Premature ejaculation is nothing to laugh about. Okay, it is. But you’d think those that suffer from selling the wine before its time syndrome would have a better sense of humor about it. Finding the humor in life should make up for the lack of sex they’re having. And those who do occasionally get laid certainly still have the time for a good joke or two. But when the punch line comes too early it can ruin any joke. And in the Land of Smiles, that’s nothing to smile about.

Sombun Lueangwatthanakit, a urinary expert at Bangkok Hospital, recently revealed the results of a study that says 36% of Thai men are fans of opening their gifts on Christmas Eve. In a land where the political divide is between those who wear a red shirt or a yellow shirt, a large portion of the population never get their shirts on in the first place. Sombun, who surveyed local men between the ages of 20 and 60 for his study says, “Many said they were likely to ejaculate within a minute of starting sex.” Which can’t be good news for sex tourists who are fans of long-time offs.

The good news is that Sombun’s study showed that by and not-so-large Thai men’s equipment works just fine. The bad news is that for many the sprinklers come on during the national anthem. Sombun says he found more men suffered from premature ejaculation than erectile dysfunction. That means for many the standard bar boy refrain of, “You come, I go” for a short-time off is instead, “I’m done. Get out.”

Surprisingly, even though statistically 1 out of 2 people enjoy premature ejaculation, Sombun found that 40% of the partners of men who call their orgasm a beta release say they are satisfied with their sex life. But that could be because according to a study done last year, between 54 and 59% of Thais cheat on their partners.

Undoubtedly thanks to that age-old proverb, Physician heal thyself, there has been much research done on the problem of men who routinely talk to the clown but don’t stop at the window. And thanks to a study done in 2009 by Patrick Jern of Åbo Akademi University in Finland, there is hope for Thai men whose countdown clock starts at T-plus two seconds. According to Jern, ejaculation latencies were shown to be significantly shorter when men achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration than when doing so in the course of other activities, such as anal, oral, or manual sex, or to put it into words for those who don’t have the time to translate scientific phrases: those sex acts most often associated with gay sex can mean the difference between a life time of coming off the blocks before the pistol shoots and enjoying an orgasm as the main course instead of as an appetizer. I’m sure Prime Minster Prayuth will take this into account in his efforts to make Thailand a happier place.

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