There are those who avoid traveling to Thailand during times of political strife. Which, with the frequency of protests and uprisings these days can mean avoiding travel to Thailand all together. During a coup or coup-to-be that may make sense for a first time visitor who is unfamiliar with Bangkok, though regardless of the political actions being staged there is still lots to see and do, all of which would keep you out of the danger zones. For repeat visitors, encampments in the city’s parks and on its streets, cute military boys, and the occasional tank just adds to the experience and offers something different from the usual. So personally, I don’t view a political crisis as a legitimate reason for not traveling to the kingdom.

There are those who avoid traveling to Thailand during major Buddhist holidays. At least the religious ones. Those travelers bemoan the lack of available booze and even the possibility of bars being closed during their holiday. While I enjoy Bangkok at night, the bars, and drinking like a fish, a night or two spent doing something else really isn’t the end of the world. And making the effort to hit one of the wats putting on a celebration makes up for the lack of booze. So I ignore Thailand’s holiday schedule too.

Ditto for natural disasters. They too don’t keep me away. Their impact on the city makes for a different, and possibly exciting visit. Plus I’m a fan of natural disasters. Man-made ones, not so much. Which is the best way to describe the one thing that will keep me from visiting Thailand. And that is the World Cup.

Being an American I’m not really a fan of soccer, or what the rest of the world thinks of as football. In the U.S. soccer is like softball. It is played by girls and the girls who grow up to be dykes. We do have professional soccer teams, although soccer ranks just below hockey on the popularity scale. And one of our teams has an out, gay player. Who is undoubtedly pissed that Michael Sam keeps being referred to as the first openly gay professional sportsman. But that’s the problem with soccer. We don’t really consider it a sport. It has all the excitement of tennis, frequently ends with neither team winning, and seldom requires a scoreboard to track goals. It’s fine for European nations and third world countries but doesn’t quite hit the mark for America. And since we still get to enjoy seeing David Beckham in his underwear, there’s no good reason for soccer mania to sweep across our shores.

The boys of Thailand, however, are gaga over the game. If you ever want to really impress your boy special – or time share as I like to refer to them – bring him an official jersey from your home team. He’ll be even more impressed if you instead bring him one from one of the teams that tend to win most of the time. Which pretty much means Brazil. Or avoid problems and just bring him Cristiano Ronaldo’s. You’ll be glad you did. Especially if you are visiting Thailand this Thursday through July 13th during the World Cup. Because that wide smile on his face as you hand over your gift will be the last time you see him.

32 teams will be playing this year in 64 matches in twelve cities across Brazil. Japan and South Korea are the only two Asian countries scheduled to compete. And surprisingly to most Americans, the U.S.A. is in the World Cup too. More importantly for those unlucky souls in Thailand during the games, all 64 matches will be broadcast, with 22 – including the opening and final matches – shown for free on channels 7 and 8. And ya know how Thais are about that magical world free.

I may not know much about soccer, but I do know about the World Cup experience in Thailand having lived through it once. Generally, I tend to adjust my time schedule to Noom’s when I’m in Bangkok. Getting to bed around 2am – 3 am and starting the day off around 10am works well for both of us. That’s his normal schedule, and it’s a good one for partying the night away for me too. For his part in the deal, Noom tends to do those things I want to do. As long as most involve shopping. So we are both happy campers. Until the World Cup rolled around.

I don’t remember where the matches were being played that year, but the timing was similar to what you can expect this year. The games being played in Brazil means they’ll be televised around 3am in Thailand. And the last thing you want to do after being out all night partying is to spend two hours sitting in front of a television watching soccer. Especially when those hours are supposed to be devoted to having sex. Noom was adamant about watching every game he could. I tried to fake interest, fell asleep within the first fifteen minutes of each game, and then got rudely awakened whenever whichever team he was rooting for scored a point. So maybe those not untypical 0 to 0 games aren’t really all that bad.

Usually when I hit town Noom moves in for the duration of my stay. After our first night together, he heads back to his loom, packs a bag, and calls our hotel room home until I head off to a plane. On that trip, after watching a few early morning games while I slumbered on the bed next to him, he’d had enough. The next night morning after we got back to our room he announced he was headed back to his loom. Granted, it was kinda cute watching him hem and haw about his abandoning me. And, with an undisturbed night’s sleep in sight I wasn’t all that upset with his plan. But waking up next to a naked Noom is one of the things I enjoy about Thailand the most. And the World Cup put a quick end to that bit of pleasure. So save your breath if you thought you were gonna convince me soccer is a sport worthy of my time. The dampener it put on my sex life is way too big of a hurdle for the sport to overcome.

The problem with soccer and the World Cup for an American – at least this one – is it really doesn’t cause much of a blip on our radar. The NBA Championships are a different story. So I carefully scheduled my next trip to make sure I’d still be in the U.S. to watch LeBron rack up another win this year. I even considered the Triple Crown schedule since California Chrome is a local boy. What I forgot to take into account was the damn world of soccer. The coup in Thailand and the accompanying curfew hasn’t been enough to convince me to reschedule my travel plans. But the sudden realization that I’ll be in Bangkok during the World Cup just hit home. If I’m lucky, the army will reinstate its take over of the Thai television stations.In the interests of tourism I think that’s the least the country could do.

I’m not gonna cancel or reschedule my trip. But while originally I’d planned on hanging out in Bangkok for the duration, now I’m looking for somewhere else in the area to visit instead. Somewhere where they will not be televising the World Cup. I think that pretty much means Burma. Which is an iffy destination for Noom. I’m sure, despite his general feelings about the Burmese, he’ll want to go anyway. I’ll just have to lie and tell him he can watch the World Cup in Yangon too.

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