The Christmas holidays are all about traditions, regardless of which traditions your dysfunctional family claim as their own. For some it’s about singing Christmas carols, for others it’s all about ostentatious displays of Christmas lights that annoy the neighbors. FOX News’ tradition is waging war on the War Against Xmas, which this year took a not unsuspected route that had one of their interchangeable pissed off at the world blonde bimbettes declare that Santa is white. As is Jesus. But I think that was all just hoopla to promote Bill O’Reilly’s newest book, Killing Christianity.

But tradition wise – other than burning crosses on not white Santa’s lawns – the one thing missing from Christmas festivities are well-known and much beloved and played games. Even if all of the other reindeer never let poor Rudolph join in any of them because they were too busy laughing at him and calling him names – which I guess counts as a game in itself – no one really knows what those reindeer games were. Or else we’d all be playing them come Christmas. Or at least those of us not busy getting busy under the mistletoe would be.

But that’s the problem with traditions. If you don’t practice them often enough they lose their tradition status. Kinda like that burning crosses on lawns thingy. And there once was a traditional Christmas time game, that in my opinion deserves being resurrected. Even if resurrection is more of an Easter theme. But then the game itself, most often called Snap-Dragon, was it’s own worst enemy. Though mentioned both by Charles Dickens in The Pickwick Papers and Lewis Carroll in Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There, the once popular Christmas parlor game is a thing of the past. Possibly because Lewis was a well-known pedophile and that’s not really a tradition we want to encourage outside of Sunee Plaza. But more likely because there was a good chance that even the winner in Snap-Dragon would go down in flames. And as festive as it may sound to you, little tykes all aflame is just not generally considered an appropriate yule-time scene. No more than a black baby Jesus in a nativity scene.

Popular between the 16th and 19th centuries, Snap-Dragon was considered the game to play on Christmas Eve. It’s origins, cloaked in mystery – not to mention by inebriated minds – is said to lay with the popularity of Christmas time mummers who’d carry about a dragon’s head with snapping jaws. Which may also explain why mummers aren’t much of a Christmas tradition any longer either. Regardless, the game itself is easy to play. And it all starts with a fifth of your favorite brandy. Or if you reside in Pattaya, gin. ‘Cuz you should never let a tradition get in the way of your favorite brand of misery.

Snap-Dragon is an easy game to play. The list of equipment needed is simple: a bowl, matches, raisins, brandy, and the address of the nearest emergency room. Step #1 is filling a large, shallow bowl with the booze. While trying to not weep over the waste. Step #2 is scattering a handful of raisins in the booze. While trying to not weep over the waste of grapes hat coulda been pressed into wine. Step #3 – which makes sense considering your anger over both forms of wasted liquor – is to set the bowlful of booze on fire. And then, of course, quickly call all the neighborhood’s children in to play a game.

The aim of the game is to pluck the raisins out of the burning brandy and eat them. Typically, lights are extinguished or dimmed to increase the eerie effect of the blue flames playing across the liquor. The lack of lighting provides a nice effect for the sight of burning kiddies too. For a more competitive edge to the game use larger dried fruit such as apricots, because extinguishing a raisin by popping it in your mouth is a bit too easy. In one variation of the game, a Christmas pudding was placed in the center of the bowl of booze with raisins around it. Which is nice that someone found a use for Christmas pudding, a holiday tradition whose time should have gone centuries ago.

The winner is the person who snatches the most raisins out of the burning brandy. Considering the effect, that means there really are no losers in this game: just the winner and a bunch of laughing spectators. In addition to ridicule, a burnt mouth, and possibly a trip to the nearest emergency room, by tradition the winner is said to meet their true love within a year. Or have their wish granted, depending on whose tradition you’re playing by. Of course standing under some mistletoe would accomplish the same goal, but where’s the fun in that?

According to historians, Snap-Dragon was played in England, Canada, and the United States, possibly even into the 21st century. Which means it was only white folk who were fans of the game. So I suspect I can easily convince the gang at FOX to support my drive to resurrect this fun-filled Christmas activity. And I think Megyn Kelly should have the honor of going first.

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