Recently I read a post on one of the gay Thailand forums about a bar boy ‘cheating’ on his farang. It was yet another in a long list of similar tales from a occasional traveller to the Kingdom who’d hooked up with a bar boy, fell in love, went back home, and then started doubting the boy was remaining true to him. I’ve never quite figured out the ‘he loves me and will be faithful to me until I return’ expectation. I mean beyond it being a nice fantasy. Unless you plan on forking over enough cash every month to fulfil all of the guy’s financial needs, then really, what do you expect?

What caught my attention in this sad tale was that the bar boy had used the farang’s cell phone to check his Gay Romeo account and left his password on the phone. Most bar boys are smarter than that. At least the experienced ones are. So the farang started reading the boy’s messages since he had access to the account. The farang knew that was wrong to do, but mentioned several times in his post, however, that anyone would do the same.

Uh, no: not everyone would. Some of us have a stronger moral compass. Some of us would not consider that an error on the boy’s part means we then have the right to ignore basic rules of privacy. Some of us would not violate the privacy of someone we purportedly love. And some of us are smart enough to know if you don’t trust your loved one enough to not go to unethical lengths to catch him cheating on you, there really was no trust in your relationship to begin with. Which doesn’t promise a very rosy future for the two of you.

Our straight brethren seem to be often in the same boat. Stickman, who publishes a weekly internet column about the going ons at the girly bars in Bangkok, offers a service to those not in Thailand to check up on their girl to make sure she is being true to him while he is away. Stick seems to be an honest sort and actually does investigate for the fee he collects. Though he could just as easily take the cash and send back a fake report stating the girl is a whore and doing every guy who has a wallet full of baht. Because that is always the answer. And I don’t know that hiring someone to check up on your honey is that much better than invading his privacy by logging into his Gay Romeo account. In either case, the answer is a foregone conclusion anyway. As is the future of that relationship.

That particular post was not the first time I’ve read of some farang pulling a similar stunt. Crazy in love seems to mean crazy in the head too. Checking up on your ‘boyfriend’ during your absence appears to be a common desire. The good news is that if you are one of those farang madly in love and crazy over the idea that your lover is being unfaithful, Adidas has just solved your problem. Any bar boy will be thrilled with being given a brand new pair of Adidas. And since they’ve just come out with a lo-jack version of their popular sports shoe, that can be a gift that just keeps giving. As in giving you a constant update of where he is and if his feet have left the ground.

Yup, Adidas is spreading the love with its new adizeros shoe that incorporates its already released miCoach Speed Cell and miCoach cleat system. The systems – designed for use by coaches to track performance of their athletes but equally invaluable to farang in doubt of the honesty of their favorite bar boy – provide real-time data on its wearer’s location, speed, movement, and distance travelled. The chips within the shoes provide tracking data for up to seven hours, and that information can be accessed online or via your smartphone.

No more wondering where your boy is and what he’s up to. For a mere $330.00 you can now have peace of mind, or at least details about what your piece of ass is doing. ‘Cuz nothing says I Love You like a few hundred dollars spent on trust.

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