I was originally going with the title How To Pick Up A Thai Guy for today’s post. I thought that maybe, after four years of blogging about scoring hot Thai guys, I should take a moment and write about non-bar boy and non-moneyboy hook ups. ‘Cuz there are some visitors who get on their moral high-horse but still want to get laid while in The Land of Smiles. Personally, I find the gogo bars an easier option. I’m lazy. And whether my trip is for one week or a full month, time is limited. With a bar boy I don’t have to spend hours on Gay Romeo or Grindr exchanging messages, setting a meeting time and place, and then hoping when that time arrives we both are still up for it. With a bar boy there’s no holding your breath that the guy who shows up at your door at least looks somewhat like his profile pictures. With a bar boy I already know exactly what I’m getting. ‘Cuz I’ve already seen him naked.

But I have, in the past, set up dates on-line, through my smart phone, and even picked up the occasional hottie at a pub or club. So I thought taking a look at those hook-ups and providing a few clues on how to meet non-working boys would be a refreshing change. No problemo. My fingers began flying across the keyboard. And then hit a brick wall. I don’t think The Beatles spent much time in Thailand. ‘Cuz not only can money buy you love, but for a visitor on holiday on Thailand love will always cost you something.

Wherever farang congregate, outside of the bar world, moenyboys abound. Some are up front about it. Some only bring money up after the act. Many tell you they are not a moneyboy and even get all huffy at the idea that they are, but then still go for the baht at the end of the evening. There was a thread on one of the gay Thailand message boards a while back about a farang who met a Thai guy in a bank, hooked up, and then was incensed that the guy wanted money from him after body fluids had been exchanged. And this from an old-hand too. He shoulda known better. One of the reasons they call it The Land of Smiles is that those smiling Thai faces always know, at some point, they’re gonna get rewarded with cash. A wad of baht is the Thai version of Pavlov’s dog’s bell.

You expect that those guys who’ve let age creep up on them and smack them across the face with an ugly stick will have to pay for their orgasms. Ditto for those whose looks or demeanor result in never getting laid back home. Fat, ugly, socially deficient, mentally incompetent, in Thailand it doesn’t matter, if your wallet is full. That’s one of its draws. Anyone can get laid for a price. And a damn cheap one at that. But what if you are still attractive? Or even young and attractive? What if you score all the sex you can handle back home? Surely you can hook up with a local hottie without it costing you a dime, right?

Dream on. Half of the hotties at DJ Station that you are interested in are more interested in the fat, ancient, looser with the huge bulge in his back pocket than they are in you. That’s not to say you can’t score a night in heaven thanks to nothing more than your youth and good looks. You can. But at some point, your wallet is still gonna play a supporting role.

Years ago I took a roommate to Thailand with me for his inaugural visit to the kingdom. Mark was hot. With thighs to die for, and ass sculpted by the gods, a dick that hung to his knees, and a smile that caused orgasms to flow when he strutted down the street, he could get laid in a nunnery. And on a scale of one to ten, his boyfriend rated a 12 too. Theirs wasn’t so much an open relationship as it was that the boyfriend forgave Mark’s dalliances with the excuse, “Yeah, but just look at him.”

Mark hooked up with a hot duck farmer he met at Babylon. Meanwhile I hooked up with a bar boy I fell in lust with. Three days later, when we’d both tired of our playmates and decided the grass was greener between someone else’s legs, Mark did the math. I’d paid off fees and tips daily, he had not paid a penny for his orgasms. And it had cost him several thousand baht more than my paid-for companionship had cost me.

If you are young enough and hot enough, if the timing is right, you can get your dick sucked at a sauna for free. As long as you ignore that you paid an admission fee to get into that sauna. If all the local disco divas swoon when you pull your shirt off on the dance floor at G.O.D., as long as it’s only about getting your nut off there’s an 80% chance you’ll get yours without even being asked for taxi money. If you are not trying to score outside of your league (and seriously then, why bother?) if the planets are all aligned you can find some guy on-line or off your phone who’ll be happy to take nothing more than what you want to give him, even if that’s nothing more than your load. If you play your numbers right, you can also win the lottery. And those odds are probably more in your favor.

That doesn’t mean that all Thai guys are whores. But be realistic about it. You’re in town for but a short period of time. The local guys you’ll meet are purposely hanging out where farang tourists are. If he really isn’t a moneyboy, both of you are only looking for a quickie. And his options are far grander than yours. Farang are not an exotic species. And unless you truly are god’s gift to gay men, he’s probably looking for a bit more than just dick. Because those are plentiful too.

It may only be a few rounds of drinks he otherwise couldn’t afford, a dinner at a restaurant he wouldn’t patronize if it was his wallet at risk, a night at a 5-star hotel he only dreamt about, or a bit of taxi money to get home that netted him a hundred baht or so to the good, but inevitably there’s gonna be something beyond your companionship that attracts him to you. And the more you deviate from his definition of desirability, the more compensation he’s gonna expect. The Beatles were right when they sang “Money can’t buy me love.” But when you are on holiday in Thailand, the local version of that sentiment, “No money, no honey” rules the day. Because for 99.999% of the Thai guys you’ll meet, it’s your money that is the real attraction.

That still doesn’t mean that all Thai guys are whores. Culturally, even among themselves, he who has the most money pays. And as a farang on holiday, you are perceived to be far richer than most local boys you’ll meet. He may not have headed out for the evening thinking: I’m gonna find a rich farang and have him pay for my evening. But he’ll still expect that you will. It’s the social norm in his life. And it’s the attraction of farang on holiday. There are plenty of local clubs he could go to instead that are more in line with his financial status. But the good life costs, and it’s always more enjoyable if someone else picks up that tab. And if he can finish off the night with a few hundred baht more in his pocket than he started the evening off with, why not?

So how do you pick up a Thai guy? Just like you would anywhere else in the world you are visiting. You go on-line, or pull up your favorite hook-up app. You hang out at bars, pubs, or clubs where the gay boys gather. You smile, be fun to be around, dress and look your best. And you make sure you take your ATM card with you. Because Thai guys are hot. And friendly. You will get laid. And it will be worth every penny you claim it didn’t cost you.