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I like catchy titles for my posts. Even if Google would think higher of my blog if those titles clearly spelled out what the post was about. But I figure if you turn to the internet for info or stories about Thailand’s gay bar world, sooner or later you’re gonna stumble upon my blog anyway. Besides if SEO was my goal, I’d join Google’s failed attempt at being a social media site, which would ensure a top rank for anything I wrote. In its quest to actually make a profit, Google has gone from being the search engine of choice, to selling its rankings to the highest bidder, to shamelessly promoting its attempt to out Facebook Facebook . . . it’s a shame Microsoft didn’t come up with a better name than Bing for their answer to Google. I binged it, just doesn’t have the same cache. And though that all has to do with numbers, at least those preceded by a dollar sign, Google’s path to obsolescence isn’t the subject of this post. Despite the appropriateness of the catchy title.
I’d thought this would be a good title for an article comparing the pros and cons of offing a bar boy versus a tryst with a moneyboy – be that off the street or over the internet. That would be exploring the costs versus value with a bit of safety concerns thrown in. I also liked the title for an article examining the pros and cons of cruising Bangkok’s gogo bar with a wingman compared to striking out on your own. Both would have worked, both will undoubtedly be covered at some point in the future. But a blog entry I recently read usurped the title. A young, backpacking blogger on an extended stay in the Big Mango wrote of his experience on Soi Twilight, and though he went with Curiosity Got The Better of Me for his post’s title, By The Numbers would have better fit his tale of horror.
I’m not old enough to be a crotchety old bastard yet, nor am I far enough along in years to blame the troubles of the world on the young. I have yet to reach an age when I wonder how in the hell they can call the stuff they listen to music. The hairstyles and clothing choices of the younger generation don’t confound me either. Well, except for skinny jeans. But that has more to do with an innate sense of fashion than it does with age. I like the young. I like hanging out with those a decade or two younger than me. And like a lot of middle-aged gay men, given my druthers I prefer younger guys for sexual partners. They are much more pliable.
Today’s youth are tomorrow’s whatevers. Fill in the blank with your choice of cliche. Justin Bieber’s antics might cause some concern, but for the most part the openness and lack of bigotry among today’s youth, I think, is a good thing. Interracial dating is not a term that even exists in their lexicon anymore. Most accept others for who they are. Being gay – outside of those pockets where racism, homophobia, intolerance, and bigotry still thrive thanks to inbreeding – is no big thing and most younger people have one if not several gay friends. Older generations are set in their ways, seldom capable of broadening their opinions; the acceptance of gays in society is largely due to the attitude of today’s youth. And even though backpackers are not my favorite brand of human – primarily because of their insistence on worshiping a false god of travel – thanks to their youth I do enjoy reading of their exploits on the internet and hanging out with them in Bangkok.
After the sun goes down, I spend almost as much time on Khaosan Road as I do at the gay clubs, pubs, and gogo bars of Patpong. The backpacking community may not be adept at personal hygiene, but they do know how to party. The area on and around Khaosan Road has some great bars including one of Bangkok’s best and most consistent blues club. And while I am seldom on the prowl for sex when visiting Bangkok’s backpacker ghetto, you should never underestimate the power of being a daddy. Or of having an upscale, spacious, clean room with a private bath available to someone who’s into their third month of roughing it. I’m not sure why being the old fart in a club qualifies you as being ‘cute’ but with the right attitude, exchanging the Silom ghetto for the Khaosan one can do wonders for your sex life. That’s another thing I like about the young. They are often needy and easy to please. The Statue of Liberty was onto something with that ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your hungry” thingy.
I also like reading the perspective of someone from a different age group and point in life when it pertains to what I consider my home grounds. It’s always interesting – and sometimes an eye-opener – to read of a first time visitor’s take on Soi Twilight when that is not really part of their world or their normal choice of stomping grounds. It can be a breath of fresh air. And provides a nice departure from the typical elderly sex tourist who lives and breathes Thailand’s commercial sex scene to a point where they think posting “In my opinion the only real forum with interesting news about the gay scene in Thailand is Gaybuttons.” on one of the gay Thailand message boards actually makes sense. Or has any validity.
