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Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

The UK version of Burger King got busted for serving horse meat in their Whoppers causing a huge outcry among consumers who were incensed over fillying up on horse meat. Considering the ungodly things they do to beef in the name of British cuisine you wouldn’t think horses would be such a sacred cow. But Burger King, and the other companies who have been corralled into the scandal, are all busy jockeying for position to lay the blame elsewhere. So far Romania has been the winner in that horse race, with international food companies like Nestle and the British supermarket chain Tesco calling a halter to the sale of their contaminated products. It makes you rethink that saying, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.”

You’re never pasture prime to enjoy horse porn.

You’re never pasture prime to enjoy horse porn.

While picky consumers across Europe are saying neigh to horse meat products, the French have always been a horse of another color and are bucking the trend. The French industry body for horse butchers, Interbev Equins, estimates there has been rise of up to 15% in horse meat sales since the scandal came out of the starting gate. In France, horse meat consumption dates to the 1700s; before the recent scandal about 16% of French households routinely ponied up for horse meat, consuming some 20,000 tons a year. The latest news has not caused the French to rein in their love for eating horse, but has instead sparked an increased wariness over frozen foods and ready-made meals. But then the French have always been known for getting on their high horse when it comes to food.

A good reason for you to be feeling your oats.

A good reason for you to be feeling your oats.

The Italians too are saying no harm no foal over the scandal sweeping Europe and refuse to get their nickers in a twist over eating horse. But then wild horses couldn’t drag them away from the 40,000 tons of horse meat Italians consume annually. Meanwhile in Hong Kong – where anything that ever breathed is considered fair game for the dinner table – the authorities have ordered ParknShop, one of the biggest supermarket chains in the Chinese territory, to roundup lasagna made by frozen food giant Findus – one of the firms at the center of the scandal – and remove it from their shelves.

If wishes were horses . . .

If wishes were horses . . .

Though it may be a case of shutting the barn door after the horse has already bolted, Burger King has issued a press release assuring American consumers that their products in the U.S. are horse meat free. But despite what I have herd straight from the horse’s mouth, I’ve a nagging suspicion that, considering what can be labeled as 100% beef in this country, Europe’s horse meat scandal will soon be galloping to our shores. But that shouldn’t be your mane concern; there is a darker horse on the horizon, one so potentially dangerous it’s nothing to horse around about.

Hay! You know how difficult it is to find a photo of a naked Asian cowboy?

Hay! You know how difficult it is to find a photo of a naked Asian cowboy?

The latest food scare news is that a woman nearly died from sexually transmitted Brazil nuts. Doctors in the U.K have documented a case of a 20-year-old woman whose nut allergy was triggered after her partner had eaten the nuts just before they had been intimate – making the Brazil nut the world’s only sexually-transmitted food.

Back in the saddle (again).

Back in the saddle (again).

Despite her partner swearing up and down that he had carefully brushed his teeth, washed out his mouth, and washed his hands and face before he came into contact with her, the doctors assumed that her partner had triggered her allergy, since he had been consuming Brazil nuts earlier. They were mystified, however, that her allergy to nuts hadn’t been triggered until after they’d had sex; the woman’s allergies should have been triggered earlier.

Never mind the bollocks, it’s Brazil nuts you need to worry about.

Never mind the bollocks, it’s Brazil nuts you need to worry about.

Although nut allergies are often triggered by kissing or touching, this is generally thought to be because particles remain on the mouth, skin, or under the fingernails. The woman’s doctors doubted that the nut proteins ended up in sweat or saliva, because the allergic reaction would have started earlier, and have been triggered in other couples. It was only after further discussion with the couple that the doctors learned she became ill only after giving her partner head.

When it comes to the boys from Brazil even if nuts are off the menu there is still plenty to enjoy.

When it comes to the boys from Brazil even if nuts are off the menu there is still plenty to enjoy.

Deciding to test his semen both before and after consuming Brazil nuts showed no allergens before he consumed the nuts, but a significant amount afterwards. It appears that Brazil nut proteins resist digestion, which is why they generally end up in the immune system, triggering immune reactions. So there’s a heads up if you are allergic to nuts – it’s not horse meat that’ll have you riding off into the sunset a bit earlier than you expected.

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