‘Tis the season so feel free to don all the gay apparel you want. But when the spirit moves you, please remember that being a gay man isn’t just about dick. We’re supposed to be artistic and creative too. And we’re still not talking about dick. At least not yours. ‘Cuz if you thought decking the halls meant getting festive below your belt, you’ll be scoring a falalalafail and either will spend Christmas alone or will be looking for a new boyfriend for the new year. Besides, it’s been done before. And the following photos are not suggestions, they are Things To Not Do With Your Penis For Christmas:

While I’m on the subject of things to not do with your penis on Christmas, do not take it to a lesbian’s house (or lesbians’ since they tend to travel in pairs). Dikes are not overly fond of penis in the first place, and still being women they don’t quite get the concept of standing while peeing. Aim has probably never crossed their minds as 99% of their visitors sit. And that means when one of them comes storming out of the bathroom screaming, “Who peed all over the Santa toilet seat cover?” you’ll probably be the only one raising his hand. And then whose Super Bowl party are ya gonna attend?