I’m not cheap. And I don’t count pennies when I’m on holiday in Thailand. I’m out for a good time, my wallet is full, and I’m ready to party. Nothing kills a fun night quicker than worrying about how much cash you’ve been spending. So I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I’m not aware of what a night on the town in Bangkok will run you. And I’m equally aware of how much more that night will cost if you finish off with a new friend back in your hotel room. What I wasn’t that aware of was how much more that entire evening out would cost if I was on the hunt for pussy instead of dick.

Because of the similarities between the gay and straight gogo bar worlds in Thailand, I enjoy reading Stickman’s weekly column. Breeders fall in love with bar girls just as often as gay guys fall in love with hot Thai bar boys. The walking ATM syndrome knows no gender, and just like with gay touri, those touri in the straight world who consider lots of cheap sex to be priority #1 head to Pattaya. It seems that at least when it comes to sex touri, if you have a dick you are not that different than your fellow man regardless of whether you prefer your partner to have one too or not. Most gay touri refer to taking a boy out of the bar as an off while straight touri call it a bar fine, the more traditional term, but other than that the two worlds are remarkably similar. Same, same, but just a little bit different. Until you get to the cost.

Maybe it is that man has historically always been on the hunt for pussy that makes purchasing an innie instead of an outie so much more expensive in Thailand. Because according to The Stick, bar girls are sitting on a gold mine. Literally.

Occasional mentions of pricing differences in his weekly column have always caught my eye. In a straight bar when you buy a bar girl a drink they are more expensive than what yours cost. Sometimes three and four times as much. No problemo, customer drinks in straight bars are cheaper than in gay gogo places, so it probably evens out. The girly bars also have coyote dancers, and their drinks are even higher. And now we are talking like 1,000 baht. And if you bar fine one of those girls (which is not allowed at all bars) you’ll pay a huge premium to do so. Like think a 5,000 tip minimum. Off fees too are higher at the straight bars, for any of the girls, and seem to average 1,000 baht. All those cheap ass gay sex touri who bitch about their $8 drink on Soi Twilight should instead just be thanking the gods they were not born straight. Though I offer that thanks up daily anyway.

In his most recent column Stick mentioned that one of Patpong’s more popular bars has begun offering an all-inclusive price to order a girl off their website to be sent to your room. The fee is 4,000 baht. And all-inclusive does not include the tip. Stick felt that this was not only a reasonable price to pay, but that a typical night out at a gogo bar would run you the same. And he would know. So straight punters in Bangkok typically lay out 4,000 baht for “transport to and from the bar, a few drinks, lady drinks, and barfine.” Dick, by comparison, is downright inexpensive.

For the gay touri, transport by taxi to and from say Sukhumvit, three drinks (I’m going with ‘a few’ as more than two which would instead be ‘a couple’), two drinks for a boy or boys, and an off fee at the most expensive bar on Soi Twilight would run you 2,000 baht tops. Even if you are a bottom. And that would also include a tip for the waiter or a few crumpled 20 baht notes for a boy or two who amused you. Without being cheap. That kind of puts an end to the frequent complaints on the message boards that say the Bangkok bars are on their way out because of the expense in visiting them. Go take a look at Soi Cowboy (if you dare), that run of bars just keeps getting bigger and more Vegas like. And obviously those customers are paying a hell of a lot more than we do on Twilight.

Gay touri in Bangkok tip somewhere between 1,500 and 3,000 baht depending on the bar, the guy, and how long the off is for. The girls demand 4,000 as a starting figure for short-time and the hotter fish command a 10,000 baht tip which only covers as long as it takes them to get you to come. There are straight customers routinely shelling out $500 to get laid in Bangkok. I’m not cheap, but that would send me home alone for a date with my hand more nights than not.

Not being into ladyboys, I don’t know if they charge more, less, or the same as their sisters. But I’d bet their income is closer to what the girls make than the boys. And that would explain why the ladyboy bars are all in the straight gogo bar complexes instead of mixed in with the gay bars. Maybe you pay more for a post-op than you do a pre-op. Or maybe the price of a girl in Bangkok explains why so many straight sex touri hire ladyboys to do them. Because it sure sounds like they are used to getting fucked in the straight gogo bars.

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