But that’s the problem when you confine yourself to any ghetto, be it Sunee Plaza, Khaosan Road, or Soi Twilight. Regardless of age, your view of the world is so narrow and restricted you forget that there is an entirely different world waiting just outside its borders. Tapping into the world outside your own is good for your mental health. Even if it is not as comfortable or familiar as crawling back into a bottle of rot-gut gin.
Thailand’s commercial sex scene, as prevalent as it is, is not for everyone. I get that. You can wrap it up in whatever words makes it the most palatable to you, but it’s still prostitution. The attitude in Thailand may be different, and is. The manner in which it is viewed may not be the same as it is back home. But you can never get past the fact that money is exchanging hands for sexual favors. That may not be the major sin in Thailand that it is in other countries, but it is certainly understandable why some visitors refuse to have anything to do with it. And despite every gay Thailand message board’s belief that their endless discussions of money boys and places to procure them is what gay Thailand is all about, it’s not. But it is so obvious, open, and in your face that it is not surprising that many gay visitors to the Kingdom end up, at least, taking a quick peek.
For some, probably many more than expected, that progresses to a longer peek, to an hour or two of checking out the scene, to becoming completely involved and suddenly finding themselves waking up next to a young hottie to whom they owe a few thousand bucks for the pleasure. I credit the friendliness, charm, and beauty of Thai men for that. Because visitors of all nationalities and age groups find themselves sucked in; it is not just the aged, lonely, or desperate who hook up with a bar boy in Thailand. Surprisingly, or maybe not, it is not even just gay men who do. Considering how open to new experiences and experimentation youthful backpackers tend to be, it might be a good thing that their ghetto and the commercial gay sex scene one are so far apart. Or T.A.T’s slogan, Amazing Thailand’ could easily take on a whole new meaning for the straight youth of the world.
Westerner morals, especially those involving sex, may not be the best fit for Thailand. But they are part of the baggage travellers pack along with them. We all define the points of our moral compasses; where North lays on yours is cool with me as long as you don’t attempt to bend mine southward. The young, as strictly as they may adhere to some of their beliefs, tend to allow their magnetic poles to float a bit. And that’s good. It’s part of growing up. It’s part of the maturing process. And should be a part of your life no matter how young or old you are. So even though this backpacking blogger began his tale with far too many excuses for why he ended up on Soi Twilight, with the title of his post being “Curiosity Got The Better of Me” I assumed, despite his initial misgivings, the better man would prevail. Nope. Instead the bitter man did. I guess that general state of disgruntlement I assign to Pattaya’s sexpats isn’t a result of age alone after all.
After an initial protracted bit of whining about the state of the carpet on the stairs leading up into Hot Male (which should have tipped me off that within him existed a fussy old queen who’d just not gotten to the old part yet) he went on to bitch about the 280 baht his drink cost him. I wonder how many disgruntled old sex pats began their relationship with Thailand as a youthful backpacker. He also took the time to confess his guilt over the cost of his beer supporting Bangkok’s sex trade. Not that his offended sense of morals caused him to walk out of the place mind you.
But he was cool with the opening numbers of the show, noting how handsome the guys in their underwear were and then further excusing his participation in Bangkok’s sex trade by marvelling at their dancing prowess, which comforted him in knowing thy were not just sex toys to be bought. ‘Cuz of course that would never be the reason a bunch of Thai guys would be parading about on stage in nothing but their undergarments. Once the hard-ons appeared, however, that story changed.
The poor, exploited boys – and you may want to sit down for this one – “with their permanent hard-ons poking out of the top of their underwear” had “badges with printed numbers.” I know, I too am shocked and aghast. And of course rather than becoming enlightened as to why this practice is followed at every gogo bar on the country – straight, gay, or in between – or realizing its basis lays in the general feeling among Thais that it is rude to point and the badges provide an easy way to identify to a mamasan which guy on stage you’d like to have join you, he concluded, “These poor guys were reduced to being numbers.” I’d hate to think what he’d think of a bar boy I know whose nickname is Neung. Or how many in the bar’s stable anxiously wait for the guy who has #9 to quit so they can snap up that lucky numbered badge.
