Well, here’s a sexist statement: Women suck at reading maps. Men, on the other hand, can read a map. But usually won’t. And would rather stumble about in circles than ask for directions. See, I’m fair. Thais, regardless of gender, haven’t a clue as to what a map is all about. North? Again, not a clue compass-wise, but they do know that’s where all the Red Shirts come from. And East is Essan, and home. South is where the Muslims are (getting killed), and West is where all the old fat farang come from. Ask a friendly, helpful Thai for assistance in directions, and you’ll always get an answer. And there’s the rub.

When I’m out and about on the streets of Thailand and see a touri asking a local for directions, usually with a useless map spread out in their hands (useless because it was made by a Thai. See above), I always go over to help. After I’ve picked myself up from rolling around on the ground in helpless fits of laughter. If you are lost in Bangkok and need help finding a place, you’d be better off stopping in at a local shrine and saying a prayer to Buddha than asking a Thai for directions.

Thais are a wonderfully warm and friendly people. Even when they are busy running a scam on you they’ll ensure you are having fun. And they love to help touri. But their desire to help you will out weigh their knowledge. So you’ll get bad directions. You will be sent off in the opposite way of where you want to go. It’s not their fault. It’s how they’ve been raised. It’s all about the Thai culture.

If you stop a Thai on the street and ask for assistance with directions, he is obligated to help you. You are a honored guest in his country. You probably are of a higher social status than he. And it is his duty to make you happy. Making you happy means giving you directions. That he has no idea where the place is you are trying to reach is not important. When he gives you the directions, you’ll be happy and his job is done.

Of course, ten minutes later when you are again helplessly lost you’ll be unhappy. But the Thais live for the moment. Future problems are not of concern. And if you are totally lost, well, that’s probably due to your bad karma anyway.

Nothing is scarier than seeing a group of touri women headed down the street, map in hand. I know how they will spend their day: lost in Bangkok.