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What is the cost  -  and value  -  of tieing up a bar boy’s time for a week or more?

What is the cost – and value – of tieing up a bar boy’s time for a week or more?

Short-time off don’t seem to cause much confusion for visitors to Bangkok’s gogo bar world. It’s pretty cut and dried, the standard wham bam thank you sir experienced anywhere in the world. Short-time offs can last for the few minutes you need to a few hours, though they usually fall into the realm in bar boy parlance of, “You come, I go.” When it comes to loving you long-time, the rules change a bit. Or at least the confusion over the rules do. Long-time offs for newbies are an unknown. And with all the bad advice out there – that’d be erroneous advice from cheap-ass Pattaya sexpats – it’s far too easy to find yourself facing a not too happy ending.

What Is A Long-Time Off?
From the time you decide you want to spend more time with a bar boy than the few minutes it takes you to orgasm onward, the hows and whys of long-time offs are legion. The simplest approach is to enjoy your short-time off, and then go back the next night and off your hottie again. You can do that all week long, or as long as your libido allows. Whether it is once, or 10 nights in a row, each is a single short-time off and all off fees and tips are the same. But as soon as you decide you don’t want him headed back to the bar while you clean yourself up, you’ve entered into a long-time off. And, rightly so, that will cost you more. Though the off fee – the money you pay to the bar for the pleasure of taking him away – is the same whether it is for a short-time or long-time.

A long-time off can be as short as four or five hours. Or it can be overnight. It can also be overnight and into the next afternoon. Which, is up to you. And up to the boy (not all bar boys want a long-time off). If you keep him through the night hours or until the next morning, if your normal short-time tip is 1,500 baht, your tip for the extended stay should be 2,000 baht minimum. And it should be slightly more if you keep him through the afternoon. Food and incidentals during that time all come out of your pocket. And none of those expenses are deducted from his tip. Unless you are planning on keeping him for another day, your long-time off will end in the early afternoon. He’ll want to go back to his loom, clean-up, and catch a few zzzzs before heading back to his bar for another night’s work.

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But a long-time off can also be for several days, a week, or as long as your time in Thailand lasts. It’s still called a long-time off even when it is for an extended period of time. Long-time offs that last longer than a single night and day are where the confusion arises. Not that it should. Because the parameters do not change. It’s the same as if you offed him from 10pm until 2pm the next day. Except you are doing so for several days in a row.

The Extended Off
Whether you offed your bar boy for a single night and then fell in love, or fell in lust the minute he took the stage, when you decide you just can’t live without his company for as long as you can afford it, you’re looking at an extended long-time off. If you are lucky and your bank account can afford it, he’ll want to spend that time with you too. But that’s not a given. He may have other commitments. He may be one of his bar’s stars and is able to land several customers a night. Or he may not be that fond of you. So before you start planning your wedding, you need to make sure he is agreeable to spending all the time that your little heart is desirous of. If he is, you are good to go. And the first thing you’ll be going for is your wallet.

The bar charges a fee for you to take one of its employees home with you – the off fee, or bar fine. These days that typically runs between 400 and 600 baht, though at times and at some bars it may even be higher. The off fee is for a single night’s work, if the boy is not back by the time the bar opens the next night, another off fee is owed. So if you plan on keeping your new friend for say 10 nights, you owe the bar ten off fees.

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Some guys say that you should get a discount on those off fees for an extended off, based on one of two reasons. Or both. ‘Cuz they’re looking to get lots of sex at a cheaper price. The first justification is that bar boys get one night off each week. They then feel if they keep the boy for a week, one of those nights would be his night off and since he would not be working that night the customer should not have to pay an off fee for that night. I’m not a cheap-ass, but the first time I heard this bit of reasoning, it made sense to me. Until a bar owner explained further, and undoubtedly in a much nicer manner than this: After being forced to spend every waking and non-waking minute with your ass for an entire week, the boy would probably like to have a night off to himself to relax, catch up on his life, or go spend all of the money he just made off of you. By paying the entire week’s offs, you ensure he has that free time away from his bar when your time together is over.

Now if you are thinking with your wallet you’re probably also think right about now, “Fuck that! Let him pay for his own damn time off.” But then you are probably an asshole and one of the cheap bastards who likes to preach about respecting bar boys on the gay forums when it’s obvious you don’t. We’re talking less than twenty bucks. The hit to your karma alone isn’t worth that. And your boy will probably figure out a way to get that money out of you anyway.

