Driving home from a long weekend away, Phil, who you may remember as one of the two contenders for the title of current love of my life (but who shall now be known as The Bastard) brought up a line I’d just published in a post, noting that I do not pay Noom, my bar boy friend and still current love of my life, for using his story on my blog. Which just goes to show you the rule for road trips lasting eight hours or more should be that the passenger must give the driver head for the duration of the trip. Unfortunately, Phil’s mouth was otherwise unoccupied. And the petty little discussion he started, I’m sure, had nothing to do with having just lost a $500 bet to me on the outcome of the Weidman/Machida fight. Vegas is a great town to experience the 4th of July; the fireworks inside the ring for UFC 175 were even better. But not being able to accept being the loser that he was, he thought he’d came up with the perfect one-two punch combination and went with my lack of
My initial response was that I’m not telling Noom’s story on my blog, I’m telling mine. Noom is just a co-star. Phil set that error straight by noting no one reads my blog because of me, they read it because of Noom. The bastard. So instead I went with the argument that while I’ve never specifically paid Noom for his guest appearances, considering our financial arrangements for his general upkeep, he’s been more than well compensated. That one didn’t fly either. Neither did my blog making him an internet star. And you don’t want to hear Phil’s opinion of my claim that Noom has benefited from the large numbers of guys who have offed him after reading about him here either.
I coulda argued further, but it’s difficult to win a debate whose standard places you in the untenable position of defending a point your heart really isn’t behind. Besides, there were still four hours of travel to go and I was still hoping for the aforementioned blow job while driving. So I conceded the point, told him he was right and that I’d have to do something about it, and then reclined my seat back a notch and unzipped my jeans. But The Bastard wasn’t letting me off that easy. Nor did he take the hint about getting me off either. Instead he began planning Noom’s financial future. And having just spent a few days updating my home page while I was away he decided from the large number of hits this blog gets daily it was time I ‘monetized’ my blog.
Huh. I explained that a) a large number of those visitors are only interested in Joe Manganiello’s penis; b) I hate the use of trendy words and phrases like ‘monetize’; and, c) I enjoy writing this blog and turning it into a profit center would make it more like a job. Phil nodded in agreement with my points, rolled his eyes at at least one of them, and then informed me taking care of Noom was my job. The Bastard. But a wily bastard nonetheless ‘cuz he reached over and began giving my crotch the attention it craved while laying out his plan on making Noom not just famous, but rich too. At some point I must have agreed. Because just before putting his mouth to a better use he said, “Good. I’ll email Noom at tell him.” The Bastard.
See how quickly they turn on you?
So that’s the story behind the Donate button that now appears on my blog pages, as well as a rather messy orgasm I had just outside of Bakersfield. Personally, I woulda waited until I came up with a good name for the fund, or at least a specific purpose and goal. ‘Cuz left to his own devices, Noom would blow whatever cash I raise on his behalf on something frivolous. Like food for his family. Instead, I’m thinking that one of his desires I’ve studiously ignored in the past is a sponsorship for entering the senior division of body-building competitions. That would go a long way to feeding his ego. Which is ravenous. And would require he keep his body in tip-top shape. So I’d benefit too. Plus it would lay a good groundwork for the future argument that the best way he could thank his sponsors would be a steady stream of photos of his body’s progress. Preferably nude ones. Which sounds like a win/win proposition to me.
If you’ve enjoyed reading this blog, have come to lub Noom as much as I have, or have found the information provided here useful or the large amounts of snark mildly humorous, then it’s time to show your lub by sending some cash. I thought of using one of the crowd funding websites for this purpose, but that woulda required some research so I’m instead using an old Paypal account. You do not have to have a Paypal account to donate (despite, I’m sure, Paypal’s suggestion that you open one). Any amount you feel is appropriate is fine (but do keep in mind that Noom has expensive tastes). I think I’ll keep the donations anonymous, but will come up with some graphic to show how much The Bastard’s plan has raised. And while I will no doubt be getting weekly emails from Noom asking how rich he is, I’ll wait until my next visit in November to hand him his sponsorship monies. So show your lub, make me proud, and click the Donate button below. I thank you, Noom thanks you, and undoubtedly The Bastard will thank you too.
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