In Catalonia and neighboring areas where that brand of Spaniard dwell, the traditional holiday greeting is, “Have yourself a smelly little Christmas.” Or at least I assume so. What with all the people taking a crap all over town, it ain’t chestnuts roasting on a open fire that permeates the air. You might think the demented minds behind South Park came up with the idea of Christmas poo thanks to their beloved character Mr. Hankey, but the people of the northeastern corner of Spain beat them to the punch by a few centuries. Part of their holiday tradition is a figurine taking a dump.

Nativity scenes in the U.S. are a common sight during the Christmas holidays. Ours focus on the fabled manger. In Catalonia they expand the theme to the entire town, creating little dioramas that include the village and its pastoral surrounds. Those nativity scenes also include a caganer, traditionally dressed is a peasant costume with a red and black hat. And with his pants pulled down as he squats to take his Christmas dump. Accompanying Mary, Joseph, Jesus, the shepherds and the three kings – who are wise enough to grab a spot upwind – the caganer is usually hidden away, tucked away in a corner of the nativity scene nowhere near the main action. Part of the local’s holiday fun is letting the children find the hidden figure of the pooping man.

No one is sure just what the caganer is all about, other than the obvious, but he began claiming squatter’s rights during the Catalan holiday season sometime during the late 17th or early 18th century. The little defecators are so popular that they are considered collectibles, and every year several local artists release new figurines. More recently the trend has been to portray popular celebrities and world figures pinching a log and this year you can get caganers in the likeness of President Obama, Shakira, and a not-yet-pregnant Kate Middleton. (BTW, if you were wondering William and Kate will be having a baby girl. Which isn’t going to be all that since the Middleton’s already, have a queen in the family.)

As popular as the poo thread on Jabba The Butt’s board, the government has learned not to mess with the little guy making a mess. In 2005, the Barcelona city council provoked a public outcry by commissioning a nativity scene which did not include a caganer. Their excuse was that a recent ordinance had made public defecation and urination illegal, and that the caganer was setting a bad example. The uproar was huge and city council members had a shitty Christmas that year. By the following year the town’s nativity scene once again featured the pooping man.

But wait! There’s more!

The Catalan collective consciousness is big on defecation. A popular Catalan saying for use before a meal is “menja bé, caga fort i no tinguis por a la mort!” Which means Eat well, shit a good deal, and don’t be afraid of death!. I guess ‘Bottom’s up!’ is just a paraphrasing of that sentiment. So it shouldn’t be surprising that their holiday tradition extends beyond the fecal matter of a member of the nativity scene. Another of their holiday traditions is the Tió de Nadal, or the pooing log.

The Tió de Nadal is a smiley-faced Christmas log that craps out gifts. Each household takes a hollowed-out log and ‘feeds’ it little presents such as figs, nuts, sweets, and candy beginning on December 8th (the Feast Of The Immaculate Conception). Every night the pooping log is covered with a blanket so it’ll stay warm. Then, on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, the log is told to shit. To make him poop, he’s hit with a stick while songs are sung. When everything’s come out, the log drops a salt herring, a clove of garlic, or an onion. Which ends the festivities and is a good place to end this post. I’m just surprised the Japanese haven’t assimilated thee Catalan tradition into their holiday observances too – it seems to me that it would fit well with their fondness for KFC.

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