Despite the horror of watching a bunch of naked guys who’d been reduced to being a number, he stayed for the sex part of the show, described it intimately in great detail, but admitted he didn’t find watching the various pairs of coupling hunks sexy because he knew “they were ultimately for sale.” I give his dick major kudos for being able to differentiate between cock for sale and cock without a price tag on it. That’s not a talent mine has ever mastered.
The pretense of morals that are a bit foggy in the first place is never a pretty sight. Falling back on what you assume to be the correct level of outrage in lieu of genuine feelings of being morally offended, when it is just a matter of indignation by the numbers, is no better. Doing so at an age when you are supposed to be taking in the world around you in order to define an informed set of morals you’ll live by is a shame. Said blogger went on in the comment section of his post to pull out the old anti-prostitution stand-bys: that the guys working at the bar had probably been abused and/or raped as kids, that the poor creatures were ignorant of being exploited, and – one of my all time favorites – that we should condemn the sin but not the sinner. He signed off noting that his “experience made me alert to having some kind of internal moral compass.” Uh, no dude. It should have alerted you to the fact that you lack one.
His is not an unusual farang meets Thailand tale. There have been countless NGOs that have come before him intent on saving the country’s poor, exploited commercial sex workers only to find they don’t want saving. Outrage over Thailand’s sex industry is as common of a reaction as is the awe and wonder of the country’s natural beauty. It boils down to what it is about Thailand that you focus on, what facet of the country that attracts your attention. Which says more about you than it does of the country. The difference here is that those who rail against Thailand’s sex industry are not usually gay. Or young. The youth who visit Thailand as part of the backpacking community don’t usually adopt the morals of their middle-aged, sexually frustrated, menopausal mothers. When the best you can come up with to express your outrage over a show featuring naked male prostitutes engaged in a variety of sexual acts seldom seen outside of Bangkok’s gogo bars is that they are forced to wear a number, a bit more thought might need to be given to your stance before you decide to express it.
Thailand is the only country where I pay for sex, though once I spend more time in Rio I’m assuming that will change. Why my moral compass allows for that is only important to me. I don’t excuse the country’s sex industry, nor do I defend it. It is what it is. And despite what your uninformed mind might think, no one is getting hurt; no one is being exploited. I don’t think it is right for everyone, nor do I believe someone whose morals preclude them from participating in it is wrong. But if that is the case, stay clear of it. It has nothing to do with you. And it and those who are involved with it do not require your blessing or condemnation. The morals you decide demand being inflicted on others – those real or just conveniently handy – stem from the same immorality that results in bigotry, racism, and homophobia. Intolerance is intolerance no matter how you dress it up. But maybe that’s a lesson not yet mastered by some of today’s youth.
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dekar said:
Fascinating, a first time backpacker report on Bangkok’s gay bars as a preachment on the bad state of the world. Reminds me that I just read an article on how backpackers turn Nepal into a garbage dump 😀
When I visted Bangkok for the first time earlier this month, I stay in Khaosan Road (in the good believe I would be able to walk the whole old district – and I did although I might have been more sweat than anything else at the end of the day). Of course I also visited the gay gogo bars and although it might not have been the great surprise (after reading the articles on this blog) it was an interesting experience. The Soi was actually much smaller than expected. Without rushing I was at the end before I even realized it. The atmosphere was all in all much friendlier than I know it from other countries so that I didnt feel this moral implication that this is the bad area of the city.
