In Thailand today the locals celebrate Visakha Bucha Day, one of the most important Buddhist holidays. Thailand’s sexpat community, not so much. Visakha Bucha Day celebrates the trifecta of the Buddha being born, enlightened, and passing away on the same month and date of the Vesak full moon, though obviously several years apart. Thais honor the day with grand ceremonies and processions at local wats. Sexpats usually celebrate the day by whining about how difficult it is to get a drink in a gogo bar since, by law, Visakha Bucha Day is a dry holiday. But this year the Cheap Bastards who’ve decided to call Thailand home have something new to whine about. Which is always something to celebrate. Recent changes in visa enforcement procedures have set the stage for putting a stop to the practice of foreigners circumventing the rules by making visa runs to nearby border towns to extend their 90-day permission to remain in Thailand.

Being An American, I’ve never paid much attention to visa requirements for entering Thailand. I get off the plane, stand in line at Immigration, smile at the camera when my turn comes, and then go wait for my bags to make it off the plane. I tend to make side trips to other SE Asian countries too. By air. And when I come back into The Kingdom, that process is repeated once again. I can’t tell you if those multiple entries count toward the 30 days I’m allowed to be in Thailand, or if that clock starts ticking anew each time I reenter. ‘Cuz I’m an American. And my tax dollars that go toward foreign-aid ensures if a problem arises at the border all I need to do is remind them I’m from the USA.

The citizens of other countries who are not as generous with their foriegn aid are not as lucky. There are a whole slew of visas for them to attempt to get, though no one seems to agree on what most of those various visas should be called. In fact, the boys on the boards enjoy arguing about visas, visa requirements, and visa designations almost as much as they do about how cheaply you can off a boy in Pattaya. Neither of which holds much of an interest to me. I’ve never been very interested in the numerous threads about which visa run company is the best either. ‘Cuz the idea of spending a day traveling in a bus to some border town just so you can turn around and spend even more time on that bus to get back home is not something that should be rated as ‘best’. ‘Doesn’t suck as badly’ should be the highest rating those companies should ever be rewarded with. And if I ever found myself in the position of having to make a run for the border, I’d book a cheap flight on Air Asia instead. And then bitch about the trials and tribulations of flying Air Asia.

But visa runs are a fact of life for Thailand’s sexpats. ‘Cuz nothing makes you feel like an honest, upstanding citizen like having to break the law every three months. But now, in honor of Visakha Bucha Day, Thailand’s immigration officials are cracking down on that scam, or as the Buddha would put it as one of the Four Noble Truths, the government is promoting the Extinction of Suffering. The national commander of Thai Immigration, Lt. General Phanu Kerdlaphon, has confirmed that “Out-In” visa runs are, apart from a few exceptions, a thing of the past.

Of course the boys on the boards, as usual, are all in a tizzy, which makes connecting the dots even more difficult for them than normal. They’re outraged that Thailand is stopping them from exploiting the country’s visa rules. And that surely will spell the end of tourism in Thailand as we know it. Not that the crack-down will impact genuine tourists in any way. Even for the backpackers who tend to make frequent border crossings and whose welfare the sexpats are suddenly concerned for. Nor will it completely halt the extension of 90-day visas by exiting and then re-entering the country either. Because despite misinterpreting a comment made by Lt. General Phanu, you’ll still be able to pull off that scam. You’ll just have to enter by air instead of land to do so. Which, I’m sure, once the sexpats figure out they will still want to whine because then it will not be about the money, but about the principle. As usual.

The downside for the rest of us is those insufferable flights on Air Asia will soon be filled with both straight and gay expats making their new version of a visa run. ‘Cuz it is the cheapest way to fly. And if they book their flights well in advance they can snag one of the airline’s almost free tickets, assuming they can pull their mind from its alcohol induced fog long enough to count out 90, 180, and 270 days on a calendar. Which could prove to be even cheaper than those old-timey visa runs by bus they were all so fond of. Or as the Buddha would put it as one of the Four Noble Truths, Air Asia is providing the Enlightened with a Path leading to the Extinction of Suffering. Which sounds a lot better than the airline’s previous slogan, Now Everyone Can Fly.

The gist of the new procedures is that anyone attempting to re-enter the country on an Out-In basis at a land border will have his passport stamped “O-I”, to show they had already been “out and in” from/to Thailand once. Until August 12, those folk will be allowed three such entries. Maybe. After that date – which for many immigration officials means as of now – anyone with that stamp in their passport will be denied entry back into Thailand. Unless you are a legitimate tourist. Or, I assume, an American.

The new procedures are primarily geared toward stopping those of foreign nationalities from using a tourist visa to gain entry to Thailand for purposes of work. Which will surely impact the number of dubious-aged Lao and Vietnamese boys working in Sunee bars. Those who circumvent immigration rules to live in the country without official approval will, undoubtedly, be caught in the snare too. Tourists, however, may get a pass. “Out-in visa runs will still be possible but they have to show a credible tourism plan and give details of their accommodation to the official,” says General Phanu. “Thirty days should be enough for a normal tourist. If they really want to travel around the country for more than 30 days, then they must show us a plausible plan.”

Or, needless to say (again) that they are an American.

General Phanu also says that, as soon as funds become available, fingerprinting of people arriving in Thailand will be introduced as one of several new procedures aimed at tightening up the country’s borders. The General says that currently blacklists only contain people’s names and if they change their name they can enter the country when they are not supposed to. He says fingerprinting will first be introduced at the international airports. Which is an entirely different subject, though the boys on the boards have decided that means the prohibition on visa runs extends to those made by air too. Although it does not. Yet.

Those with a legitimate excuse for obtaining yet another visa to allow them back into Thailand can still get a proper visa from a Thai consulate, provided they can convince the authorities they should qualify for one. “If we believe their purpose in coming to Thailand is not what they say it is, then we will order them to leave and they will be blacklisted. They will not be able to return to Thailand, ever,” says Gen Phanu adding, “If you are coming here not as a tourist, then please get the correct visa. Do it properly.”

Visakha Bucha Day is one of the holy days during which Buddhists strive to adhere to the Eight Principles of their religion, which is why the bars are closed (covered by #’s 3, 5, and 7, refraining from sexual activity, refraining from intoxication, and refraining from dancing, singing, music, and going to see entertainment, respectively). With the changes to visa rules, good sexpats can chalk off two more, #2: refraining from taking things not given or intended for you, and #4: refraining from false speech. So don’t think of the new immigration rules as being an attempt by Thailand to keep undesirables out of their country, think of it as the Buddha’s way of helping you to be a better person. And have a happy Visakha Bucha Day.

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