaroo”. Sometimes they just cut to the chase: “Where Gravity Goes To Die” or my favorite: “Squeaky Fromme once lived here”.
One man’s overly-done livingroom is described as “remnants from Clarabelle’s collection of souvenir duvets, on ‘permanent loan’ from the finest Ramada Inns across the Deep South”, while for another’s massive collection of ginger jars, the accompanying note reads: “I wouldn’t open them, because that’s probably where he stores the ashes of his dead cats — which he likely cremated all by himself, because in these tough times, we all have to cut back somewhere.”
No detail is too small to be ignored, from a sofa that looks like a big, sticky shammy mitten, to someone’s bargain-basement vanity – stolen from a Big Lots employee restroom – to a couch that appears to be facilitating some sort of irrevocable tear in the time-space continuum. Even the wall art gets its proper due as one particularly horrendous painting gets described as a “half-finished paint-by-numbers Paul Gauguin craft project that was later completed with dayglo sidewalk chalk mom found in a trash heap outside an abandoned outlet mall.”
If you are one of those gay guys who missed out on the decorating gene, this site can be educational too. In deconstructing and revealing the secrets (and crimes) of the various interiors showcased it offers sage advice such as, “Jamming a lot of minimalism into one room kind of defeats the point,” or the far too often ignored rule of thumb that “Unless you have a vagina, are over 70, and live with your sister (who also has a vagina, we assume), leave the doilies and chintz at the Christian book store where they belong.”
It’s not that the lucky guys who get featured on the site lack taste but rather that they go out of their way to prove it. Or as the design panel describes them: “They’re the kind of people who start big projects, like patching the Sheetrock on the ceiling, then they get distracted by a good episode of Hoarders, thinking, “Hey, is that my mom?” The large number of naked guys who include dozens of plush toys in their pictures, stuffed animals from a childhood that cried out for abuse, is just plain ol’ creepy.
By visiting Lurid Digs, if nothing else you can score some great lines to use the next time you visit some of your straight friend’s homes like, “It’s all quite magical in a Martin Scorsese sorta way,” or “There’s a schism of self happening here.” More refined compliments, such as “it’s no easy task piecing together a full set of curtains from old communion dresses and Stevie Nicks‘ castoff shawls” await too. If snark doesn’t come to you naturally, this site will help you make up for that deficiency with some of the bitchest bitchiest comments known to man. And visitors’ comments just ratchets up the snarkfest by a few degrees.
Okay, so fine. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some of the bad interiors earning placement on the site are not just accidents not waiting any longer to happen, many were carefully put together with much thought. And that’s the problem with stereotypes. Even those who are being stereotyped start believing the lies. Sorry, but all gay men are not natural born interior decorators, not all gay men have taste. There is plenty of proof on Lurid Diggs. Even the photos of truly hot guys come up short, or as one of the design experts put it, “I quickly ruled out being turned on, so what I’m left with is a combination of fear and pity.”
Visit the site, take a look, get ready to laugh – or puke – and then say a prayer that one of your old photos doesn’t show up in a future post.
Other Posts You Might Enjoy: