Yesterday in the U.S. was Columbus Day. Or at least it once was. At some point the powers that be decided it was no longer Columbus Day but Discoverer’s Day instead. That’s because they finally admitted our land was not first visited by an Italian, but by a Viking Maybe, kinda, sorta. Rather than getting controversial, they settled on the all encompassing ‘Discoverer’s’ title. And of course ignored that when whoever it was who first landed on these shores did so, there were already vast civilizations in place. But then indigenous folk have never really counted for much in the grand scheme of things.

Whatever you call it, it’s an odd holiday in America. Some places celebrate the date, others do not. It’s officially a holiday, but not a federal one. So the government trudges on, businesses stay open, and most people still have to go to work. Celebrations are concentrated around Italian-American communities – where it is still called Columbus Day. New York holds a large parade filled with hot Guidos. San Francisco holds a parade too, but all the hot boys save their booty shaking for one of the city’s gay events.

Across the bay in Berkeley, they celebrate Indigenous People’s Day instead. And in South Dakota they’ve settled on calling their holiday Native Americans’ Day. I’m not sure what they call the day in Arizona, but believe the locals celebrate it by hunting Mexicans who are sneaking across the border. But then that’s a typical day in Arizona.

So it’s a little holiday of no importance that primarily serves as an excuse for retail operations to hold a sale. Which almost always relies on the original Columbus Day designation. Americans may not agree on what to call the holiday, but can agree if in doubt you can always celebrate consumerism.

Maybe it’s the change in season and change in the air that is to blame. It is that time of the year. Change in attitude is similarly responsible for another official day no longer of any import: National Coming Out Day, today’s big holiday which occurs on October 11, the day after someone found America. It too is a special day about discovery. In this case discovering who you know is actually gay.

Despite its name, National Coming Out Day is observed in many countries, including Australia, Switzerland, Germany, Canada, New Zealand, Croatia, Poland, the Netherlands, and the United Kingdom. Though, probably just to be difficult, in the UK it’s celebrated on October 12. It is an internationally observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender (LGBT), and asexual people. I’m not sure how the asexual folk snuck in on the bandwagon, or why anyone would want to celebrate the fact they are not having sex, but there ya go. Though I guess ‘party your ass off’ is not an appropriate phrase for those celebrating that they are not getting any.

I guess a day set aside to encourage gay folk to come out was a good idea, though why anyone would take that step just because it was an ‘official’ day to do so is beyond me. Maybe if they got Tom Cruise or John Travolta to open the closet door on October 11, there’d be a bit of fanfare, but more likely it’d be the same reaction most people have about someone coming out these days. Now instead of an, “Oh My God!” reaction, you’re more likely to get, “And?” Coming out just doesn’t have the impact it once did.

Of course most guys who come out discover their big secret really wasn’t. Coming out is more about an internal process; everyone else already probably knew you were gay. So maybe the date should really be called Discovering You’re Gay Day. And they could combine it with Columbus Day. San Francisco’s parade would at least attract some gay boys then. And for the Italian boys marching in New York it’d be business as usual, ‘cuz you gotta admit those Guidos are about as gay as you can get without actually donning a frock. And that’s something worth celebrating.