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Wondering how you will vote?
Politics is still a man’s game even with more and more women entering the fray. Though some would say the majority of women politicians have all got big balls and shouldn’t be counted anyway. What no one can argue with (assuming you are not with Fox News where facts are but a mild inconvenience and are routinely ignored) is that Democrats have the biggest dicks and Republicans, for the most part, are just dicks with smaller picks.
According to a database compiled by the specialty condom manufacturer Condomania, on average, men who live in ‘blue states’ stand taller than men who live in ‘red’ states. The company, who produces a line of condoms specifically sized for customers, has been tracking sales orders since 2004 from around the country. The company has used sales data for their line of TheyFit Condoms, which come in “tailored-fit” sizes, to chart the growth of 27,000 men in all 50 states. Previously the most extensive study of the size that matters was done by Kinsey researchers in the late 1940s, when 2,500 men recorded their erect penis sizes on pre-stamped cards. Condomania claims their information is more accurate than that produced by Kinsey.
“Unlike other studies in which participants were measuring their penis size solely for the sake of recording a measurement, and were perhaps more likely to exaggerate,” says Chris Filkins, Condomania’s Directory of Technology, ““our database is comprised of men looking for the best fit condom for safety and comfort, and thus, we believe, apt to be more accurate.”
Must be from a swing state.
Condomania’s fitted rubbers range in length from 3 to 10 inches and from super slim to extra roomy. Though those ordering the three inchers are, I believe, overly optimistic about their needs. Customers use a “FitKit” measuring system for the TheyFit condoms, where the user measures the length and girth of his erect penis to the millimeter and then matches those results to one of 76 possible sizes that comprise different length and girth combinations. The compiled data shows that not only are men who live in democratic states men among men, but that the poor suckers who live in Wyoming are all victims of penis envy; theirs barely measure up.
Interestingly, the study’s data created an almost perfect bell curve, with 25 percent of all men having penises shorter than five inches, 50 percent being between five and six inches, and 25 percent being larger than six inches. But men who live in New Hampshire roll their eyes at those averages because the rolls they are packing are the biggest in the country.
The numbers on numbers the company released also weighed in on the weight of the country’s most populated cities. Southern boys from New Orleans have good reason for claiming bragging rights for the Big Easy, while the gentlemen from Dallas/Ft. Worth are really not worth much. Detroit may still be producing big cars but the men living there tend to be sub-compacts, claiming the third smallest dicks in the nation. And if you live in Los Angeles (#4 in the teeny weenie category) you might want to drive south a bit for your Saturday night fun; the men of San Diego rank as having the third largest members.
Size doesn’t seem to have much to do with size either. The men of Texas, who like to claim everything about their state is big, are smaller than men in 34 other states. And tiny little Hawaii is home to the country’s men with the fifth largest dongs. The men of Alaska, on the other hand, have the fourth smallest peni, which may explain that whole Sarah Palin thingy.
If It’s red they’ve got small heads.
Thanks to Condomania’s ranking of penis size, why Missouri is known as the Show Me State suddenly makes sense. Unfortunately it looks like the men from that state get that request even after they’ve already dropped trou. But Indiana’s corn huskers evidently really do have something to husk. And if you ever meet a guy from Iowa, just smile and snicker.
Whether you are planning a trip for the summer, or looking to relocate to a new state, here are the places you have to choose from, listed by rank from the biggest to the ‘might as well be a bitch’:
1. New Hampshire
2. Oregon
3. New York
4. Indiana
5. Arizona
6. Hawaii
7. Louisiana
8. Massachusetts
9. Alabama
10.Washington
11. New Mexico
12. California
13. Arkansas
14. Nevada
15. Virginia
16. Tennessee
17. Illinois
18. Oklahoma
19. South Dakota
20. Georgia
21. Pennsylvania
22. Mississippi
23. Michigan
24. Florida
25. Rhode Island
26. Kansas
27. Maryland
28. Minnesota
29. Vermont
30. Connecticut
31. Wisconsin
32. New Jersey
33. North Dakota
34. Idaho
35. Texas
36. Missouri
37. Montana
38. Ohio
39. Nebraska
40. Colorado
41. Maine
42. North Carolina
43. Delaware
44. South Carolina
45. Kentucky
46. West Virginia
47. Alaska
48. Iowa
49. Utah
50. Wyoming
(Click on the When Size Matters post link below for more on Condomania’s TheyFit condoms and a link to their chart to see how you measure up.)
Related Posts You Might Enjoy:
When Size Matters
How Do You Say Humongous In Sudanese?
It’s Not That You Have A Small Dick
Why am I thinking ‘ he’s just bought a gay friendly real estate business in new Hampshire’…..
Hmmmm.
Lol, oooops! Busted!
Why do I get the feeling guys on gay dating sites will all be claiming to live in New Hampshire now?
Of course, I was born in New Hampshire myself…..er
(where the hell is New Hampshire anyway….near New York, new English something anyway.)
And why is knowing where New Hampshire is suddenly so important Al?
No worries, ask the average American to pinpoint the state on a map and they’d pick a spot in Africa.
