As time has passed and our relationship has grown I’ve been fortunate to meet more and more of Noom’s – my bar boy friend and current love of my life – family. Papa was a big step which neither of us took lightly. His brothers, even though they are older than him, not so much. Those meetings have been more on a whim. And far less stressful. The brother that I’ve known the longest, however, I have still to meet. You’d think that he would be the family member Noom would most likely want to introduce me to; he’s the only one in the family who knows what Noom does for a living (officially). And he’s gay to boot.

Not surprisingly all of his brothers have names. Even Thais follow some conventions. While I’m sure Noom has told me what their names are at some point, the more familiar designation is brother. Brudda to me more precise. The gay one gets a nod upward when Noom speaks of him, the other brother I’ve met gets a nod to the right. There are two more I’ve not met, and fortunately two more directions to nod toward once I do, assuming one lives to the south and the other to the east. His sister I haven’t met either but I guess being the sole female in the family she’d not be worthy of a compass point to call her own.

Noom doesn’t get along with the two brothers I’ve not yet met. Their disagreement has something to do with money, so it seems Thais follow that familial convention too. It’s just as good since I refer to the two he does get along with as Wynken and Blynken, just to keep them straight. And there’s only one name left to use, which would be confusing anyway.

Brudda Right Nod, aka Wynken, is married. His wife has a food cart a few blocks from their house. It’s one of my favorite places to eat in Bangkok. Since her customer base is local she uses the higher grade of pork balls on her grill, an entirely different gastronomical treat than the heavily diluted ones sold along the streets where touri flock. I can’t eyeball the difference between the different grades but late at night, or early in the morning depending on how you count time, when we are in Silom and I feel the need coming on, Noom carefully points out which skewer we’ll be buying. He knows the difference. I assume most locals do. And the touri area vendors stock both. Theirs is a different kind of two tier pricing. One that has more to do with value than cost.

I don’t know his brother’s wife name either, but since the gay brother is not married, her designation doesn’t come with a directional nod either. She’s known as Brudda Wife. Considering the value Thais, like many Asian cultures, place on women I’d not be surprised if that’s how she’s referred to among the family members too. So far she’s my favorite relation. But that’s because I trade baskets of mangoes for bottles of her mango-chili barbecue sauce. Her recipe is my second favorite in the Kingdom. The best belongs to an old alcoholic lady in Chiang Mai who has a food cart by the Tha Pae gate though we usually have to track her down at her favorite bar when I’m hungry. I’m pretty sure she adds some Thai whiskey to her sauce. Which probably has a lot to do with why she mans her cart so infrequently.

Noom’s sister, who’d get an upward nod too if it was required, is married to a Boy In Brown. One toward the top of the tea money ladder. Having a cop in the family is a good thing anywhere in the world. Having a cop in the family who lives several hours away is even better. She met her hubby in Pattaya where she’d gone to live in search of money and a husband. Or as Noom puts it, “She sell pussy like me.”

Noom is closest to Brudda Upward Nod, the gay one. He and I speak frequently on the phone when I’m in Thailand. He does not speak English, and my official grasp of the Thai language is limited. So Noom translates a lot. Which means he passes his phone to me, I listen to Brudda Upward Nod for about five minutes, I pass the phone back so Brudda Upward Nod can repeat himself, and then Noom says, “He say hi.”

Despite the language barrier, Brudda Upward Nod is heavily involved in Noom and my relationship. And though I do not know his name, he knows mine. Not the frequently used version that Noom’s prefers that involves about a dozen S’s, but my more formal name which Noom pronounces in a manner that makes it sing. It’s close to the English version. I like his version better. And Brudda Upward Nod says it the same.

Though I haven’t a clue as to what he is saying during any of our conversations I do know when he pulls out my official full name I need to get serious and pay attention. Because that version has purpose. And when Brudda Upward Nod has purpose, you better listen. Brudda Upward Nod is a mor phi, the Thai version of a witch doctor / monk / monastic / mystic who plays an important role in the life of every village. And having a doctor in the family is even better than having a cop as a relation.

The first time Noom told me about Brudda Upward Nod, at a loss of how to communicate his standing in English he went with, “He like monk.” I’ve run across ‘like’ monks in SE Asia before. They are not what you’d call respectable. Becoming a monk, officially, is not a difficult task. When you throw on the robes without making that minimal effort at legitimacy, something is wrong. ‘Like” monks all have the same slightly crazy look in their eyes. Their robes are always old and often stained. They don’t look or act like a respectable monk should. I’m not sure if it is a form of craziness unique to Buddhists, or just a lazy man’s way of getting through life as a scammer, but ‘like’ monks are generally bad news. Fortunately they are easy to spot. Now that I know Brudda upward Nod isn’t really a ‘like’ monk, but a bona fide mor phi I feel a bit bad about my misconception. But then after the sister selling pussy like me remark, what did ya expect?

Brudda Upward Nod is gay. He is not a ladyboy. He is out, though I’m not sure how that aspect of his character is viewed in Thai village life. And I don’t know if his being gay has any impact on how he is viewed by his neighbors in light of his standing as a mor phi. But I do know, now that we have the ‘like’ monk thingy straightened out, that he is considered to be a powerful mor phi. And like doctors everywhere, he not only has status in his village but is quite wealthy by local standards too. More importantly, he has a real cute boyfriend.

Brudda Upward Nod’s boyfriend is a good ten years younger than he is and comes from one of the more wealthy families in the area. Brudda Upward Nod is no slouch in the looks department himself. I get copies of pictures Noom takes when he visits his brother; along with the shots I get warm fuzzies that Noom considers me enough of a member of the family to want, and deserve those photos. Several have been from special um, events his brother has put on, special gatherings that tap into the group’s collective to accomplish some medicinal or religious feat. The size of the gatherings makes it evident how important of a mor phi he is. I always make sure to make appreciative noises as Noom presents each picture from his most recent visit. And make sure to not mention that’d I’d so do the boyfriend.

Last spring Brudda Upward Nod held one of his gatherings for some specific purpose which Noom, in his limited English, was unable to communicate. Part of the event was to celebrate the new building the village had funded for Brudda Upward Nod to practice his powers. Noom attended, as he does all of the important events, dressed in his Hindu garb. The ladyboy mamasan that used to work at his bar went along too. The altar was festooned with elaborate floral sculptures the village had spent a week creating along with the obligatory Buddhas and Bodivistas. Ganesha had a place of prominence too, a nod to Noom’s beliefs from Brudda Upward Nod.

Uncommented upon when Noom presented me with my set of photos was a shot that showed one of the products I make that I’d given to Noom, hanging front and center above the altar flanked by a pair of those hanging tapestries that are popular up north that we’d bought for Brudda Upward Nod during one of our visits to Chiang Mai. Nice to know even though I was not physically there, I was still represented.

Brudda Upward Nod and his boyfriend broke up two years ago. The boyfriend’s parents had a long talk with their child and convinced him to go back to Brudda Upward Nod. And bought Brudda Upward Nod a brand new car to pave the way to reconciliation. I considered that a good example of the esteem he is held in. Noom considered it as a good example of how much power he has; he not only got a cute younger boyfriend to come back to him, but scored a car to boot. I can’t argue with his logic.

Noom and his brother love each other. And respect each other too. I have to assume from Brudda Upward Nod that comes from the type of person Noom is. A good deal of the respect Noom feels toward his brother is due to the power he has. Which Noom puts great faith in. When I’m not in Thailand Noom keeps up with how I’m doing by consulting his brother. And when I am in Thailand Noom passes on advice from Brudda Upward Nod, words of caution warning me of some negative influence headed my way or advice of some auspicious event that I need to take advantage of. I got a well deserved bitch slap from Noom once when I ignored Brudda Upward Nod’s advice on buying a lottery ticket; when the numbers I was supposed to buy and didn’t came up Noom was disappointed in me. And in not collecting the 300 baht I would have won. For him.

I’m not a fan of organized religion; I’m more spiritual than religious. Raised under western faith, my natural inclination toward religious beliefs practiced in less advanced societies is to quietly scoff. But then one man’s myths are another man’s religion and who am I to say whose spiritual beliefs are real and whose are merely superstitions. It’s enough for me that Noom believes in Brudda Upward Nod’s power. Because I believe in Noom’s.

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