I’ve visited Chiang Mai a dozen times since my first trip north about 25 years ago. Usually stay for four or five days, hit the Sunday Market (‘cuz it’s fun) and shop for silver for resale back in the States. Chiang Mai is cheap as well as giving me a few days off from the hustle/bustle and non-stop sex of Bangkok. But this trip was different. I brought along Noom, a bar boi from Hot Male in Bangkok and the new love of my life.

Noom had never visited Chiang Mai before. And spent the two days before our arrival looking at heavy winter coats in Bangkok for the expected chilly northern temperatures. He’d settled on a used parka (300 baht) which is typical of him – he knows I’m going to buy whatever he decides upon but looks for the best deal rather than heading into Armani for the priciest item he can find. Figuring I only really needed one day for silver shopping in Chiang Mai, the first time he asked, “What we do?” I got great pleasure in throwing back that oft used bar boy phrase, “up to you”.

And he was quite tickled with the idea that with the exception of two days, every where we went and everything we did would be totally up to him to decide. The second day he had no say over I’d already arranged as a surprise for him. And it bugged the hell out of him that I wouldn’t tell him what it was. (He’d once told me one of his great desires in life was to put his feet in the Mekong. Seems generations ago his family was from Laos and the Mekong holds some mystical quality about it to him. So I’d pre-booked a day trip to the Golden Triangle with a boat ride across the Mekong to Laos).

On my trip north last year I overheard a traveller say that it was nice the tourists haven’t ruined Chiang Mai because the locals have already done so. Now having done the Chiang Mai tourist bits years ago, if it was up to me I’d now avoid them like the plague. But first time for Noom and he quickly got into the scheme of things picking out all the places he wanted to visit. But first up was the plane ride (many pictures at his request: Noom in line, Noom walking toward plane, Noom climbing stairs to plane, . . . you get the picture) and arrival at our hotel. In Bangkok I usually stay at hotels in the 2,000 – 3,000 baht range. For nostalgia sake, and the convenience of it being next to the Sunday Night market on this trip I’d booked a room at the Montri (900 baht a night). I’d warned him in advance that the hotel was more basic than I usually stayed at and was rolling on the floor with laughter at the front he tried to put up when we got into the room. So much for the idea that bar boys would prefer a room with concrete floors and four bare walls! Mine was expecting a large nicely appointed room decorated with taste, a large screen TV, DVD player . . . Actually the Montri has upgraded since my last visit and was nicer than I expected. But still has the shower mounted next to the toilet so that everything (including the toilet paper) gets soaked when you turn the shower on. Which you have to let run for about ten minutes before the water warms up.

I’ve read forum board threads about how much to pay for long-term offs with many feeling it should be at discounted rates. I read those comments with great interest – I’m not cheap, but also enjoy saving a buck when I can. Now as to the bar off fees, those blood-sucking curs deserve to get fleeced at any opportunity and I had no qualms in demanding a heavy discount when I arranged to off Noom for the trip. And after getting the overall price dropped I threw in a further demand for a ‘free night’ to cover his normal day off much to the dismay of the mamasan. Yep, had that bitch writhing on the floor doing the chicken and it was quite satisfying. But still had not decided what to do about Noom’s tip – figured I had a week to decide in any case. Normally, for an overnight off I give 2,000 baht. That may be high, or low, in your opinion. But I’ve found it to be acceptable to the guys so it works for me.

At the end of this trip (which is a few postings away) I decided on giving him the full 2,000 per day and here’s why: I looked at it from the value of what I received rather than from what I could save or what he could otherwise get. Sure there is the argument that he’d never have gotten offed every one of those nights back in Bangkok and so paying a lesser amount would be justified. But in addition to the sex and companionship I got a full time translator, cheaper prices throughout the week by him doing the purchasing, a guide to explain what wat we were at and what made it different than the other 200+ wats in Chiang Mai, visits to places I’d never heard of but he found out about by asking locals, and at the White Wat outside of Chiang Rai found out that the angry little man bellowing at the crowd in Thai though a megaphone was actually the artist/designer of the temple and that for 5 baht you could buy a postcard of one of his paintings that he quite graciously signed. Master those possibilities. Hell, I think I probably should have paid him even more.

Our first excursion was to Doi Suthep. Half day tour from any tout in town runs 500 baht a person. Or for 50 baht per person you can take one of the red baht buses that are all over town. Noom opted for the baht bus and it was a good choice as the road to the temple was packed and traffic at a standstill. Our bus driver backtracked to a winding dirt road that not only passed the bottleneck but provided a ride that would make many of the world’s roller coasters envious. A fun ride as Noom made friends with the other Thais on board and we were soon all passing around the various snacks we’d brought with us. I took the single Canadian girl on our truck under my wing helping her avoid throwing up which became a more and more difficult task as her complexion turned more and more pale (tip #1: you may try whatever the hell that crap is the Thai contingency is munching so happily on, but keep it away from the white girl that is so desperately trying not to hurl).

We got to the entrance and lengthy stairway to the wat and spent some time getting a bit of color back into Sherry’s face (Sherry being the aforementioned most-likely-to-barf visitor from Canada). Still she looked a bit wobbly and since we’d already decided to take the elevator up and save the 200 stairs for our trip down I invited her to come along at my expense (50 baht each for us farang, 20 for Noom). Noom went into full ‘tour guide’ mode having not one but two farang to educate. And insisted on our participation in various religious offerings and rituals. Thais tend to take their religious beliefs quite seriously, though how they define those beliefs is completely up to their interpretation. And Noom recently decided he was Hindu (Ganesha has become his favorite deity as it seems he responds quite quickly to one’s need for money). Sherry had decided to visit Doi Suthep because they evidently offer a short course on Buddhism; Noom’s version sent her head spinning. But she proved to be a brave lass and decided to hang with us for the ride back into town (40 baht each, don’t ask me why it’s cheaper on the way back). The hurl factor raised it’s ugly little head again so when we got into town we loaded Sherry up on white rice before allowing her to stagger off to her hotel.

That night we hit the Sunday Market. If you plan a visit to Chiang Mai, make sure you are there for this event. It has everything that the downtown night market has plus lots of Thai artists selling their wares. The locals come out in droves. And fantastic cheap food abounds. We pigged out for less than 100 baht. Noom went into shopping mode. He’d decided the authentic Chiang Mai outfit was fisherman pants and a white cotton Chinese style shirt (for him). We priced every vendor selling the stuff. He managed to get two pair of pants for 99 baht and the shirt for another 100. And Boots had a three item for 299 baht sale so he loaded up on an Oil of Olay pack, some face cream, and some other beauty crap that I haven’t the foggiest what it is for. If I forgot to mention: he’s straight. Between the face creams and yellow fisherman pants, I told him he was gay. He thought that was quite funny and responded a few minutes later with, “It’s Ok you no like gays, I still love you.”

Such a wit! And it was fun raising my eyebrow at him every morning as he went through his new beauty regime (but no where near as much fun as watching him stand naked before the mirror as he applied his various lotions and creams).

Earlier in the evening he had to run back to the hotel to get his camera. I perused a small market behind the hotel off the main street while he went on his errand. I found a massive sterling Ganesha ring for him that I bartered heavily on – used the walk away tactic that always gets the vendor to come running agreeing to your low ball offer. Just as we agreed to the deal I saw him coming and went over to meet him, made him turn around and walk away so he couldn’t see what I was buying.

“What you buy?”

“Never mind.”

“But, what you get?”

“None of your bidness.”

Feigned anger and a pout . . . but he knew I’d bought him something. Hours later on our way back to the hotel he wandered back into that section of the market taking a circuitous route toward the area he’d seen me at. Ha! Busted! I grabbed his ear and pulled him away with him laughing uproariously.

I gave him the ring that night after we’d gotten into bed. I’d put it on my finger and was tweaking his nipple telling him what a beautiful chest he had when he sensed the extra weight and looked down. 1,400 baht (that’s what, $40?) I’d have spent ten times that amount gladly to see that look on his face. And was quite pleased with myself in opting for tweaking his nipple instead of grabbing his cock for the presentation as it turns out in Noom’s religious views Ganesha does not like dick. Whenever we were out wandering over the next few days and he needed to make a pitstop at a restroom, I’d have to hold his ring for him while he took care of business so that his elephant god didn’t become incensed over being placed next to Noom’s dick.

Now part of the ‘Up To You’ program for our trip included sex. I’d told him it was up to him when and if we had sex – remember, he’s straight and while he is a willing participant because it’s bidness, I know it’s not something he looks forward to. In his bar boi mind, the ring deserved a blow job at the least – but I pushed his hand away when he reached for my cock and told him, “No, not necessary.”

The look in his eyes . . . priceless. And me turning down sex from a hot Thai guy? Ha! Now tell me I’m not in love with this guy! But to be honest, as good as the sex is, having him wrap his naked body around mine as we drift off to sleep brings me an incredible amount of joy. Watching him get out of bed in the morning with his cock hard and throbbing ain’t bad either.

Tomorrow is our trip to the Golden Triangle and we have to be up at 6am. Had to tell him what we were going to do in order to coax him out of bed that early. He’s planning on wearing his new “Chiang Mai” style outfit. This should be fun . . .

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