Perhaps people who vote with their dicks ( no matter their size) should stick to blogging about the bars in Bangkok rather than the political state of the nation, particularly if they rely on Condomania rather than Fox news for their facts. Considering where the present Administration has taken the country, perhaps you could come up with a study of testicular size as it pertains to liberals vs. conservatives.
Huh.
Did I miss Fox’s report on dick sizes? Oh, no, that’s right, the right-wing nutters are more interested in legislating the use and abuse of women’s bodies these days.
I haven’t run across a study about how small conservative’s balls are yet, but did read one that tracked intelligence levels that showed conservatives are wanting in that area too. Thanks for confirming that study’s results Rob!
That’s funny…I saw another study that said big dicks = small brains. Whatever…I think your blog is much more interesting when you stick to what you know.
That probably was people with small brains = people who are big dicks, Rob. You could consider Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, and Sarah Palin as good examples.
In any case, this article was a humorous piece about a condom manufacturer’s claims to have a data base that ranks the penile lengths of Americans by state, and who concluded from those numbers that states that tend to vote conservative are those where men with smaller dicks reside. How do you reach the conclusion that I vote with my dick and know nothing about politics in our country from that? I think maybe you need to swear off Fox News for a month and get a bit of perspective back.
Rob, you rely on Fox News for your ‘facts.’ That in my book suggests something lacking. Personally I think you might get closer to the truth in Condomania or McDonalds. Now, I’m no expert on U.S. politics but dick size runs close to my heart. Why anyone would wish to make political comment on a post which is essentially apolitical is beyound my comprehension. Perhaps you should enter the political arena and satiate that spin, smoke and mirrors way of thinking. Perhaps you might just stick to watching Fox news and wishing for a larger penis, no offence intended of course.
Well looks like the Rob fellow was not to happy to have his size exposed online 🙂
lol
Yes, shorties can be sooooooo touchy!
AL: if you consider Thursday’s post as “apolitical” I suggest you grab a dictionary and look up the definition of that word. I have always wondered why “gay” should be synonymous with “democrat” or “liberal” or why gays feel the need to attack a brother who doesn’t necessarily fall in lock-step with their politics. What I do in the bedroom has nothing to do with what I do in the voting booth, strange as that concept may seem to you.
Apolitical is defined as “having no interest in or association with politics” Rob, perhaps you should have looked that up yourself. The point Al and I both made was that you political rant was about a humorous article about dick size. There was no interest in politics, the interest was in dick.
“I have always wondered why “gay” should be synonymous with “democrat” or “liberal” or why gays feel the need to attack a brother who doesn’t necessarily fall in lock-step with their politics.”
Really? Hello pot! Since the religious right holds sway over the conservative party these days, let’s turn to a biblical quote:
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you . . .”
Matthew 7:12
The reason so many gay people are liberals is because the alternative is to support a party that does not support them, but goes out of its way to enact or support legislation that discriminates against them. Somehow that translates in your mind into voting with their dicks. Your belief in Fox New’s journalistic integrity suddenly makes sense.
BTW, what I do in the bedroom has nothing to do with the type of person I am, nor should it with whether or not I can marry who I please, whether or not I can obtain or keep a job, whether or not I can serve in my country’s armed forces, whether or not I can gather with like-minded friends, whether or not I can choose to change my gender to how I self-identify, whether or not I should be free from bullying and persecution . . . those are issues for the voting booth.
Rob, brother , dear Rob…..forgive me please.
I was under the obvoiusly misguided impression that the post under which YOUR comment is attached pertains to penis size and condoms and was fairly toungue in cheek playfulness.
Apart from a throw away remark about Republicans and perhaps some good natured innuendo there appeared to me to be little reason for your acidic vitriol on politics.
Whilst the general theme on this blog seems to be about cocks etc. you may have a point when Republicans come into it.
May I make a suggestion that you might find greater satisfaction writing and soap-boxing on a dedicated political forum where i’m sure your words will be treated as pure gold.
I don’t really care whether someone is Democrat, communist, Republican or even uncut, That’s not why I read this blog.
I know this whole thing must have been traumatic for you but please do try to get over it, visit a bath house or a little trip to the local glory hole should help soothe that savage beast within you.
The mogadon isn’t helping dear so grab the Amyl and go for it, stop over ANALysing things and be happy, have a laugh and quit yer fuckin’ bitchin’.
Please excuse any typo’s or spelling errors for I am mere mortal and have not yet attained Nirvana. Peace brother.
I have never considered anyones choice of whom they sleep with synonimous with any political party affiliation, in fact I even bedded a member of the House of Lords once. I’m very easy to get along with though.
Good luck in November. I hope you dont slit your wrists when Romney sends Barry Obama back to Chicago
Rob, Rob, Rob. You really need to quit applying Fox News logic to the rest of the world. I post an article about dick size and you manage to extrapolate from that I’ll be suicidal if Mitt win the presidency. Hardly. I mean it could be worse. It’s not like Bush II getting reelected again. Besides the country survived Bush so we certainly could survive the election of his mini-me.
P.S. I really don’t give a rat’s arse about the gay marraige issue either, all the more business for the lawyers. One shouldn’t need ceremony to enjoy love with a partner and given the flightful fancies and promiscuity of MOST gay men; I would consider it rather foolish for MOST.