On the other hand the gogo bar itself (went to Noom`s bar by coincident) was rather a turn down. After having seen the straight gogo bars, the small room with iron boxes as tables, which reminded me more on my lecture hall in university than a bar, was not really what I expected. The atmosphere wasn’t so bad actually as we had at least 3 straight couples in the audience and a round of 5 women obviously celebrating a version of stag party (the lucky boy who went later with them was beaming the whole time). The show was “interesting”. I wouldnt call it erotic, with 90% wearing fake penises and the shows itself being rather a stoic routine. But at least it was nice to see all the boys in underwear, but the biggest entertainment was the audience. I would have considered three of the boys if I wasn’t there with a Thai friend already (btw he enjoyed the comedy act most).
All in all I liked the experience outside in the soi more than in the bar, although I plan making it a habit to see a show everytime I visit Bangkok just for the fun.
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks for your observations and input Dekar. It’s always interesting to hear a first timer’s perspective. Your’s just surprised me though – it is closely similar to my own current feelings about Soi Twilight, which I thought were due to the large number of years I’ve been visiting the place.
Many guys hate when there are breeders in a gogo bar – like you I think they add a level of fun and excitement you don’t otherwise experience. And I too get more enjoyment out of watching the audience than I do the guys on stage (or at least it’s a different type and equally enjoyable type of pleasure). I think the addition of more open beer bars has upped the atmosphere outside – you used to be limited to Dick’s and then Maxi’s for hanging out and now have a choice of places to watch life pass by.
Thanks for your comment!
Dekar said:
I think it might have to do with your intentions when you go to Soi Twilight. When you go there just to get your boy for the night then you might find all the other things very distracting. I also believe that some people are still ashamed of going there (like the first time report you refered to in your post) and then try to justify their actions by writing of all the bad or moral things just to cover why the hell they landed in this alley.
If you go there just to enjoy yourself (and I can highly recommend a wingman or boyfriend for that) then you also have a better chance to be entertained (in different ways).
Bangkokbois said:
You’re right Dekar. Attitude does have a lot to do with it. Plus I’ve noticed if you hit the soi with the explicit intention of finding a guy to off, it generally doesn’t turn out well. Go have a good time, if it happens it happens, and you’ll not only enjoy yourself but invariably will land a great guy if the stars are in alignment.
Geoff Lewis said:
I found my dream partner right there on Dongtan Beach. He is straight, as are all his friends from Myanamar. However, a bond was formed months ago to the point that we are living together. He knows I am gay and he trusts me implicitly when I tell him I will never do anything untoward . If he chooses to discuss gay stuff, then I am open to a conversation about it. His religious teachings warn of grave consequences. I respect that about him.
He is,without doubt,the warmest, loving and caring person I have ever known. As I am now teaching him English I have been elevated to Teacher, that’s behind parents and Buddha! Now,I have a massive responsibility towards him to help him through life as I am told this is for life!
Bangkokbois said:
Good for you Geoff!
You sound happy, so I hope it works out well for you.
And thanks for sharing.
chris said:
another well-written piece. i always enjoy reading your posts. 🙂
Bangkokbois said:
Thank you Chris!
And here I thought everone just looked at the pictures.
Paul said:
Don’t see what’s wrong with numbers either. How else would we be able to differentiate them?
Bangkokbois said:
Yeah, but you should never let logic get in the way of a good hissy fit.
Fred Harvey said:
Dear Ann Landers: I consider myself a fairly intelligent person having at least two post grad degrees and careers in medicine and law but I am totally stumped as to how to get on Bangkokbois mailing list. Right now I must depend upon the kindness of strangers to forward his missives. Please help!!! Signed: Aimless in Ban Am-Phur.
Bangkokbois said:
WordPress is great about updating their product frequently. Telling its users about those changes, not so much. There used to be a little floating box on every page of my blog that you could use to subscribe (or follow in WordPress’ vocabulary). Dunno when it got dropped. So thanks for the heads up Frank. I’ve added a widget at the bottom of the left hand side-bar that will allow you to never to miss one of my posts. I hadn’t realized you were such a masochist though!
xiandarkthorne said:
I think some of these people who whine and bitch about the sexploitation scene should meet Noom.
