Right-wing nutters in the U.S. who are concerned that legalizing gay marriage will lead to people being allowed to marry their dog, horse, or whichever other animal ultraconservatives like to envision bestiality fantasies of can now turn to Thailand for proof that their concerns are real. Just in time to get your heart on for Valentine’s Day comes the recent story of two water buffalo joined together in wedded bliss. With Thailand currently considering allowing same-sex civil unions, when you run across a headline about two water buffalo tieing the knot, it’s difficult to not picture the wedding ceremony of two ginormous farang sexpats (I know: oxymoron).

Chiang Yuen, a hunky 23-year-old male buffalo from Udon Ratchathani met the end to his free roaming days earlier this month when he was wed to his 8-year-old child-bride Thong Kwaw at Wat Pho Than. The ceremony, organized by MPs from the Pheu Thai Party, was witnessed by monks, villagers and the district chief Rewat Amphawanont who inked his signature on their ‘marriage certificate’ amid wishes of happiness from participants. “It’s [a new] one in my lifetime and I was excited about being part of the event,” Mr. Rewat said. 99,000 baht in cash was raised as the sinsod, or bride price, some of which you have to assume came from the wallets of farang.

The ceremony was arranged to raise public awareness for the need to conserve locally bred buffaloes which face a bleak future despite major funding by farang visitors and sexpats. The Livestock Development Department’s latest figures say the number of buffalo in Thailand has almost halved from 2.29 million in 1997 to 1.23 million in 2011; Ubon Ratchathani has more buffalo than other provinces in the country with 38,395; Ayutthaya, where the wedding took place, has 780 the department says. Samut Songkhram does not have a single buffalo in the province, according to the department’s figures. The lesson here is not how willing Thais are to extend traditional marriage rights beyond their normal scope, but rather if you fall in ,love with a bar boy, look for one from Samut Songkhram and you’ll save major bucks by not having to replace his family’s buffalo.

While the Thai government may not be quite willing yet to extended civil union benefits to same-sex couples as they are to buffalo, some governmental departments are willing to take a few baby steps in recognizing the love between gay men. At least when money is involved. This is Thailand after all. In honor of Valentine’s Day, and through the end of this month, the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT) together with the Airports of Thailand Public Company Limited (AOT), and Immigration Bureau, are holding a special promotion at Suvarnabhumi Airport, ‘Amazing Thailand, Amazing Romance’. The program facilitates couples during their journey to Thailand by giving them the privilege to use the Immigration Bureau’s “premium lane” when entering the country. TAT is giving same-sex couples the same right to participate in this promotion as they are breeder pairs.

The program encourages couples to visit the Amazing Thailand Amazing Romance counters at the airport upon arrival (one is located at the East Concourse – which receives passengers from Gates A, B, and C -and one at the West Concourse – which receives passengers from Gates E, F, and G) where they can register for the premium lane to avoid traffic at Immigration. Once registered the lovers are given pink heart-shaped stickers bearing the Amazing Romance logo, which entitles them to use the fast track lane through the immigration process. Couples will also be given souvenirs – Thailand tourism mascot Sook Jai (Happiness) key chains. The counters are open from 05.00 – 21.00 daily.

Fast Track access and goodies, all at no charge, is a great way to start off your trip especially if you are travelling with your boy du jour. ‘Cuz ya know what an aphrodisiac ‘free’ is to Thais. If, however, you have not yet availed yourself of the opportunity of buying a hot hunk of romance to celebrate Valentine’s Day, it’s not too late. Though this one will cost you. To the tune of $200.

Thai amulet for “homosexual mens”, Logget Gammasuth Ruun Maha Baramee Phu Thamma Munee Setthi Roi Koti 53, from the venerable Kruba Thamma Munee, abbot of Suan Pha Phutta Sathan Su Pradit Methee in Northeast-Thailand, is a specially created and consecrated Buddhist talisman specifically designed for gay men and/or those willing to go gay for pay. Offered in a small numbered series of only 199 pieces, the amulet is a gay love charm, which is very rare because only a “hand full monks, ajahns, and than lersis have the knowledge and the abilities to created special amulets for homosexual mens”.

Available from Thai Amult.com (Product No.: HOMO-0005), the amulet is “especially for lonesome hearts which either have problems to hold his partners, are too shy to speak to somebody, or who could not win the heart of their beloved yet. It helps lonesome hearts to find to each other. It contributes to the fact that the wearer seems to be interesting, attractively and engagingly, so that one feels attracted by him and searches for his nearness. It can help to win the boyfriend/partner back when he left the wearer of the amulet.” So it works in much the same way as a wallet stuffed with baht.

The amulet shows a copulating gay couple and is handmade through a “secret and hundreds of years old ritual from an alloy of holy metals.” AKA silver, copper, and gold leaf. The charm could come in handy for illustration purposes when you are trying to communicate with a bar boy who does not speak English and sign language fails you. That alone could be worth its price tag, though the less religiously inclined may consider just how much love one can buy directly with $200 in Bangkok. But then that’s not quit as romantic now is it?

Related Posts You Might Enjoy: