Everyone is pretty much aware by now that smoking is dangerous to your health. Newbies to Bangkok should also be aware that smoking can be dangerous to the health of your wallet. While Thailand’s gem scam industry gets all the press, two scams blessed by the government are encountered on Bangkok’s streets daily. And while 2,000 baht may not sound like a lot of money to you, multiplied by the number of scofflaws who pony up fine money daily, we’re talking some serious moola. Which is why, despite widespread warnings, this practice continues.

Trash littering the streets is part of the urban scene in Bangkok. And I don’t mean the occasional Big Mac wrapper blowing down the street. The gutters are filled with refuse – and yeah, if it moves that was a rat – piles grow around lamp posts and telephone poles. The only place you don’t see litter collecting is around streetside trash bins. Because there are none. Discarding whatever is in your hand that you no longer have a need for is a way of life for the town’s denizens. Touri are often more circumspect, having been trained to not litter back home or just out of respect for the country they are visiting. And that’s why Bangkok’s litter police are a scam. Many touri who find themselves being fined on the spot never were guilty of littering in the first place.

Most scams and cons rely on greed; they are always based on the greedy who think they are getting something for nothing. The twist here is that you get scammed for doing nothing. And yes, some who fall prey to the litter police actually are guilty of the crime. But it’s still a scam. Because the guilty are only touri. Locals are never busted for littering. But then most locals don’t have 2,000 baht to hand over on a whim either.

I encountered the litter police for the first time a good decade ago. My travel partner Dave had run down the street for a six-pack. It was taking so much time that I began to worry about what trouble he’d gotten himself into when he burst through the hotel room’s door in a major snit-fit. A smoker, the litter police had been eyeballing him and decided he was guilty for nothing more than to have been sucking on a cancer stick while walking down Sukhumvit. He managed to get the fine down to 500 baht, all the money he had on him – and thank the gods he’d already bought the beer.

It wasn’t the money that had him so upset it was the injustice. Dave was exceptionally careful about not littering. When done with a smoke, he’d snub the cigarette out and pocket the butt. Every time we’d return to our hotel room, the first thing Dave would do would be to pull out a handful of cigarette butts from his pocket to dump in the trash. He’d even shown the ‘cops’ his stash of butts. They were less than impressed. They weren’t too impressed that the farang they’d stopped only had 500 baht on him either.

It didn’t help matters that Dave had been busted while I was notorious for flicking my butts into the gutters of Bangkok. A practice that came to a grinding halt that day. Not that that would prevent me from ever being busted for the offense. Step two was keeping an eye peeled for antilittering signs and then making sure I didn’t smoke anywhere near the area. And I adopted Dave’s habit of pocketing my butts even when not in a touri area of the city.

My friend Noom wasn’t impressed with my efforts at not littering. The first time he saw me pocket a butt he gave me his ‘Farang are so strange look’, let out a, “Why you do dat?” and emptied my pocket full of butts, throwing them into the street. To keep me from acting so silly again, for a while after that he’d hold out his hand whenever I finished a cigarette so he could take the karma blow for me. That was the practice until we upgraded to anytime I had a cigarette butt or piece of litter to dispose of, I’d just hand it to him so he could throw it on the ground. Which he’d do right in front of the litter police with no concern.

Bangkok’s litter police are not actually cops. They work for the BMA and are called thetsakij. But they look like cops and touri assume they are because who else would have the authority to stop you on the streets and demand that you pay a fine for breaking a city ordinance? The Bangkok Post ran an article on the scam a few years ago, and the deputy director of the City Law Enforcement Department. Manit Techaapichoke, suggested touri who feel they were being unduly targeted should refuse to pay the fine. If you take his advice, let me know how that turned out for you, okay?

If you get off the beaten path and stray into neighborhoods where the locals live instead of where touri congregate, you won’t see trash bins on the streets though you will see piles of garbage everywhere. You won’t see members of the litter police either. They are all stationed where the tourists are. There’s a fixed litter police station at the BTS elevated walkway by MBK that does big business. Mostly from smokers. Sukhumvit, from soi 2 down to soi 33 is a popular spot for the litter brigade to conduct business too, as my friend Dave discovered, and the area in front of Benjasiri Park next to Emporium is a prime fine collection spot too. In fact at Benjasiri Park you can also pay a 1,500 baht fine for feeding the pigeon population. Don’t worry if you find yourself at the park without feed, there are a mass of vendors there selling it.

I’m no longer a smoker, but I still keep an eye out for the litter police. Smokers are their favorite target because all smokers know they are guilty of something. But in a pinch, the litter police will bust you for the stray candy wrapper or empty water bottle too. Even if it wasn’t yours.

But then littering on the streets of Bangkok shouldn’t be your only concern. Crossing them too can be costly. The anti-litter efforts of the BMA were so popular that they expanded their efforts of separating cash from visitors’ pockets by adding jaywalking to their list of on the spot fineable offenses. For the last three years the city government has been cracking down on those who brave crossing Bangkok’s streets where they shouldn’t. And yup, the most dangerous jaywalking spots are all areas with a heavy farang presence.

Bangkok’s traffic problems are notorious. Streets often look more like parking lots than thoroughfares. When the traffic is at a standstill, and has been for the last ten minutes, it’s safer to jaywalk than it is to be driving. When the traffic is flowing – which is usually in three directions – considering the driving skills of the average Bangkokian if you are stupid enough to try to cross the street amidst the bumper-car derby that passes for traffic in Bangkok, you shouldn’t be fined. You should be rewarded. Pedestrian deaths are just part of life in the Big Mango.

The fine for jaywalking is only 200 baht, which explains why it is not as popular of a bust as littering is. Between soi 2 and 4 on Sukhumvit are prime jaywalking fine areas, as is where Patpong dead ends on Silom. My favorite spot to jaywalk is the intersection of New Petchburi and Ratchaprarop Roads, they have a cardboard cut-out of a Boy In Brown warning you to not jaywalk there. But the risky areas are always easy to spot. Just look for where all the locals are darting across the street.

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