I didn’t really expect to see him on stage when I took my gay Arab friend bar hopping at Soi Twilight but the minute I did, I knew I had to off him and I must say he turned out to be much more than I’d expected. Did you know that between my pidgin Thai and his understanding of English, we discussed the differences between Thai dialects and Chinese dialects (and the origins of Mandarin), the origins of Thai script, the proliferation of Hindu deities (I just had to ask him about Lord Ganesha since I also pray to the happy elephant god), his understanding of the dragon tattoos symbolism as opposed to an elephant one which I thought he might have chosen as he was Thai, my preference for Jpanese koi tattoos, and why so few Arab men went into Soi Twilight and the cultural differences that gave rise to the situation.
He’s more intelligent than you’d think, understands much more than you’d expect and has a healthily practical approach and attitude to his line of work. Talking to him was such a delightful experience!
Incidentally, I must say I felt a little guilty about offing Noom since from reading your blog so regularly you both feel like old friends and I did wonder if I was morally right to off Noom in your absence…but then i saw another tired old queen making eyes at him…so, my sincere apologies if I’ve accidentally stepped on your toes.
And this year must have been my lucky year because the other two guys I’d offed before Noom (at other bars) also proved to be quite capable of telling me in English about their homelands (Myanmar and Cambodia) and what could have been simply a bit of fun actually turned out to be a cultural experience of a different kind all three nights I was in Bangkok.
Bangkokbois said:
LOL
I’d immediately email Noom for all the details XD, but you’re not really the kind of guy who’d embarrass easily!
No problems on offing him – that’s what he is there for. And it sounds like you might have saved him from a worse fate anyway. Amazing dude, isn’t he? Whenever I read on the message boards about how bar boys are and how limited they are in life, I think of Noom and realize the dangers of grouping people by prejudices and stereotypes. He’s a bar boy by choice, deals with it as a business, and makes a hell of a lot more money than he could elsewhere.
And if you brought up Ganesha – you made his entire night!
Thanks.
xiandarkthorne said:
LOL You’re right. He has few pretensions about what he does and it was absolutely refreshing to be able to talk in such a level headed manner about it. l do hope the experience wasn’t too traumatic for Noom, though. Can’t be that many people expecting him to talk about esoteric stuff like that at such times…
And oh yes, you can tell him that next time I’m in Bangkok I’ll bring my pink and purple sequinned panties
Alex said:
I think the nice thing about Soi Twilight is that it is what it is – love it or loathe it, after your first visit you know what it’s all about. Then you can decide to come back for more or to stay away, and write about it on the Internet if you feel like sharing your thoughts.
In that sense, I find what tourists take away from visiting gay venues in Silom (Soi 2 to Soi 4), and what they share about it, much more troublesome. Reading many of the reports, you’d think that Bangkok’s “gay scene” is infested with freelancers and that “most locals you meet at gay clubs want money”. While there’s an element of truth in such reports, what most visitors fail to see is what “Silom” (the gay venues in the Silom area, specifically) is all about.
That’s somewhat tricky, because it’s so different from many other cities all over the world that have a “vibrant gay scene”. What many visitors don’t realize is that “Silom” is only a part of it, and only attracts some local gays while others prefer to go elsewhere. Now, what’s hard to understand for someone who has never gone there is that this “elsewhere” is so different.
Bangkokbois said:
Good point Alex. Silom 2/4 descriptions by travel writers is a case of trying to fit a round peg in a gay hole. Few other places in the world have a ‘gay scene’ directed specifically to and for foreigners; in most places you’d be partying right alongside the locals – in Silom you are only seeing a very small part of Bangkok’s gay community. Many wouldn’t be caught dead there. But it’s like honey to a bee for moneyboys, leaving visitors with the incorrect impression that paid sex is what gay is all about in Thailand. Not that it isn’t a fun place to hang when on holiday, but it really hasn’t much to do with Thailand’s gays.
ChristianPFC said:
Did I miss the link to the website you are referring to or is it not in your article?
Bangkokbois said:
Nope you didn’t miss it. I decided to not link to his blog since I wasn’t all that pleased with his attitude.