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The Art And Science Of Being A Butterfly

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Butterflys are free, on-going relationships with Thai bar boys are expensive.

For total newbies, ‘butterfly’ is the term the local boys use to refer to customers who flit from one guy to the next. Variety may be the spice of life, but to a bar boy it means a loss of tip money. Bangkok bar boys do not like butterflies. Usually. If a bar boy urges you to become a butterfly, offering a line-up of his bar mates for you to off in his stead, you may want to reconsider your daily hygiene regime. That you are old, fat, bald, have a tiny dick or a grumpy disposition will not rule you out for the honor of being a repeat customer. Being badly in need of a bath will.

If you are a cheap bastard, you won’t be invited for seconds either, but the boy won’t pawn you off to his friends; on your next visit to his bar, the mamasans, waiters, and the entire stable of boys will ignore you instead. A bit of soap will take care of the first problem, rereading any one of my posts about the cost of a night’s companionship at a gay gogo bar in Bangkok should set you straight if squeezing the last satang out of a baht is your preference.

You’d think spending a few hours with a Thai bar boy would be much the same as any other commercial sex scene elsewhere in the world. And there are many similarities. But it’s the differences that make the Thai gogo bar world so extraordinary. Elsewhere a rent boy may appreciate repeat business, in Bangkok bar boys live for landing a multiple off customer. But it’s not just repeat business they are after. They also are looking for a sponsor, someone willing to take care of them. And their financial needs. And the financial needs of their family. And the financial needs of their friends. If you fall on the side of a potential sponsor, the last thing a Thai bar boy wants to find out is that you prefer to float like a butterfly.

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Thai bar boys will always tell you that they are a simple farm boy in search of love. In truth, they are devious little bastards who love to pull the wings off butterflies.

The species of butterflies known to Thai bar boys are customers who want a different guy every night. Forget the possibility of a life-long commitment to his bank account, a butterfly means he’s not going to even score a second night. Butterflies are not a popular breed of customer in Thailand, but bar boys are used to the strange ways of farang and will accept that they netted a butterfly with no ill-will as long as you pay attention to a few social rules of the road.

You may think that if you paid your money, there is no obligation on your part to play the game according to bar boy rules. And while you are right in this belief, failing to observe a few simple rules can mean your experiences on future nights and with future guys will not be what you dreamed of. Misunderstandings are common; you speak English, he speaks bar boy so what you think you said may not be what he heard. Here are 10 tips that will help you navigate the world of Thai bar boys:, protect your butterfly status, and ensure your entire holiday is filled with wonderful sexcapades with a variety of hot studs:

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This may be the vision you see in your mind of the next morning when offing a bar boy long-time - meaning over night. His vision is similar; only your ass is draped in a pair of pants with a nice fat bulge in the rear pocket thanks to your wallet. A short-time off not only means a smaller tip, it means your wallet will only be opened once.

1. Short Times Makes For Best Times: Assuming you qualify as a customer the bar boy wants to see more of, nothing will kill his interest quicker than you only wanting a short-time off. To a bar boy interested in an extended business relationship, that’s the kiss of death. If you are not interested in spending the entire night with him, he knows you will not be interested in committing yourself to a life-long relationship either. Offing a guy for short time only will make quick work out of his plans for your future. The bar boy phrase for short time is ‘You come, I go’. The customer’s is ‘I come, you go’. An oft repeated gem of wisdom is that with a bar boy you are not paying him for sex, you are paying him to leave after the sex. Make sure your money is well spent.

2. Fess Up, It’s Good For The Soul: The only Thai word you need to know is ‘butterfly.’ Use it as soon as possible to establish your desire to keep your wings free. Your bar boy du jour has already decided to schedule you for companionship for the next few days; he knows how many days because back at the bar he asked you, “How long you stay Bangkok?” You probably thought he was just carrying on a conversation; he was determining just how good of a catch you were and how long he could possibly keep you as a customer. Set him straight from the get-go. At the bar when he asks your name, reply, “I butterfly.”

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To a Thai bar boy, the idea of tieing his time up is good. Actually tieing him up? Not so much.

3. Be Firm, But Polite: Pretty much anything you say a bar boy will take as a promise. You may try to be polite in answering his question of whether you want to see him again or not, but anything other than a firm ‘no’ quickly followed by, “I butterfly” will result in him thinking you are up for an extended relationship. If you didn’t decide to not off him again until after you bedded him, there is no reason to be rude about your plan to move onto greener pastures. You do not have to tell him he looked hotter in the dark of the bar or that he sucks dick like a lesbian. Bar boys are big on ‘face’, even when you’ve just shot your load on his. It’s not healthy to piss a bar boy off, so just make your claim of butterflyness and call it a night.

