I received a complaint from a new wholesale customer the other day. I use newspaper to pad the merchandise I ship; saves the product from damage and gets rid of my pile of old newspapers at the same time. Her complaint wasn’t about the use of newspaper, it was that a section that I’d used on her shipment contained the obituaries. I was tempted to drop her a note and tell her that is only a problem if your name appears in the death notices, but figured if she was bitching about something as stupid as that she probably wouldn’t appreciate my sense of humor. Instead I made a note to ignore any future orders from her or her store. Life is too short to spend any of it dealing with little grumpy people.

I think I learned my customer service techniques from spending so much time in Thailand. Thais have that whole thing down to a science. They are helpful during the sale, but once the money has changed hands, that’s it. Finit. Sayonara. Buh, bye.

My dyke friends bought a pair of flip flops from a store in Chiang Mai one night. Not from a cart, but an actual store. The two of them make a bad couple when it comes to shopping. Neither is exactly what you would call decisive. In this case they made their choice fairly quickly for them, but on the way out of the store saw a different pair of shoes and changed their collective mind. Or tried to. The new pair was the same price as the pair they’d just bought. They asked the clerk if they could switch.

I laughed.

Needless to say, they ended up with the pair they had originally selected. After spending another half an hour trying to reason with the clerk. And every other employee in the store. All the Thais involved were polite. And smiled. And wouldn’t budge. But did end up giving the girls a coupon good for half off the next pair of shoes they might buy.

Good luck with that.

Guys visiting Thailand are not as likely to buy a pair of shoes as women visitors are. Even the queens. But many of them will end up purchasing a companion for the evening. The Thai sense of customer service follows through in the bar world too. So it is not surprising that many of those customers wind up unhappy with the customer service they received. Especially since it really is a matter of being serviced.

It is not unusual to read about problematic experiences; almost in every case the customer is unhappy because the bar boy they offed failed to live up to expectations. Usually, the customer claims the boy lied. And often goes on to relate how the customer rectified the problem by holding back on some if not all of the boy’s tip. Sometimes nicely, sometimes not. At first reading, that seems to be a justified response. But when you consider the numerous cultural influences that can impact the outcome of a professional date in Thailand, well, it’s not quite as black and white.

In most cases the customer and boy transact their business in English. The boy’s grasp of that language is probably a tentative one at best. English may also not be the customer’s native language. That’s a situation ripe for miscommunication. There is also the Thai social/cultural aspect to consider. No is not a word Thais like to use.

The problem is further compounded because the customer is not only on a higher social standing but is in many cases older too. So ‘no’ becomes even a more difficult answer for the boy to give. The customer may not understand this and assumes the boy’s vague answer, such as ‘I do everything’ means yes. Sometimes the boy’s answer may even be ‘yes’. In Thailand, though, yes does not always mean yes. There’s another paragraph worth of thought that you just don’t hear. But are expected to know.

Just like the customer not comprehending the bar boy’s culture, bar boys often fail to understand the customer’s. To the customer, yes is an emphatic answer that leaves no room for doubt. While the bar boy says yes and means ‘but don’t expect me to do any of those disgusting things you weird falang are so found of’, and assumes the customer realizes that, all the customer hears is the yes. Neither really is at fault. It’s just a matter of two cultures on a collision course. That will not result in a happy ending. At least not the one the customer had his heart set on.

I’m not naive enough to think all bar boys have good intentions, that bar boys don’t lie. Those with some experience have learned they can promise the sky and still get their full tip even when they fail to deliver the moon. Their only concern is in closing the sale, in getting a customer to agree to off them. That, btw, also holds true for most mamasans. Customers mistakenly believe the mamasan is there to represent them in a deal. Sorry, his job is to get you to off a boy. He will be less honest about the transaction than the boy will.

Experienced bar patrons can tell when a bar boy’s yes isn’t a yes. The manner in which the boy says yes alone is enough to tip them off. Newbies have a more difficult time of it. They can barely hear the yes because of all the blood rushing to their head. Both of them. Some guys believe they are experienced, but still run into the same problem over and over again; and then become a disillusioned and disgruntled customer who claims bar boys all lie.

When it is an honest case of cultural miscommunication, it’s not fair to short a guy on his tip. When the guy is trying to take advantage of you, it is. But expect blowback the next time you visit his bar. Or any bar in the area. Sometimes standing up to be heard when you feel you’ve been wronged is not the best answer.

Then what’s a poor sex tourist supposed to do?

First, you can always go with the flow and just have a good time. Consider your good fortune to be in Thailand and to have the opportunity of spending some skin on skin time with a hot young stud for a ridiculously low price. Whether or not you become disgruntled because things didn’t go the way you wanted is really up to you. Decide to be happy with your happy ending, whatever form it takes.

Don’t like that advice? Then, second, be completely up front. Specifically ask if the guy will do whatever it is your little heart is set on. When you get your affirmative answer, take it one step further. Tell him if he does (whatever) you’ll tip him X amount. If he doesn’t do (whatever) you will only tip him (X – a smaller) amount. This not only tells the guy how important whatever it is is to you, but gives him fair warning that it is a pay for performance transaction.

The guy who just didn’t want to say no, now has an out. The guy who was purposely lying to you has been put on notice. Neither will complain (to their bar mates) if they walk away with a smaller tip if they fail to perform as expected. You may even luck out and get what it was you wanted instead.

Too many of us in the West have been trained to bitch and complain when we feel we have not received the level of customer service we feel we are due. That doesn’t work in Thailand; it really is not a Thai mode of operation. Truth be told, it doesn’t work too well in the Western world, either.

Exercising your right to complain may be the death to your right to engage in future business. Anywhere in the world.