The second line of reasoning for a discount on the off fee is that the boy would probably not otherwise get offed that many nights in a row and since the bar is making out by your offing him for a week or more, it’s only right that they give you a discount. Right. The mamasan is not going to see it that way. You are not buying wholesale. If you push it, you may get your way and save $20. After a lot of unpleasant negotiating. While your boy sits there watching you being a cheap bastard. He is going to be less than impressed, to say the least. And he’ll immediately start worrying that you are going to apply the same reasoning to his tip. Which you probably will. Good luck with that happy ending. You’re gonna need it.

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Which brings us to the boy’s tip. Just like with the off fee paid to his bar, on an extended off you owe whatever your normal tip is for every night he spends with you. End of story. Yes, the cheap bastards who tried to score a discount on the off fees will offer up the same reasoning for why the tip should be discounted – that the boy probably would not have been offed every night otherwise and should share his good fortune by accepting a lower tip from his benefactor. They’ll also whine about how poorly their currency is doing, how bad the economy is, how expensive their flight to Thailand was . . . none of which has a thing to do with tipping the guy you took away from his life for a week or more. If all you can think about is your wallet, then do it proud and stay home. Or go inflict yourself on the bar boys in Pattaya. They are used to your type and are quite skilled at making sure you only get what you paid for. If that. And then you will have gotten cheap sex and a reason to bitch about how all Thai bar boys are duds in bed as well.

Walking A Mile In The Other Guy’s Shoes
Yes, it is your holiday, and yes, you are the customer. But you are dealing with another human being, not just a piece of meat. So it isn’t all about you. Before you start thinking about how cheaply you can get numerous orgasms for, stop and think about what your pleasure is gonna cost the boy you picked out. Instead of how lucky he is that you picked him.

Most guys who off a bar boy for an extended period of time want to spend that entire time with the boy. That means he is being taken away from his family and friends for the entire off. And – sex aside – he will be spending that entire time doing the thing you enjoy and not the things that bring him enjoyment. He will be eating and sleeping on your schedule, not his. He will be eating the food you like, not what he is used to. More than likely his English skills will not be that good and he will spend a week trying to comprehend what you are saying to him. And failing. Wanting to please, he will attempt to decipher your needs so that he can take care of you. And to top it off, he’s probably straight and will spend a week being pawed by a gay guy. That may all be part of his job, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

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I’ve read comments by others who feel there is value – which they fell they should be awarded for – in that the boy gets to sleep in a hotel room far superior to his personal abode. And that he will get to eat at fine dining establishments, places he would not normally have an opportunity to dine at. Some take a trip out of Bangkok, either to another locale in Thailand or somewhere else in SE Asia, and they point out how lucky their boy is to accompany them, getting free air fare, hotel, food, and touring out of the holiday. But that’s your decision, not his. He might not even be interested in whatever destination you chose. And probably won’t be as comfortable with your hotel as he would be with sleeping in his own room. Thinking your largess is all positive points on your side of the balance sheet is faulty thinking. To him, his time with you – in spite of all the money you spend on your holiday – is all about the money he will earn, not about how much you enjoyed yourself.

You, on the other hand, will get even more benefits than a 24-hour-a-day sex companion. Just the companionship alone of having someone to dine and see the sights with is a plus. But you’ll also get a tour guide, someone who knows the best – and cheapest – way to get around town, someone to translate when it is needed, someone who will barter on your behalf and probably get whatever you are purchasing at a cheaper price, and someone who will help you navigate the myriad ins and outs of Thai culture and daily life to keep you from making an ass out of yourself. If you are lucky, you might even enjoy the benefit of making a new friend. When you consider all of the benefits you get compared to what he will go through, putting the thickness of your wallet at the forefront suddenly seems like a terrible thing to do. Because it is.

It’s Up To You
How much you tip is, of course, up to you. If you decide you are owed a discount, at best you are going to save just slightly more than $100. Compare that, and the amount of pleasure you received during your extended off, with what your airfare to Thailand cost, or how much your hotel(s) cost and it quickly becomes evident what a paltry sum that really is. Especially when that experience is probably the major reason you decided to holiday in Thailand in the first place. But then it’s not just how much you end up paying your long-time off that is up to you. Everything about your time together is.

And how do you value that?

And how do you value that?

A reader recently asked if when you off a guy long-time if that means he spends all of that time with you. Usually it does. But it is up to you. You may want a night or day off (and he’ll be thrilled). Just don’t start calculating his hourly rate to deduct those hours from his tip. Someone else asked if you buy him a gift, like a new cell phone, if that comes out of his tip. Uh, that one is not up to you – it doesn’t. Nor does any of the money you spend on his food, etc. What the two of you do during your time together is all up to you. There are no rules and on those decisions you can be as selfish as you want. Whether or not he will want to do a long-time off again on your next visit, or whether or not any of his bar mates will be interested in a long-time off with you, is up to you too.

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