4. 1 + 1 = Forever: Often customers will off a guy for a night or two and then remember that variety is the spice of life. Bad mistake. By spending a second night with a bar boy you’ve signalled your interest in continuing the relationship. You now belong to him. Freeing yourself from his clutches will be messy, if not impossible. Hearing a Thai bar boy wail in agony and disappointment when the love of his life for the last two nights deserts him is a more grating sound than a pack of cats in heat. Or Thais singing traditional songs. Stick to a single off or face the consequences.

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Your view of a bar boy may be as a toy for your enjoyment, a night of pleasure boxed up in a neat little package. Cool. But play nice, don’t lie, and though he may be as cute as a doll, remember he is a fellow human being and deserves to be treated with respect, not like a sex toy. Short or long, you’ll have a much better time if you consider his feelings too.

5. It’s His Bar, Not Yours: Even if you’ve made your butterfly status clear, showing up the next night at the bar the boy you offed the previous night works at will get his hopes up. Not a good idea unless you want to have him immediately attach himself to you when you walk in the door. You will not be able to pick a new boy out from that bar’s stable. Besides he already told all of his bar mates all about you: how fat you were, how hairy, the size of your dick, the funny noise you made when you came … you’re better off hitting a new bar and starting with a fresh slate.

6. You Can Run, But You Can Not Hide: If you chickened out and told a bar boy you’d come to his bar again and off him for another night – meaning you lied – trying to avoid him by hitting a different bar will not work. Bar boys are all in tune with each other and he’ll be alerted to your presence in a bar even if it is one further down the soi. He will find you. Your sex life in Bangkok will be screwed. And not in a good way.

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Mirror, Mirror . . . Thai bar boys are always looking for a fortuitous sign that the farang they are with will lub and take care of them. For life. If you are a butterfly there is no need to shatter his dreams, but be clear that you believe variety is the spice of life.

7. Float Like A Butterfly, But Don’t Sting Like A Bee: Maybe you are an acceptable customer. Maybe your bar boy was a great lay. You can both be complementary about the other guy without committing yourself to a long term relationship. Just don’t use the ‘lub’ word. You do not have to be rude or abrupt in establishing your butterfly status. And should not be. It is neither necessary to make excuses or find fault. If you do, your bad rep will spread quickly through the bar boy world. Not being respectful of a bar boy one night will almost guarantee you land duds on the other nights you are out on the prowl.

8. Butterflies Are An Endangered Species, Protect Yourself From Extinction: Thai bar boys are not stupid. But they know farang are. You may tell a bar boy that you are a butterfly, but he’ll know better; that you just need a bit of encouragement to become tangled in his web. You may think announcing your status as a butterfly is enough, but it’s not. You need to be aware and continue to hold true to your desire to sample a different guy nightly. One slip of the tongue, one gaze of too lingering of a look is all it takes to confirm to the guy that you are hooked. Once he feels he’s landed you, you’re dead meat, your wings will have been clipped. Being a butterfly takes commitment. Failing to be strong results in a commitment.

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Be firm in your commitment to being a butterfly, there’s no reason to bend over and commit to multiple offs when all you want is one night in heaven.

9. Butterflies Are Free, Boyfriends Are Expensive: Many visitors are looking for a romantic adventure, to fall in love with a bar boy while visiting Thailand. That’s quite easy to accomplish. And there is nothing wrong with not playing the butterfly card. But, your financial obligation on repeated offs grows proportionally. He’ll need money for food and rent, his family’s buffalo may be ill, his cell phone will need replacing. Love is grand, but it costs. Being a butterfly means never having to pull your ATM card out of your wallet. Falling in love with a Thai bar boy means you better have made sure your bank account was well stocked before hopping on the plane. If your money runs out, you will get to be a butterfly whether that was your intention or not.

10. Try A Little Help From A Friend: Thai bar boys are first and foremost Thai. Their extended family pretty much encompasses everyone in the Kingdom. They consider their bar mates to be brothers and look after their well-being. If you have made it clear you are a butterfly, and qualified as a good customer, don’t be surprised if your guy suggests one of his friends for your next night’s bout of pleasure.

While you are under no obligation to follow his recommendation and off his friend, you may want to consider doing so. You will avoid having to establish your butterfly status, and will also avoid having to specify what it is you like or don’t like to do in bed. Your original bar boy will have already clued his buddy into every small detail about you. If the idea has no appeal, suggest instead that both guys join you back in your hotel room. The spectre of having to do disgusting things with a farang in front of a buddy will send most bar boys running. Then again, they may agree and you’ll be in for a real treat.

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