Huh. First I find out I’m a pornographer. Now I discover I’m a homophobe too. If this keeps up I’m gonna have to start using a mighty small font size on my business cards. I don’t expend much effort in being PC, generally keeping to current conventions keeps me from causing offense when I’m not trying to be offensive – which I don’t expend much effort on either since being offensive is one of my natural talents. I don’t worry much about whether I’m supposed to use the term ‘African American’ or ‘black’, which is good ‘cuz no one seems to agree on that one; ‘people’ and/or ‘human beings’ work just fine 99% of the time anyway. But when it comes to the words used in and about the world of rainbows I do strive to be a bit more careful in the terms and phrase I employ. Or a least I thought I did.

Homosexual is all well and good but it just doesn’t slip off the tongue easily. I liked the short lived ‘heterosexually challenged’ for its inherent humor but that one never really caught on. Queer always bothered me. I know, like back in the ‘80s, we were supposed to own it. But its use in a derogatory manner still seems to hold sway and its linguistic connotation, of something being a bit, off, odd, and strange, just never set right with me. No matter how many of my gay friends were and are a bit, off, odd, and strange. Faggot is even worse. That’s the word irate bigots and homophobes turn to when they need to express themselves and run up against the wall of their limited vocabulary. I know some gay guys think it’s cool to use the F word like some blacks use the N word, but the world would be a better place if both words disappeared from common usage and that ain’t ever gonna happen if those who should be offended by their use insist on using them. Gay is a much better word in all cases. At least until the day when ‘people’ and/or ‘human beings’ suffice.

Unlike ‘homosexual’ gay does slip off the tongue easily. Unlike ‘queer’ gay has positive connotations . . . even if Hallmark thought it a bit too pink of a word and rewrote a cherished Christmas carol this year on one of it’s overpriced baubles to hang on your tree. And unlike ‘faggot’ gay is seldom used as an invective. “You fucking gay!” just doesn’t have the same pizzazz. Gay is a good word. And it is acceptable to use when you are talking to or about the heterosexually challenged. Unless you are Hallmark. Or one of those silly faggots who get their panties in a wad over inferred slights. Maybe I’m just not politically correct enough but the professional gays who have taken it upon themselves to be the gay thought police are, to me, mighty queer folk.

First we were told we’re not suppose to actually spell out the words fag or faggot but insert a smattering of asterisks between the f and g or t instead. ‘Cuz everyone enjoys a cryptogram. Then we were told we’re not supposed to use ‘effeminate’ for the less masculine members of our community, but ‘visibly gay’ instead. Even if that did mean I just became invisible by reference. Now comes the word that anyone who uses the phrase, ‘that’s gay’ is a homophobe. Even though the phrase has nothing to do with homosexuals, queers, faggots, or fags. Huh. That’s gay.

It’s not like Apple already has enough on its hands coming up with he iPhone 5s2b, or whatever they plan on calling the next version of their cell phone for people who don’t use their phones to make phone calls. Now the company, and its gay CO, is being taken to task by the gay thought police because its dictionary app includes the definition “informal foolish; stupid: making students wait for the light is kind of a gay rule.” for the word gay. And that, of course, is a big no-no. Despite the popularity of using the word in that manner today. In OS7, the company’s most recent mobile operating system, the problematic definition of ‘gay’ at least mentions that it is both “informal” and “often offensive.” Even if it is often not. But that’s not enough according to the PC brigade. They’re demanding the definition in question be expunged from Apple’s dictionary. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

Apple’s homophobia was brought to light by a Massachusetts high school sophomore whose parents are a lesbian couple. I’m not sure why she needed to find out what the word gay meant, but nonetheless she was ‘shocked’ by the company’s dictionary’s definition. And like a pit bull with its jaws firmly wrapped around a postman’s leg, she just couldn’t let it go. Even after the dictionary’s update she still felt aggrieved. “Even with your addition of the word informal, this definition normalizes the terrible derogatory twist that many people put on the word ‘gay,’” she said in a letter to Apple’s CEO that miraculously found its way to the local ABC affiliate’s news show and then into the hearts and minds of the aforementioned silly faggots who get their panties in a wad over inferred slights. Personally, yourdictionary.com’s definition which includes “An example of gay is a bouquet of flowers with many brilliant colors” offends me more. But then I’m invisibly gay so what do I know.

I get that the offspring of a gay couple might be a bit sensitive to the use of ‘gay’ to mean foolish or stupid, but this is one of those times where a bit of level-headed parental guidance is called for. Outside of the media’s spotlight. Walking around finding offense when offense is not intended is not a good thing at any age. Her moms need to provide her a bit of home schooling. Or else she’s gonna grown up into being a queer old bird. It only gets better if you learn to lighten up a bit.

Part of the problem – in addition to the young ‘un being a bit anal in this case – is that for gays it is becoming more of a chore to find offense about being gay these days. In fact, being gay is becoming kinda cool. Sure we still have 35 states that need to recognize the right to marry the person you love regardless of whether he or she is an outie or an innie. And yes, ensuring being gay does not mean you can be fired from your job is still a legal protection we need to secure (which Apple’s gay homophobic CEO has urged Congress to address). But the fact is that being gay is quickly becoming a non-issue.

Societal attitudes toward homosexuality are changing. Especially among the young. Being gay no longer defines you. Being gay is just another facet of who you are. And not necessarily the important one. Calling someone gay is not the great slur it once was. Even when that person is. Gawker recently outed Fox News Channel’s Shepard Smith and the resulting brouhaha wasn’t about Shep’s preference for dick but about how boring the whole outing trick has become.

We do still have a long way to go. But the changing attitudes toward gay people represent a true cultural shift toward acceptance. And I thought that’s what the whole gay rights movement was about. Evidently, once again, I’m wrong. Instead we are supposed to focus our ire on the not even that popular anymore use of the word gay to mean something that is silly and stupid. Even when those who use it will tell you that it has nothing to do with homosexuals or being gay. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I am a homophobe. But it seems to me that the gays who get themselves all worked up in a lather about something as innocuous as using the word gay in any form other than those they approve of are pretty gay.

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