I think, perhaps, I should include a disclaimer at the end of all of my posts about Bangkok’s gay gogo bars – especially the ‘how-to’ articles for newbies – that alerts readers to my tongue-in-cheek attitude toward that world. Maybe being a tad bit less acerbic would be a good idea too. But then that wouldn’t be any fun. Yes, I make jokes about the bars and the boys. I warn readers about the potential scams. And I find much humor in the tried and true bar boy come-ons like telling a farang they just met that they love him. But I really don’t consider any of that a negative. I love the bars. And I love the bar boys. Okay, so I’m no more fond of the screeching little aggressive fem boys than I am of root canals, but even they add to the overall experience (the fems, not the dental work). The fact is there is no other place in the world where you can have such an incredible night out of naughty fun at such a cheap price.

I probably also shouldn’t continue to promote the attitude of bar boys only being interested in money, or that all farang are viewed as walking ATMs, or that sooner or later every bar boy is gonna tell you about his family’s dead buffalo. Ditto for bar boys only wanting to do as little as possible back in your hotel room. And that they all will ask for taxi money once they’ve reached that goal. Not that any of those little gems are unheard of, it’s just that percentage-wise they don’t hold up well.

The majority of bar boys give good service, want to please their customers, and – unless you are being a cheap ass – are content with whatever tip you decide is appropriate. Most of the working guys I’ve had the pleasure to molest have accepted their tip with a gracious wai and never even bothered to count their haul (though I’m sure as soon as they are out the door that wad gets pulled out for a closer inspection).

I don’t like pushy mamasans. But some of my more enjoyable nights out have been thanks to attentive captains or mamasans. I’d like to say that I don’t like all of the boys immediately flocking to my table when I buy a bottle either, but the fact is that is an instant party and I really don’t care who or how many stop by to grab a free shot or two. And yes, the barkers outside who turn walking down Soi Twilight into a nightmare can be a bit too much, but then sitting a Dick’s and watching their antics is one of my favorite people watching pastimes in the Big Mango.

I can easily point out the minuses to an evening spent on Soi Twilight, but short of the disgusting toilets, they really don’t add up to much. Especially when you consider all of the pluses. Which would be a few hundred hot and naked Thai guys all available to make your deepest fantasies come true. For the cost of a song.

It is easy to claim the guys who decide to sell their ass on the soi are lazy and drawn to the easy money, that there is something inherently wrong within them or they’d get a respectable job instead. Though in my defense I don’t think that widely held attitude frequently espoused on the message boards is one that I’ve used. Straight or gay, I don’t think having sex with guys who you undoubtedly do not find attractive could ever be considered to be an easy way to make a living. And standing on stage in your underwear, being scrutinized down to the smallest (or possibly largest) detail can’t be much fun either.

The amount of rejection each bar boy deals with nightly – throwing an inviting smile at a customer who would make any other young Thai man flee in disgust and fright only to have that customer quickly avert his eyes – can not be enjoyable. Nor can being groped by some fat old farang who is too cheap to even cough up a 20 baht tip for the pleasure of doing so. If punters would bother to put themselves in a bar boy’s shoes (‘cuz they are seldom wearing anything else) I ‘d think – or at least would hope – their attitude about the boys would change.

Like many I fell in love with Bangkok’s bar world at first taste. And when I got back home turned to the internet to help keep those memories alive until I could arrange my next trip. Invariably, especially back in those days, that meant the gay Thailand message boards. There has always been more readers than posters on the boards, and I’m sure most of those who only lurk do so to keep in touch with the bar world. Picking up a few hints and learning more about the bars through the experiences of others is a draw too.

But human nature being what it is, the disgruntled post with far more frequency than do the satisfied. Readers can easily become jaded thanks to the constant negativity being promoted by the miserable. Jimmy Buffet sang of the “good times and riches, and son of a bitches;” the message boards seem to be populated only by the latter. Unfortunately, while I may use a sarcastic approach to humor in the posts I offer about the bar world, posters on the message boards find nothing humorous about their experiences. And that’s a shame. Both because they then paint an unrealistic picture of what to expect from Thailand’s bar boys, and because they themselves are missing out on all of the fun that world offers.

Case in point, this post recently appeared on one of the boards:

no gifts anymore, as this tip tip tip for just doing nothing really gets to two after a while, especially if your in several bars every night & paying for offs & their drinks in everybar you visit, with the added prices of tax on fuel for flights & a very bad baht exchange rate for years now, thailand should be satisfied i chosen to visited them & spend my money in their country, unless i start to earn mega money things wont change, i got bills to pay & have to work hard for it, whilst trying to maintain a happy medium on my vacation.

Okay, got it. The world’s economy sucks, it costs more to visit the Kingdom now than it did ten years ago. People are being a bit more frugal these days. And when discretionary money is being spent, most are looking for value. But then not being that familiar with this poster I went back to look at his other posts and found as far back as 2008 – when cash was still flowing freely – he was already bitching about how much of his hard earned money the bar boys were demanding. And how “they are lucky we are still coming with the bate rate so crap.” A fan of Pattaya, not surprisingly, to this poster all bar boys lie and cheat, provide little for what they hope is a lot, and none should ever be trusted. Maybe it’s not my humorous posts that should include a disclaimer, but rather the message boards should. Because if that is your attitude, I can guarantee you will not have a good time.

Yes, prices have gone up while income has shrunk right along with exchange rates. But then so have the prices bar boys pay for lodging and food. And bar boy tips are the same as they were ten years ago. I don’t know how lucky, or appreciative, bar boys should really be that you’ve decided to bless their country with your visit and willingness to cut loose with 500 – 700 baht as a tip for their services. And as far as the lies they may fall back on to try and squeeze a few more baht out of you, maybe this too is a question of which comes first, the chicken or the egg.

You may not be happy with your lot back home. Money may be tight, and your financial situation may well be the end-all, or at least the major consideration in anything and everything you do. Leaving that attitude behind when you change latitudes should be a priority. The week or two you spend enjoying the hot young men of Thailand should be your escape. Not yet another part of your life to be displeased with.

Most of us visit Thailand on holiday. We’re out for a good time. Stopping to consider what bar boys go through to provide us those good times is not part of the equation. Nor should it be. Nor does it have to be. You can have a grand time just going with the flow, tipping respectable amounts, and allowing your boy du jour to provide you the memorable experience he wants you to have.

You can, and should, be aware of potential scams as well as the tricks bar boys have perfected to get your wallet spread open widely. But focusing on those, instead of what drew you to the bars in the first place, is never a good idea. Maybe, in the end, the disclaimer that is really needed should be tucked into each bar visitor’s pocket: I will not bitch about anything and I will have a great time. Then I can continue to poke fun at the minor annoyances and y’all will laugh instead of dwelling on what really is nothing compared to all of the good stuff that makes up Thailand’s bar world.

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